Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Read: I HATE THIS!!!

I have been really trying my best to MAKE myself complete this thing called a thesis...but I fail as soon as I start! What the hell is wrong with me? I am in an utter mess...all this attempt to lock myself in my room to focus has been utterly useless...so far, I have been doing useless stuff like watching movies, playing the bloody rusty-stringed guitar...basically everything except my thesis!!! Heck, I've been reading-up on physics, can you believe it? Epic fail!!! PHYSICS!!! A subject I used to hate while I was studying it!!! OMG...

Please, God...I beg of you...please please please give me the strength to finish this before the deadline...coz it's really driving me up the wall...it's not that I can't, the problem is that I won't! I know it doesn't make sense, but that's just it! I won't do it...Ok, I can't understand it myself...

Okok...I guess i'll try again...but God, please be with me this time! Please, please, pretty please?

Speaking of other stuff...I found this treasure of a classic out of AFI's top 10 classic list (SEE WHAT I MEAN???)

It's called 12 Angry Men, a black and white courtroom drama. 12 jurors' need to decide on a boy's life; whether he's guilty beyond reasonable doubt or innocent. It's simply riveting, compelling...remarkable! No wonder it's a classic! It seems like a low-budget film, since the set is rather limited...the story itself is what got me glued throughout the movie. Glad for stumbling upon this gem...I think i'm now gonna try watching more classic movies...the B&W kind!

Other than 12 Angry Men, my other fave classic is It's a Wonderful Life, starring James Stewart. Ahhh, the classic "...everytime a bell rings, an angel gets its wings" is the kind you tend to keep in your head forever!

So after everything is done (THESIS arrrggghhhh!!!), i'm gonna try to get Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Ben-Hur, Spartacus, etc...Man, if only there was a movie scholar needed...I would certainly die for it!!!

Okaaay...back to reality! Wish me luck...God be with me! Amen.

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Yep...indeed it is! My mom's not gonna be here this frickin' Christmas! She goes to East Malaysia for a month on the 13 of December...OMG, she's not even gonna be here on New Year's Eve!

I'm hating xmas already...

How am I gonna cope? My poor baby sis, though...well, my poor mom's gonna be posted somewhere during the holidays, without her family. I so hate "the office" right now you have no idea. She even has to work OT (without the OT pay) since they got "new management"...I mean, isn't there labor laws regarding this? Hmmmpphh!!!

Just feeling bitter that my mom can't be here with us...it also doesn't help much to realize that you haven't gone anywhere to chillout...it's all like a big blur right now. And mom is constantly unwell. This year...man, i dunno...this year sucks, actually. I really pray that the next year would be my...i mean OUR year! I need some happy endings in my life. And so far, it's unhappy endings all the way. Just goes to show that you don't always get what you want!

I would lastly like to reiterate...

I HATE 2008...IT'S BEEN A SUCKY YEAR!!!

Thank you!

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In all my life, i am the type that appreciates whatever 'chance' i get...and boy, if i had a nickel for every time i thanked God for the things i have; family, friends, things...i'll be set for life!

But one thing still creeps in my head...when will i be able to say that i have truly spent my life without fear, with pursuing what i really want? I'm afraid i can't, because the truth is...i don't know what i'm searching for.

Ever had that feeling? Sometimes, people just know what it is they are here for...they know that they are doing what they want...and i'm jealous of these people who just have the privilege to KNOW what they want...coz, boy...i sure don't!

I hate that i feel this way...i don't even know if i am what i wanna be.

Argghhh, why so emo?

And another thing...people keep asking me "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

Why does society force the idea of 'having a bf is what you need...' into my freakin' head? I keep saying i haven't found the right guy yet...and they say, "You poor thing!"

I hate that! Why, why, why do i need sympathy? I don't have one...and that ain't a problem...so why do you think it is, huh?

I gotta tell ya, that JFK was one smart Mr. Prez...he said that "Conformity is the jailer of freedom", and that applies to me...to this subject...so please, don't feel sorry for me, or think that i'm playing for 'the other team'...having love in your life would be great, and i look forward to it...but why, oh why would i wanna be so desperate?

If it comes, it comes...but if it doesn't, so what?

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I would say i'm sorta strange...my ideals, my reality, my life, my likes, my pet peeves, my taste in music...etc. I like being me! Strange, weird, crayzeee! However...I hate being bored. That's why my days here are wasted on you, blog...I have no money to hangout, no car to drive out (coz Mom doesn't want me driving her car!!!)...sometimes I get into this mode like "Is this my so-called life?" It's soooooooo not interesting! Now that I have a baby sister, I can't even have an outing, without checking my other sister and parent's schedule...coz everybody's doing something!!!

I hate being bored, I hate being bored, I hate being bored!!!

I'm totally wasting my life by not experiencing it to the fullest...how the hell am I suppose to fall in love without getting out of the freakin' house? How the hell am I suppose to get new clothes without searching at stores for the right apparels? How the hell am I suppose to study when Dad's supposed to send me to campus to bring home my books? How am I supposed to experience the fullest life I can live without going out of my house??????????

I cook my sister's meals now...that's all I do now...and she finishes her dinner at lunchtime, too! Says she can't help finishing all of it! Lol, I must be a great cook!!! I'm fed up with just cooking, you know...I don't know, this isn't suppose to be this way, my life is NOT how I want it to be!

Damn it!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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