Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Should I change? I mean from being a cynic to being a very shiny, happy person. I don't know...it seems that there are lots of happy peeps around me. Heck, I even joined this club (which shall not be named), and all the whille I was there, I kept thinking "OMG, this is a cult, isn't it?"

But it's not, actually...it was just filled with overly-enthusiastic people who did all they can to make everyone feel like a close-knit group...which I thought, "Man, isn't this rich!"

I got out.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I be one of those guys who can just sit back and enjoy stuff like this? I envy people who put their heart and soul into things. Instead, i'm one of those guys who keep sneering at the 'fun and games' they keep organizing.

Okay, okay...I wasn't the only one who thought what I thought...but I don't wanna keep being this way, coz in the end...life will be rather dull, won't it?

I talked about this to a friend the other day...asked me if i really wanted to change...I said no! So, there...go figure!

I think i'm a schizo...

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That sums it up; Hell-week!!! It was and is: Hell! I expect this wek to be hell to! I've had a few problems with friends, but after a week of playing "cold war", we all sat together and had a heart-to-heart talk, confronted each other, purged our feelings, and made truce...now that that's done, there's another fuckin' problem that I need to settle!!!

Certain subjects have too many students, so we are all divided into sets. Well, my problem is, until recently, i've discovered (or my friend discovered!) that i've been going to the wrong fuckin' set!!! How in the world...well, let's just say, I'M AN IDIOT!!! I've been doing all the quizzes, and assignments in this set, so now, i'll have to come clean to the lecturer and hope that he transfers all my marks to the correct-set lecturer!

Oh, did I forget to mention that I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT???

Well, other than all this shit, some people have been asking me whether i'm a lesbian because i'm such a cynic about love, and don't wanna get married, and STILL, even at 20 have never had a boyfriend...Lemme just say something here; I'M SO NOT! I want to fall in love with a guy, but haven't met someone that fits my criteria, my huge list of standards, haven't met the one who makes me feel like i've butterflies in my stomach, haven't met the guy who i'm not afraid to say anything to, coz he gets me...never met a guy who "clicks" with me...etc!

So, I don't need to prove that i'm not, coz everyone who knows me knows i'm straight...so, meh...let 'em think so...who cares, right?

In other news...nothing else, other than i'm going broke...well, that's all, folks!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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No, hell hasn't frozen over...

Just that i'm in an anxious mood right now. It's the moment of truth...my future, my imminent present...which university or college shall I be selected for?

I must admit, throughout the months after high school, or what i'd call the 'waiting period', i've had a few dilemmas...i didn't want to be selected into a government university...although that's what thousands of Malaysian students are fighting for...

I'd lost faith in the government, and opted not to work for the Foreign Service due to the preferential treatment of a certain race...and instead started dreams of working in the media, journalism, PR, writing, etc...

I didn't save money throughout my working period due to expenses, and the new sister needs some stuff...which I offered to purchase instead of my parents...now, i'll have to ask them for money when I start my studies...shit!

I was contemplating which college I would go for...a Plan B in case I wasn't selected! Boy, what a cynic i've become! I hate that i'm such a pessimist...it all stems from constant disappointments in my life; when I hold out for something, it turns out differently. I don't even believe in falling in love anymore!

I'm happy with my family, but...i've never seen any of my friends for a long time, and I miss them so much! These friend are but a few, but they're the ones i'd keep forever! (Sure, I do have a lot of friends, but they're not the BFFs i'm referring to...)

And now, I shall change for the better...a better daughter, a better student, a better friend, a better human being! Lastly, may I regain the bubbly personality, the belief in romance, in good, sincere people, in optimism...without seeming too philosophical about the simple things in life!

Good luck, me!

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