Life's Sick Lil' Games...

So there you have it...I was busted for a self-pitying post. Ok, i'll have to admit i was ashamed of being so petty and selfish for this sorry attempt of self-sympathy. And why? For a few hours of emoting...

Man, it felt so...so...lousy? But heck, i don't care...coz it's normal to feel like crap sometimes. So here, in all it's glory...G's pity-party post (has a nice ring to it, don't you think?)

And problems? Who doesn't have them, right? It's how you handle them...it's how we overcome. And my life's goals are way too many, although i'm a little lost. Heck, I don't wanna work at a job i hate. I don't wanna be stuck here in confinement while others get to live life to the fullest!

I wanna look forward to my career every single time i wake up. I wanna be the epitome of happiness at its best! Hah! I talked to my mom about all of this before, coz this has been an issue for me for some time...she told me to save up and go wherever i want...so simple, huh? BUT then you go and get posted in Sabah...and dad is working, sis is studying...it's funny, almost! Ironically funny...yeah, maybe resentment is what i feel.

A-ha moment: RESENTMENT! Exactly what i'm feeling right now! Boy, this is why i love writing...gives you the release, while literally showing your train of thoughts lead to an a-ha moment!

Why the hell am i so bipolar? I'm sooo weird...Then again, i don't wanna be conforming to what society dictates to me...hmmm, there i go again!

Guess what i said before was actually true...i'm at my best when i'm busy doing something, rather than bored doing nothing! So here it is...my revoked post -->REPOSTED!

Just so you can see how foolish i was...


So Jaded...But It Will Be Over Soon
Category: boredom , Collective Soul , shorts By ledzeppelin4evr


My life so far has been a cyclical period of boredom, you have no idea! This often gets me in a sort of depression mode. Why? Coz i just imagined myself in another place...and now i'm like, "Fuck!"

This is one of the reasons i don't like thinking too much bout myself...

Man, why have i become so jaded? At this very moment, I just want to go far away...maybe by myself to reflect on life a little bit. While i'm thinking about all this, this song just keeps popping into my head: Run by Collective Soul...the lyrics pretty much sums it up, and i'm in the process of learning it (damn F chord!!!)...that is how i'm feeling!!!

What more can I say? I just want this feeling to pass...and it will, or maybe it will just be re-lodged into my subconscious a little further down...

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You know, when you're alone...then you start thinking about your future, and what it may bring...well, I thought that my future was set, that I was going for the 'diplomatic corps' route...BUT...boy, am i wrong!

Firstly, I don't freakin' know how I got this way. Now all I can say is that i'm so freakin' confused as to what i'm gonna do with my future...Be a writer? Journalist? Anchorwoman (haha!)? TV personality (double haha!)?

OMG! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE!!!

Why is this happening? I know this happens to everyone, but i have a few justifications; they are mostly based on principles...

As you know, Malaysia is up for a very cloudy phase...political stability is definitely OUT! They (some of them...) keep forgeting the reason they were elected in the first place---to serve the people! I wouldn't want to join something which I don't believe in anymore...sad, but true!

I pray that my country's integrity will return to what it was; stable, peaceful, economically solid...cause it would be a pity to see decades of hard work go down the drain. Personal agendas are taking priority over social ills, poverty, education...insecurities taking over peaceful co-existence...racial bigotry being swept under the rug...corruption...innocent bystanders persecuted...I really don't understand it anymore.

Perhaps i'm sad because most of all...I believe we are better as one. Too bad some just do not see it the way we, most of the nation do...tant pis!

I would be better off in the dog eat dog world of the corporate world...at least in this world, you know the rules, the gains, the losses...what you see is what you get!

So...what am i waiting for? I would say, a sign...and not those 'subtle inner voices' Oprah keeps talking about...I mean a brick to my head kinda sign! An 'a-ha moment' wouldn't be too bad either...so, please please let me get it...AND SOON!

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