Life's Sick Lil' Games...

My sister (the 20-year old one) has another cyst...this time on the corner of her face. She has to go for surgery tomorrow. The poor thing, I hope it all goes well. She's really strong...she showed be the probable scar that will be left, and it's actually kinda hardcore...from the ear, along the jawline...to the bottom of her ear till the neck...

You'd think it's huge...it is. But I think it'll fade off nicely just coz her doctor is an ENT specialist, so he's bound to know how to close the incision rather nicely.

Man...some things you just wished would happen to you (I mean ME) instead...she's had too many surgeries at 20 years of age...first two were the tumors on her breast. :(

One thing to be thankful for: It's benign...

Anyway, God give her strength to pull through...we will always always always be there for the original "Princess of the house". Perhaps she might work the scar and make it seem like a fashion statement, like her huge-ass tattoo (hehehe)...at least till one of us could afford plastic surgery. Yeah...the jokes...as usual, to cover my nervousness...i'm nervous for her, okay? I know...not cool!

Actually, after checking it out (I checked Google...where else?), the scar would seem unnoticable in 6 months due to the sutures done underneath the skin, whereas the skin would be sealed using 'Dermabond'...a glue-like substance commonly used for facial surgery...so I hope it all goes well. We're more worried about her facial nerves.

It's rather risky, the tumor is connected to the parotid gland, which is connected to the 5 nerves which control her facial movements...one slight mistake and she might not be able to do certain facial movements...so, of course...this is our main concern!

God, please let the surgery be a success!!!

Amen.

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WARNING: A depressing post...

It's been a rather sucky week...

First of all...I had to vent about my mom not supporting me and shit like that...but that was that. A rant! But I took the post out as fast as I posted it just because it wasn't me talking as much as it was my own resentment. I feel so sorry and guilty for it now...my mom has been the most supportive person in my life...and maybe this is just one part she wouldn't let go because she saw a glimmer of me finishing her unattainable ambition?

Maybe...but I shouldn't let my bitterness out as I did...I would just have to show her I can make it without going her pathway for me...I put my future in God's hands, whatever it is. I always wanted to achieve something big...to leave with a legacy bigger than myself. But it all depends on God and my own effort. We'll see how it happens though...

Secondly, My dear Uncle J has been confirmed to have a very aggressive form of cancer...which has now spread to his bones...and as he came to the house for a visit, my dad found out his brother, Uncle C had been found to have cancer...lung cancer. Both these men came over the same day. Uncle C's stage is unknown, and tests are currently being done while treatments to kill the cancer cells have begun. It was an extremely sad day for me, my family and the families of the brave men...

Earlier that day, my godfather called to tell me that his brother had passed away...

Literally one of the worst weeks...ever!

Not just saddening to think that my uncles diagnosed with cancer are just so brave...they even joke about their predicament...even saying that they would meet each other at "the gates"...I was successful in hiding my tears...and so were the rest of my family, except my mother...damn! Just then, Uncle J's eyes were welling-up, but he managed to put on a brave face.

Just goes to show that anything can be taken away...you never know when your loved ones would be taken away. After everyone had left, I just went into the bathroom to cry...thinking that cancer is such a death sentence if found too late...I prayed to God to protect the rest of my family members and friends from this horrible disease...

Then, just the other day I had a horrid dream: I had a dream where I heard my 20-year old sister screaming after answering the phone call in her room. I raced up, thinking the worst...I thought my father was dead...and it turned out Uncle C had died...

Then I woke up! Fucking awful dream coz it felt so real!

So, to sum it up...the past two weeks were filled with bad news...but I pray with all my heart and soul that God gives these men the strength and courage to go through it all...same goes to those around them. From what I see, my uncles are the ones consoling family members instead of the opposite...

Life goes on though...we just have to pull through...then again, it's easier said than done, right? All we can do is try our best.

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*WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD!!!*

I was sending my dad a short text message for his birthday...it's today, damn my dad is actually quite young...49! Still young, right? Well, mom's even younger...an elegant 45 year-old woman who gave birth almost three years ago! :P

All this solitary confinement, added with procrastinations about doing my thesis (or not doing it!!!) gets me thinking about them...

I wrote this before, but I never fail to say it out loud & proud: "I love my parents!"

During my teens: You know that age where most girls hate their mom/dad/both parents...my besties (now former besties) would bitch about their parents...lying to them about going out and stuff. Well, I was very different. I would say "Heck, i love my parents!", to their annoyance...Hahaha! They always trusted me, and that's why I've never had to lie to them about anything...hey, i'm not gonna go all out and say that I'm an angel...rather, I would say that I'm not that bad a daughter!

Yes, I know i've complained about them too, but i've never had that "I hate my parents!" phase...well, my sister had that phase with Pops, but not me...don't know why. Disappointments+complaints, yes...but never in a I-hate-my-parents sorta way.

I have always and WILL always love them. Once, when I was as little as 11-12, when I was thinking about my parents, I actually cried...don't know why, but I did. It was as if I felt I didn't deserve them...It's a wonder how some people are lucky enough to have one good parent, but to have two is somewhat hard to find...

I have cousins who aren't as lucky, as well as friends who constantly get into arguments with theirs. Hmmm, now thinking about it is getting me all emotional...somehow, I STILL wonder why I was/am fortunate to be born in this family...I wouldn't trade them for anything...

Don't even know why i'm writing about this, it's making me tear up...like seriously!

Well, whatever...moral is: I AM A LUCKY GIRL...always was, still am...and I hope that I always will be! And yes, I appreciate every single blessing given to me...and to my friends who read this, I'm lucky to have you guys too!

Ahhhh, maybe i'm just scared that one day i'll wake up to find out that everything was just a dream...my biggest & ultimate fear; waking up and finding that everything you thought you had was actually a dream. Geez, I'm such a dweeb...what's wrong with me?

Sorry, blog...guess you'll have to bear with my emotional roller-coaster...I'm just glad that even though i'm not rich in material wealth...I am absolutely abundant with the love of my family...if I was Superman, they would be my Kryptonite! (Geek, I am!!!)

The end.

PS: Gratitude makes way for abundance...believe it!

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With all the whining and bitching I've done...I've never taken for granted the thing that matter most in my life; my health, family and friends...and with all that's been said and done, I've come to appreciate myself the way I am...sure, I'm flawed just like any human being...but i have come to terms with it...heck, I'm not ashamed to say that in the past few years I've grown to love myself more...guess that counts for a few things, eh? Like knowing we deserve better, or not letting people mistreat you, etc...

So for the year 2009...my grateful attitude is for the following:

• The greatest, coolest most supportive parents any person could ever have (I've certainly had my fair share of complaints in the past, but you guys have been great ever since i was born! I thank God everyday for being in this family...and i will love you always!)

• The bestest best friends a girl could ever have...you know who you are...old friends, college friends, friends you just meet under circumstances, strangers you just happen to have a short conversation with...you've all somehow affected me once upon a time...and I'll never have it otherwise!

• My unbelievable luck -- I mean, damn! All the stuff I've got, the things I've done, the people I've met...it's all unbelievable when you look back...and i will say for sure; there's more experiences to be experienced, more lessons to learn, more people to meet, etc...

• ME -- coz there could NEVER be another ME...i could never be replicated. I am special and unique...just like YOU...a paradox, I know...but I kinda like it! We are all special…I am so full of imagination, and i can't picture my life any other way than my very own sitcom-cum-drama with theme songs to each circumstance...or being super curious about something totally out of context to any part of your life…and I’m also glad I’m the type that goes ahead and learns what I want to know…like French, or playing the guitar…the piano…karate! HTML codes? Well, that’s something in progress…I did search for tutorial sites and such. My bestie says it’s easy-peasy…so I’m already half-done! ;) For my next steady paycheck, I’m gonna go learn how to salsa! Ay, caramba!!! Can’t wait…

• My buffer zone...yes, some would say this is a bad thing...but no! I would keep this quality coz only then, you discover your TRUE friends…truly special people would see me the way i really am...a dorky, geeky, crazy-ass weirdo who's funny, moronic, neurotic, good at freaking out and a stupid genius...muahahahahaha!!! Coz some people make assumptions…and who wants to be friends with people like that…best save these qualities for those friends who are real keepers.

• My love for music, movies and TV. I've said it many times...i can't live without music! Heck, i think my first post ever was about music...if i'm not mistaken! How can we humans have life any other way? I love Rock, yes...all types of Rock, but I've always had an eclectic taste, ranging from Classical music to Jazz, Reggae, Oldies, Pop, Acoustic, Electronica, Big Band Swing, R&B, Rap…and yes, even Flamenco (think Gypsy Kings, baby)! Movies? Well, go figure! I’m a sucker for action-packed movies (Rocky!!! Eye of the Tiger, baby!) as much as I am for tear-jerkers (It’s A Beautiful Life, Life Is Beautiful, The Notebook) and romance…and of course, Chick-flicks and Disney cartoons & fairytales! Ahahahahah…I’m truly a sucker for fairytales; they never fail to put a huge smile on my face! True favorites are aplenty, ranging from classics to totally stupidly funny and corny movies (think White Chicks and Zohan). God bless the entertainers!

Thank you God!

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Ever heard that song? I don't even know who sang that...it could either have been a little boy/girl, and it's sung with an obvious lisp...hence, "all i want for xmas is my two front teeth..."

Dunno why I suddenly thought of that!

These days, I feel a wee bit nostalgic. Found some old friends via Facebook...reminisced, planned a reunion (which I think will not happen due to clashing schedules), telling each other how good we are looking, etc...end of story! Next...

So, mom tells me we (all of us-sisters, mom and dad!) might be going to the Philippines next May...I hope! I really hope this happens as it will be the first time my sisters and I will be going there...it's always a plan that never happens, and I wish it would be realized this time. I just know once I go to the place where i've come from (half of me, lol!), i'll be more grateful, and instantly gain a little more wisdom.

I've always been fascinated to know where I came from...

On my mom's side, there are no worries, coz she knows everything...she knows all her relatives, like...say...her cousins thrice removed...and maybe more!

My dad, however...what a disappointment! No knowledge of his mother tongue, culture...which leaves me lost! I'm trying to trace our origins on my paternal ancestors' side, but I fail because I find out that grandad changed his name when he came to this country...and my dad didn't really know his extended family coz his parents didn't really make it a point to be a close-knit family...and me being so curious, I ask tons of questions but get no answers. So, here I am...lost!

Don't you ever get fascinated with your background? If I had the means, I would deffo check my genealogy...interesting stuff! I get so jealous when some peeps just know everything about their family tree, and I'm like, "Huh? Gee, I know nothing about half of my heritage! Hmmph, show-off!"

Bummer...

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The project was over, the nightmare has gone...

A new task emerges, a new challenge arrives. I miss mom, even though I don't see her during the weekdays. It's just that I know she's not home, and that leaves a bitter feeling in my gut. Sorry for the emo post, but I can't help it!

Supposed to go home today, but there's another task to finish. Hopefully, tomorrow i'll be home to take care of my baby sis...kinda pity my other sis who's taking care of her, and of course, daddy. I'm so thankful that my family's the type that help each other, work together to attain the ultimate happiness.

God bless my family...

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After a week of TV and boredom, i'm going back to uni. Helluva week it was. I can't believe how moody i was.

Sometimes, i hate the holidays because you have to face your family everyday...it could drive a person nuts, you know?

I didn't go out...friends were busy with their celebrations, plus i didn't even make any initiatives with any pals to go out and have some fun.

Now, i just wanna go to my dorm and take a break from my family, coz i need it. Who needs criticism when you have a family?

I know, whenever i get back to uni, i'll miss them. I much prefer that feeling than when i am here at home, getting annoyed.

PS: I DO love them...

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While I wait for the bloody loan to be credited, I suppose I could plan my to-buy list! Already, I owe a friend money, as she kindly paid for some books I copied (Thanks, Ms. F!)...I have yet to pay for other stuff, like fees, clothes, books, and much more.

I also want to help my parents...and I will, with no regrets.

Sometimes, I sit and see my family, and although we're not rich, i'm glad that we are all unselfish towards one another...i'm glad that we're not poverty-stricken...i'm glad we have a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs.

And I pray with all my heart that I somehow make it in this world, that I can be a good example for my sisters, and someone Mom and Dad can be proud of! Such big dreams I have...and yet, I hope it all comes true, God-willing...

Wow, what an emo post! Kinda short, but it says what I want to for now...maybe a longer one will come out the next time...for now, so long, bitches!

Toodlez!

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A new day begins tomorrow...

For very different reasons...i'm leaving my family for university life...OMG, it's just gonna be a week. However, my mom is urging me to stay on the campus for the whole year. She says it's impractical to travel daily, i would be spending a lot of money just on transport...so now, i'm thinking...

Well, it will depend on this 1 week period...I really am hoping to make tons of friends! I know it's not difficult making friends, but I just want the right kinda friends, you know? I'm kinda choosy...

Everything's been paid for...settled...PTPTN has approved my loan, although it took forever to "process"!!! I still can't seem to find my offer letter...sigh, same old, same old PTPTN!

My bosses took me out to lunch yesterday...they were super nice! My main boss says he'll get me a laptop to continue doing subtitles for the company...What!!! I said "OMG, that's great...pocket money!!!" Then, he laughed and said, "Yeah, your work for us is not over yet! At least you'll make pocket money while studying"

When I jokingly asked, "So the laptop is my parting gift, eh?", to which he replied nonchalantly, "Yeah, sure!"

What disbelief!!! It's gonna be mine? Not just borrowed, u mean all mine, with all the great audio/visual softwares and converters??? OMGOMGOMG, yay!!!

Since Boss is a friend of my parents, he spoke to them on the phone, (Haha, they told me!) telling them he would miss me...he calls me his niece. Of course, since I call of of them 'Uncle so-and-so' weird, huh? Lol! I mean, all those guys there are the nicest bunch! The Macguyver of the company said g'bye to me...I mean, he's the shyest person ever! I thanked him for teaching me all the stuff on templates, converting, photoshop stuff, subtitling, etc...

Oh, man, only now have I realized how much i've learnt! At the moment i'd cleaned out all my stuff, gave the keys to my boss, said goodbye, it felt a little bittersweet! Another boss gave me a Levi's sling bag...not really beautiful, but thoughtfull nonetheless!!!

I dunno what the new journey is gonna bring, but I adapt to new things quite easily...

One thing's for sure, i'll miss everyone at home!!! Even if I stay there for the year, i'll still be back on the weekends, right?

Goodbye old life, hello new experiences!!!

"Thank you God for the good people i've met in my life...You always take care of me, no matter how hard life can be sometimes...

Amen!"

P.S. : Will try to blog after orientation week! This is soooooo not over!

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Oh my God!!!

I'm gonna be a student all over again, but this time, i'm officially a varsity student! I'm so looking forward to this...

My whole week has been hectic! Had to rush here and there to open a new bank account, apply for a student loan, fill-in tons of forms, yada yada yada...

I can't do the physical examination before registering, as i'm very busy finishing all the video editing...you know, coz I don't wanna leave work without finishing my tasks...i've got good work ethics, you know?

This Sunday morning, I would be registering (and i'm hopeful that my dad eventually comes up with around 60% of the registration fees, coz I only can pay a little bit with my own money!), and will stay at the student quarters for a week...this stay is for my orientation and all that.

I have been sent a letter assuring me that ragging will not be permitted at UKM, but i'm bracing myself for the worst...

I wonder if i'll make friends or not, coz I sure need friends in a new place like this! This would be considered my second home for 3 years!

I've made a decision to NOT stay at the student quarters (some of my friends insist that 1st year students HAVE to stay there!) if I had a choice, as my home is only half an hour away...BUT...if it is compulsory to stay there, I will, for sure...the only thing is, i'll be missing my family and TV fix...but I know i'll manage.Perhaps it'll be fun!

Only time will tell what happens...but till that time comes, i'll take things slow, hope for the best, and expect to come out a winner...

Thank God for my strength!!! It's all good...

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No, hell hasn't frozen over...

Just that i'm in an anxious mood right now. It's the moment of truth...my future, my imminent present...which university or college shall I be selected for?

I must admit, throughout the months after high school, or what i'd call the 'waiting period', i've had a few dilemmas...i didn't want to be selected into a government university...although that's what thousands of Malaysian students are fighting for...

I'd lost faith in the government, and opted not to work for the Foreign Service due to the preferential treatment of a certain race...and instead started dreams of working in the media, journalism, PR, writing, etc...

I didn't save money throughout my working period due to expenses, and the new sister needs some stuff...which I offered to purchase instead of my parents...now, i'll have to ask them for money when I start my studies...shit!

I was contemplating which college I would go for...a Plan B in case I wasn't selected! Boy, what a cynic i've become! I hate that i'm such a pessimist...it all stems from constant disappointments in my life; when I hold out for something, it turns out differently. I don't even believe in falling in love anymore!

I'm happy with my family, but...i've never seen any of my friends for a long time, and I miss them so much! These friend are but a few, but they're the ones i'd keep forever! (Sure, I do have a lot of friends, but they're not the BFFs i'm referring to...)

And now, I shall change for the better...a better daughter, a better student, a better friend, a better human being! Lastly, may I regain the bubbly personality, the belief in romance, in good, sincere people, in optimism...without seeming too philosophical about the simple things in life!

Good luck, me!

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