Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Oh Holy Jebus, Batman! Can you believe i have written loads of crap throughout the years...and i'm still NOT tired of it?

Man, i've re-read some of my posts...and i have written about many things -hopes & dreams, love, myself, family, friends.

And i've written while i was in all sorts of mood- mad, weird, crazy, sleepy, sober, sad, happy, ecstatic, bitter, hopefull, hopeless, optimistic, pessimistic...wow!!! I'm so multi-faceted...but which girl isn't, eh? ROFLMAO!

With all that, you could say i've changed somewhat, but still...i've remained the same -- does that make any sense at all?

I still have that hope of travelling, of writing, of falling in love, of sky diving, of being a worldly person, and building myself up so i can live a happy wonderful life with my loved ones...

Somehow, i've come to realize this: EVERYONE wants the same thing, whether we know it or not. WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS!

Have I got what it takes? Who knows...but one thing's for sure...my journey hasn't even begun! I somehow always focus on the future and the past...never being totally in the present. Maybe that is my ultimate weakness. I think so...

If i start thinkin in the NOW, would i be any different? What would change? Would i be more or less selfish?

Lots of unanswered questions...

I THINK TOO MUCH! But i'm lovin' it...

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I am so right! I wanted a Sony VAIO, but needed a laptop ASAP...and all I got was this old geezer named Dell Inspiron...geez, talk about your old-timers...I got one that trumps 'em all...

Then again, it ain't all that bad...I did get it for my part-time job...for free, mind you! So I guess it's fine...no, it's awesome! Though, I would have to rely on looking for plug points, coz the battery is sure as hell not working, lol!

I am thankful, though...I can always upgrade when i'm good and ready for my newest gadget...isn't it funny that I always get what I need for free? Like my MP3 player, laptop...I sometimes feel that i'm a walking disaster that needs all the lucky charms in the world, but then, my life would suddenly take a 180 and all these good things come hitting me with a bat!

Now what I need are the best test results, and a boyfriend, lol!

You know something? For a commitment-phobe like me, I would be willing to take a chance on a guy who has the nerves to tell me he likes me, or asks for my phone number (not gets his friend to do it!)...coz guys, which girl doesn't like a man who goes for what he wants...

Sure, girls are complex; we don't say what we want, we have mood swings, hate male-chauvinist pigs and shit like that...but isn't that what makes you love us? Our strengths, brains, personalities, flexibilities, etc...Isn't it?

Why talk about this all of a sudden? Well, because one can only be "the intimidating girl" for so long...a male friend told me that I probably have no boyfriend coz I scare men away...even he, at first seemed a little intimidated by me at first, when we forst met...yeah, been told that many times...

But I kinda feel that somebody is out there for me...I don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not just to impress him, coz he will love me for who i am...I strongly believe that he is out there...all I have to do is just stop trying to be like other girls; desperate for a partner, can't live without a guy...Bleaghhhh!!! Who the hell are they living for? I can't be like that...EVER!

I for one choose to live for me!!! So, when i'm good and ready, he'll be good and ready...and by the power of serendipity, we shall meet, fall in love, and have a blast!

Do you concur?

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• A great job that I love
• A wonderful family and great friends (DONE!!!)
• A great boyfriend who loves me, and I love him back
• A wonderful education, up to PhD level
• To travel the world
• To meet influential people
• To help the children of Africa
• To help Malaysia get rid of blatant racial bias, or what they call "Affirmative Action"; which should actually benefit the minorities, not the majority!
• To become an influential person---power, grace and kindness; the kind of beauty that I want
• To make my family proud, and repay them for all their selflessness
• All of the above

How nice if for once, I can achive some things that I really want...I have been given a beautiful family and great friends, but others, not so much.

I hope it happens, though...I can't keep asking God...this, I have to do on my own!

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