Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Baking Cookies this Christmas...Who, Me?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Yeah, unbelievable..But, i have to try. I will do it well, coz i follow instructions well, verbatim! So, this xmas, my grandma's pineapple tarts will be one of the main focus...What else, you say? I'm thinking chocolate macaroons, shortbread cookies, choc chip cookies...that's about it.

Mom will bake the choc and butter cakes...and flan...or rather, Leché Flan!!! Lol...Having some sort of xmas lunch for some friends, and looking forward to meeting my darling classmates. Miss them a lot, as we haven't chatted in weeks!

So, there...A day's useless rambling of a mad woman! Hope the cookies don't get burnt, crumbled, get too hard, tasteless, etc...Gawd, what the hell am i doing? Please let this work!!!

I love xmas time!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Wishing and Waiting

Friday, December 15, 2006

Here i am again...Waiting for something special to jump into my life! The previous post was that of an angry, bitter, mad teen! That being said, i can no longer use this excuse the next time i have an outburst...

How can this be? I'm 19, happy, free, single...but every time someone finds out i'm single, they go "Awww, you poor thing, don't worry...you'll find someone!"...Are you freaking kidding me? Wtf??? I'm happy, so shut up!

I would love to have someone to love and care for, despite not having any experience...But if i do not find a guy who is good enough, what's wrong with that? I'd rather wait than settle for someone i do not click with!

So, Santa dear, please give me the strength to face the idiots who keep giving me their fucked-up two-cents worth...ME - a perfectly flawed, smart, driven young girl, who doesn't need a man to complete her, but to complement her. Having said that, could you also find me the right guy before the new year approaches? Lol! Yeah, that would be a blast!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Fucked-up Shit!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Aaaarghhh...Why is it when things go well, it ends up slapping you in the face? Yeah, things are looking up now...Then, all of a sudden, it's trampled on like rotten tomatoes!!! OK, here's the deal, my hols started in its full gear, so now what? Everyone's doing something, going somewhere...So, what's left? Me. Alone. Doing nothing, achieving nothing...Zip! Nada! I'm like a lone star in the night, like a lonely canyon of the desert, like the only leaf on a tree...I'm all alone!

I hate it when there's lack of productivity in my life...Oh, by the way, had a fuckin' fight with my sister...Again! It's not like we don't ever fight, it's just that she keeps quarelling with her damn boyfriend every single day, every single night...About things as petty as not calling...Oh, you get the idea! It just pisses me off! Ok, i don't have a boyfriend, and i so hate people 'pitying' me just 'coz i don't have one. If this is what a relationship is - this fighting-every-day thing, i might as well resort to spinsterhood for the rest of my freakin' life!

So, what else is there? Well, the fact that i must be responsible for practically everybody's mistakes makes me wanna puke. Everytime my dad gets back from work, he scans the house...My mom and my sis? They leave their unwashed cups and saucers on the table...and what happens? Dad scolds me for letting the house get messy, while giving me a lecture on being neat and tidy...Wtf??? Well, don't let me get started on that subject...There's more, mind you...Most of 'em is what the eldest child of a family experiences. I'm practically the maid of the house - minus the wages!

I can't wait for xmas...Meanwhile, i'm broke as hell...Lent some money to my sister...Yeah, the very same day she said she couldn't care less about me...I'm used to all this shit, but it hurts me everytime, not because of me, but because of my parents...Her behavior is a reflection on the way my parents raised us, "the children"...And when she screams and shouts at me or anyone else, it seems like they didn't bring her up well. What the hell could i do? Advise her? Huh, she'll just keep calling me a bitch, and say i'm such a grandma and she couldn't care less about what i have to say...

Blatant disrespect is what i get! They say you have to give respect to gain it...Well, i'm living proof that this cliché is total bullshit! A daughter so loved by her family would do practically anything for her boyfriend, and yet, couldn't even have a family outing without some sort of bribe...That's being the perfect daughter for you! And me? I'm stuck here in my room, doing nothing productive, bitchin' and ravin' like a lunatic on meth, wishing for a savior, wishing her parents would appreciate her, wishing that her sister respects her, and wishing her friends could be free so that they could take her out for a day of fun, but alas...That is asking for the moon!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Just One...

Monday, December 04, 2006

Just one more day of insanity up ahead 'til I get over all the f***in' shizz that is Form 6! I feel sad, but free in a way...Today was the last day of exams for some of my friends. I must say, a few of them welled-up and i felt like that too, seein' that it's gonna be the last time i see them!

No matter how we say we will keep in touch, deep down i know that it's easier said than done...Friends i have come to know all go away in the end, and all you're left with are the memories and laughs that we have, or had, rather...

Well, this just goes to show that we don't call 'em clichés for nothing, right? Friends do come and go...it's the journey we take through life that we find the most weird and interesting bunch of friends...I'm so happy with all my friends now, i woudn't trade 'em for anyone else...Each is unique...My library of friends are filled with all sorts of head cases, LOL! God bless us all!

I'm now listening to my most favorite song, by my most favorite band..."Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. It's a great song...hypnotizes me from beginning to the end...It sounds like i'm in a different era...you know, of psychedelic highs (brought-on by too much of pot!) and hippies...Love Robert Plant's banshee-like screech...Cool!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Story Today

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

What's up, you say? Well, so far, i'm in day-3 of my major examination...So far, i must say honestly...I sucked big time on this one paper...but i did pretty well on another...and the third? Average...That's NOT what I wanted! I have to buck up! I've been praying a lot, and i hope God hears me.

Other than sucky exams, my mom and dad came back from the O.B. yesterday...the baby is doing good, all the major limbs have formed...Oh my God! I'm so excited. After what my mom and dad have been through the last time, i hope that this baby comes out healthy. Oh shit, the baby will be born around a month right after my 20th birthday! Geez, that sounds kinda freaky, lol! I'll be one of the oldest sisters in the world...but i'm cool with that now. Now i wouldn't worry 'bout mom and dad having empty-nest syndrome after me and my sis go on through adulthood.

I listened to "Hurt" by NIN after a long time, and i missed it. I used to love that song. It's so raw and heart-wrenching...if you'd ever felt what Trent Reznor was trying to say. Well, i'm gonna listen to it again.

I'll be posting more soon. Hopefully a better, more interesting post. I know...I'm dull!

Monday, November 20, 2006

First Day of My War...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Goodbye to my first book of General Studies, for i will not see you for a very long time...it was nice knowing you, for i have learnt so much from thy worthy feed...Had fun, and i'll be seeing you soon! Toodles!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Lost in Denial

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Oh, gosh! I'm totally in freak-out mode right now...not only am i not studying, I'm also just staring into space, while my books stare back at me...aarrrgggh!!! This photo of "The Scream" is exactly how i feel...

My major public exam is this Monday, and I'm not proud to say that I'm soooo not ready! Wtf? What am i going to do? I seem like I'm calm (that's what my parents are telling me), but inside, this shit is killing me, eating me up inside. I'm praying for a clear mind, and i hope i could rise to the occasion with God's help.

Other than that, i am also planning my life post examinations...WHAT??? I've not even completed day one, and here i am planning ahead! Well, there's ME for you! I'm so screwed up, that i commit the worst foul, ever...I'm commiting a cliché! You know, the one where you don't count your chicks before they hatch...I, hate clichés, but here i am contradicting my own belief system...

I feel like throwing up when i think of my exams...why can't i be calm? I need some soothing, calming mantras...perhaps the Hail Mary on the rosary? Sigh...I can't wait for this shizz to be over. God, my patron saints, and angels help me!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

When I Looked at A Shooting Star

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

As a young girl of 12-years, i saw the dark, morning sky as i was waiting for my school bus...and boy, did i love looking at the stars! I saw one, twinkling brightly...it was the biggest star i've ever seen...and i said, "Will you be my shooting star, one that i could wish upon?" and you know what happened? It shot across the morning sky...now, i really thought i'd imagined it...but then, my wish came true.

Now, as a 19-year old, i firmly believe in wishing upon a shooting star...how i wish i could find one again!

I really love looking at the stars and the hues of the sky...i'm truly at awe at this! Whenever i look at the sky during sunset/sunrise, my faith in God increases...'coz a godless world couldn't have created such beauty for us to behold. C'mon, how could mere probabilities and 'Big Bang' theories put the beauty of this heavenly painting to justice?

Monday, November 13, 2006


Monday, November 13, 2006

Okay, so the job i was supposed to get is paying minimum wage, i don't know if i should take it...should i? I always jinx myself...wasn't i just saying that life couldn't be better? Then, this happens. Well, if i look at the bright side, i don't have to look for another job...but, as i'm a self-confessed pessimist, i'd rather look for 10 other available jobs that could at least pay wages that fit the job i'm about to partake...

Well, i do have about a month to think about it...

Other than that, i'm still doing my revisions, and i'm doin okay...JUST okay.I'm praying like there's no tomorrow for good results, and asking for intecessions from all my patron saints (uhuh, really...it worked before...really!)

As much as i love planning my future, sometimes weird thing happen, so i'm trying my best to plan and be flexible at the same time...however, i do want my dream to become a reality, i want to become an AMBASSADOR for my country...please, please come true!

As i have not gone into tertiary ed just yet, i can't say that cirumstances won't change things...i've seen this happen tons of times...So, may everything fall into place!

Peace out!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm Back...

Sunday, November 12, 2006

After a long year, life is getting a little better...Mom's pregnant right now, we're all so happy. Just think, in April/May, a little bundle of joy will be here to bring us luck.

I'm still single, but getting ready for the wild world as i'm gonna go through one of the toughest examinations in the world. Have almost a week to go, then after 3-weeks, i'm home free! The wild world awaits...

In January, i start a part-time job as an assistant at a production company...but only for a few months, then i start university...Whoah, it seems all so surreal...From last year, whch i must say was a shitty year, i now am a lot happier, have additional great friends and memories i'll cherish throughout my life.

I hope things will just keep getting better, it's time it started...If there is anyone reading this stuff, just know that life has its ups and downs, but, just keep going and have faith...I have always been cynical, and i doubt i'll ever change, but sometimes when you let things go and be at peace with the world, something funny happens; you see LIFE as it IS!

Well, i'll be posting soon, i pray all goes well! Good luck to me...and wait! Christmas is coming...haha!