Sunday, October 30, 2005

Mom's the Word...

Sunday, October 30, 2005

There it is, my ma's turn to piss me off...Now that i'm at peace with my dad, mom goes and open her mouth to say stuff i hate. She thinks i'm a lesbian just because i don't have a boyfriend...C'mon ma, i'm 18, not a 60 year old spinster.

If you want me to just find some random guy who i have no interest for, by all means, i could...I know what i deserve, and i deserve someone who i'm attracted to...Not just a guy who's attracted to me and that's it (means he likes me, but i don't like him!)...C'mon, it should be mutual, damnit!!!

Although my younger sister beat me at having a boyfriend, that doesn't mean i have no interest in guys at all, of course i do...It's just that i haven't found what i'm lookin' for...

I hope somehow you'd understand...but i guess you'll never know...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Holiday Season Coming to a Theater Near You!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Well, as i said, it's the start of the holiday season... I really wanted to get a p/time job. I know mom and dad don't have a lot of money right now, so i really hoped to get a job during the term break...

As usual, my dad forbids me...AFTER they hire me...Luckily, i decline before the HR lady gets the chance to get pissed. I hate him for that...He expects the bosses to let me work when i want to, how i want to...arrrrghhhhh!!!

All i wanted was to buy nice stuff for me and my sister, so that mom and dad won't have to scrimp on their expenses...since it was xmas season on the agenda and all...Sometimes he can be so selfish! He doesn't want me to work coz he's afraid...Afraid that i'll be coming home late...By takin' the bus...I'm freakin 18 for goodness sake! Why won't he let me be independent and take a stupid bus? He's so paranoid, and i don't wanna be like that!

I wish mom was here...She would've given dad her two cent's worth...Ma, please be back soon...I wouldn't be so sad and angry if he had told me this before i freakin' went for that freakin' interview!!! The lady from the HR department liked me...Oh, God, please let this anger subside...

Oh, Father Christmas, if you do truly exist, i just want to be happy this year...Coz dad never fails to make me cry when i'm suppose to be at my happiest...

Monday, October 10, 2005


Monday, October 10, 2005

Hmm, mom's goin back 2 her homeland 4 a month...Shit, i'm gonna be stuck here with my dad & sis, what could happen??? Well, nothin' i guess, possibly WW3. I'm gonna miss my mom!!!

Wel, did my plan 4 finding a bf by me setting myself up with the reverse psychology mindset work? NO! I'm such a fucked-up girl, man...I noe he'l come wen i least expect it, but i always, wat a load of bullshit, huh?

I'm gonna need a p/time job, and i sure hope that bookstore job gets through, even 4 a month and a 1/2...Keepin' my fingers crossed...Need the $$$ coz i really need that ipod nano, altho', it mite bcome obsolete in like, i dunno, a month? Hmmm, technology...guess i'l have 2 get smtg else, IF i get the money from the job...coz, i'm sure it'l be a waste in a few months.

Anyway, thought of coloring my hair...Light brown? Red? White? hehe...we'l see, den i'l have 2 make it black again after the vacation!

Other than that, wat hv i gotta say, other than hope things'll work out...i hate my life bein like a yo-yo...It's nuts 2 have a life like that, but...c'est la vie!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Yo-yo (The Chronicles of Life)

Monday, October 03, 2005

It IS like a yo-yo, my life...It's as i said earlier, i suspect my life is as an undiagnosed patient having bipolar disease. I try to be the best i can be...but no one seems to care.

I wanna make my parents proud, but all they do is take care of my sister's feelings, and they have issues with each other.I have to practically talk non-stop just for them to pay attention to what i have to say. What can i do? Can anyone tell me? My sis is not that lonely, she has a best friend and a boyfriend who loves her and vice versa.

Who have i got? Only a couple of close friend and my family. That's all. No significant other. I do have high ambitions...

Everything that goes wrong in my house, and fingers start pointing at me. I'm a self-confessed black sheep of my family, and all i could do is blog to release the tension, loneliness and pain...And nobody knows who I really am!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm Screwed!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Huh! just as i thought thing were goin fine, my parents decide to have a fight. Sometimes i just wish i could disappear, you know?

Perhaps i jinxed my good luck or something...why do they always have to bring up the past? and it ALWAYS about money, and why the other isn't doin enough to help out.I'm out here on neutral territory, and i always thought that the both of them did their part in helping out.

I'm so pissed that they complain to ME(???), but fail to talk to each other...I say, go seek counselling, but each are too proud to seek help, coz they don't wanna change...If that isn't enough, my sis has no clue...Coz everyone is tellin' me, and me ONLY!

I'm screwed! just as i think my life would get better, disasters like these happen!