Thursday, October 27, 2011

It's Easy Being A Bitch For Some...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I don't have to say much. We've all been there. Especially for some people who have it easier than some.

Why don't you fucking realize that you have everything that you need, and the rest of us take the hard way...we go to public universities coz we can't afford more expensive colleges; we don't have wealthy benefactors to give us any funds coz...meh, just a tough break.

Some of us deliberately take a different route simply because we don't want our mothers to dictate what we should become. What we initially thought we wanted was not what WE wanted, but what our parents wanted for us...

Some of us do not have a history of cutting ourselves and being useless during a certain phase of our teenaged life. So buzz off, it's my turn to do what I WANT; since you did it your whole "phase"...give me my fucking chance for once! Because of you, I forced myself to become the "good child" fine...i'm a useless piece of crap now. But now you're the "good child" what's the fucking problem? I'm not hurting myself, right?

You DG2S about what I think right? Well, if you don't...why the hell are you always in my face about every single petty issue? Just.shuuuuut.upppppppppppp.OMG!!!

Realize...things are so much deeper than the shallow surface you see. I guess you always think in a shallow way. Well I don't. Everything is steeped in other unresolved issues, asshole. You are such a megalomaniac!

PS: This is my only please, let me be! Nobody ever takes my side, so TQVM! I'm mad...boohoo!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Love & Marriage, Love & Marriage...

Monday, October 17, 2011

I seem to live in a society where marriage is something that you HAVE to do by the age of 25. So I'm 24 this year; without a boyfriend.

So what?

Whenever people talk to me about getting married, all I can do is force myself to NOT puke in my mouth. The word MARRIAGE scares the hell out of me!

So shoot me if I never did go long enough with a boy to call it a relationship. I date to know whether we can go further. But somehow, I never go further than that. I just don't connect well with them. Some small annoyance, like the way they eat, the way they treat people in general, the clingy-ness...they just get to me. Yes, and the guys I have major crushes on...they're taken. TAKEN...and I don't like being a third party in any circumstance whatsoever.

So yes, I want a guy who can understand me well. Whom I can understand well. Oh yeah, while I'm at it...since ALL guys say looks are important, why not take that route too? I've been saying that looks aren't important, but what the hell...from now on, I'm gonna follow suit. I've always been a follower of attraction; but to me, it wasn't JUST the looks. It included something called intelligence, a great sense of humor, a bit of witty sarcasm, a bit of geekism, and a hint of machismo. But since LOOKS are important to guys...oh, well...when in Rome...

Yeah, looks like I'm lacking in the ideas I thought I'd go with a "bitter" post...thanks. Have a great Monday!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

iFelt Sad: 2 Deaths In A Week Which Affected Me

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My grandma died. Saw that my dad was really really sad; he wept like a little boy. I only cried when I saw him that way. I love my grandma coz she was my grandmother...but I still can't forget what she did to my dad and his siblings by leaving them. My dad was only a baby when she left them to marry another man. So now you know.

Yes, she was nice to me and my sisters. She had a full life, in terms of being lucky to have her kids care for her and love her unconditionally till her last days on Earth. She is at peace now, and hopefully in a better place.

Yes...I am quite removed from this. This did not affect me as much as it would have...

Just a day after her death was the death of one of my idols: Steve Jobs. After a long battle with cancer, he's gone. His suffering, too...has ended.

Now this 2nd death...this brought me to feel sad...but I couldn't show people that I was more sad for his death now, could I?

Man, anyone who reads this might think I'm a bitch for admitting what I'm actually admitting. I read a book about him for my Book Review Presentation during my days as a trainee. It affected me in such a way, that I actually started to research Jobs, the person - his presentations, his personality, history, words of wisdom...and you know what? He...he was the epitome of innovation. He was the ultimate CEO. He followed his passion and what he loved. Now this is something I'm trying very hard to find...doing work which you love.

Without him, we would be listening to music through God knows what. We would probably NOT have awesome GUI and calligraphic fonts on computer. We would probably not have computers in our homes. We would NOT have all the touching Pixar animations and the technology to create such heart-warming lovable characters.

He was brilliant. He was something I aspired to be (like Oprah, hehehehe).

He learned calligraphy, joined the Hare Krishna in India, did psychedelic drugs, opened a company which would be a Fortune 500 company which was synonymous with innovation, craziness and thinking differently.

I actually watched his speech at Stanford for the 2nd time (it made me cry). His words resonates with me till now. It made actually my presentation something. I started to follow how he presented things. He was the master of presenting latest gadgets from Apple. Just watch any of the launching of Macbooks, iPods, iPhones, etc...

At the end of my presentation, I received an awesome response from the audience just because you could see the twinkle in my eye and that passion. I loved that book and it showed! I wish I could find more of that in my life.

Steve may have never known me, but I'm only one of the billions of people affected by his dent he put on the universe. I shall always try my best to follow his favorite quote, "Stay hungry, stay foolish". I shall always look back and "connect the dots" on how the little steps I took in my life affected the outcome...just like his did.

Today, and probably for the decades ahead...Steve Jobs's legacy will live on just like Thomas Edison is remembered today. In textbooks, you will be a historical figure.

Thanks, Steve. RIP.

PS: Grandma...u RIP too. I know you're in a better place now. I hope.

Friday, September 02, 2011

1st Anniversary!

Friday, September 02, 2011

Yeah...first year since I started my stint with this group. It's sort of an end to something which I would consider as my starting point. My stepping stone.

Alas, i'm nowhere...I am still in the process of settling. I don't wanna talk about details because I don't think it's important to be documenting on this blog.

I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated. I remember a time where i used to write about how i was feeling practically everyday or more. Looking at my last post, it was about my nonexistent love-life. Well, that issue is so "nothing new"...hehehe!

I've come to terms with it...I think God forgot to make my other half when he made me...maybe. But you know what, I'm so over it. In my life, my focus is ME! My family and friends are enough for me to get along in life.

One thing i'm doing right is crossing out all the things i've wanted to do ever since i was little. I've already accomplished learning thing is learning i've wanted to learn this since the first time I watched Strictly Ballroom. So ok, that movie was more ballroom dancing rather than salsa, but I've always been fascinated by this Latin American dance. It's simply something i've always wanted to do. So yeah...i'm in the process of learning.

The next thing I wanna do is to further my studies...I just have to, not for anyone else...but just for ME. Because I made a promise to myself to do this...i owe it to me to fulfill my own wish!

Another is to travel the world. Now I always count on the right timing for basically EVERYTHING. So anytime something I wish for doesn't happen, it's not because of bad's just bad timing! Yeah...I notice now, everything falls into place when it's the perfect moment, the perfect timing. Guess time is as important as people say, huh?

Sure have a lot to write about...but when have I not? Maybe I'll see you again in a month or two...or maybe later? lol!

Anywayz, I miss updating this's the only consistent thing I've ever done without people knowing about it. I'm happy about it!

Oh and another thing. Thank you God for all the people in my life...the good, the bad and the ugly. I've learnt from EVERYONE and I would never change anything coz it's shaping me to become the person I aspire to be.

As for material things...I would like to have some...please? would be nice to spoil the ones you love when you have the chance to, right? Sigh...I day...God-willing! Amen.

Here's to random blogposts, coz that's the way I roll!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Love & Frustrations

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I've been watching (500) Days of Summer over and over and over again. OMG, it's so utterly wonderful I find myself quoting the lines since i've watched it for the 1000th time.

The story is amazing, the songs...don't get me started. I have the soundtrack and it pretty much sums up every scene of the movie. The fun parts the sad parts, etc...

I now understand one thing, though...I might have to accept the fact that i would never ever find that guy i've always hoped for. The first reason is...he doesn't exist. Second, I am so over it. All i've been doing was living an idealistic dream of finding Mr. Right. Nevermind waiting long as you never settle for less than you deserve.

I blame Hollywood. I blame love songs. I blame my high standards. I blame my "don't settle" attitude. I blame myself.

And yet...I still can't seem to accept just any man in my life. Maybe because they are not "him" -- you know...that guy! That guy i've been building in my head. He's totally perfect, and because of this, I can't accept anybody who isn't "him". I'm not just another girl who is boy-crazy and will accept any guys who fancies her (like a few girls I know). I know I keep talking about hot guys and shit like that...but that is just me being that playful me that I am. It takes a lot to impress me. I know it's harsh, coz I'm not even remotely close to perfect; I'm trying to be...but nobody's perfect.

This is why all I wanna do is advance in every way possible. And be the best person i can be. Why? Because I realize I will end up without a man in my life. That man I've been waiting for...he just doesn't exist. And it's hard for me to accept this fact.

I am writing this out of the frustration i've been feeling for a long time. It's only official when I put it in writing. So all its glory...for the world to see.

And if I should be with someone sometime in the future...I don't even know I it would be real love, or my eventual conformity into society's expectation of me. But you know that isn't me...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Challenges Motivate Me

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It has been more than four months since i've been working where I was posted. I sort of felt lucky that I got good people for colleagues, brilliant bosses who are supportive, highly generous with their knowledge. Some of the others are having a hard time adapting. One friend has not been so lucky.

She sort of broke down to me on the phone. I was out doing my outlet evaluation and all that crap and I just got this call. It was her, talking, just silent sobs. Imagine the shock that was going through me, coz I've never seen her cry. Complain, yes (understandable)...but to cry over work? Something's gotta be wrong. Turns out she's not the only one...another friend lost 5 kgs in just a week, I got another shock once I saw him...whatever it is, I just had to travel back to HQ coz I didn't wanna feel like a useless friend...I mean someone reaching out, you've gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I was just pondering about this...I don't have things so good, either. I'm driving almost EVERYWHERE in the Klang valley, using MY own car, filling it with petrol almost every 1.5 days, driving back to the HQ if I finish early (coz I can't seem to go home before's like a sickness!)...and I am not entitled for claims...I don't even wanna count how much I'm spending on travelling coz it will only serve to make me angry, anxious and worried.

At this rate, I finish my salary by the time I get the next month's salary credited. So I'm not saving and/or investing the way I planned. Hopefully my boss approves all my claims for traveling, since he chose me for this!

Another issue...the GM scolded my boss (poor boss!) for sending me out to do evaluations...says it's too operational and routine. I was thinking this to myself... I don't learn anything, and I can't grow within this company if I don't learn. Therefore, he asked my boss to put me back in the planning and management team...yet again!

See? Another issue here...I got into a dept. undergoing consolidation. From Sales, consolidating happened with After-sales...put together under Marketing. And it's cross-functional. So by the time this 5-month stint with traveling is over, my KPI will change yet again! I sort of feel like a ping-pong ball now...and this is happening in my small, pixie-like department (I say pixie coz the dept is small...)

Hence, I'm a guinea pig...with no permanent KPI like the other MTs who are having a "bad time coping". I am not complaining though...I know shit happens, but it teaches you lessons like nothing else could. If I could compliment myself...I would say that I am easily-adaptable, judging from all the adapting I've done my whole life. I think I can do this...perhaps prove myself to be a gem.

I just pray for my friends who can't handle the stress...1st, you gotta pray. 2nd, come hangout with me and let me entertain you with lame jokes and nasty one-liners.

Btw, I am thankful for it all...aim high!!!

Au revoir, beeshays!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

February Is/Was A Very Bad Month...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

So it hasn't ended yet...but I can definitely say that it hasn't been a good month.

My car window was broken by some fucker who thought that my RM20 modulator was something expensive...broke my window for that shit!!! And scattered my stuff, but didn't steal anything else, coz nothing in my car was of any value! In your face, asswipe!!!

Secondly, I had my first car accident with Mikey. Thank God it was nothing serious...rather, it was a funny incident which I shall keep to me, myself, my friends involved, and a few others who ask me. It's an on-going process of insurance I also have to pay for 3rd party claims.

The good thing about it is that my friend, who's car I kissed managed to talk the Traffic police Sargeant into not issuing me a summons...hahaha! That's cool.

Oh, taking my colleagues out for lunch...I parked at an empty spot...for just a few minutes...near an electric box...and was given a compound of RM80...FML!

Annnnd my workload has just become seriously packed. I am going to be traveling around Malaysia to evaluate my company's >250 dealers...just 8 of us to cover that many dealers in a period of 6 months...awesome?

Hahahaha, I might've been excited at first, but now i have come to realize that it's gonna be all starts during the new financial year.

The good part in all of this? I am gonna learn so very much! Already doing planning and writing the department blueprint is teaching me a lot. Now I know the company I work for has many problems...but at least I'm gonna learn, coz this is NOT an established and successful entity. This is just the right time to learn and experience problem-solving skills which I could gain for the 3 years I'm about to serve.

One thing I hope...I hope I do not become jaded and discouraged or demotivated. Coz luckily for me, I have a good rapport with my colleagues...and I still hangout all the time with my fellow MTs. It's a bond that is tough to, being MY friend...I can't help but be out there and try to remain proactive in reaching out. I'm happy they're the same too!

Oh btw...I miss my uni friends too...what happened to you guys? How come no news in a loooong time??? Geezus...A+F...WTH? Where are you???

About M, I know no worries, hehehe!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

New Phase for January...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Wow...over a month of not blogging! Wow...

I'm now an executive at the company I work for...after being a trainee for 4 months. It was a total blast,and I'm currently having withdrawal's a bit like missing my friends from university...or high kinda get that tight feeling in your stomach...where you don't feel like you have closure on the last day...then all of a sudden, while you're doing something - you realize that it's over!

Yeah, it sounds like a 'breakup'...but it sorta is, right? After doing some analysis, I realized another thing...this passes! I remember that the 1st few weeks of training wasn't THAT blissful...I now know that it's gonna take awhile to adjust...and I thank God for always thinking this way, hehehe!

I am kinda curious to know how they did my character profiling and how they decided to put me in this particular dept...I know that it's project-driven and requires loads of planning, meeting dealers and hopefully, a LOT of traveling! I am lucky that I am under the tutelage of a former MT...he's like a superstar in my department, and I heard that I was put there to replace him!

So how does one replace an awesome employee? Damn...but I thank God that we'll be moving towards the Marketing side...and the boss of marketing is soooo freakin' awesome, he is willing to become a mentor to me and many of the other, only 2 of us were lucky enough to be placed under his dept.

And my immediate superior is also a superstar! So one thing I like is that I'm under the best people of this company. Know why? Coz some of my friends were put in departments where you are among complacent employees...but I'm sure they're gonna rise fast just coz they stand out.

Well...what else? Mmmm, my dept is fairly a few of us can't count on a proper JD just coz it's "do what you have to do...when you have to do it".

We have been hanging out with the previous batch of MTs (MT Batch 1) the other night...we found out that they haven't been as lucky as gratitude is always increasing, and I'll never forget how lucky I am...

I know this is gonna be hard, but I'm prepared...I think I have that in me. So, I think that's about it for now...I merely wrote 2% of what's been happening, but...mehh, nobody cares! Just writing for the sake of keeping a memento and closing a phase of my life!

I'm kinda proud of mom always said that I would need connections to get something...what I'm happy about is that I found this job by myself, unlike a few people I know who's mom/dad knows someone...and stuff like that! Not that it's bad...but it makes me proud! What I know is, I owe a lot to my boss...the 1st one who actually believed in me enough to put me and the others here! God bless him!

That's all for now...till the next post!

So long...bitches! (thought I'd forget this part now, huh? Lol!)