Life's Sick Lil' Games...

You know, when you're alone...then you start thinking about your future, and what it may bring...well, I thought that my future was set, that I was going for the 'diplomatic corps' route...BUT...boy, am i wrong!

Firstly, I don't freakin' know how I got this way. Now all I can say is that i'm so freakin' confused as to what i'm gonna do with my future...Be a writer? Journalist? Anchorwoman (haha!)? TV personality (double haha!)?

OMG! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE!!!

Why is this happening? I know this happens to everyone, but i have a few justifications; they are mostly based on principles...

As you know, Malaysia is up for a very cloudy phase...political stability is definitely OUT! They (some of them...) keep forgeting the reason they were elected in the first place---to serve the people! I wouldn't want to join something which I don't believe in anymore...sad, but true!

I pray that my country's integrity will return to what it was; stable, peaceful, economically solid...cause it would be a pity to see decades of hard work go down the drain. Personal agendas are taking priority over social ills, poverty, education...insecurities taking over peaceful co-existence...racial bigotry being swept under the rug...corruption...innocent bystanders persecuted...I really don't understand it anymore.

Perhaps i'm sad because most of all...I believe we are better as one. Too bad some just do not see it the way we, most of the nation do...tant pis!

I would be better off in the dog eat dog world of the corporate world...at least in this world, you know the rules, the gains, the losses...what you see is what you get!

So...what am i waiting for? I would say, a sign...and not those 'subtle inner voices' Oprah keeps talking about...I mean a brick to my head kinda sign! An 'a-ha moment' wouldn't be too bad either...so, please please let me get it...AND SOON!

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I don't know how I got it...supposedly, people get it from e-mail attachments, but who the hell cares? It got into my system, it fucked up my files, toyed with my settings, and fucked-up my week!

THE WEEK WHERE I HAD OVERLAPPING ASSIGNMENTS!!!

"Wtf? Wtf? Wtf?"...that's what I kept asking myself all week...then my mom left for work in Sabah...for a month, no less! Could things get any worse?

Oh, it can...Murphy's Law at its best...

Next thing you know, the PC at home got ruined for God knows what reason!!!

I willed myself NOT to cry...and what I ended up doing was laughing my ass off...telling myself that 'that week' was the worst week ever...

I think one day, I will definitely look back at that week and laugh my ass off...AGAIN!

What did I do about Brontok-the-mo'fo'? I researched all I could bout it, and armed myself with the necessary tools...killers, anti-this, and anti-that...but what happened was, Brontok detects all the relevant words, then shuts down my computer, knowing that i'm "up to something"...it even altered my registry, disabled hidden files viewing and shit like that...my processor was at 100% usage, and it was heating up...

MAN, THIS WORM IS SMART...A FORMIDABLE ADVERSARY!!!

I thought, what could I do to disable it from running my task manager...and booted in safe mode...from there, it didn't quite control my computer, so i ran Brontok killer, and it deleted the very important Brontok files...then, I rebooted to the normal mode, ran it again (successfully!), deleted traces in the registry, deleted a few registry keys created by the fucker, and ran 'Hijack this!', downloaded Windows Defender (as recommended by W) and voila...kicked the fucker in the balls!!!

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

I try and try NOT to be a geek...but I guess I am. Well, not a very good one, but a geek nevertheless! Well, at least that's what a few friends say, but hey...I ain't complainin'!

Did finish up the necessary assignments due...and now I'm in my room at campus...a week later. Tomorrow, I go home for 2 weeks...

On to the next challenge...fixing the PC at home...

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The project was over, the nightmare has gone...

A new task emerges, a new challenge arrives. I miss mom, even though I don't see her during the weekdays. It's just that I know she's not home, and that leaves a bitter feeling in my gut. Sorry for the emo post, but I can't help it!

Supposed to go home today, but there's another task to finish. Hopefully, tomorrow i'll be home to take care of my baby sis...kinda pity my other sis who's taking care of her, and of course, daddy. I'm so thankful that my family's the type that help each other, work together to attain the ultimate happiness.

God bless my family...

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I've been stressed for days, i don't even know where to begin. This whole freakin' week has been shitty! Shitty...SHITTY!!!

My friends and I had a hard time doing this project...and we finsihed, but alas...a bumbling biatch went and pointed our faults...okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

And i have another task going on...and another...and another...and another...arghhhh! When will it stop?

Now I find out my mom is going outstation...this freakin' Friday! She said she was going on Wednesday, and now...I won't get to see my Mommy in a month...maybe more!

I'M AFRAID I MISS HER ALREADY! :'(

The stress just keep gettin' better. Thank God for friends...and books...and family!

LOVE!

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This past week was hectic, I must say...but i'm bracing for the worst...haha, "We've only just begun..."

Busted my chops...and my laptop! Too much cmd prompts, that I probably deleted my system files by mistake...NTLDR Error!!! But it's all good. Thank God for my resourceful-ness! Fixed it, albeit with some minor obstacles...but it's all good now!

Did a presentation with my gang...went pretty well. Lecturer praised us for a job well done. Well, hell yeah! We did questionnaires, surveys, interviews, a pie chart...my friend did a really good job with the montage...other friends were well prepared...together as a team, we all excelled! YAY for the team!!!

What else? Oh...baby sis is all grown...15 months-old, and she's the queen of the house, playing all of us like a bunch of her worker bees! My dad, especially...he's her slave, really! How adorable! Lol!

Tomorrow, i'll be having French Quiz 1...hope it goes well...considering I didn't study shit! Arrrrrrggghhhhhh!!!

Je n'aime pas les questiones Francais!!! J'aime beaucoup le francais, mais je ne parle pas tres bien ce langue, parce que je ne prepare pas!!! C'est vrai!

Is that even correct? Sigh...only God can tell...hahahaha (nervously laughs!)

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I should start by saying Ma Sheba Ba...haha! I don't know what the fuck it means, but i'm loving the movie You Don't Mess With the Zohan...

It is classic Adam Sandler...goofball antics, dirty jokes, disgusting humor...which i sooooo love...i was literally ROFL when i saw it the first time...and the second, and third...all through the fifth! Brings back the memories of Happy Gilmore and his old comedies...and again...with his sick fixation on the older ladies...HAHAHAHAHA!!! Buttacheim!!!

All throughout, a lesson is learnt...we all want the same things...whatever race it may be. Only in Sandler's case, he plays on the stereotypes with much exaggeration. Man, I have a craving for Phantom's Muchentuchen...with a side of hummus! ROFL!!!

Went with some uber-old friends...my besties included! Went to a bar as the designated driver (teetotaller!!!) without telling parents. Drove all the way to Putrajaya to send another home...that was fun...driving a loooooooooooong road...without telling parents! Hahaha...what they don't know...

Missed curfew, scolded by parents for not calling and/or answering my phone...it WAS my fault, I admit! Maybe a certain W got into some parental lecture as well? Well, I certainly did! Hahahaha...21 year old, indeed!

Now, back to school...sigh!

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Can you believe how hot it is these days?

I'm now a crispy-brown fried chicken, and i'm not kidding! What is going on here? What with all the global warming, ice caps melting, we sure aren't doing enough...

I'm mostly freaking out due to my freakish ability to grow freckles with being exposed to the harsh lightings of the sun...even though i'm a naturally tanned person! Un-freaking-believable! I thought brown-skinned peeps don't get freckles, and now i've been proven wrong.

Pigmentations suck-balls! And i can't believe humans can be cooked/baked/roasted by just walking under the sun...with an umbrella...

Malaysia's hot and humid weather does nothing to make things better...went out with friends the other day. On the way back, we took the 6pm train back to uni...We were packed like a can of sardines, and then some!

With my own eyes, I saw humans being pressure-cooked and steaming, sweat dripping on one another, all sorts of B.O. you could imagine. I was there, wanting to die on the spot...has anyone ever heard of deodorant? WTF!!!

Then some guy standing behind me kept saying "Hi"...

The first time, i ignored him...for the second time, i ignored him...then, for the third time, i said "Yeah...hi." I did it out of courtesy.

He said, "I just wanted to say hi..."

My reply, "Well, now is not a good time to say hi!"

Ok, it was rude, but c'mon! You're standing behind me in a full train, in front of dozens of people, and you wanna say hi? Are you kidding? Plus, your B.O. and your persistence just annoyed the hell outta me! Could you be anymore inappropriate?

So, he just shut up...Good! Then, later, i would be made fun of by my friends...

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Yes it does! Really...thank God for friends who care. If I didn't have any, i would have been f***ed a long time ago. Just a few posts ago I said that my schedule no longer clashes, and yet here it is...

INDEED IT DOES CLASH...BIG TIME!

After explanations, explanations and more explanations, finally I get some peace. Friends backed me up, and now I am allowed to be tardy...which is rather uncommon! Hahaha...but still, this gives me a rather uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Yeah, sure I'm happy...but I feel a sense of guilt. Imagine, coming in 30 minutes late, when everyone have already done their job, talked about a topic, etc. Everyone else will stare...Damn!

So there it is, not even a day gone by, and i'm already f***erized by the system.

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Oh boy do I dread it...

So, I email my professor my topic (after thinking about it for the longest time!)...been thinking about doing something in the lines of the US, but mom came up with an amazing idea. She told me one problem with bilateral ties is the dreaded US-Malaysia FTA, which is STILL in talks (for the 9th time)...and then BAM!!!

Why not do a paper on its implications on the Malaysian economy? Emailed the proposed topic to the professor...got a nod from her...

NOW I'M SCARED!

Yes, there are many many many papers and journal on FTAs, but to do a paper on economic implications is beyond me...OMG, what have I gotten myself into...tomorrow, she will know me...who I am, for she will announce it in class...then everyone will look at me...some may even say "F***...she's doomed!"

I must say, I have been f***erized! By none other than me! I would be laughing out loud, rolling on the floor, giving me a diabolical belly laugh if I were someone else, but, alas...it's me! Oh shizz!

And here I am at 1 am, dreading it...tomorrow is what it is; i'm to wake up at 6am to commute back to campus, into my hostel...and straight to French class...

Oh yeah, tutorials start this week too...Bummer...Shizz squared...

Sorry for the lame curses...other than f***erized, i've nothing that tops that.

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Today was a frustrating day...it was as if the cosmos does not want me using the internet...but, i digress...

My friends and i spent the whole freakin' day looking for a location to use wifi on our computers. My battery sucks-balls, so i had to look for a hub with a plug point. We booked a special room just adjacent to the library...it had a cool lighting system with air-conditioning...BUT...there's always a but (of course!), the plug point didn't work!

To make matters worse, the connection was pretty bad. We were literally nomads, searching for the most "fertile land", aka place with a great signal...I guess in the end, there was just too many peeps using the wifi. SUCKS!!!

Now, i've finally found a place to call "home"...HAHA! I'm at the lab, and here, i use the computer given, where i am downloading codecs that i need to watch a video of a particular format...

It seems NIN has released free songs for fans...i'm so there!

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I dreamt of having some scones with tea and crumpets...all because of a friend's funny remarks of an old English lady...the so-called jam i spread on top of it was blue...does that mean anything? Hahaha, just a scrambling of data collected throughout the day, made into a movie in my head!

I also keep dreaming that Ryan Seacrest is the devil...isn't that hilarious and creepy? Why, of all people, should I dream of the "hardest working man in Hollywood"? HILARIOUS!

Tomorrow, i'm going back to uni...getting prepared for a hectic week. And tutorials haven't yet started. However, some friends and I are preparing to go see another blockbuster...Hellboy II!!! I rather enjoyed the first one, and I hear Guillermo Del Toro's visionary monsters are 'imported' or rather, quite similar to those in his previous hit, Pan's Labyrinth (which I didn't get to see...).

The Dark Knight...watched it yesterday with my best buds...I realy loved it. You know, i'm the type that believes in all the hype, but i must admit, this piece was awesome. From the storyline, to the characters, to the cinematography, even to the title...simply great! At first, I thought everyone wanted to give Ledger a posthumous Oscar just coz he's passed, but now I see that he deserves it! What a loss...so young, so talented...he was great in "that gay cowboy movie"...and what an ending with Joker.

Bought a couple of staples; 2 hoodies!!! And a formal, frumpy yet professional-looking blouse-shirt. Friends say it said "pro!" on me, but when I got home, mom said it makes me look old. And I'm there like, "WTF? Who am I supposed to believe now?" Meh...

I must say, for all that happened this week, I don't feel very much enthusiastic. I don't understand why. I keep feeling bored, yet, I feel like I don't wanna do anything but lie in bed and do nothing. Am I becoming what I hate most? Apathetic, with no zest for life? Please don't let that happen to me...

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The hectic schedule which i'm about to receive calls for perseverence, patience, a firm hand, and...patience.

IT IS GONNA BE DAMN FUCKIN' HARD!!!

First of all, my application to up my credit intake for this term was approved...the problem is, fitting the said subject into my already tight schedule. Am i gonna be able to do this?

I hope to God that i can...

Second thing is, as i'm sitting here typing this shit, i feel so blurred-out from the world, that I don't know what am i even here for.

I'm sort of liking my current room better than my last (HORIBBLE!!!)...just coz of the view, the floor, the lack of a roommate...and yet, my friends are next door. So, i sorta get the best of both worlds; when i'm bored, i go next door...and when i wanna be alone, i just have to go back to my room.

Watched Braveheart yesterday...but it didn't finish...i mean, it stopped at the climax. You know, when Wallace was leading the Scotsmen to war. It just stopped while they were slitting and bashing those English heads...man! I feel so cheated!

I heard Mel Gibson's in Malaysia again...lol! I remember just after "the incident", Wikipedia called him Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson.

I think he'll fit well in Malaysia because of our policy on ******...so to finish this good-for-nothing post, i say;

"SELAMAT DATANG KE MALAYSIA, ENCIK GIBSON..."

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Yes, yes, yes! I'm going back to varsity life after 2 freakin' months of slacking on the couch, babysitting my 13 month old sister, cleaning, cooking...

I DON'T WANNA GO...................

But I have to...oh, dang it!!!

Have to start eating ramen noodles, buying greased up fuckin' junk food, can't see my adorable sister except weekends...will miss family all over again! Oh, geez...I hate it...hate it, hate it, hate...FOR NOW!

And guess what, stupid PTPTN did not bank in the loan instalment...i literally go back empty handed, with no new clothes, nothing to say, "I'm all fresh from the holidays"...what a drag!

For the record, I use majority of the money for necessities, till the end of the semester...and the sum given is a pittance...after paying the tuition fee, i'm left such a small amount, that I almost live like a hermit...note the Ramen/junk food line above...but at least i'll be losing the holiday weight...LOL!

Also, have to start running in the morning to boost metabolism, then tone-up so that i won't huff and puff while running around for lectures.

Must start reading more books on stuff i like...also, i must be thrifty from now on...no more buying stuff for baby and mom and dad...sorry, i just have to for my own sake. I HATE BEING A CHEAPSKATE!!! But, what can I do, i have no dough to be buying stuff...thank God i don't have a credit card...

Saw 'Get Smart' with my best bud yesterday...was great...totally love Carell...he has played every character with such a consistency (of a men so stiff, he makes the mopstick look limp!), that it amazes me...ever seen Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy? Yeah, Steve's a stiff character with a cuckoo complex...hahahaha!!! Love him, really!

What I would love to see next is 'You Don't Mess with the Zohan'...another Apatow movie...well, he sorta shot Carell to movie fame with '40-year Old Virgin', right? Plus, the trailer looked good..who could resist Adam Sandler with that hair? Hahaha...

Okay, I hope and pray that the rooms are now equipped with WiFi or some sorta internet hub, as the main peeps of the dorm promised...

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So, for the previous emo post, I would like to apologize for the totally pathetic self-pitying party...now, i'm not one for peoples' sympathies...that's why i'm saying screw the previous post...i'm so over it!

The latest is more problematic...I'm gonna have to find a part-time job. Seriously, what in the world could i do to earn some money? I have parents who are living from check-to-check, and i don't want to burden them.

I applied for some part-time writing, thanks to W, but I doubt anyone will ever hire a newbie...so now, what else could I apply for? I guess i'll have to start looking, browsing, etc...this high cost of living is really disturbing...if i am not rich, but not in poverty, and yet could suffer like this, can you imagine the hardship those in poverty are going through?

Oh my God, the rich keep getting richer...those oil tycoons are some bloodsucking leeches, dudes! As you know, once the oil prices go up, everything else does!

Anyone hiring?

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It's sorta my thing...I play this game mainly on this journal I call a blog...

Have you ever fallen in love? My answer is no...pitiful, you say? I don't know, although I must admit it is pretty lame that I haven't had the chance to experience the whole being in love thing, I would at least want to experience it once in my life...

I'm 21...by the way! It's still pretty ok, right?

I just try and try not to get jealous when friends of mine who have been single for long come around and tell me, "Hey, i'm in love with this guy/girl...and he/she loves me back!"

But still, I can't help feeling resentment when I see them holding hands and looking each other in the eye with so much love...I mean, when am I going to experience that? That's what songs are made of, movies..and art too!

Now, it wouldn't be fair at all if I didn't get a chance to fall head over heels before I die...it just goes to show that life does indeed play sick games with me...and people like me.

Meh, i'm pretty much bitter right now...at this rate, I'll be keeping cats by the time I hit 40...and so, life goes on...maybe i'll keep dogs instead! Yeah, dogs...

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Has it been 2 months already? OMG...How time flies...

Am I really going back to uni life after living like a pig? After gaining pounds? After living like a hog? AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Sunday is the day I leave my precious room and house and TV for days in the valley of studious peeps, days in the hidden town of Bangi, days in the college of Keris Mas, days in the National University of Malaysia...

Goodbye to laziness and hello to a new chapter...yet again!

I have opened a Facebook account...ok, ok...way passe, this thing called Mukabuku/Bukumuka in Bahasa Malaysia (kinda sounds African...)! But it's never too late, right?

I kinda wish I could get more hits to my poor blog, so as to have people of different opinions give me theirs...but I'm kinda lazy to post pics and shit like that.

So, i'll just write...but now, i would prefer people i don't know instead of peeps i do know in real life. Why is it? (Except some people...)

Should I take this step and broadcast my bolg to people? Or shouldn't I?

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What is it about Friendster that gets annoying? Ok, ok, before I start...I am a victim of this so-called "social network" of "friends"...well, yeah! I know the 'in' thing is Facebook, but here in Malaysia, it's either Myspace or Friendster.

You see, i only add people i know, or people who i genuinely like to get to know in real life...schoolmates, college mates, genuine and sincere people...

But, as usual, this writer has a few complaints...about some people who are total whack-jobs!

What's with the joint account by gf-bf...showing them kissing, hugging and shitting (not really!) together...like, gimme a break, will ya? I may be single, but if i had a bf, would i want to show people all that shit? What's so nice about watching other people smooching while cam-whoring, then adding every Tom, Dick and Harry just to fill in your account? ANNOYING!!!

And what about those losers who add everyone they can, even if they don't know 'em, and then open a 2nd account and repeat? ANNOYING!!!

What about those who keep posting spam-like graphics on your comment box every single day without fail? ANNOYING!!!

And..those who keep requesting for you to be their "friend", even though you've rejected them like dozens of times? ANNOYING!!!

There...a few complaints. There's more, if you ask any sane person who's had it! But, i really keep contact with my real friends through a network like this...so, there's the good and the bad!

Maybe my bitchery has gone gargantuan, as i have been sorta irritable because of a certain person (refer to previous post)...

Do you have any complaints? Do tell...


PS: I wanna go out! For real!

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These days, all I do is watch the tele...and i can't complain. I cook, do some cleaning, help take care of my baby sis, and I won't complain, coz there's nothing to complain about--i'd do it coz it's my home...

BUT!!!

When the housekeeper sleeps on the couch, not doing any work, and i have to wash her dirty dishes, bring her water, milk, when i have to wash her dishes, cook her food, buy her food when i'm not able to cook...THAT DESERVES SOME MOTHER-EFFIN' RANTS!!!!!!!!! I've already lost my privacy because she's been staying in my room ever since she came here...around 4-5 month ago.

The first few months, i didn't mind her because i had no clue what was going on. I was of course staying in my college dorm. When i came home, i didn't mind sleeping in the hall till my dad bought a new matress for her...she slept on my bed...i didn't mind at all.

BUT...since the holidays, it's been a never-ending repression of anger, slowly making me nuts! She is so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here are just a few (there's alot more that i couldn't even type for i might lose it!) complaints;

She had gastric a few days ago, and she didn't even shower the whole day, she came down to eat the food i cooked, then managed to leave her plate, filled with leftovers that she didn't bother to throw-out, and left it there for me to wash! She's sick, but i mean, can't she fuckin' wash her own frickin' plate? AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

She doesn't do any cleaning other than mopping up and sweeping the floor...after that, she'll eat, eat, eat and eat like a pig, sleep on the couch, then wake up, consume 5 litres of water, eat, see that she doesn't have to do anything coz everyone in the house had already done the work, like throw the garbage, cook, clean, take care of the baby! She even slacks on the couch in the hall when there's people...like she owns the house.

!@@#$$$$$$$$$$%#@!@@@!!!!(*&&^%%$##

I can't tell her anything...why? Coz, she's related to my mom! Yes, she's come all the way from a village in the Philippines, and my parents called her here to help us with the baby and the cleaning so she can support her child there...But, you know what?

Paying her 500 bucks a month for sleeping on our couch all day, watching TV, consuming all our water (seriously, she'll be drinking a glass every 30 minutes!), eating non-stop (she cooks rice twice a day-idiot won't even bother to ask us if we would wanna eat) WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING is a waste...God helps those who help themselves, remember?

My mom and dad washes the bathroom, and not her!!! I'm so effin' mad!!! What are they paying her for? They don't say anything in hopes that she'd realize it herself, but i think she's just plain dumb! No wonder she doesn't have a job! Coz nobody wants to hire a help that doesn't help! Instead, WE are taking care of her. She doesn't bother to cook for herself.

The verdict? We can only do so much to help...we are financially unable to support this shit! Even my parents can't take it...you wanna help, but how much is too much when from the beginning, you are being taken advantage of...so, we are sending her home to her chanty-village.

Sorry, we wanted to help, but in the end, you have to know what you were here for...we don't care if you eat a lot, drink a lot, watch tv a lot...but if you don't do any work...WTF is the point of you being here? Shame on us if we keep on letting you be here, taking my parents' hard-earned cash, right?

I'm on the verge of turning into the Hulk!!!

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And i got...a 3.50 cgpa...

Okay...better than the last semester...though, it would be nice to get a 3.70...meh, who am i kidding? I'll get 'em the next time! I'm so glad the paper i screwed up got a B-...considering, it sucked big time! I got As in both languages; English (duh!) and French (yay!)...and for strategy...a B+(wtf!)...the rest was a mix of As and Bs...

SO THAT'S DONE!

Moving on...can't wait to go out again! And also go shopping...when the student loan swings by, i mean.

Also...life is still laid-back for now...and i'm loving it! (Pa Da Pa Pa Paaa...)

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Results of my exams are coming out soon...scared as hell! I know there were a couple of slacked subjects, due to my lecturer's error...but, what's done is done, and i'll be happy enough if i get higher than my previous score...

Somehow i don't know if that could happen...geez!

Movies at often times get me thinking about my own life...will it imitate art? In a sense it does; hardships, dusting yourself up when you're down, and stuff like that. Sometimes you live vicariously through the characters...same as when you're reading a good book.

I'm looking at my life, and sometimes i just wonder when my real life would begin. Where's love? Where's the snarly best friend who's the 'court-jester'? Where's the tormented soul that you reach out to, only to fall in love and then be happy together in your romance-laden world full of poems, sonnets, and gazing up at the sky full of stars together?

I would usually wake-up, say that the real world has nothing like that to offer and get on with my boring life, and take the next guy that walks through the door...BUT I CAN'T!

For some reason, i can't settle for anything less than what i dream of, as naive as that sounds. That is why i have never had a boyfriend. And when people tell me it's impossible to NOT have one, i just feel like punching them in the face!

Why? Coz...i'm NOT needy and clingy like most girls out there? Because i believe in romance and the works? Because i'm not ready? Because i'm not a bimbo like so many girls are portraying? Because i have a wider vocabulary than you?

Then there's the "Oh, maybe she's not into guys..."

Wrong again, buddy!

The whole idea men get when a girl does not seem to respond to their machismo is that they're lesbians...i don't even have to dignify this so-called theory men use to justify them being turned-down...



P.S. These rants were long overdue, accumulated throughout my years of single-hood...a response to my own demons, and observations toward the current trend of bimbo-wannabes portrayed by endless amounts of 'chicks' in heat. If you feel burned, well...FEEL THE BURN, BITCH!

P.P.S. This was brought to you by a 21 year old who has witheld her thought on this for a very very long time! She's looking, but probably not your way!

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i've been regretting not going out for a quasi-summer job...instead, i've been slacking at home. But, i've come to a revelation:

I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WORK RIGHT AFTER I GRADUATE!!!

Is that not so? It is, indeed! This is the only chance i get to BE at home and do nothing. After 2 more years, all i'll be doing is work! Bills, bills, bills! Buy, buy, buy! Wants, wants, wants!

I am lucky i have worked before to appreciate what i've got going right now. I mean, when else can i spend time with my 1-year old sister? She's growing so fast, already...makes me see that my mortality exists...


Cont...

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Had a pretty ok weekend, due to chillin' out with my pal, W...saw a great action movie (cue Indiana Jones theme...hehehe!)...had practically 1/4-price Starbucks thanks to an ex-classmate...split a hefty parking bill with W, and the next day; nil activitites.

To sum it up...pretty much Saturday 1, Sunday 0

1-0!

Hope that we could do it again...just to talk and catch up with friends make me feel less insane from being cooped-up in le maison for a long time, you know? It's not that i'm complaining, but even if i like lazing at home, i still have work and chores to do...

Come to think about it, i should contact other pals to go and hangout, catch up...nice to see what they're up to. I kinda feel useless, though...they're making dough during vacay, and i opt to stay home doing nothing...lol!

It's Monday now...here where i live. Wonder what would i be up to soon enough...

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Yeah, been home lately...doin nothing but cooking for the fam and watching TV.

Okay, okay, i regret not looking for a job! I'll admit it!

One thing i'm super bummed about is my lack of cash! I can't go out unless i ask mom and dad, and that's embarassing for me, coz all this while, i'd never ask them for money coz i know their financial hardship...

Well, i know they would give me some money in a heartbeat, but i somehow would feel guilty, and i don't know why. My sis is certainly sucking 'em dry with her using the car, getting money for gas, and her daily expenditure...i just find it difficult asking them for some, you know...

BUT! That doesn't mean i wouldn't wanna go out with some friends once in a while...i don't go out everyday. I deserve some days out!

Other than that, yesterday i dreamt of this guy i know (we're not close, just sorta know him and sorta have a crush on him, hehehe!) asking me out. In my dream, i said yes...then, i was woken up by my baby sister...oh, damn!

LOL! I'm so crushing on this guy, but...i think he WAS in his final year...and probably taken...Meh, one chance missed! Damn!

Other than that, what should i do...i should try to do some productive stuff, right? The problem is...what? I don't know, read many books? compose a score (ROFL)? Get some cats and call myself a spinster? Etc?

My current situation is...

---BORED TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE!!!---

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Yeah, baby...

2nd term=OVER!

Freshman year=O-V-E-R!!!

I'm getting a 2-month long vacay, but i don't know if i should work, or...NOT? Mom's making me go to work somewhere, but i feel kinda lazy, you know? I guess the stress kinda makes me wanna take a break for real and chill out at home, maybe get fat(ter!), catch up on my TV, and wheel my way into obesity...

Ok, ok, maybe that's a little too idle, this wish of mine, but damn...i don't know what part-time job i would wanna do. I've tried the hotel industry, then tried the audio-visual industry, and now what should i do? Be a cashier? Hell no...

I could handle being a dog walker, a bounty hunter, etc...but i don't think services like that are available in this country...LOL!!! Haha...bounty hunter...Haha!

Oh, and if you couldn't guess, i seem like i'm kinda out of my head, right? Well, maybe it's coz i am...kinda...dunno what's wrong today...

Anyway, gtg now, guess i'll be blogging more often than unusual since i'm gonna be so freakin' free...

Toodlez, bitches!

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I have a huge gap betwen my exams...a week-long gap! It's both a good and a bad thing...go figure!

I also had to queue a long queue (LOL) to book my room for the next university session 2008/2009...yay, got a room next to my buddy-buds! We're so gonna get sick of each other the next time around, hehehe! Whoa, how time flies! One minute, you say it sucks, then it's good...then it sucks right back again! And where do you end up? At the end of the semester...you find yourself being a freshie, and upgraded to a sophomore...once again, i repeat...WHOA, HOW TIME FLIES!

My birthday is coming up...that means family outing (lunch/brunch/dinner/whatever!)...They ask me what i wanna eat, i say "JAPANESE PLEASE!", and my dad says he can't stand sushi, and my sister's a vegetarian, and my aunt doesn't eat weird food other than her home village food...so let's just go and have a steak dinner!

Sigh...what's the freakin' point of asking ME since all of you had already made a choice! Geez...that's really annoying. I don't really need more food, you know! Some 21st birthday...i just want all of us to be happy and blessed by God, and that's all i ask...

Exams were kinda half-and-half; some good, some not so good...we'll just see!

I wanna go out, but the lack of cash prohibits it...i wanna watch all those new movies...i wanna go here, there and everywhere, experience everything great...but the lack of cash prohibits it. I wish i had a million dollars...

Any offers?

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Why can't i seem to study? Why, Why, Why? Is it a hard thing to do; to read a little? And what's with this recurring dream i keep having? It is making me over-analyze my personal life, (READ: relationship!)

Yeap, the big relationship issue reels itself in yet again...i haven't touched on this subject for ages, since i've been too busy for shit like that. BUT...here it goes again.

You see, i have this friend who keeps telling me that i NEED a bf...i flat out deny this BS and she says that proves that i REALLY REALLY am proving her point. My reply is "WHAT???"

All i want is this; a full, happy life with family and friends. Anything more would just be the icing of the proverbial freakin' cake! Why do i need to be defined as someone who NEEDS someone? All i need is my own life, to do as i please. I see my sister, who has been in a five year relationship so far (Wow!)...yeah, it is admirable, but i tell you what. They fight all the time. Do i want that? No thanks!

Plus, i'm a self-confessed commitment-phobe...i don't know why. My parents seem like the perfect couple, so maybe it is due to something else...

Another thing is, who would ever understand a girl like me? Another friend tells me that my so-called OK looks (i said so-called) do not match my brain-complexity. Yeah, i read philosophy for fun, my IT knowledge and geek-ism is better than the average layman, and the obsession for gadgetry is stunted by my lack of money, but which guy would know that? They think i'm stuck-up for not socializing like the other girls anyway, so why must i be a kiss-ass? Most guys are shallow like that...that's all!

Tell you what, when i meet a guy i can truly click with, you'll be the first to know. Mind you, attraction is a major point here, but attraction does not mean looks...those are 2 different things.

But, intellect, humor and a street-wise attitude is the way to go. In the end, personality trumps all. Right, guys...err, i mean girls! Guys...you could just choose from a variety of bimbos, coz there are many bimbo-fish in the sea...the shallow sea. LOL! (Lame, i know.)

So maybe in the next post i'll give you details on the bimbo species available...that's if i put my study books down again!

I hate it when i'm in weird-mode...

Toodlez, bithces!

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Malaysian weather used to be this stable consistency...but currently, it has turned to be very extreme and unpredictable...it's sooooooooooo freakin-hellishly hot, then, all of a sudden, heavy downpours reign the skies...

I mean, is this the effect of our BIG CLIMATE CHANGE? Is this caused by GLOBAL WARMING? If it is, we are doomed!

Why don't i see any state governments like the US doing anything about it? Why is it when it comes to the planet, nobody cares, but when it comes to a little country like Iraq, billions are spent just for the sake of national security...how about EARTH security?

Paging Mr. Bush...our planet is important too! US is the no. 1 environmental pollutant! DO SOMETHING!

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I did...i did!

And i'm sooooo freakin' happy!

Now i can concentrate on my studies, not get so stressed-up all the time, get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, red eyes, dull skin, etc...

Now i don't have to get the dreaded call of "Is the work done?", then not sleep at night just to finish the subtitles...

Now, i'm free!!! I'm free to study, free to play with my baby sis, and be a normal, studious, fun-loving youth!

Now, i can say...

WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!

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I can't believe i'm still alive...this week has been hell.

Work? I'm gonna quit, coz i ain't getting no money from it, and i can't waste my precious time doing omething which i'm getting nothing from...i'm wasting my study-time!

I have tons and tons of assignmnets, i don't know where to start, that me and a friend just sat down on a bench...startled, overwhelmed...that we didn't know what to do and how to handle it!

What we did, you won't believe...we went to Mid Valley to catch a movie! Betcha-by-golly-wow! We just wanted to forget, if just for a while...nothing wrong with that, right?

Watched 27 Dresses...friend told me i was Catherine Heigl's character...doesn't know why, but she pictures my sis and I. I'm the eldest, so...go figure! Hey, my sister ain't THAT bad! Lol...That was a pretty feel-good movie. Felt slightly happy after that.

Gosh, i may be a tough one, but i'm sure a sucker for chick-flicks!

Btw, James Marsden is HAWT! Too bad he hasn't gotten the credit he deserves...he's a pretty good actor. I've always liked him in Second Noah, as lame as it was. Heigl's a superstar, plus i like her...enough said!

Coming home, we started thinking about all that work again...SHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!!! And SHIT!!!

Now, i'm home, my phone is turned off, and i'm gonna finish everything i can, so please wish me luck!

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I hate the aftermath...i wish music festivals in Malaysia would be held every fuckin' year so i could have fun for at least once a year!!!

I'm going home tonight...coz tomorrow is gonna be a holiday...yay! But i guess i'm following mom to church from Thursday to Friday, maybe Saturday AND Sunday (for Holy Week).

And i forgot to mention that i had my midterms...did quite well in French (even if je ne sais pas!), but i don't know my marks in Strategy and International Systems and Globalization...Geez, i need to buck up on them! MUST READ U.N. CHARTER!

The job i was supposed to do? Bleagh...i'm not getting anything even worth my time, and i have to sacrifice my study time? I think after this, i'm gonna have to pass on it...PITTANCE is not worth my time. Subtitling takes patience and a whole lotta time, which i don't have.

So now i have to complete an assignment on Deterrence as a Defense Mechanism...gonna go to the library...So, till next time...

Toodlez, bitches!

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Mike Einzeiger played a pipa, a clasical-Chinese instrument...not a sitar, which is clasical-Indian...

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Indeed it was!!!

Okay, so you don't know the whole story...i joined this contest on MTV, and won me a pair of tickets...well, since it was gonna be on my sister's birthday, why not bring her along, right?

So...there!

Then, i found out that a friend of ours got herself a free ticket from a friend who wanted to 'use' her as his driver.

So...there!

Then, my sister's boyfriend got a little annoying and decided NOT to let her have fun with the gals and bought one for himself...ergo, he was joining us!

So...there!

All in all, we ended up reaching at almost 8pm, but it started from 2 pm. Well, i just wanted to see John Legend and Incubus, which was from 10-12.30 at night...

So...there!

Well, did i have fun?

HELL YEAH!!! That was one of the funnest, greatest concerts ever!!! The rest of the performers (there were many acts!), i didn't really care for, but the vibe from the audience for John Legend and Incubus was really a great thing for them. And i have to add that John's band was great, yo! I was dancing till my shoes got all loose and stuff.

Well, maybe it got damaged coz i was jumping and head-banging to Incubus!!! I was singing-along to every single song of their...i'm a super-fan!

As for John, i only knew him from his hit songs, but after yesterday, you can bet that he has a new fan...MOI! Plus, he's not only a great singer-performer...he's super-duper HAWT!!! I can't believe i didn't realize that before. He brought a girl up on stage to slow dance with him, and i got freakin' jealous...so did all the other girls, lol...and he was sweating through his t-shirt...HAWT!!! He went on and on without losing his superbbly smooth voice, and promised to come back to Malaysia...

Tell you what, if he does come back to KL for another performance, i'm soooooo there, dudes!!!
And the hotness of Brandon from Incubus could not be forgotten...enough said! Though, one complaint would be the turntablist (correct?) from Incubus was not going at the same key as the whole band...meh, maybe i'm wrong. But, boy can Brandon play percussions!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not so shallow as to notice ONLY the hotness, but it's just great to see that there are REAL talents with good-looks. I DO love their music, and appreciate their talents, y'all! I wish more acts like them would come to Malaysia...

Hah, wishful thinking!

Lastly, the awesome guitarist, Mike from Incubus played some kinda instrument...i think it was a sitar...man, i didn't know HE was the one playing it on the album...amazing!!!

Both John and Incubus came out for an encore...and i was in heaven!

Didn't take pictures...just one measly pic with my sis on her stupid phone...but the memoy will be running in my head for a long-long time!

Love it! Till the next post...

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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As many Malaysians know, the gov coalition won majority seats in the parliament, but lost five states to the opposition...What a wake-up call, right?

I can't believe my state is gonna be taken over by the opposition...lol! If only i was old enough to vote...if only the parliament was just a few months later, i could!

Man, this whole handing over the state to the opposition thingy is kinda scary and exciting. What kind of changes do you suppose they will bring to the table? Will they be tough on the citizens? Will the state STILL gain government grants for enhancing and development? That, i can't be sure...thinking about it makes me scared.

But, Selangor is the most developed and she attracts the most businesses from in and around the country, so i have no qualms about it after thinking about it in that sense.

As for my assignments, there are still plenty to complete...work tasks; still plenty. I just came home to take a break, before i resume all those shitty stuff. It's like, after you complete an assignment, 2 more will come to your doorstep.

I NEED MORE PATIENCE AND MORE ENTHUSIASM...

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I must say, the title is pretty lame, but i am not gonna delete it and think of another title...i do have an N-gage QD, and i'm sick of it...it's basically like a remote control, without the fuckin TV!

The last week has been like all the previous weeks; HECTIC! Finished 3 different tasks: 2 assignments, and 1 work task. I feel like i'm gonna burst, that when i come home, i don't even feel like going out. I miss my friends from home, but everyone is soooooooooo busy, we all are pooped to even hangout!

I miss you guys, though...

My new phase is the hectic phase...great! As you know, i enjoy hectic life better. What i don't enjoy is the food i eat at varsity...

I CAN'T BELIEVE I PAY FOR THIS SHIT!!!

It's horrible, the food they sell at my college dorm...sucks-balls! But last Friday, i just couldn't wait to eat REAL food, and i forced my friends to go have Yoshinoya Beef Bowl...well, of course, i'm the only one among them who ate the Beef Bowl Combo! I'm the freakin carnivore...HAHAHAHA!!! (Well, i did order a side of veggies...Mmmmmm, yummy!)

And now, i'm back home, eating Mom's cooking...Mmmmmm. Any pounds i'd lose would come back during the weekends, and then some! But, tomorrow, i'd have to wake up at 5 am, and travel back to uni...finish up more assignments, do more work tasks (of which i'm making a pittance!), etc...

So...all that's left is to wait for the next week, or if i'm lucky, a few days to update my online diary. I love you blog! You are a great release of tension, stress and pain!!!

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Well, what have i done?

Pretty much a lot!!! Just this week , i tried to complete as much as possible...from work, to assignments to researches...to blablabla!

I'm so fuckin' tired...but i guess i'm loving it! Huhhhhhh, the times are abuzzing, and i'm just getting started! My exams are coming soon, and i've yet to study...

French class is getting more and more difficult, as the grammar is a total 360 degrees from English. Wow!!! There's so much difference...masculine and feminine? Who could tell? You'd have to have a dictionary to tell...

Well, i'm loving globalization and international systems...it's cool! Strategy? YES...but the lecturer for Strategy? Kind of a bore...English? Used to be my fave during high school, but this subject in uni is kinda 'kindergaten-esque for me'! It's like teaching ABC to a grown-up...this is due to the standard of English among public university students.

It's kind of a pity, because their not used to it...BUT it's kinda unfair for people who are fluent to pay for those unable to speak English...they should NOT mix people with different levels of English...it's not the right system!

Well, till next time...a lot to do...so bye!

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I love going out!

In my nonexistant social life, i just make up for it in one day out with friends. We were supposed to go watch a movie. Well, i wanted to go watch a movie featuring my one of my fave actors in a singing role...i guess you know who it is!

As expected, friends would rather watch something else...in the end, after reaching our destination, we decided for two rounds of bowling instead! Bwahahah!!!

Went and bowled, scouted for cute guys and cam-whored every chance we had! We wanted the pics to remind us of campus life, you know.

I'm not that much into posing, but it was fun. Lol! Guess i'm a closet poser!

Came home the next day, forgot that i had a deadline...Shit! I hate working p/time! Very much a WOMT (waste of my time)!!!

Now, after this, i'm gonna carry on with that work i'm supposed to be finished with by now!

And not forgetting my assignments...whoah!!!

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Hi blog!

It's been ages since i poured my heart out (seems so!), but i have deadlines to attend to.

I have work, i have assignments, and no time.

I am not really eating like i should nowadays due to beyond-sucky food...i hoped to be back home by friday, but i can't due to assignments...boy, when you're busy you're really busy...

I mean, it's almost like double or triple-whammy all in one go. But when you're bored as hell...hmmmm! That sorta sums it up!

As you know, i'm more of a hectic-loving person...i'd rather do something than do nothing. However, i am slowly losing my sense of self...oh shit! Am i going nutso? Usually, losing your sense of self is a turning point towards a huge blowout, but i'm pretty sure i can handle things, coz i always do...

So now i have to say...God help me! LOL!

Peace!

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After a week of TV and boredom, i'm going back to uni. Helluva week it was. I can't believe how moody i was.

Sometimes, i hate the holidays because you have to face your family everyday...it could drive a person nuts, you know?

I didn't go out...friends were busy with their celebrations, plus i didn't even make any initiatives with any pals to go out and have some fun.

Now, i just wanna go to my dorm and take a break from my family, coz i need it. Who needs criticism when you have a family?

I know, whenever i get back to uni, i'll miss them. I much prefer that feeling than when i am here at home, getting annoyed.

PS: I DO love them...

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I have no idea what the hell is going on with my MS Word, but i've really gone nuts! Why in hell does it crash before it even loads?

I did loadsa research and found that maybe there were add-ins that gave in to the problems...after doing all sorts of shit to my notebook, like renaming template files, and inhiding system files and meticulously checking it one-by-one, i discovered this:

I CAN'T FREAKIN' FIX THIS SHIT!!! Microsoft says: "It's unfixable!!!"

What am i to do?

Answer: Buy/borrow MS Office CD-rom and reinstall everything, even though the rest of the Offfice gang are working! Ima git me a better office!

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I'm so bored!

I haven't been out since i came home, been so lazy...just now i was in such a bad, cranky mood i sorta took it out on my family with my laser mouth.

Sometimes, i just wish i don't hv holidays coz it makes me do nothing but watch tv, and nothing else...

Haven't gone to take my stuff from the dorm as dad usually promises to send me there, but to no avail...TYPICAL!

Don't you just feel that you hate certain days...u feel like you just want to go to bed and never wake up? That's how i feel today! I realized something a few days ago...I only have have my family to live for...nothing else! My future? I sometimes feel like i'm too jaded to do anything. This phase comes and goes, but it's there nonetheless...and i hate it!

My sister ha taken to seeing a shrink about her problems...you see, she's not doing so well in the mental health area. And you know, i'll never be like that. I thank God i have the sanity.

Sometimes, i just wished omething good would happen for me, you know? I always take the harder way, because i don't want to owe anything to anybody. I don't want favors, i don't like feeling indebted. I like doing things like this as a challenge i would rise up to, and i usually do.

But, in my life, who can be a witness to all of this, except for me? Who is there to grow with me?

This is my whiny post of the day. Coz if i ain't whining, i ain't ME!

G'bye!

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The holidays reign in the gov universities, but i for one, ain't gonna complain!

I just got back yesterday, and hope to have a great week! Please, please, let me get what i want!

I want to finish the great books i borrowed...which has been long overdue...kept renewing the due date, but never got to read them, as i was so busy with things...Grapes of Wrath (rereading it), Catcher in the Rye, 1984, The Prince, and Tortilla Flat. Hope these are great!

Anyway, i can't help but come home and love it...coz my dorm would never equate for the comforts of home!

My wisdom tooth is growing...and it sucks. What a nuisance!

Chinese New Year is beckoning, the year of the rat calls us to hail in its presence...

I just love the mandarin oranges! Lol...

I wish all the chinese in the world a very happy Chinese New Year! (like as if they read this!)

Bye!

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Just another boring Monday...feeling so bloody bored that i can't even think about what to write.

Will continue once i get a clue. If not, maybe next time.

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Well, the week was soo hectic...I am literally swamped with shit to do for this semester. Seeing that i have taken the heavy task of taking an extra subject, my weekly schedule has been packed to four hectic days...well, more like 3.5 hectic days.

On Mondays, i just have one measly class. But Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are full. I have classes from morning to night, and from different faculties, too.

It wouldn't seem so bad if the buses here were efficient. They are so bloody annoying! How long do the students wait for a fuckin bus to come by? And they sometimes wouldn't go the route they're supposed to go. Just plain stinks!

And then they say why UKM can't be no. 1...how can you be no.1 if even your bus service tends to be crappy? Food ain't so good either. The syllabus...don't get me started.

However, I seem to be happier this semester. My roomie seems better than i thought she would be...she's ok. My friends and i hang out more often. I've concluded that i wouldn't wanna be too active in the activities...i'm just gonna chill with what i already have.

WiFi in my dorm is still unavailable. I do hope they put WiMax for us, though...

Baby sis had the measles...thank God she's over it now. Mom's birthday is today...a still-stunning 43-year old woman, she is...gonna buy her fave cake from Secret Recipe...prolly Caramel Cheesecake or Cheese-Choc Cake...Mmmmmm!

Still afraid of commitment...i think i was born to be a spinster! But i would hope and love to throw caution to the wind if i find him...sigh!

BTW, i'm utterly flabbergasted at Heath Ledger's passing...shocked as hell! His poor daughter. I don't think it was suicide, though...sometimes accidents just happen. But, I pray that he rests in peace...and may his family find solace in his legacy, and each other...Amen!

So, till the next post (i hope it'll be sooner than next year)...g'bye!

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There's a possibility that my Saturday classes would be scheduled on a weeknight...

YAY!!!

Ther's a posibility that French class students get to go on a trip to France...

YAY!!!

But!!! There's a possibility of going to Vietnam instead, in case the budget is way too low...

BOOOOOOO!!!

However, while i was on my way towards the last class of the week, i heard knocking at my room door. Thinking it was someone selling stuff, i ignored. Due to the persistance of the knocking, i finally opened it, only to reveal that...

I HAVE A NEW ROOMMATE!

What????

NOOOOOOOOOO.....

I had gotten so used to staying alone in my 2 people-per-room dorm, that i couldn't accept it. Again, i say...

NOOOOOOOOOO.....

Now, i can't change my clothes in my room, i can't dance around, i can't act like a goofball while i talk to my baby sis on the phone...i hate it! But i sure hope to God that she's a nice girl. To add a little intimidation, this roommie is a senior, and sure looks serious.

Geez, i hope she isn't bully, a dirty pig, or any of those...coz from the hell some of my friends go through with their roommies, having one sounds like a nightmare.

I hope my roommie is nice...pleeeze let it be, God!

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I call myself an idiot, a moron, lazy, stooopid every single time i make a mistake...it's about time i stop!

I seem to be to hard on myself. I already am the sane eldest sister, who forgoes drinking alcohol while driving, forbids underaged-drinking when my sis and her freakin' friends beg me to provide them with liquor...i'll face it now...

I AM A GOOD CATHOLIC GIRL!

So, in keeping with the new year theme, (which has ended a few days ago...) I have developed a new year plan for myself...MY very own set of commandments...to MYSELF!!!

I shouldn't go as far as calling myself an idiot all the time, coz as i know, i have gone through a hard time...with such flair, that i shock myself...

• I should create a new affirmative mantra, play a great affirmative soundtrack to my life in my head, and loop it to playback. Over and over and over again!

• I am not fat...i am normal...i am not dark...i'm tanned and i'm a bronzed goddess (LOL!)...I AM SMART and INTELLIGENT!

• I will not use my body as a trash can to dump garbage into; i.e. JUNK FOOD!

• I will not pine for any man...I will find love with a great, kind, smart guy who i can truly connect with, and we will at least have something called a relationship...I WILL NOT BE AFRAID TO LOVE!

• I will not sum people up by their first impression...coz, of course, most of the time, IT"S DEAD WRONG!

• I will keep reading great books, because it enriches my mind and takes me to places i've never been.

• I will not take my family for granted, coz they're just plain freakin' great!

• I will ace every single test i take!

• I will remain a good person for the rest of my life (well, at least for 2008!)

• I will not compare myself to any other individual---for it either makes me too arrogant, or too jealous.

I will try to keep these rules sacred, for these are my commandments to myself...for the year 2008...God help me!

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Hello to the new year...i haven't had the chance to update for so long. However, aside from my dull lifeless-life last year, i'm hoping the new year brings something different in the horizon.

We did not celebrate the new year...i came home from campus, went for new year's eve mass, and went back to uni the very next day.

Few days later, went to the mall with friends, and finally watched a terrific and fun movie...I Am Legend. I tell ya, the whole movie was an adrenaline rush during the darkseekers' appearances...Whoah! All of a sudden, they appear jumping right on screen..ALL OF A SUDDEN! Things like that jolts me right away, and sorta gives an adequate adrenaline rush that lasts for days.

I hate that Sam died though. nevermind about Will Smith...

The next day, i had to chaperone my sister and her friends to dinner. Mom let me drive her car. And you now those girls who are basically hooligans...Meh, explaining would too long a story, and it certainly would increase my anger like that night itself. I must say, they seem rather like a bunch of monkeys! And they even wanted me to buy them alcohol...Wtf? NO WAY, BITCHES!!!

That's the last time i ever go out with them! My parents trust me, but i sure hope they wouldn't trust little missy here to go out with her friends, unchaperoned!

Now, i'm here...updating this diary of mine. If i get the chance, i'll try to do it more often, if not...well, you know why.

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I truly can't believe my classes start on New Year's Eve!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

How could this be? I have to go back, and come home for the countdown? Oh, shizzz...absolute shizz!

Anywayz, how in the world does the time pass so quickly? Just yesterday, I was registering for university, and now...one semester has gone...

Wanna know something? My sister's godfather, some rich hotshot-dude ofered to pay for her higher education...he tells her not to pick a lame college, but a good one. Wow! Plus, he offers to buy her a car!

I'm like, WTF? I'm kinda mad, coz i sorta bust my ass to get a place in a government university, whereas, she barely gets her high school certification results, an she's offered free tuition for a private college, a car, and a guaranteed job at his company...she's also offered her godfather's list of clientelle, if he should retire...all in the same year!

And again, i'm like...WTF?

How fair and just the world is...is this a test for me, that she gets everything on a platter, and i must bust my ass for years?

Hmmmm...makes me wonder!

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I keep getting the message "...memory could not be written..." blablabla. I hate it. I suppose it's the video editing program i'm using. At least that's what i read. It seems plausible. The codec is not really compatible with my OS, i guess. It takes a lot of my time to keep handling this problem. Perhaps i should switch programs or something...aaarrrggghhh!!!!!!!

My results are out...not very good, but not so bad either, considering i didn't really study. I was busy doing my job while having the test!!! So i got a 3.36 GPA, which is not what i wanted, but hey...who asked me not to study? Serves me right!

Anyway, this paves the way to a brand new semester, with brand new subjects! I like...

It's 2.20am, and i can't sleep! I don't know how i'm gonna get up at 7.00am to go to church. Man, i can't keep up this sleep routine, or else...how the hell am i gonna get up for classes once school starts?

What am i listening to? KT Tunstall's Saving My Face...nice!

Okay, gotta go now...

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I'm talking about a baby walker...so great that baby can already use it...she's just so cute!

Anyway, yesterday, mom took us to her annual xmas party for the embassy staff and their families...suffice it to say, baby took all the attention. She was first sought after for her cuteness, then she was being a diva and cried the whole time (she hates people surrounding her!). So what did my mom do? She had yet to finish what she had to do there.

She was supposed to do some presentation with the rest of the staff, so she gave me permission to drive baby and my other sister home! Whoa, big step on mom's part...for her to let me drive her car from KL to home, lol! She says she trusts my driving skills, it's just her motherly instincts that kicks in when she forbids me...she just doesn't trust the other drivers...

I'll have to admit it, she's right! Though, i'm glad that I managed to do it nicely...some cars or motorcycles just come out of nowhere to scare the bejesus out of me...hell no! If baby wasn't in the car, ...

They are just plain jackasses who are suicidal, and don't give a shit about others.

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I must admit, this year, xmas sucks pretty bad! Despite having a new member in the family, our xmas is pretty dull...no baking cookies, no xmas shopping, nothing. Why? It's two things; my dad's brother passed away last Dec 28th...dad says, we should mourn for at least a year before we celebrate anything, xmas included. But in my mind, i think, aren't we celebrating the birth of our Lord?

Why deprive ourselves of the joyous birth of Christ? I dunno...the second thing is finances. This year has been pretty bad on all of us, financially. My dad is gonna take a drastic measure, and sell his music school. He has lost the passion of running his music school beacuse his so-called partners, ain't doin' a thing on their part... they're doing zip! My poor dad has been running about town since it opened few years back, and now, after countless times of trying to salvage his business, he's finally opted to close the school in hopes of a new project...i hope he makes it, coz he sure needs to get a break from all his tiresome stuff! May God be with him...

Another thing, i seriously would say, even before the date approaches, that xmas would suck big time this year, but then again, our luck could change...it changed a whole lot when we found out mom was pregnant, didn't it? I hope to find out more pleasant surprises soon. Thank God for babies...

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So far, i haven't been able to do a single subtitling project...i'm so busy with taking care of my baby sister, since the nanny decided to go back to her homeland. So now, while waiting for another future maid to come along (someone we know from the Phils.), i'm taking care of her!

Great, i love my sister to death! She's such a naughty one, this girl...i think she'll turn out crazy like me...hahaha! She's teething now, so it's quite a tough period now...with xmas around the corner, i'm on a pretty hectic schedule.

Well, c'est la vie...i'm 20, so i should be so lucky that i can practice taking care of my sister to apply it to my future babes i'll have next time (in like a few decades!!!!!)

Am going out this Saturday...haven't been out for a while now...always being at home has made me fearful of the world we live in...rape, torture, bitchfests, gossip...the world is getting ugly! I don't want an ugly world for my sister, my future children, and future generations. But what could someone like me do?

The only way you could say something remotely inflential is if you had loads of money+power, or if you are a celebrity. Mediocre, young'uns like me can only hope to attain certain status just to be heard, just to pull people to do something good. But, i'm still a student, in a humble (or maybe even below-par) university.

I know I can make it somehow, but i'm afraid that power or money would change me, as it always does to people.

Maybe i'm making too much out of nothing? Yes...maybe!

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Don't get me wrong, it's not something nasty, if you know what i mean... i mean the candy bar, Twix! Okay, so i've loved it for a long time now, but i've never professed it! Lol!

In real news, i chopped my long hair off, for a shorter, layered cut...now, with the old highlights, i think i look younger...but one thing i hate is the cut is sorta Cameron D., which i'm not into, but i guess i'll grow into it! It's been straightened too! Sigh, the lengths women go through...(no pun intended!)

Oh, but you don't know the interesting part...first off; it was a friday, and every friday, this particular night market opens through the whole neighborhood...Flashback to early in the day; i parked my car (mom's car) in that spot, not realizing anything, as it was still early.

5 hours on, i still didn't realize...till i went to get the car, and i was blocked and surrounded by the night market stalls...Luckily, my friend was there, as my sister took the liberty of riding in her boyfriend's car! What is a girl to do? What else, but have a panic attack!!!

Finally, seeing my whole traumatized face, a kind DVD peddler, who happened to be blocking my car took pity, and went all the way to the end to tell them to move their stalls to the side so my car could get through...

As i shifted my car slowly, i was so relieved that, although they were pissed, they were kind enough to take pity this idiot, who made a simple mistake...i'm so lucky i'm a good driver, and deftly took the car through this 'tunnel of shame' without damage...

After proclaiming "Holy Jesus Christ!" around a thousand times, i managed to get outta there, thanking everyone with my wound-down window screen while apologizing. My friend was totally shut down, flabbergasted, wondering how i could manage to get the car through the small space...as never in a million years could she manage that...

I proclaimed that i was a good driver, but i didn't have a good brain in my head (sometimes, in cases like this!)

So, after getting out, i thanked the people, and thanked the LORD!!! Phew!!! I swore that i'd never tell mom and dad what happened. My sis and her bf were supposed to help, but, guess we didn't need any! The secret's safe with them!

Thank you, Jesus!!!!!!!!!!

Amen!!!

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The ever so popular HINDRAF is getting a lot of press since the demonstrations lately...I for one have this to say...

Malaysia is respected throughout the world as a country of multiple races, religions and cultures. I love it! We have been making a mark for the year 2007. But what I am really not happy about is this; you request the Queen of England to represent you AGAINST Her Majesty's own government for the exploitation done amongst the Indians brought into Malaysia more than 50 years ago...demanding trillions of dollars?

What? You know something...that's why we are not getting anywhere.The only way we get somewhere in life is the hard way...by working hard, playing hard, and getting our jobs done! I appreciate that the Indians stand for something together as one...but this? Suing the British government? Now, at this moment? My hats off for your audacity, but...Maybe i am a little sceptical...NO, i am very very cynical about this...It will never go down that way. No British gov is gonna pay trillions for that!

And despite all the news, there was no violence on the Indians' part...they were all adamant on having a peaceful demonstration, till tear gas was thrown to disperse the crowds. Maybe all they wanted was the world to hear their woes...

What I will say for sure is...sometimes, when things are too good in a certain country, you kinda take the peace for granted. That's all I have to say for now. I just wish that instead of asking for money, we as a people should learn to slowly diffuse this ticking timebomb...every single issue here could invite danger, and that is why we should choose our battles, hold talks as intellectuals for the people, and not be like 'the blind leading the blind'.

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Just today, I watched Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights on HBO.Ok, ok...it's quite an old movie, but so what? I wouldn't have understood anything if I watched it when i was around 6-8 or some age of that sort.

What should I say, other than...OMG, that was a great tragic-romance-story!!! Ralph Fiennes...Heathcliff...they were one in this movie, I totally fell for him! Even turning into the antagonist made me feel like I understood his torment...and Binoche was great too!

Why is it, that creepy romances make me believe in love even more than any happy romantic movies?

Geez, i'm so weird!

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Yaaayyyy!!!

Semester 1 of university i overrrrrrr!!!!!!!! Sorry, i can't help but be happy being home...but i also look forward to the next semester.

Exams were pretty tough on me, since i was working while doing exams...shit, i told my boss i would never again work while having exams. I owe it to myself to concentrate on what really matters, right?

Anyways, it just proves my theory...i only do well without studying in my favorite subjects...i think i did better in IT and International Relations (my major) than in the other subjects...but i hope it's all good. If it's not, i wouldn't kill myself, but i would certainly have to bring up the GPA, you know...plus...i'm adding another subject too...FRENCH!!! Woohoo!!! I just hope it doesn't clash with my other subjects.

Enough of school!!! I'm gonna talk about other stuff now...i'm gonna spend the holidays learning more about computers...as soon as i get the dough im gonna buy self-helping methods on computer languages...i suppose the most basic one first, then if i could cope, i would advance...however, this is JUST a plan, if something else comes up, who knows...

Still have no boyfriend, but i'm sill waitin for THE KNIGHT, if you know what i mean...lol! I sometimes think what's the big deal, but when i look at how love makes you, i feel like i want that too! But, sometimes, it's just a matter of, "do you have what it takes to make it work?"
I think my commitment phobia says i don't have what it takes. But i'm working on it...

Other than all that, xmas is approaching and my dad says we still are in mourning for my dead uncle...he died last 28th Dec. So that means, no open house, no hosting any parties...but I want to bake cookies, and i will! I discovered a way of making the choc chip cookies crisp,and not go soft after a few days...i did! and i will apply it to my batch, this year...am xcited...last year, my pineapple tarts and pepparkakkor (ginger snaps) were a hit! But not the cookies...LOL! Was nice, but not Famous Amos nice! Well, it was the pioneer batch, anyway!

Hope i have fun this holiday!

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Sorry about not updating...besides, no one ever reads this but me...I like to look back on the stuff I write about things; see if my thoughts have changed, or if they're still the same...

I'm now working part-time...at home. How great is that? However, my exams are not over yet...so I have to be careful with that.

My days at uni are dull as hell...i'll give you a piece of the action. Here's what I wrote on a dull day. Was pretending there was WiFi, and that I was updating my blog...Here goes a long post...it's like I never took a break from blogging, hahah...:

"Tuesday, 30 October 2007.


Wow, how fast does time pass when you are preoccupied with things…So far, I’ve been doing a balancing act; work and studies…the time where I should’ve been studying for my exams was the time I was rushing with my work tasks, as the deadline approached…regretfully, out of 30 videos, I only finished 27 on time, and had to give the other 3 over to the main man (coz I had to go back to my uni for the exams…)

Regarding the tests, the first paper; screwed it up…not saying I didn’t know the answers, coz I sure did know ‘em. It’s just that I didn’t manage the my time properly. I wrote long and hard on the scratch paper…then, when it came to writing them on the answer sheet, I had run out of time.

The last question, in which I was supposed to be an expert, just coz I did it as an assignment, I didn’t do it right…Why? Because I read the question wrong! Instead of writing down the difference between the foreign policy during Tunku Abdul Rahman and Mahathir’s era, I had written from the time of all of the prime ministers (just as in my assignment question!) I summarized everything, and left out a few, since I thought I was writing too much…AND , while writing, I ran out of time! How’s that for shitty!!!

When I came out of the test hall, and exchanged notes about the test with a couple of friends, only then did I know the REAL question…AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! SCREWED UP THE TEST---BIG TIME!!!!! Almost threw a fit right then and there…

Well, can’t think too much about it now, right? 15 marks down the drain, yo!

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Wish there was a Halloween Party…I often wished I was at a private uni where these sort of fun activities happen all the time…I’m missing too much on life…a part of my youth went missing when I entered this public uni…sure, it’s one of the greatest gifts the gov can give me…80% subsidized higher education…though, I sometimes feel like I don’t fit in. Sure, no one knows who Wilco or The Shins is, nobody listens to NIN or Sufjan Stevens, watches E! Channel…

This is one of the reasons I listen to music all the time…it takes me away to another world…a world of possibilities, ideals. One thing I’m finding hard to understand is why don’t I have any male friends here? It seems unbelievable that I don’t, coz I sure have dozens of them over at high school, and we all still hang out. Am I losing the ability to socialize, or is it the current environment that I’m in…I think it’s the latter…

However, I think it’s time for me to experience being a social misfit…

What am I listening to? Tommy Tutone’s Jenny 867 5309. Love that you memorize the number at the first mention…for a good time, call 867-5309 (Hahaha, classic!)"

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My compilation of "ever had..." moments:

Ever had...

• your perfectly (and freshly!) squeezed toothpaste fall off of your toothbrush? I hate when that happens...happens to me all the time...
• a moment where you're ready to cook, had all the things prepared, only to find that your stove ran out of gas?
• the ice-cream man come when you don't crave for ice-cream, but when you do...they're nowhere in sight?
• to do nothing at all and feel bored, but then, all tasks come to you all at once, and you just feel like jumping off the window ledge of a 30-storey building?
• to turn down a guy, because he's plain annoying?
• to pretend to be interested a friend's love-life, even if you're not...
• a moment when you wished you could smack that kid kicking the back of your chair at the cinema?
• a gut feeling that you didn't follow, then regretted?
• a moment when you missed your chance?
• a chain-reaction of catastrophes happen at a moment of chaos?

Well, I could ask more, but i'll just settle for this much.

It's 4.15 in the morning, and I haven't studied, haven't finished my job, and I feel so fat coz I keep popping chocolates into my mouth...I feel so fugly right now!

I am very amused at my baby sister at this moment...she's starting to roll over (no, she's not a dog!). That's sorta like a big step in her development...next up; talking and crawling...She's a noisy little girl...she chuckles a lot too! She's just so adorable when she chuckles...I can't describe it, but this baby actually brings my family close. For that, I am thankful!

We are, however, still broke as hell!!! Hahahahaha...some things never change, I guess!

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I am so right! I wanted a Sony VAIO, but needed a laptop ASAP...and all I got was this old geezer named Dell Inspiron...geez, talk about your old-timers...I got one that trumps 'em all...

Then again, it ain't all that bad...I did get it for my part-time job...for free, mind you! So I guess it's fine...no, it's awesome! Though, I would have to rely on looking for plug points, coz the battery is sure as hell not working, lol!

I am thankful, though...I can always upgrade when i'm good and ready for my newest gadget...isn't it funny that I always get what I need for free? Like my MP3 player, laptop...I sometimes feel that i'm a walking disaster that needs all the lucky charms in the world, but then, my life would suddenly take a 180 and all these good things come hitting me with a bat!

Now what I need are the best test results, and a boyfriend, lol!

You know something? For a commitment-phobe like me, I would be willing to take a chance on a guy who has the nerves to tell me he likes me, or asks for my phone number (not gets his friend to do it!)...coz guys, which girl doesn't like a man who goes for what he wants...

Sure, girls are complex; we don't say what we want, we have mood swings, hate male-chauvinist pigs and shit like that...but isn't that what makes you love us? Our strengths, brains, personalities, flexibilities, etc...Isn't it?

Why talk about this all of a sudden? Well, because one can only be "the intimidating girl" for so long...a male friend told me that I probably have no boyfriend coz I scare men away...even he, at first seemed a little intimidated by me at first, when we forst met...yeah, been told that many times...

But I kinda feel that somebody is out there for me...I don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not just to impress him, coz he will love me for who i am...I strongly believe that he is out there...all I have to do is just stop trying to be like other girls; desperate for a partner, can't live without a guy...Bleaghhhh!!! Who the hell are they living for? I can't be like that...EVER!

I for one choose to live for me!!! So, when i'm good and ready, he'll be good and ready...and by the power of serendipity, we shall meet, fall in love, and have a blast!

Do you concur?

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I would say i'm sorta strange...my ideals, my reality, my life, my likes, my pet peeves, my taste in music...etc. I like being me! Strange, weird, crayzeee! However...I hate being bored. That's why my days here are wasted on you, blog...I have no money to hangout, no car to drive out (coz Mom doesn't want me driving her car!!!)...sometimes I get into this mode like "Is this my so-called life?" It's soooooooo not interesting! Now that I have a baby sister, I can't even have an outing, without checking my other sister and parent's schedule...coz everybody's doing something!!!

I hate being bored, I hate being bored, I hate being bored!!!

I'm totally wasting my life by not experiencing it to the fullest...how the hell am I suppose to fall in love without getting out of the freakin' house? How the hell am I suppose to get new clothes without searching at stores for the right apparels? How the hell am I suppose to study when Dad's supposed to send me to campus to bring home my books? How am I supposed to experience the fullest life I can live without going out of my house??????????

I cook my sister's meals now...that's all I do now...and she finishes her dinner at lunchtime, too! Says she can't help finishing all of it! Lol, I must be a great cook!!! I'm fed up with just cooking, you know...I don't know, this isn't suppose to be this way, my life is NOT how I want it to be!

Damn it!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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Now that i've given up on my side job as an audio visual assistant-esque work, like subtitling and shit, the bosses suddenly popped out of nowhere and said there's some work to be done, and tasks to be finished...here we go...

Nice job, guys! Leave me waiting like a fool-- on the brink of giving up, and THEN give me work to do on the imminent days of my 1st semester examinations! GREAT!!!

I'm thankful, though, that I have a chance to make some money...i'm broke as hell, dudes! I can't even go out with my friend coz I don't have money in the bank...geez, this is such a great holiday! -_-

Whatever it is, i'm happy with the incoming, albeit, late laptop i'm about to receive from my boss (it's about time!!!)...and I hope I could finish the job, and excel at my studies at the same time...please, God...LET IT BE!!! Earn while you study, that's my new motto! Lol!!!

By the way, what am I listening to on my Mp3 player? Tommy Tutone's Jenny 867 5309...Nice!

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After my so-called hell-week, i'm finally home, sleeping on my bed!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

The problems i've accumulated throughout the semester of my first year has gone far, far away, thanks to my ability to solve problems, hehe!

Now, i'm just gonna chill, then i'll go to a few friends' houses to visit them for their Hari Raya celebrations; great!!!

Right now, i'm downloading some songs...ever heard the cover of Rihanna's "Umbrella"? I like it! Sounds like Mandy Moore, but the radio DJ said 'twas some girl from YouTube...I dunno, I just know I like it.

Uhmmm, since it's early registration for the next semester, i'm thinking if I should take French lessons earlier, because I can't wait to learn it! However, it seems the classes are at 11pm!!! I mean, is that even possible? WTF, dudes! 11pm? How the hell am I gonna get transportation over there? My dorm is like 4 kilometres from my faculty...gahhh!!!!

What music am I listening to now? Lenny Kravitz' "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over"...one of my favorite chillout-mellow-touchy-feely songs...

Btw, I was thinking...should I get a 1-month long job for the holidays, or should I just stay home? This is, however in December, so no rush...you know what, i'll think of it then!

At least i'm updating this who-knows-who-the-hell-reads-this blog...I sorta love this blog coz it's my only release...so bear with me! Any comments? Lol!

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That sums it up; Hell-week!!! It was and is: Hell! I expect this wek to be hell to! I've had a few problems with friends, but after a week of playing "cold war", we all sat together and had a heart-to-heart talk, confronted each other, purged our feelings, and made truce...now that that's done, there's another fuckin' problem that I need to settle!!!

Certain subjects have too many students, so we are all divided into sets. Well, my problem is, until recently, i've discovered (or my friend discovered!) that i've been going to the wrong fuckin' set!!! How in the world...well, let's just say, I'M AN IDIOT!!! I've been doing all the quizzes, and assignments in this set, so now, i'll have to come clean to the lecturer and hope that he transfers all my marks to the correct-set lecturer!

Oh, did I forget to mention that I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT???

Well, other than all this shit, some people have been asking me whether i'm a lesbian because i'm such a cynic about love, and don't wanna get married, and STILL, even at 20 have never had a boyfriend...Lemme just say something here; I'M SO NOT! I want to fall in love with a guy, but haven't met someone that fits my criteria, my huge list of standards, haven't met the one who makes me feel like i've butterflies in my stomach, haven't met the guy who i'm not afraid to say anything to, coz he gets me...never met a guy who "clicks" with me...etc!

So, I don't need to prove that i'm not, coz everyone who knows me knows i'm straight...so, meh...let 'em think so...who cares, right?

In other news...nothing else, other than i'm going broke...well, that's all, folks!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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A new conclusion from a previous post regarding a little girl, raped and brutalized...It was discovered to be the missing girl. Earlier, her parents were not able to identify her because her body looked so difference. The rapid decay had marred her facial features, that only after a DNA test were her poor parents able to accept the fact that it was her; their baby...

Such heartbreak for a country that's a developing nation, coupled with proud achievements- and yet, this happened. Her case has been the focus of my country this past few weeks...the gruesome discovery of how she was sadistically tortured, raped and murdered just shows us that no country, no matter how great it claims to be could ever avoid having such a sick person...I can't call the perpetrator(s) an animal, as animals could never do such a thing like this.

The family who is going through this hard time is in suffering...they are being blasted by hate SMSes for letting their child go out alone. Well, of course that's one of the factors in the child's abduction, but let's not forget about the responsible one! The nation, in general wept as her body was lowered...the imam who read her last rites wept freely. The priest from my church highlighted this case during mass, had prayed for her innocent soul, and people all over the country are basically praying for the killer to be caught.

To the family, I could not even comprehend the suffering you must be going through, and I pray to God that the beast who did this may face what he deserves...

Amen.

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Yeah, i'm not quite sure of the whole galore thing, but I wonder why couldn't the professors had given my tasks earlier, when we had a lot of free time. My assignments are all back-to-back, and I sometimes never sleep because my partners and I want to finish 'em on time! And trust me, we do it perfectly, without sleeping...

Another wave of tasks had just hit me like a ton of bricks; building and presenting a website, tons of esay-based questions, and more...but one thing I like about this is, it keeps me busy.I love being busy, and hate passive moments. I love doing work under pressure, as it makes me, or rather forces me to think critically and uniquely...I produce a lot of good stuff when I work under pressure. However, I perceive this to be a very bad habit that I need to break!!!

Know why? Coz I could get an aneurysm at any moment, and stressed-out at any given time...that's why!

I also have a knack for getting to classes a little late...I don't know why, coz I tend to get up long before class, and then I take my time. THIS IS VERY BAD!!! This one time, I read a CNN article about tardy people; it says that tardy peeps (in my words, not CNN!) tend to be programmed that way, and it would take forever to change, coz it's already written in our brain that being late is OK. It also says that quitting tardiness is like quitting the ciggies. The problem is-- the addicts do not want to quit.

I say, this quite puts me in deep shit, coz when I have the chance to be early, I tend to not take it. It's true; i've been programmed for life! BUT, I want to change, and I will try my best...(God, help me...)

Now, let' move on to something else...meh, maybe not! 'Til the next post, toodlez, bitches!!!

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You know the headline of today's news in my country?

"Child Found Sexually Assaulted and Killed"

This child, less than ten, if i'm not mistaken, was found in a sports bag...she was assaulted sexually...her privates was stuffed with a cucumber and brinjal!!!

What the hell, are these people commiting this horrendous crime even human at all? I can't believe someone would do this!!! I can't believe this...I know there are some sickos out there in the world, but I can't seem to understand how in their right mind they would do something like this! A child...

And her identity is unknown; which means, her family doesn't even know their little girl might be dead. She died suffering a horrible ordeal. May the animal who commited this crime be caught ASAP!!! What are parents all over the country supposed to feel when their kids' lives are at danger? Even though i'm not a mother, but somehow I fear for the children out there...

Another girl was abducted a few weeks/a month ago...her parents were called to confirm that this "Jane Doe" was theirs. It was not. However, this poor girl belonged to another set of parents. God be with them!

I know this has nothing to do with my day-to-day ramblings, but this is something I needed to post. This sickens me, and I wanted to tell the world about it. So, there!!!

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Is this it?

I came back home expecting a little more than "Hi!"... well, what can a girl do, right? I can't expect a grand welcoming party...Hahahaha!!! I wish my life were less dull, though! I'm going to buy stuff tomorrow...Lol, may I get some eye candy!

The journey home is real hectic, I tell ya...I have to take three different trains; interchanging at different stations. What else? Oh, yeah! My little sister has oficially remembered her crazy, big sister...she identified me by my wackiness and flair for acting like a fool...i'm the court jester of the house, I guess!

======================================================

WHINE ALERT!!!

Sigh, will there ever be someone for me? I think not! But you know something? I'm not gonna settle for less than I want...I couldn't...I can't!!! Some old timers tell me to lower my standards; AS IF!!! Besides, it's not like they're happily married! The identities of these old bags? I guess you'll never know...LOL!!!

Well, i'm on this journey called life, and I expect to go through the best life possible; I mean, what is life without falling in love, right? What is life without love? I wish I will have what my parents have---REAL love...I mean, you can tell they're STILL in love. Sometimes, I see my Mom holding my Dad's hand...my dad buys Mom flowers and stuff for their anniversary...it's so sweet! You don't go and have a baby after 20 years of marriage if you don't love each other after all these years, right?

Well, I KNOW what kind of life it can be without love--DULL!!! Of course I know this coz i've been single all my life!!! I'm not a desperate girl...I don't go knocking on doors to find Mr. Right, and I don't like it when my friends, cousins, aunts, uncles ask me when am I gonna have a boyfriend. It's just something I think about, for future use.

We all need to fall in love once in a while, right?

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As you know, it's the month of Ramadhan; where the Muslims fast for a month...

In a university where Muslims are the majority, i'm all alone now! Meal time is now ME time, get it? Lol...lame! Seriously, my friends here are mostly Malays, and therefore, I eat alone...and I can't eat in public, or in front of my friends, that's just being rude...

Other than that, the good news this week is that I get to go home!!! I'm going home...maybe going to blow the rest of my money on shoes and clothes and books. Though, the money is NOT enough at all!!!

Ummm, I sorta made a huuuge mistake in buying this pendrive...I could've gotten one at a much cheaper price, but my impatience betrayed me...what a fool I was...right after paying for it, I wanted to cry for being so sponteneous! I saw a better-looking one for the same price right before, and I didn't bother...I just went and bought the ugly Kingston!!! Now, for my blowout:


AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

There...all done (but not quite!) I still wish to go back in time and correct this stupid fuckin' mistake! Why am I so damn impatient?

Okay, I guess my time's running out...I.R. classes starts in a few minutes...gtg!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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First thing's first; sorry for not updating for so freakin' long...it's been hell thinking about this poor blog, rotting away...but, here I am now!!! I've been very sick during the last week, from headaches to fever, to headaches, to tummy aches, to many other aches...

FINALLY!!! The money has been credited...bought most of the stuff I needed, paid my fees, and gave a grand to help Mom pay the bills and shit like that. Now i'm left with only a few hundred bucks, and that, I suppose I have to give to my sis (and maybe Dad too)! Lol, nothing left for me...Never mind, as long as i've settled the fees, I guess i'm ok...

What did I do that took most of my time away from you, blog? Here goes...

I was finishing an assignment. A very difficult one, it was!!! Me and my group had to do a multi-level-analysis on the Bosnian conflict...LOL! Dudes, this was NO easy task...journals upon journals, books to books. We basically had to use up everything in our brains to connect the dots. I tell ya, at one point, we didn't sleep for two days and one night! But, you know, I had a great group, finished on time, presented our work, handed out the work papers and got a 50-50 remark from the prof. Not what I was looking for, but it works for now!

Now I have to finish this assignment on Malaysia's foreign policy from the era of the first prime minister to the latest...I'm doing it alone...but not before another group task of Islamic Spain! How nice this is...LOL! I love I.R.!!!

I miss my family. I didn't go back for two weeks because of all the work. I hope my baby sis didn't forget her eldest sister...

You know what? I'm thinking of not joining the foreign service. I think a person of my race will not have a chance of promotion in this country (I could be wrong, though!)...I would love to travel the world on behalf of my country, and become somebody respected worldwide, though...I would love that very much! But, maybe something else would come along. Though, it would break Mom's heart, coz she really hopes that her daughter would become an ambassador...Anyway, it's all just something i'll consider, it's not final.

I still haven't found a single guy that fits my "LIST"...you know, "the list"...the whole brains, looks, kindness, good sense of humor, caring, etc...you know...that one! I think there aren't guys like that in this world...i'm not perfect, but I wish that I could experience that feeling of someone being in love (cue to Bjork's It's Oh So Quiet...)! That would be fun!

I'm a little committment-phobic. When I like someone, and he likes me back...for some reason I back off! Geez, i'm such a freaky weirdo! My younger sister is now in a four-year relationship...She has put me to shame...I think my baby sis will find her husband before I ever get a boyfriend...I need to do an analysis on myself and write a thesis!!!

I have such a thing for books, I can never get enough...some of the librarians now know me by name, I think! I'm reading Deliverance now...not done with 1984 by Orwell...had to give back Animal Farm coz I had to borrow more important stuff for my assignments...i'll get back to reading that as soon as I can!

Song playing in my MP3 player: Claire De Lune by Debussy...okay, okay for a rock-chick, what's wrong with a little classical piano? I like to keep things eclectic, baby!

So far, so good (jinx!!!)...I hope all goes well for now...till then, Toodlez bitches!!!

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