Life's Sick Lil' Games...

What is life?
It is not a wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within - wanting, seeking, cherishing...

What is life without love?
What is life without crying?
What is life without laughing?
What is life without a need to fly away?

And so I live my life,
Searching for its means,
Searching for its worth,
Searching for its balance...

I am still alone,
I am still hidden,
I am still lost,
I am still searching...

I seek something to call home,
I search for a kindred spirit,
I search for somebody without haste,
I seek the ultimate time to find it.

One question lies within;
Will I ever find it,
This thing that makes life a gift?
Only God knows - I am as complex as one shouldn't be!

And though I haven't reached full circle,
What I search, seek, and hope to find...
An 'end' to call home,
So I can say I lived my life without waste.

What is life?
It is a soul full of peace,
It is a soul full of love,
It is a soul full of questions - answered.

What is life?
It is not wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within.


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I took it from my old notebook...I wrote it during my first semester in my 'new' surroundings; at my university...

I realized that I still want the same things...although circumstances may change me, the core 'wants' are the same.

I dunno, just kinda feeling sad coz as much as I want to remain a 'kid', I HAVE to grow up and go into the real world and find my ground...maybe separate from my friends and family in the long run, and that just plain sucks!

I hope and pray that I don't get caught up in work that I become one of those people who forget friends and family...

You can bet your ass that i'm gonna cry on my graduation day! I'm already counting the days till I say goodbye to student life (and I haven't even finished my assingments and thesis!)

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I just finished watching Life Is Beautiful, that Oscar-winning Italian movie that came out in the late '90s...and i've gotta say this...i cried like i've never cried before...for a damn movie!

OMG...the ending, especially, when the little boy was reunited with his mom...Roberto Benigni deserved his Oscar...and his wife on the movie is his wife in real-life too! She was good too, but the boy really stole her thunder, IMO...he wasn't just adorable, he was so right for the role and the boy can act very well, i might say!

It felt nice...the whole movie was amazing. Definitely adding it to my list of favorites!

Hey, it's never too late too watch a movie, no matter how old it is, right? At least i've unleashed years of not being able to shed a tear! What did it? A freakin' movie!

Well, at least it was an amazing movie...at least! Watch it...if you don't feel anything at all towards the end of the movie, you are full of shit!

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30th August...on this day 23 years ago, my parents got married...

We didn't go to a special lunch as my dad had originally planned...coz my mom felt lazy...so he bought a cake instead...her fave: Hazelnut Butterscotch something something from where else...it's not so "Secret" anymore where we get our cakes! ;)

I wouldn't call it my fave, but hey, it's for my mom to choose, right? I gave my parents the suggestion of "why don't you guys go out...just the two of you?", and i was met with my mom's WTF-face...wow, mom! Is it so icky to go out ALONE with your own husband? Geez...ok, so i made a mistake...who knew you hated dating your husband? We'll come along too!

But then, she changes her mind, and she asks dad to get a cake instead...so, her wish be done! And my sister and me? WE LOVE CAKE!!! Om nyom nyom!!! Muahahaha...



Yeah...i know it says "20th", but the lady in the shop made a mistake...and the sugar-angel on the 2nd pic, my dad bought just for the little girl aka "zee little devil"! The cake was just OK for me...you know i love Secret Recipe cheesecakes rather than the other varieties...but i still ate like a pig! Hahahah...

Tomorrow i'll have to borrow the car...to register to STAY in my current room...you know the whole "i'm gonna write a letter" shit? I don't even have the will anymore...i'll just accept that nothing will change...all i have to do is just suck it up, dust myself up...and stand tall to face REAL challenges, such as doing my thesis and assignments!!! In fact, i think i would write a letter complimenting the principal! XD I'm officially cooled-down, thanks to coming back home...it sorta chills me, and i'm glad for it!

Okok, now i'm bullshitting...please just disregard my emo post before this...i'm fed up of whining!!!

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Well hellooooo everybody!

Couldn't help but notice that the times haven't treated me well...financial burdens within the family, family probs by itself...then, smackdown of undone projects and tests coming soon...it's all a big blurry phenomenon. Coupled with not sleeping enough, and what have you got?

A TOTAL BITCH!

Yes, yes...i was rude to my friends...mostly one friend; I snapped at her almost every chance i had...i can take slight annoyances, but when it's times like these when there's too much pressure...what can i say? I'm only human.

Well, i apologized to her coz i noe she's the sensitive one, lol! All good...

Yeah, feelin' a little better once i took a long nap...zzzzzz! Multiple mandarin oral tests are finished, and all that's left are the written essays due soon. That, I can handle!

I thank God for friends who understand...lol! And now, I shall be teased for the rest of the semester due to my bitchfest. They called me pregnant, coz it seemed like my hormones were getting the best of me, like a pregnant woman...LMAO...thanks!

Now, on to the next challenge...

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So, for the previous emo post, I would like to apologize for the totally pathetic self-pitying party...now, i'm not one for peoples' sympathies...that's why i'm saying screw the previous post...i'm so over it!

The latest is more problematic...I'm gonna have to find a part-time job. Seriously, what in the world could i do to earn some money? I have parents who are living from check-to-check, and i don't want to burden them.

I applied for some part-time writing, thanks to W, but I doubt anyone will ever hire a newbie...so now, what else could I apply for? I guess i'll have to start looking, browsing, etc...this high cost of living is really disturbing...if i am not rich, but not in poverty, and yet could suffer like this, can you imagine the hardship those in poverty are going through?

Oh my God, the rich keep getting richer...those oil tycoons are some bloodsucking leeches, dudes! As you know, once the oil prices go up, everything else does!

Anyone hiring?

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While I wait for the bloody loan to be credited, I suppose I could plan my to-buy list! Already, I owe a friend money, as she kindly paid for some books I copied (Thanks, Ms. F!)...I have yet to pay for other stuff, like fees, clothes, books, and much more.

I also want to help my parents...and I will, with no regrets.

Sometimes, I sit and see my family, and although we're not rich, i'm glad that we are all unselfish towards one another...i'm glad that we're not poverty-stricken...i'm glad we have a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs.

And I pray with all my heart that I somehow make it in this world, that I can be a good example for my sisters, and someone Mom and Dad can be proud of! Such big dreams I have...and yet, I hope it all comes true, God-willing...

Wow, what an emo post! Kinda short, but it says what I want to for now...maybe a longer one will come out the next time...for now, so long, bitches!

Toodlez!

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I just found out I won 4 movie tickets, yo!

Wow...my dad said, i'm a pretty good contestant in the stuff I join!

I say, it's pure luck! Maybe God has pity for me...you know, no boyfriend, always working without ever going out with friends...movie tickets ain't that big a deal, but you know, so far, i've won a bunch of stuff, and i'm happy with it!

Now, if I could only win Milo Ventimiglia and a scholarship to any Ivy League University, i'd be set for life!.............BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, like as if!!!


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WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD...

I just hope that my dreams and ideals come true. I may have ideals, but i'm pretty realistic too! I know romance is just life imitating art, and it just wouldn't last after a few months together, unless you make the effort! Pretty soon, you get in the comfort zone, and you find yourself flossing your teeth in front of each other...but maybe, just maybe, that is what I need...Comfort (with someone)! Never felt that before...

A companion to go through life with me, experience the ups and downs with me, and we end up supporting each other...then, as far as you go, you find that you can't live without each other...that's how realistic I am.

Then my friends ask me to lower my standards...why should I? I have always had high hopes for love, life and ambition...I just can't seem to settle for less, and I don't know why! Is it wrong? Oh, man...

I was always confident in my future, and knew that my plans would follow through...now I find that life just isn't that way...you plan, and you plan, and you CERTAINLY DO plan, then what happens? Life takes a detour...takes a 180 degree turn! That's what's beginning to happen, study-wise. When i'm confident about something, the outcome would just disappoint me...


P.S.: Wow, from a chirpy-happy post, to an emo post...BIPOLAR ALERT!!!

P.P.S.: Well, at least I don't dress like an emo, or fancy the same music as them...eeewww!

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