Life's Sick Lil' Games...

It seemed like a time where i felt like i wanted to get to bed a little early, since i'm sleepy and all! And okay, around 3 in the morning, i went to my room, only to see a figure of a rat near my window! FUCK!!! My windows are shutters, so there's some space between them when they're closed! And whaddya know, i saw BEN (i named it BEN, after michael Jackson's hit...lol!) trying to get out, but before i saw it go anywhere, i screamed for my dad! It probably got in through that stupid shutter window of mine...damn!

Dad came to my room, inspected everything and said, "All clear!"...and what the hell? Next thing i know, being in the hall alone, after everyone is asleep, i saw it! I saw him...i saw BEN!!! He was huge...with the longest fucking tail!

OMG, and the sliding door was closed! I couldn't bring myself to open it, as BEN was near the door, looking for an exit i suppose...well, i called my sis on her phone, and told her to seal her room door, but she had to come downstairs to nosey around...and dad came down too! Next thing is, he's telling me i'm seeing things!

Hell what do i know, i thought the bloody rodent was stalking me! Hahahaha, and my dad finally saw it! We tried to chase it out, but it hides too well...we narrowed it down to the sofa...it's somewhere in there, and yet...with many attempts to take each piece of sofa out...it couldn't be found! And so, everyone got tired, and slept...EXCEPT me!

I didn't sleep in my room coz of that rat...and now i couldn't sleep in the hall coz of that fuckin rat! Wtf, am i missing something here? And the rat is still hiding in that chair...i've kept watch the whole morning...holding the things that's closest to my grasp...a badminton racket and cockroach spray! ROFLMAO! Go figure...i heard it moving around, so i quickly opened the door so it could get out...but, alas! It still hasn't escaped...

Now i'm tired and sleepy...it's freakin' 8 in the morning and i wanna sleep! My sis has gone for classes, and has offered me her bed! Okay! I'll take it, thank God!

So now, i'm off! Wish me luck with my room...must seal my windows!!! Fuck! All the room windows do not use the 'shutters' kind--EXCEPT mine! Hows that for lucky! Plus, my room faces the back side of the house, which is the ugly side! The kind where you can see your back neighbours dirty kitchens...arrrggghhh!!! That's probably where BEN came from!!!

Damn! Okok, i'm done...so stick a fork in me! Arrrggghhhh!!!

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Ever wonder sometimes where the hell you're heading for in life? I've made plans...and plans never turn out how you imagined them. I'm gonna be in my final year after the holidays, and i've yet to KNOW exactly what i'm supposed to be doing.

I can say where i could work...i could work for the foreign service, the Malaysian Political Think-tank, i could work for the bank, i could work for the various MNCs here in Malaysia, i could work as a journalist, i could work for the mass media...and many more. The key is "COULD"...but do i WANT to? What do i want? Do any of us actually figure out the answer in the end?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO!

Where am i heading? Shitdamncrap!

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Yesterday I was supposed to pay my mom's credit cards...but it didn't happen coz my mom failed to mention i was to withdraw 1.7k from my acc that she banked in...wtf? My bank doesn't let me withdraw more than a thousand okay? Epic fail for the night!

So what did me and my sisters do? We went up the hill near the neighborhood...baby fell asleep...LOL! EVERYTIME we get into a car at night, she sleeps...hahahaha! My other sis and I didn't wanna go home, see? My dad went to teach and usually gets home around 11pm. So, you know how we are...as long as we get the chance to get the hell out of the house even for awhile...WE WILL DO SO!

So up the hill we drove...and boy, we saw a house - a big, beautiful, cozy and spacious house! My sis and I looked at each other and both said, "One day..." in unison! Lol...sigh...coz life ain't grand right now. All i do now is wish for the days to get better for us all. I know we aren't the only ones having hard times...most families are. So i won't go into much detail there.

Anyway, we saw the great view of KL...of course, with her towers of glory...my sis had an idea to take pics of the city lights in motion...so i took one on my phone...and so, behold:



Looks like some festival, huh?

What else...ooh, discovered that this old friend of mine had some guy problems, and all i could think of was "What???" Damn, girl...u should not fall THAT easily! I mean, you barely know the person. I still wonder...How? How? And I warned her not to be too forward or persistent in going after the person...you might scare the poor guy...sigh, the lengths some girls go through...but she did anyway!

I sometimes wonder how in the world do we remain close when we have different minds? Lol...variety is the spice of life, right? Well, all i can say is, i did my part...AND if you need me, i'm still here to support you! No matter how secretly disappointed i am of you, i'll still support you...no question about it!

To anyone who feels like crap...hang in there and be sure u find peace...i'm guessing it's a period of tough luck, hard times, and shit loads of bullcrap...What can you do? Look at the stars, feel the breeze of the cool night air, hear the sound of the rain...or the waves on a beach, cook for yourself, hear some great music to soothe your soul...be alone with your thoughts to ponder on life's wonders...cherish the things you have, and say "Fuck you and goodbye!" to the toxic people around you, Lol! These are just a few of many things you could do.

Now mind you, once i find that a friend needs some solitude, i respect and will do just that. I do that too sometimes! :) Solitary confinement helps...

So i wish you luck in attaining inner peace and pure bliss!

Song i'm listening to right now is an old favorite...but it seems to me that it's quite relevant in todays' freakish situation: Hurt by NIN. Man, i still wish i could go see NIN in concert! Thus, one of the shittiness of being broke!

Damn, i've had it with talking about fiscal issues!!! I've had it! So i'd better go before i talk more about it!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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La...lalalala...Ulysses!!!

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I'm taking a lot of quizzes on Facebook...today is a pretty boring day. And it's someone's birthday today...but it ain't a happy one. That's all I have to say! I thank God coz she doesn't know any better.

Tomorrow, however is another girl's bday...Happy bday, Ms. Fitrina!!! May your birthday bring you the joy and happiness you deserve!!!

Okok, so what now? Right now, my fingers are sore from the strings...found some tabs of songs i've always wanted to learn (easy ones only), but damn! Just as I get to practising, my name gets called, and i have to do something! Epic fail!!! But i try whenever i can...skin of fingers are peeling, ewwww!!! And hardening too! Double-ewwww!

And what about today? We're supposed to go to grandma's today...hate it! Won't elaborate further... :S

My hair is getting too long for me to manage...wanna chop it off as soon as i get the money...shorter hair is so much better, hehehe! Well, not too short...but not long either. Meh, i dunno...we'll see when the money comes in, hehehe...money talks, right? Shit, maybe i'll just cut+style it myself...hahaha, or maybe i'll just go bald!

I don't really have much to write now, as i'm just typing whatever comes to my head...utter gibberish!

Okok, gotta go...toodlez, bitches!

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The detour mentioned earlier was confirmed on Friday night when i got the message from mom's meeting with the ambassador...she IS going tomorrow, Sunday morning at 5 am! Okaaay, so it's fine. All i'm feeling is worried for mom's safety, like always!

I mean, wow! Why do i always always always get so worried when she goes? I miss her already...and the fact that she's going for Mother's Day? Even worse! My poor mother...and I love her so...we all do! Know what is the best thing in all of this? The best thing is i KNOW for a fact that God really takes care of us...i mean, of all the times my mom gets posted there, I happen to be on holiday...and if i don't, it's my sis who has a break from college. Is it a mere coincidence, or is SOMEONE / SOMETHING really watching over us? I'd prefer to think it's the latter!

Well, there goes the short post...for now, i have to plan a lot of stuff...grocery shopping, stuff to cook for the week, laundry (DAMN!), etc...

So much for a fun vacay, huh? Well...i'l save it for a weekend or two! And who can forget...THE TRIP!!! So looking forward to it!

Till then...toodlez, bitches!

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And here i am...home at last! After the endless ups and downs of the beloved staircase of my dorm (i climbed up and down like 7 times!), i have finally carried EVERYTHING!!! My arms hurt like hell!

But...then again, leaving is a bittersweet moment...yeah, sure...wasn't much, but damn it was my temple of solitude...a place where i found peace...a place where i could just be alone, look outside and i can see the forest, the sky, feel the breeze, hear the rain, etc...it was good while it lasted!

Just turned 22 last April, and i was shown that i have the sweetest friends...one drove for miles just to gimme a whole bunch of stuff, (and denies NOT knowing my birthday was near...) and the others just tried their best to keep things hush-hush, surprising me with a cake! Again i thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart *hugs*!

So i had two birthday cakes - well, 1 birthday cake, and 12 cupcakes from this place where they sell cupcakes (duhh!!!) for a ridiculous price! But damn, they taste good! *drools* Parents got me a new phone, which i'm thankful for!


(I shared a birthday cake with Fitrina Walhaallahallah!!! Happy birthday in advance babe! Remember how we finished it, and were on the verge of puking from too much cake? ROFLMAO...good times!)


(It says: "Betday Kakak!" -- just the way my baby sis says it...cute, huh? My other sis' idea! Omg, these cupcakes are heaven. Note to self: need to learn to bake awesome cupcakes!!! Lol! the topping was...*drools*)

BACK TO THE JOURNAL...

What else, huh...the exams. Well, what should i say about the exams -- i would say it sucked balls to the core, but i am hoping for the best, hehehe! Serves me right for not revising and sticking to the Devil's trap, which is the internet!!! He must be laughing at me now, but yeah...i suck!

Said our goodbyes right after the last paper, and left each other just like that...man, i miss you guys already! :'(

Now that i'm home, i have been appointed the family cook...again! And i am also the maid...which sucks, coz i would make a horrible maid due to my procrastination and laziness. Well, they asked for it! Lol!

My baby sis is talking a lot now...damn, they sure do grow up pretty fast! She can say what she means, albeit a little broken...but we get what she tries to say...Man, it never ceases to amaze me how time passes by...i get surprised by it every single day! I mean, was it really passing this quick ever since? Or is it something that's only happening NOW? I dunno...as i remember, it didn't use to be this fast!

Oh, yeah...Mom might be posted in Sabah again, so...i dunno, the trip might be postponed to the final week of June, instead of mid-May! I hate it when this happens...i hate when plans take a detour and i just wish plans just stay the main agenda...but it doesn't, and i'll just have to accept it, won't i?

And what's with the weather nowadays? OMG, it's so freakin' hot, that I sweat while taking a shower...i sweat while standing near a fan...wtf is up? Have we screwed up the environment soooo much that we are now suffering the consequences? It rains for 2 minutes, then it's back to the heatwave...arrrgghhh!

Okay, so for now...done with all the goss - so all i have to say now is...

Toodlez, bitches!

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As I attempt to study...I fail!

As I attempt to sleep...I fail!

As I attempt to stay awake...I fail!

What can i say about this shit? Epic fail!!!

Well, that's just me! But, as the saying goes...success comes with failure, and hey, whaddya know, i'm almost there! With two tests over, i am left with 5...and i can't wait for it to be over.

BUT...

With the end of the semester, comes the beginning of a new one...shit! Thesis, man...my thesis! Can't play the fool any more. I dunno, i procrastinate a lot, and i know that's a pretty bad habit...not pretty bad...it's BAD, period! And to make things worse, it's been my quality since childhood. Sigh, how do I stop it? It's a part of me now, damnit! Okok, i've said it, and i'll say it again...I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS! (so much for not being a procrastinator!)

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The other day, my mom called...well, she always calls! What was different about this call was...wait for it...wait for it...it's pretty funny...she wishes for me to have a bf!!! She actually said, "I wish for you to fall in love and have a boyfriend!" *speechless* Do I look so pathetic without one? Damn...

You may roll on the floor and laugh your ass off...coz I certainly did! Told my friends, and they laughed too. Okok, so I asked my mom -- "Why mom, why all of a sudden? You've always supported me when I said I am happily single, and you hate it when those stupid aunties ask me why I don't have a bf, right?"

She said, "Yes, of course...but you know what? I got married when i was 21...you're 22 and you've never even had ONE bf..."

SHIT...when she said that, I laughed...but in my heart...shit!!! Is this pressure i'm sensing? FUCK!!! To make light of the subject, she told me that my dad might even look for someone for me...it was a joke, but mom said, "who knows?"

OMG...WTF!!! Can it get any weirder than this? I don't know whether to laugh or cry...so I laughed. Telling my friends was no better, they keep telling me "Who asked you to have super high standards?" Since when did I have high standards? Damn! Another even wants to hook me up with her friend...Arrrrggghhhh!!! *runs away*

To make things worse, I went and said something stupid to my mom the other day, before 'the call':
She has a friend; she's a lawyer - successful, rich...and she's single. She told my mom that she regrets being too demanding in terms of choosing a guy, that now, she's in her 40s, all alone...

What did I say that was soo stupid? Well, i told my mom, "Shit, that's gonna be me..."

I'm guessing THAT statement was the catalyst that set my mom into panic mode. I'm LOL-ing now as this is a revelation!

Damn, why did I have to say that? Ok, it's sweet that mom and dad doesn't want me to end up alone, but i would definitely NOT be alone...i have my backups.

In the end, I know my man is out there, and whatever it is...I deserve happiness, and God will not let me be unhappy! Errrr, right?

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Heyheyhey,

I have officially gotten writer's block. Where everything used to flow, it is now stuck in a blackhole situated in my brain. There is nothing. I have nothing. I don't know what to write...I just don't. And for a bonus, I have a test in the morning, but I don't know what's going on...yes, this tends to happen...I don't know...I think i'm going nuts! I think the timing ain't right, but the crazy thing is, I still am typing...crazy, eh?

Song currently playing: Chris Isaak's Wicked Games
Mood: Clueless
What am I doing: Laughing (???)

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Well hellooooo everybody!

Couldn't help but notice that the times haven't treated me well...financial burdens within the family, family probs by itself...then, smackdown of undone projects and tests coming soon...it's all a big blurry phenomenon. Coupled with not sleeping enough, and what have you got?

A TOTAL BITCH!

Yes, yes...i was rude to my friends...mostly one friend; I snapped at her almost every chance i had...i can take slight annoyances, but when it's times like these when there's too much pressure...what can i say? I'm only human.

Well, i apologized to her coz i noe she's the sensitive one, lol! All good...

Yeah, feelin' a little better once i took a long nap...zzzzzz! Multiple mandarin oral tests are finished, and all that's left are the written essays due soon. That, I can handle!

I thank God for friends who understand...lol! And now, I shall be teased for the rest of the semester due to my bitchfest. They called me pregnant, coz it seemed like my hormones were getting the best of me, like a pregnant woman...LMAO...thanks!

Now, on to the next challenge...

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Thanks to Pris for the movie treat...felt a little better after goin' out. Though, i know damn well i wasn't much fun to be around yesterday...must be the timing wasn't right, ya know?

I dunno...maybe i'm just waiting for the dark clouds to wither away to reveal a bright sky! Yes, i know things will get better, but i'm a constant worrier. And only those who read this will know i'm not in a great mood. I would likely mask it with a cheery exterior as i posibbly could.

Other than this freakin' emo post (for the 2nd time!), i absolutely loved Confessions of a Shopaholic. Great casting...Isla Fischer was great and so was Hugh Dancy (damn, did I fall for this dude!)...everytime I see stories like these, I feel that "I WANT THAT FEELING TOO!!!"...especially when he said, "...she's not you"...OMG, if i wasn't sitting, i would've fallen at that line...hahahaha!

Anyway, hope to see other coming attractions, such as 'I Love You, Man'...i love me some Paul Rudd...oh, and also X-Men Origins or something like that...and many more movies!

And so, back to reality...back to assignments...and back to aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

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'nuff said!

Sometimes I don't wanna go home coz among the things that get to me are financial problems. My family has plenty of these problems. Yet, most of us are in denial, planning to live well into oblivion! I just don't know what to say...one one hand, i love everyone, and i'm happy we're all alright. Then on the other hand...I just won't go into details. Parents won't even acknowledge and try to work things out.

And now, my friend wanna go out for a movie. Well, that would take some $$$, and I don't like going out when i'm broke...but i guess someone already made up their mind for me. So i go with a heavy heart...but don't judge if i ain't gonna be in the mood. I just don't roll that way!

God, please get us out of this rut!

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1. Nickname when you were little that no-one else knows:
Angel (now: Devil...Muahahaha!!!)...you know parents with their firstborn.

2.If you get lucky and gain a massive fortune, would you do charity first...or travel first?
Both...i'm great at multi-tasking. For example: while travelling in Cambodia, i shall build homes for orphans...

3. If you've never met your love, what would you be doing now?
Noooo, no guy in my life yet...thanks for rubbin' it in my face!

4. Have you ever had a vision of love that came true?

This question is gettin' me on my nerves... -_-

5. If given the chance, what power would you like to have?

Healing powers...for good reasons.

6. When you were young, have you ever carried a bag full of your clothes to run away from home? Do tell and explain why...
No...perfectly happy bein at home...home sweet home! It takes a lot to even get me out...

7. If you could turn back time, where would you be?
I live in the present and look forward to the future...no turning back. Well, maybe just for reminiscing.

8. Longest time you missed your shower/bath...be honest please!
Almost 2 days...refer to my vacation nightmare post:

9. Who has been in your life before, that you wished was here now?
The friends that I cherish, I never lose contact with them...those that I cut ties with, well...there's good reason for it.

10. Have you ever dreamed of marrying a celebrity? If given the chance, who will it be?
THEN: When i was 12, I dreamt of marrying Devon Sawa from Casper...boy, he was soo freakin' cute...and i was 12.
NOW: Now, i wanna marry Gerard Butler...and Hugh Jackman...and...many more. Lol, a girl can dream, can she?

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So I went to catch a movie with my besties yesterday...we watched Marley and Me, which I must say sent me into a fiasco of holding back tears...you know?

So any macho men wanting to show their girls...or boys a tough exterior...you don't stand a chance! Delightful movie, though...a little Hallmark-y! But, hell...reminded me of my old dog Lucky. And taht is the reason why i was holding back the tears, it seemed so familiar. Well, just goes to show --> I CAN'T HANDLE GETTING A DOG, COZ SOONER OR LATER...

Anyhoo, after the movie, I tought we were all gonna get something to drink...maybe go fot 'teh tarik' at a stall nearby...but NOOOO...Pris had to take us to this jungle/river recreational site, which I would've loved...IF i hadn't worn my high helled shoes...and so, there it starts; the peeling of toes! I had to walk in heels! Shit to infinity, my toes peeled due to the friction with my shoes...the sand, the mud, the sun!!! Oh, the horror!

Hey, i love places like that...if i had worn my Nikes! Man, I love spontaneity, but a little warning would've helped (you hearin' me, Prissy?)... :'(

So today, i sit here typing with sore feet, with cuts on my toes...all thanks to the 'hiking'...well, other than that, I had fun...lol!

Well, whatever it is, I love you gals, and I had a great time...just had to vent on behalf of my feet! Next time, i'll wear my killer heels, and i'll bring some slippers for emergencies, k?

And Pris...thanks for the movie. W, thanks for the popcorn and coke! Love you guys to death!

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There comes a time in every freakin' year where I feel nostalgic...and whaddya know? Today just happens to be the day!!!

How are we supposed to feel after we look back over the years? Happy? Sad? A longing for the yesteryears? I feel like i long for those happy, innocent times, where boys and girls hated each other, yet played basketball together...how fun it was! Now, everything is so complicated...

On another note, i've been watching Will and Grace (Malaysia doesn't like to air it -- Malaysians have major denial issues!), and I love it so much...

Sure, there's a hot guy...but he's looking for Mr. Right just like me! Lol! I like the fact that he's not the campy type of gay (Jack!), not that there's anything wrong with it (quoting Seinfeld)...but that he's the sarcastic, macho, sensitive metrosexual type of gay...just my type, but he likes men! XD...how appropriate!

I dunno...I like cultured, smart, funny and kind guys...but are all of them gay? A point to ponder...I'm beginning to think so!

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First things first...I almost peed in my pants after watching this...it's just one of those finds...a hidden treasure, not so known, yet popular...just don't know how to explain it.

I found this while searching for another funny Indian video (Indian 'Thriller'...ROFL)...the subtitles were done by this guy called Buffalax, and boy...he is a genius...genius...GENIUS!!!

After watching this video like a hundred times, it's no wonder it has a high watch count...people probably watched thousands of times...over and over and over again...and spread it around like viral marketing!

Good times to be had Benny Lava...he even asks 'have you been high today?'...

How did you know? Lol!

It's actually sung in Tamil, but Buffalax thought it would be a good idea to write how it sounded in English, you know...in case we wanted to sing along. I can't imagine singing "I want to se you pee on us tonight..." with a straight face. I mean, it's just too fucking funny!

Hilarious...my laugh actually made my tummy hurt, and my pee almost came out. Honest!

And I can't stand some people who don't have a sense of humor...c'mon, i'm half-Indian (Sinhalese), and you gotta admit, the lyrics does sound like the song, and it wasn't done in malice...it brought on laughs...that, my friend, is universal!

So God bless Buffalax...and of course...

GOD BLESS BENNY LAVA (Real name: Prabhu Deva)!!!

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I was tagged on Facebook...thought the idea was crazy...45? Really? But...managed to do it, as i'll never run out of things to say...lol!

Here goes...

1.I'm a dorky goofball, but only to people who truly know me
2.I put up a wall when it comes to strangers
3.I love coffee :)
4.I hate people smoking near me
5.I'm well-read
6.My fave music genre = rock...classic rock, indie rock, metal..."I wanna rock and roll all night...and party everyday---KISS"
7.I also like other types of music...as long as it's good!
8.I hate ABBA...but I know their lyrics.
9.I heart Twix chocolate bar
10.I can drive...but i'm a lunatic driver.
11.When I walk, I look straight ahead and nowhere else...even if my friends are around, I never notice...till they yell, "GEORJIE!!!"
12.I'm young and single and free! Till the time comes la...then shackles! (Wow, such a 'guy' thing to say!)
13.Was a total tomboy in primary school...
14.I love to cook...but I hate the cleaning up after that!
15.I love food...gimme good food anytime!
16.When I get money, I wanna buy DVDs of my fave TV shows and fave movies of all time...
17.This morning, I dreamt Russell Peters said to me, "Somebody gonna gedda hurt real baaaad!"...then I woke up!
18.I'm good at imitating people...
19.I want to have a proper full-course gourmet meal
20.I hate kissing asses...and people who do so! Yuxx!
21.I'm diplomatic when it comes to things
22.When i get the chance, I wanna drive on the Vegas desert in a red convertible and feel the wind in my hair...woot!
23.I wanna go to France, sip espresso in a quaint little cafe, watching the Eiffel tower...le sigh!
24.I wish I had completed my karate black belt exam...i regret not finishing
25.I love my family...
26.I love my friends...
27.I dislike 'fake' people...
28.I'm cynical and sarcastic by nature...but only true friends know when i'm pulling the sarcastic comments...others? not so much...
29.I wish I was a rockstar!
30.I once dreamt that Ryan Seacrest was the Devil...
31.My fave actors: Pacino (Godfather, Scent of a Woman, Dog Day A/noon, Scarface, Angels in America, etc), Christian Bale (the Prestige, Empire of the Sun), Sean Penn, Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio, Joaquin Phoenix, etc...
32.I hate the 'High School Musical' series...all of 'em!
33.I admire Oprah for many things...but i also like her coz "...everybody gets a car!"
34.I once had a dog named Lucky...and I loved him to death!
35.The song playing on my player right now: 'The Red' by Chevelle
36.I'm a couch potato when i'm at home
37.I'm a homebody
38.I'm damn freakin' scared of worms, maggots, leeches...anything cacing-like, or ulat-like! Once, I screamed bloody murder at the library coz a green worm crawled on my hoodie! ((shudders))
39.I wish there was no such thing as racism...
40.I truly believe there will not be any world peace...I mean like TOTAL world peace...it's just impossible!
41.I think I was a Native American in my previous life...
42.I don't really like drinking water...and it's taking a toll on me...hate that it's tasteless!
43.I wish I could travel the world...either as a diplomat or like Samantha Brown from Discovery Travel and Living.
44.I'm short...so short...so very very shorttttttt! 5' 2 is shortttttt!
45.My mixed ancestry is an ice-breaker...

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Been eating non-stop this past week...holidays make me wanna eat like a pig...went to Chilli's for lunch...mom's treat! The steak was rather bland...didn't have any sauce on it...dad's grilled lamb too! But mom's ordered the salmon, and I wished I did too! It was...mmmm!!! Vegetarian fajitas were ok, but no meat for me = NOOOOO!

Why did we eat out? Coz i wanted to buy me a pair of sneakers.

And guess what? Mom offered to buy 'em for me! I wouldn't let her pay the full amount, so I paid half...I feel so bad when she buys stuff for me, knowing well that she should buy something for herself...but i'm happy to have a new pair of Nike Air...after having the same Skechers for 5-6 years. At least, shoes like these last long, coz I doubt i'd buy another pair soon.


ON TO ANOTHER TOPIC...

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MY HORRIBLE WEEKEND VACATION:

Ever watched this movie called 'The Money Pit'? It was one of Tom Hanks' earlier movies with Shelley Long...

It's about a couple who bought their 'dream home'...only to watch it crumble one piece at a time. One catastrophe after another...it's too damn funny!

Now, flash forward to 2009!

My family had a last minute decision to go for a 2-day trip...since it was the Chinese New Year season, everyone but dad said we wouldn't be able to get a room at a decent hotel, as they were all fully booked. But noooo, dad said "we'll just go check things out over there"...and after checking all the nice places, we discovered this apartment complex next to a resort...Yuxxxxx!!! No parking...then dad inspected the room..."450 a night for this ugly piece of shit?", I thought!

Dad said we had to make do with what we had, and so...the nightmare begins...

No cable-TV...fixed! Good, I say!

No air-conditioning...only one room's air-cond was fixed...the other two...NO! Shit, I say!

Dirty, sandy floor...dusty utensils...dusty furniture...BAAAD, I say!

Damn expensive stuff at the sundry...OUCH, I say!

So, we decide to go eat at the "resort" restaurant, and WTF is all I can say...bad service (or no service at all, I must say), stupid staff (they don't even know what a steak knife is! WTF!!!), incompetent, lazy SOBs! Arrrggghhh...i would never snap at people, coz i have empathy...but one thing I can't stand are stupid people! I just won't talk about the shit that happened, as it still reside in my mind...maybe one day, I will look back and laugh at the horror that is that so-called restaurant-which-I-can't-even-remember! So bad...so, so bad!!!

And last, but not least: THERE WAS NO WATER...WE COULDN'T EVEN TAKE A SHOWER!!!

Some trip...

We were so horrified at this, it felt surreal...a resort? really? They couldn't even provide ample parking over here!!! So, dad couldn't sleep, probably regrets saying buhbye to his hard-earned cash for a crappy stay at the 'Money Pit Lodge' (not its real name). We actually got up early in the morn to go home...anything to get out of this hellhole! To our relief, dad actually got back half of his money from the management...and we saw many, many families complaining to each other, waiting to claim theirs too! LMAO!

Well, at least we had a nice view of the sea! But c'mon...near the sea, but no water? That just too much!!! And that fucking dinner we had? Mom paid like over 200 bucks!

I pity my parents...all they wanted to do was spend some quality time with us, but circumstances did not allow it to happen...well, as much hell as it was, we had fun and love being able to spend this time out together...we knew the effort you made, and are so thankful...and baby, despite everyone else, had a blast! Hahahah!

But next time...please book a nice room at a decent place, k! Love you guys a lot!

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Well, that was just an excerpt from that fantabulous video with that awesomely funny song about...ummm...well, cumming in your pants...men's version! I've watched this in the past few weeks, and I can't believe i've not grown tired of it yet!

It's hilariously crude...but it's for goofballs only! Serious mo'fo' s need not apply. Andy and Jorma, 2/3 of the SNL shorts' makers (The Lonely Island) make this video about premature ejaculation...when they see girls they like...and they move on to telling us that they even cum to petty things like...an alarm that goes off, a gush of wind blowing, a song that reminds them of a girl, a phone call from a girl, eating a grape, and finding out that Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense (HAHA...both my fave parts! No, all of them actually!)

I dunno...the song is catchy too! Has hints of Timbaland in it's production, although I can't verify it. Justin Timberlake makes a cameo too! Watch for the cleaner in the aisle. So does Molly Sims and Jamie-Lynn Siegler (Go Soprano's!)



Well...whaddya know...a post just for a short video...or two, rather! How unlike me! What can I say, SNL roxx! I remember movies straight from SNL...A Night At the Roxbury, Superstar, Ladies Man...LMAO...it roxx! It still bob my head to Haddaway's 'What Is Love?' like the Butabi bros from Roxbury...holy shizz!



I'm such a goofball! But I love it! Things like these give me temporary relief from all the shit that happens...so enjoy while you can! Escape when you can.

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At certain times, you stop for awhile to re-evaluate your life. I do it more often than I should, and this time's no different...

I seem to be going in the direction which i've planned for a long time. I'm gonna be 22, gonna be graduating next year, and will be looking for a job...OMG, i would actually have to grow up!

Would my life keep being this way, coz i can't take that's it's too straight...too black and white...to dull! I need to do some soul-searching before I start a career...perhaps travel a bit, explore LIFE! I have been dreaming of traveling the world, but to no avail...I keep thinking, "I need money, money, money!" Well, that's true, right? We NEED the dough to travel, to explore...but why can't that be my career?

That would be so mind-blowingly awesome! I don't know what job calls for a bubbly 20-something year old...to travel...food and lodging provided...benefits available...does that even exist?

I watch Discovery Travel and Adventure...and I really really envy that Samantha Brown, as she has my dream job. Boy, she must be enjoying it! I wanna be like that, but there's no chance...Malaysia can't come close to that! And I must be rational enough to realize that this just don't happen...

It's like your dad dreaming of becoming a rockstar...your mom wishing she married Tom Selleck...your brother dreaming of becoming Speed Racer...that's how my dream is!

Well, don't even know why in the hell i'm talking about this shit! But this dream will forever be etched in my head...

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My second Mandarin class was in the afternoon, and whaddya know...I didn't go! Holy shit! And the reason? Stupid! It was because I was 35-mins late, and was too scared the teacher have a bad impression towards me...so I walked around the linguistics faculty till the class was over...coz French just happened to be in that same classroom! Didn't wanna get spotted or anything...

But what I did was cook-up a story as to why I didn't go for class...the classic "family emergency"; nothing more! Actually, I know I missed quite a lot...and I regret, but I can't take back what I did...AND, I didn't do anything bad to anyone except me, so in the end...I screwed myself (yep, I know how that sounds)! Well, lesson learnt!

Went back to my room after French...but not before getting a whiff of B.O. from the friendly neighborhood Middle Eastern man-from-the-bus! I couldn't stand it, I actually got down from the bus at the first stop (the UKM Clinic)...and so did my friends. We actually did something there...we booked a dental appointment for the next semester...ROFL!!!

Really, we booked 6 months in advance, coz everything before that was full! So I must remember, scaling's at June 15th! Hahahaha!!!

Then, we took the next bus back to our nifty little rooms...thank goodness there was no B.O. present!

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Okay, so it's been a long time since i've updated...sorry bout that. But one thing is, i feel rejuvenated, people!!! I am now back in my campus, and I already miss my baby sister's singing and dancing...well, she's a little entertainer, that girl...and it never fails to make me smile and even laugh after a shitty day!

What else is happening? I am continuing with my 3rd level French, since I love it!

And love = an A!

Hahahaha...

But now i'm adding up Mandarin in my list of foreign languages. I must tell you, today was my 1st day, and I was in a daze...seriously, everything learnt in Mandarin class was a blur, it's like a culture shock! Th pinyin, the tones and different vowels and consonants...ZOMG! French is a hundred times easier than Mandarin, OMG!!! The horror, the regret!!!

BUT!!!

I wanted to take Mandarin because China is the rising superpower, and Mandarin is a crucial language to learn...also because of it's smooth-sounding words...i love it! But nothing is easy at 1st, right? Well, i'm up for it! I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! Besides, it's only the first day...

New year hit me like a ton of bricks, btw...mom and dad were not home, so I decided to take charge for my younger sisters...I made us some Fetuccini Carbonara (a big hit...sisters and friend wanted more, hahaha)...R (mid sister) made some garlic bread...and we drank some Heineken and Pink Vodka. Some new year, huh? Well, at least we all love each other even though work prohibits family time. And...and...we have our health...and happiness!!!

Now for the new term, i'm gonna try to take care of my health more...i stopped my blog updates due to a moment of sickness which then led to laziness...u know the story...the low b.p., the not eating and feeling faint and all that crap!

So for now, I should learn to take care of my health more. AND I MUST START DRINKING WATER!!!

I don't know why in the world I hate drinking water...it's weird, and it's taking a toll on my face...it has been attacked by an eruption of pimples...lesson learnt, but it's cut short by caffeine fixes! MUST MUST MUST DRINK WATER!!!

So, oh yeah...went and did my passport (finally!) so my family and I can finally go to the Philippines to visit my family there and learn about my heritage and all...maybe down the road i could start travelling? Oh God, may it be...

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Ever heard that song? I don't even know who sang that...it could either have been a little boy/girl, and it's sung with an obvious lisp...hence, "all i want for xmas is my two front teeth..."

Dunno why I suddenly thought of that!

These days, I feel a wee bit nostalgic. Found some old friends via Facebook...reminisced, planned a reunion (which I think will not happen due to clashing schedules), telling each other how good we are looking, etc...end of story! Next...

So, mom tells me we (all of us-sisters, mom and dad!) might be going to the Philippines next May...I hope! I really hope this happens as it will be the first time my sisters and I will be going there...it's always a plan that never happens, and I wish it would be realized this time. I just know once I go to the place where i've come from (half of me, lol!), i'll be more grateful, and instantly gain a little more wisdom.

I've always been fascinated to know where I came from...

On my mom's side, there are no worries, coz she knows everything...she knows all her relatives, like...say...her cousins thrice removed...and maybe more!

My dad, however...what a disappointment! No knowledge of his mother tongue, culture...which leaves me lost! I'm trying to trace our origins on my paternal ancestors' side, but I fail because I find out that grandad changed his name when he came to this country...and my dad didn't really know his extended family coz his parents didn't really make it a point to be a close-knit family...and me being so curious, I ask tons of questions but get no answers. So, here I am...lost!

Don't you ever get fascinated with your background? If I had the means, I would deffo check my genealogy...interesting stuff! I get so jealous when some peeps just know everything about their family tree, and I'm like, "Huh? Gee, I know nothing about half of my heritage! Hmmph, show-off!"

Bummer...

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I'm such a sucker for fairytales...yes, yes...those who know me can't vouch for what I just proclaimed...I seem like such a realist bitch! Ok, I get it...maybe I am, but to a degree. Coz when I see a movie that talks about happy endings, falling in love, kissing with fireworks, music when you meet the one you love...sigh, what an escape it gives you!

I'm not saying that i'm gonna hear music when I kiss 'the one', but it's nice to think that maybe there is someone out there for me...someone who GETS you, understands you even when you're talking in circles...someone who you can't stop thinking about...someone who gives you the feeling of butterflies in your stomach...someone you CLICK with! That's what i'm looking for! That's it!

An a-ha moment!!!

And another thing...for all the 'almosts' (i've had two or three...not many. Hah, i can't think of anyone who knows this...OMG! I'm too secretive!):

• With every one of those 'almosts', i've never felt anything more than 'like'...it was always more of an 'ok, i'll try...', which is BAD!
• Once I knew I don't click with them, it's "Buhbye"...I don't like wasting my time with nothingness
• I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love
• All of the 'almosts'...they are the ones who call...I have never called them. I don't mean i'm a cheapo tryin' to cut cost on calls, I mean that I never felt the intent to call them...
• I know what I wanted all along...and they weren't it

So, it's not like I didn't try, it's just that they weren't the right fit, get it? It didn't have to take long to know...but sometimes it's just a gut feeling (which I didn't have).

I'm not even looking for Mr. Right...i'm just looking for Mr. Right-for-the-moment...just someone I could experience this stage of my life with...then when we grow apart, just repeat the cycle until I miraculously find Mr. Right...it's realistic and idealistic at the same time...hah! Take that!

Oh my God...where could he be? In the other side of the world or right at the corner? Under what circumstances do we meet?

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Yep...indeed it is! My mom's not gonna be here this frickin' Christmas! She goes to East Malaysia for a month on the 13 of December...OMG, she's not even gonna be here on New Year's Eve!

I'm hating xmas already...

How am I gonna cope? My poor baby sis, though...well, my poor mom's gonna be posted somewhere during the holidays, without her family. I so hate "the office" right now you have no idea. She even has to work OT (without the OT pay) since they got "new management"...I mean, isn't there labor laws regarding this? Hmmmpphh!!!

Just feeling bitter that my mom can't be here with us...it also doesn't help much to realize that you haven't gone anywhere to chillout...it's all like a big blur right now. And mom is constantly unwell. This year...man, i dunno...this year sucks, actually. I really pray that the next year would be my...i mean OUR year! I need some happy endings in my life. And so far, it's unhappy endings all the way. Just goes to show that you don't always get what you want!

I would lastly like to reiterate...

I HATE 2008...IT'S BEEN A SUCKY YEAR!!!

Thank you!

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What would you do if you were on a month's vacation out of uni, had no money, and your friends are busy with work or college?

I don't know...help!

So i have a few books to read...is that all i'm gonna do this time?

Plus! This just in: My mom's been posted in Sabah from the 15th of December-15th of January yet again!!! You know what that means, right?

No Christmas Eve, no Christmas spirit, no New Year's Eve...nada! Ok, ok...so it's better for the parents' finances coz it'll pay for the xmas extras. I've said many times to them that "I'm all for it!"...well, i was/am just being a good sport...I mean, it's a good thing...but I can't be selfish by showing my unhappiness. I just can't do that! Even my two youger sisters do not feel like I do, I can tell...

So why am I feeling this way? Maybe because my mom was the one who took care of me throughout my childhood (unlike my two siblings)...my middle sis was taken care of by a nanny since she was six or so...and the baby? Well, now it's dad's turn to be Mr. Mom. My dad was always the one who went to diff locations for work.

It's like the two switched places, which is funny. My dad works nights now. It's a family effort when it comes to taking care of baby...so we all have our share of responsibilities. C'mon, i'm 21, and my middle sister is 18...it's so much fun, though...so no complaints there...

Looking at my baby sister, it's like...I dunno. Sometimes I feel like it's surreal, maybe it's all a dream. It's like having a bundle of joy...or your very own living doll at home. I tell you, if it wasn't for baby A, we wouldn't be half as close as we are now. My middle sis' shenanigans have ceased to zilch, my dad has mellowed from his strict exterior, now showcasing a soft side...my mom? Whoah, she's a tiger now! Lol! Maybe the last two scenarios are brought on by hormones.

Back to the title...

What the heck am I supposed to do during this time off? Is this a foreshadow of a sucky xmas? Geez, the possibility of my mom not being here is already giving me a glimpse of a not-so-happy xmas! And New Year!

Shit!!! And...it will be my 22nd New Year (21st, technically)...OMG, why does time have to go on quickly? I didn't even have fun this year...I thought time flies when you're having fun?

And there's your whiny post, yet again. Til I get in the xmas spirit, I will not post another happy post! Feel free to pour in words of affirmations!

Toodlez, bitches!

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A bittersweet feeling occurs when times like these pass...

It's not that I don't wanna go home, but it's more like, "What have I really done or achieved in the past semester?"

It's more like a surge of missing the past...yeah, in the moment, you don't feel it. But when it's time to pack up, you tend to look back and reminisce...then, you sigh at how quick time slips through your fingers; causing you to think about the way you wasted it on idleness...

Emoting? Maybe...

But there sure is truth in it.

Plans for the holidays? I sure as hell hope that I can use the time to meet up with lost contacts...and I hope I do not use stupid reasons such as "lack of ca$h" and "busy with babysitting my sister"...UNACCEPTABLE!!!

I will make time! I will have fun coz I have the right to be happy (as one of my fave lecturers keep telling us). Yes...I do have the right to be happy. Perhaps some ME-time won't be so bad, right?

Okay...done with the emo thing...back to business.

How do I pack these stuff in my dorm already? Shit!

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Shit, can I just say shit all over my blog?

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

The end!

Just some shitty (no pun intended) motif for you to enjoy while I use the term as a way to blow some steam...hahahaha...blow! ROFL...

This just in: I'm goin' nuts...lol!

Like you didn't know!

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Okay, okay...since having a baby sister (who now is a TV addict), we have re-subscribed to the Disney package - Disney channel, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Playhouse Disney. My sis' fave? Playhouse Disney of course...they did good with this channel. The demographics would be the toddlers and infants. The colors are just a feast for a kid's eyes...



*Shudders*

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Don't know why but I really really love that song! Haha...it's My Sharona from The Knack, baby!

Well, with my dad being a musician, i am exposed to songs from way back before I was even born...

But this song, I knew and grew to love after watching this movie, which I must say is one of my fave MTV-era movies of all time. Some of you may or may not like it, but hey...it spawned the one hit wonder that is 'Stay' by Lisa Loeb, which I love too!

If you still didn't guess it (you're a dud!)...it's 'Reality Bites' of course!!!

Something about the pre-kleptomanic Wynona that screams innocence...it was hard not to love her character. And what about pre-Uma Ethan Hawke? Do I even have to add to that? Umm, guess not...he was the ultimate tortured soul...hot? Yesss! Annoying? Double yess!!! But it all made sense, and the story is one that i'll always love.

Hahhh...the memories...the '90s. Oh, man I've got to do an entry about the '90s! Being but a young'un during the era of grunge, still pristine-MTV, where no respected rapper will even consider 'Sweat drip down my balls!' as part of a song...it was a hell of a decade! But maybe i'm just biased!

Why am I talking about this already?

Oh, yeah...M-M-M-My Sharona!!!

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Hahaha, reading about The Secret tells me that I have somehow acquired this special ability...I didn't know about this "secret" until a few hours ago, after stumbling on Oprah's website (accidentally...)

I have actually gained some material items by sheer will...examples:

• Got into a university = education that I can afford, without burdening my parents
• Won some stuff that I really really REALLY wanted - Sony mp3 Walkman, tickets to a concert, perfume for my mother...hope there's more to come!
• Really wanted a laptop...and got one (I'm not rich, so getting one for free...nice!)
• Really wanted something that would increase happiness within my family - my baby sister! C'mon, you gotta admit...a gap of 17-years between children is somewhat amazing!
• Things that seems sucky always make way for better things...it does!

Well, that being said...I should try to be more optimistic...and perhaps build on something bigger:

• I always wanted to do something significant in this world...something good, as a way to show gratitude for all the good things that come
• I also really want that feeling you get when you're in love...you know, the whole butterflies in your stomach thing...
• I want to travel...I couldn't say this enough! Please let this happen...I want to be a worldly person and experience different cultures
• I want to learn to swim...at least before I leave this world...being afraid of drowning prohibits this...a pity!
• I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE ABLE TO STUDY WITHOUT FAILING. Case in point: the fact that i'm updating my blog, and not reading my notes is proof enough, isn't it!

This is how distraction manifests...

Any comments? Do tell...

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It's now the 12th of November...

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FAST THE TIME IS PASSING US!!!

Just yesterday, I was registering for my 3rd semester...2nd year of uni. AND NOW? It is almost coming to an end. Christmas is upon us too...

What? Christmas?

I'm like 'Wtf?' over here...listening to Dave Koz & Friends : The Christmas Album or something like that. Hahaha, as much as i'd like to NOT admit it, listening to Christmas songs get me in the holiday mood...just puts me in a better mode. Makes me a tad more optimistic, gives me some hope for better days...

Oh, man...looking back, i find that my year hasn't really been a good one. Okay, so family-wise, it's great! But personally, my year was (and still is) boring. All I did was study, stay home...once in a while, I go out for a movie with friends. How pathetic is that?

I'm 21...and i'm freakin' boring! HAHAHAHA...that's rich! I have all this thoughts, plans, dreams...and I do it in the confines of the four walls that surround me (house, college dorm, class, etc).

I guess i'm waiting for the time when I get the chance to travel the world. Experience true freedom...or at least some of it! Why do I feel trapped all of a sudden? Maybe because I am? Between responsibilities at home, and at school...what have I got? Nil...

As I attempt to study for a test later in the day...I suddenly dream of taking ballroom dancing lessons...I would love to learn to salsa..woohoo! Then maybe i'll achieve 0% fat...lol! That'll be great...

Is what i'm writing even making any sense? From xmas, i went to boredom, then to my procrastination...and now, dancing? I think my head is overloaded with useless junk. The stuff I need to read-up on ain't goin' in...Shit, what am I gonna do?

Years of multi-tasking have done damage to my head, I tell ya! Damage!

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I'm gonna start whining again (like as if I do anything else!)...

I have an impacted wisdom tooth...OMG, the pain is too annoying! Two wisdom teeth erupted from my gums around a month or two months back. That wasn't a problem. I even took preventive measures to hinder any gum infection. Flossed, brushed more than twice a day, used Listerine...I am a freak when it comes to cleaning my teeth actually, sometimes it's scary how I fuss over them.

My wisdom tooth on my top jaw is fine (don't wanna jinx it though!)...grew without a prob. The bottom one, however...OMG. It grew, alright. The problem is, it didn't cut through the whole way. Only 3/4 of the tooth seemed to be 'out'...the rest is still under a gum flap.

The gum flap is a problem...it serves as a source of pain, and though it hasn't been infected by any infection (???) as of yet...I can't be sure it could last long. The pain is probably coz the upper tooth hits the gum flap when I chew...and now, it has a partner in crime...my jaw! Damn jaw is painful...probably because I keep opening my mouth to check on that fuckin' tooth all the way back.

Now I can't open it anymore...well, not exactly...I still can open it big enough to eat. Need a dentist asap! Will probably go in the morning, but man...it's kinda scary considering I have exams the next morning! SHIT!!!

I have an assignment which isn't done yet...i'm scared! Hope that I finish it soon, as the due date is on the 19th. Sometimes home acts as an ENABLER to my addictions...TV & WiFi! And of course, the never-ending distractions--baby, food, chores, TV & WiFi! Just when I think I could study and/or finish an assignment...Damn!

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I would like to congratulate the US of A on Obama's win. OMG, he won with such grace, that I somehow felt so thrilled for the Americans...

Why?

To see how he played down the fact that;

• The first African-American man (well...half) has become the Commander in Chief AND
• The fact that the Democrats now hold more seats in the Congress

...has made me respect him even more. It's formidable that a poll by CNN showed that it wasn't about race. It shows that the color of your skin surpasses everything. It's amazing, considering the history of the African-Americans; slavery, discrimination, no voting rights, the KKK...think about what Dr. Martin Luther King would say if he was alive! This is a full circle right here!

His speech also was a reminder that this win is NOT the victory they are talking about...this, as Obama said, was JUST a stepping stone to a bigger purpose. I think, he comes from a background that makes him understand the hardships of the average American family. He keeps talking about 'the people', which is good. He talks about working together with the people, even extending a hand to the GOP and its supporters...praising his adversary, McCain...

Grace, baby...grace is what he has!

I spotted a crying Rev. Jesse Jackson and Oprah in the crowd. Don't know what it is, but Obama's speeches tend to strike a chord with the people...heck, even I felt chills hearing it.

Although i'm nowhere near the US, i am still happy for the American people, and wish her luck for the change that Obama promises...i await for the betterment of your healthcare, your school system, your spreading of the wealth...your image in the global arena. I hope that he WILL get the job done, and not just be another disappointment.

US affects the world...whether we like it or not, many countries are interdependent...and USA is the center of these interlocking states.

I'm guessing everyone felt a bit like an American today! Why would we feel so happy then? Maybe it's because it inspires us...makes me wonder how long will my own country be this way...i'm just saying:

We have a long way to go before we get to where America is. Maybe we wouldn't even get there. We are too self-involved to be selfless, to corrupt than generous...to preoccupied with preserving the status quo than to be going forward. This, my friends will remain the shackles that will forever hold us on a cyclical position...a never-ending cycle of insecurities, prejudices and containment of the minds...we have many, many, many years to go!

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Why; the ultimate question for the ultimate time of tension...

I don't know, actually...guess i'm taking a break from all the shit!!!

I somehow need to step away from reality for now...by doing something non-academic. There's even things going on at home. My whole family are just too busy nowadays...know the last time I went out with friends? A few months back. How pathetic is that? Well, enough of all the shitty self-pity. Let me blog about fun things!

Well, here...the following list are stuff i wanna do in the future. Believe me when i say it'll deffo be updating it as time goes by. Here goes:

• I want to travel to France - have the ultimate cup of coffee in a small bistro in Paris, looking at the Eiffel Tower, eat great French cuisine in a posh French restaurant

• I want to go through the the ultimate love story - with a happy ending

• I want to enjoy a picnic in Central Park

• I want to celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square, NYC

• I want to go to Tuscany and stay in a beautiful Italian villa and enjoy a view of a luscious vineyard with wonderful wine and pasta made by the locals

• I want to visit Amsterdam and go cycling, and try some legal green herbs...lol!

• I want to drive through the Vegas desert in a red convertible...and put my head in the air and feel the breeze

• I want to be rich and personally go to the African region and open up schools for boys and girls, with 50:50 ratio...i would recommend that boys take lessons on Respect for Women. The girls; studies in feminism

• I want to find my life's purpose

• I want to take up classical piano...and finish it this time!

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I'm serious when I say I don't know where i'm heading...by and by, I keep wondering where do I go...what will I do...will I ever be happy in my life?

Then I get in panic-mode.

I mean, do you even know that what you plan will happen? Sometimes, circumstances or detours can get you elsewhere, you know? I've heard of people planning their whole life, and getting to a totally different place...one they would've never expected!

I don't even know what to write about...i'm in a state of emoting, haha!

Exams are coming...Monday! And i've yet to read up on it. Wtf!

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Should I change? I mean from being a cynic to being a very shiny, happy person. I don't know...it seems that there are lots of happy peeps around me. Heck, I even joined this club (which shall not be named), and all the whille I was there, I kept thinking "OMG, this is a cult, isn't it?"

But it's not, actually...it was just filled with overly-enthusiastic people who did all they can to make everyone feel like a close-knit group...which I thought, "Man, isn't this rich!"

I got out.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I be one of those guys who can just sit back and enjoy stuff like this? I envy people who put their heart and soul into things. Instead, i'm one of those guys who keep sneering at the 'fun and games' they keep organizing.

Okay, okay...I wasn't the only one who thought what I thought...but I don't wanna keep being this way, coz in the end...life will be rather dull, won't it?

I talked about this to a friend the other day...asked me if i really wanted to change...I said no! So, there...go figure!

I think i'm a schizo...

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My favorite songs of all time...not all though (just some that I could think about at the top of my head). The first three of them are kinda dark, lyrically:

• IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE by Tonic

I love love love this band's album...Lemon Parade! It's great! And only recently, I found out that their song 'Mr. Golden Deal' was a sort of continuation of 'If You Could Only See'; the latter was written by lead singer Emerson Hart as a way of convincing his mom about the love he has found with his girlfriend...years later, after their marriage...she leaves him for another man. 'Mr. Golden Deal' is a song written to the man who got her in the end (WOW!!!)

• NEVER TOO LATE by Three Days Grace

I love this song. If you hear it at first, it would seem that it was written to a significant other. The second time I listened to it, I realized that it's not about that at all. The song is about suicide, perhaps he, the singer is convincing a suicidal friend that he/she can turn things around...that's it's never too late to change your life...even though the world wasn't what you expected in the beginning...it's a sad song, yet, at the same time it gives you a hint of optimism and hope.

• JUMPER by Third Eye Blind

Well, do not be put off by my seemingly dark choices of songs with suicidal undertones. This song is also about suicide. Unlike 'Never Too Late', 'the Jumper' does jump from the ledge...or so I've heard. This song was a supposed 'what I would've said to my friend (the jumper) if I was there' by the singer who lost a friend to suicide.

• HURT by NIN

I've talked about this song before...

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Yay, it's over...French speaking test is over! That was so anti-climactic, really...your tension, stress and anxiety builds, and builds, and builds...

My answer to the above question was (please disregard the bad spelling and/or grammar...i'm just a n00b) :



Me: Le week-end, je me promene dans le parc, je faire de la cuisine...je...je...je faire de la
natation...

Le professeur: Do you go out during lunch-time? (sorry, i dunno how to write his part in
French...hehe!)

Me: Non...parce que je...

Le professeur: Oh, yeah...you cook! Ok, ok! What else? Where do you swim, in a pool, in a lake? Any other sports?

Me: Oh, je faire de la natation a la piscine. Je faire du badminton avec ma soeur.

Le professeur: Do you wake up late on the weekends?

Me: Non, parce que j'ai une seour bebe...(in a 'so you know how it is' kinda way...)

Le professeur: Do you sleep late?

Me: Oui...je me couche a deux heures...

Le professeur: Douze heures?

Me: Non...deux heures...

Le professeur: Douze heures?

Me: DEUX HEURES!!!

Le Professeur: Douze??? Minuit???

Me: Oui... (I give up!!! I meant 2 in the morning actually! Deux heures du matin!!!)



And the saga continues...a little better than the previous dialogue, heheh!

Then, when the time is gone...you're like: Was that it?

So yeah, it's over...now what?

Hahaha, such...is the way of life! No matter what, everything will pass. In no time, you look back to discover that it wasn't so bad as you thought it was (at that particular time). Maybe you'll even sit and laugh about it. That is my outlook on unfortunate events. I think that sorta takes me to a better mindset, place and it soothes my mind, body and soul (wow...deep!)

At this very moment, i'm reminiscing about all the times I felt disappointed, all the times I felt depressed, lonely, lazy, happy, sad, angered...and all I can do is laugh about it!

Funny, isn't it? This life...

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4 out of 7 assignments done...no more presentations! Hurray!!! What's left, you ask...1 French quiz, followed by French listening exam & French oral test. The 3 unfinished assignments are;

• Methodology in International Relations
• Foreign Policy Theories
• French II

I must say...never thought i'd finish...but if I don't, i'll be pretty much dead, won't I? Hahaha...

I'd usually be home during the weekends, but this time, I opted to stay because:

(a) I have a 6-hour replacement class on Sunday (6 freakin hours, dude!!! 6 HOURS!!!)

(b) Attempting to do my assignments at home is like trying to fit a Titanic ship into your

mouth...it could NOT be done! (external factors: TV, being a clown for a 1-year old,

etc...)

(c) Wanna cram at least 1/10 of my lessons into my brain!

(d) Revise for French test on Monday & Tuesday

Could this happen? Perhaps...I WILL NOT GET OUT OF THIS ROOM for unnecessary things...But now, i'm downloading shit...awww hot damn!!! Can you blame me? I need a break, but can't! I can hereby testify that...

My plan fell apart!!! (Cue to Moby's 'Extreme Ways', 2nd ed...)

How predictable.

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caught the flu from my baby sis during the weekend...then on Monday, the flu just wouldn't budge...waited till Tuesday to go to the clinic. Just your average appointment. Then, the doc asked, "Do you have any allergies?"...i said no.

BIG MISTAKE!

What i should've done was to inform him that i had a family history of allergies to certain types of meds...my grandpa was allergic to Tylenol, my mom to Aspirin...and i have the same blood group as them. And so, the humor begins...

Being a sucker for misfortune, i opted to take the antibiotic at once, so in case i have an allergic reaction, i'm right here at the clinic, right? Pop in the pill...and hey, i'm ok! So i get on to my other class.

A few hours later, i'm still alright...

A few hours after that, my face feels tight, and hot...saw my neck was puffy...then, i saw my face area was kinda big...was it possible to have an allergic reaction to something around 7 hours later? So i thought the rash was due to heat from the broken fever...possible, right?

At night, I saw that my face was still puffy...then concluded that it's probably an allergy to that damn Bacampicillin...i am therefore allergic to Penicillin, the accidental drug! WTF!!! I HAVE ANGIOEDEMA!!!

Immediately took a Piriton to ease the itch, and took Bena Expectorant, my cough medicine (thinking it would have the same effect as Benadryl...does it?), coz that's the only thing i have. I am in my dorm...there's no luxury of going and buying OTC meds here.

The next morning, the swelling extended to my eyelid, but it wasn't swollen-shut or anything serious. Friends thought i had gone fat during the holidays...thing is, if I did, everything else would be fat EXCEPT my face...i'm more of a get-fat-in-your-thighs-and-tummy kind of girl.
So there...got teased by friends, and now i'm swearing of that damn Penicillin, maybe Aspirin and Tylenol too...

Lucky for me, i didn't suffer any chronic reaction...one time, my mom's air passage closed-up after taking a certain prescription...that was a horror!

For now, there's still some puffiness on my cheek area...hope it'll go away a.s.a.p.!

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In all my life, i am the type that appreciates whatever 'chance' i get...and boy, if i had a nickel for every time i thanked God for the things i have; family, friends, things...i'll be set for life!

But one thing still creeps in my head...when will i be able to say that i have truly spent my life without fear, with pursuing what i really want? I'm afraid i can't, because the truth is...i don't know what i'm searching for.

Ever had that feeling? Sometimes, people just know what it is they are here for...they know that they are doing what they want...and i'm jealous of these people who just have the privilege to KNOW what they want...coz, boy...i sure don't!

I hate that i feel this way...i don't even know if i am what i wanna be.

Argghhh, why so emo?

And another thing...people keep asking me "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

Why does society force the idea of 'having a bf is what you need...' into my freakin' head? I keep saying i haven't found the right guy yet...and they say, "You poor thing!"

I hate that! Why, why, why do i need sympathy? I don't have one...and that ain't a problem...so why do you think it is, huh?

I gotta tell ya, that JFK was one smart Mr. Prez...he said that "Conformity is the jailer of freedom", and that applies to me...to this subject...so please, don't feel sorry for me, or think that i'm playing for 'the other team'...having love in your life would be great, and i look forward to it...but why, oh why would i wanna be so desperate?

If it comes, it comes...but if it doesn't, so what?

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You know, when you're alone...then you start thinking about your future, and what it may bring...well, I thought that my future was set, that I was going for the 'diplomatic corps' route...BUT...boy, am i wrong!

Firstly, I don't freakin' know how I got this way. Now all I can say is that i'm so freakin' confused as to what i'm gonna do with my future...Be a writer? Journalist? Anchorwoman (haha!)? TV personality (double haha!)?

OMG! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE!!!

Why is this happening? I know this happens to everyone, but i have a few justifications; they are mostly based on principles...

As you know, Malaysia is up for a very cloudy phase...political stability is definitely OUT! They (some of them...) keep forgeting the reason they were elected in the first place---to serve the people! I wouldn't want to join something which I don't believe in anymore...sad, but true!

I pray that my country's integrity will return to what it was; stable, peaceful, economically solid...cause it would be a pity to see decades of hard work go down the drain. Personal agendas are taking priority over social ills, poverty, education...insecurities taking over peaceful co-existence...racial bigotry being swept under the rug...corruption...innocent bystanders persecuted...I really don't understand it anymore.

Perhaps i'm sad because most of all...I believe we are better as one. Too bad some just do not see it the way we, most of the nation do...tant pis!

I would be better off in the dog eat dog world of the corporate world...at least in this world, you know the rules, the gains, the losses...what you see is what you get!

So...what am i waiting for? I would say, a sign...and not those 'subtle inner voices' Oprah keeps talking about...I mean a brick to my head kinda sign! An 'a-ha moment' wouldn't be too bad either...so, please please let me get it...AND SOON!

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I don't know how I got it...supposedly, people get it from e-mail attachments, but who the hell cares? It got into my system, it fucked up my files, toyed with my settings, and fucked-up my week!

THE WEEK WHERE I HAD OVERLAPPING ASSIGNMENTS!!!

"Wtf? Wtf? Wtf?"...that's what I kept asking myself all week...then my mom left for work in Sabah...for a month, no less! Could things get any worse?

Oh, it can...Murphy's Law at its best...

Next thing you know, the PC at home got ruined for God knows what reason!!!

I willed myself NOT to cry...and what I ended up doing was laughing my ass off...telling myself that 'that week' was the worst week ever...

I think one day, I will definitely look back at that week and laugh my ass off...AGAIN!

What did I do about Brontok-the-mo'fo'? I researched all I could bout it, and armed myself with the necessary tools...killers, anti-this, and anti-that...but what happened was, Brontok detects all the relevant words, then shuts down my computer, knowing that i'm "up to something"...it even altered my registry, disabled hidden files viewing and shit like that...my processor was at 100% usage, and it was heating up...

MAN, THIS WORM IS SMART...A FORMIDABLE ADVERSARY!!!

I thought, what could I do to disable it from running my task manager...and booted in safe mode...from there, it didn't quite control my computer, so i ran Brontok killer, and it deleted the very important Brontok files...then, I rebooted to the normal mode, ran it again (successfully!), deleted traces in the registry, deleted a few registry keys created by the fucker, and ran 'Hijack this!', downloaded Windows Defender (as recommended by W) and voila...kicked the fucker in the balls!!!

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

I try and try NOT to be a geek...but I guess I am. Well, not a very good one, but a geek nevertheless! Well, at least that's what a few friends say, but hey...I ain't complainin'!

Did finish up the necessary assignments due...and now I'm in my room at campus...a week later. Tomorrow, I go home for 2 weeks...

On to the next challenge...fixing the PC at home...

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The project was over, the nightmare has gone...

A new task emerges, a new challenge arrives. I miss mom, even though I don't see her during the weekdays. It's just that I know she's not home, and that leaves a bitter feeling in my gut. Sorry for the emo post, but I can't help it!

Supposed to go home today, but there's another task to finish. Hopefully, tomorrow i'll be home to take care of my baby sis...kinda pity my other sis who's taking care of her, and of course, daddy. I'm so thankful that my family's the type that help each other, work together to attain the ultimate happiness.

God bless my family...

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I've been stressed for days, i don't even know where to begin. This whole freakin' week has been shitty! Shitty...SHITTY!!!

My friends and I had a hard time doing this project...and we finsihed, but alas...a bumbling biatch went and pointed our faults...okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

And i have another task going on...and another...and another...and another...arghhhh! When will it stop?

Now I find out my mom is going outstation...this freakin' Friday! She said she was going on Wednesday, and now...I won't get to see my Mommy in a month...maybe more!

I'M AFRAID I MISS HER ALREADY! :'(

The stress just keep gettin' better. Thank God for friends...and books...and family!

LOVE!

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This past week was hectic, I must say...but i'm bracing for the worst...haha, "We've only just begun..."

Busted my chops...and my laptop! Too much cmd prompts, that I probably deleted my system files by mistake...NTLDR Error!!! But it's all good. Thank God for my resourceful-ness! Fixed it, albeit with some minor obstacles...but it's all good now!

Did a presentation with my gang...went pretty well. Lecturer praised us for a job well done. Well, hell yeah! We did questionnaires, surveys, interviews, a pie chart...my friend did a really good job with the montage...other friends were well prepared...together as a team, we all excelled! YAY for the team!!!

What else? Oh...baby sis is all grown...15 months-old, and she's the queen of the house, playing all of us like a bunch of her worker bees! My dad, especially...he's her slave, really! How adorable! Lol!

Tomorrow, i'll be having French Quiz 1...hope it goes well...considering I didn't study shit! Arrrrrrggghhhhhh!!!

Je n'aime pas les questiones Francais!!! J'aime beaucoup le francais, mais je ne parle pas tres bien ce langue, parce que je ne prepare pas!!! C'est vrai!

Is that even correct? Sigh...only God can tell...hahahaha (nervously laughs!)

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I should start by saying Ma Sheba Ba...haha! I don't know what the fuck it means, but i'm loving the movie You Don't Mess With the Zohan...

It is classic Adam Sandler...goofball antics, dirty jokes, disgusting humor...which i sooooo love...i was literally ROFL when i saw it the first time...and the second, and third...all through the fifth! Brings back the memories of Happy Gilmore and his old comedies...and again...with his sick fixation on the older ladies...HAHAHAHAHA!!! Buttacheim!!!

All throughout, a lesson is learnt...we all want the same things...whatever race it may be. Only in Sandler's case, he plays on the stereotypes with much exaggeration. Man, I have a craving for Phantom's Muchentuchen...with a side of hummus! ROFL!!!

Went with some uber-old friends...my besties included! Went to a bar as the designated driver (teetotaller!!!) without telling parents. Drove all the way to Putrajaya to send another home...that was fun...driving a loooooooooooong road...without telling parents! Hahaha...what they don't know...

Missed curfew, scolded by parents for not calling and/or answering my phone...it WAS my fault, I admit! Maybe a certain W got into some parental lecture as well? Well, I certainly did! Hahahaha...21 year old, indeed!

Now, back to school...sigh!

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Can you believe how hot it is these days?

I'm now a crispy-brown fried chicken, and i'm not kidding! What is going on here? What with all the global warming, ice caps melting, we sure aren't doing enough...

I'm mostly freaking out due to my freakish ability to grow freckles with being exposed to the harsh lightings of the sun...even though i'm a naturally tanned person! Un-freaking-believable! I thought brown-skinned peeps don't get freckles, and now i've been proven wrong.

Pigmentations suck-balls! And i can't believe humans can be cooked/baked/roasted by just walking under the sun...with an umbrella...

Malaysia's hot and humid weather does nothing to make things better...went out with friends the other day. On the way back, we took the 6pm train back to uni...We were packed like a can of sardines, and then some!

With my own eyes, I saw humans being pressure-cooked and steaming, sweat dripping on one another, all sorts of B.O. you could imagine. I was there, wanting to die on the spot...has anyone ever heard of deodorant? WTF!!!

Then some guy standing behind me kept saying "Hi"...

The first time, i ignored him...for the second time, i ignored him...then, for the third time, i said "Yeah...hi." I did it out of courtesy.

He said, "I just wanted to say hi..."

My reply, "Well, now is not a good time to say hi!"

Ok, it was rude, but c'mon! You're standing behind me in a full train, in front of dozens of people, and you wanna say hi? Are you kidding? Plus, your B.O. and your persistence just annoyed the hell outta me! Could you be anymore inappropriate?

So, he just shut up...Good! Then, later, i would be made fun of by my friends...

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Yes it does! Really...thank God for friends who care. If I didn't have any, i would have been f***ed a long time ago. Just a few posts ago I said that my schedule no longer clashes, and yet here it is...

INDEED IT DOES CLASH...BIG TIME!

After explanations, explanations and more explanations, finally I get some peace. Friends backed me up, and now I am allowed to be tardy...which is rather uncommon! Hahaha...but still, this gives me a rather uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Yeah, sure I'm happy...but I feel a sense of guilt. Imagine, coming in 30 minutes late, when everyone have already done their job, talked about a topic, etc. Everyone else will stare...Damn!

So there it is, not even a day gone by, and i'm already f***erized by the system.

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Oh boy do I dread it...

So, I email my professor my topic (after thinking about it for the longest time!)...been thinking about doing something in the lines of the US, but mom came up with an amazing idea. She told me one problem with bilateral ties is the dreaded US-Malaysia FTA, which is STILL in talks (for the 9th time)...and then BAM!!!

Why not do a paper on its implications on the Malaysian economy? Emailed the proposed topic to the professor...got a nod from her...

NOW I'M SCARED!

Yes, there are many many many papers and journal on FTAs, but to do a paper on economic implications is beyond me...OMG, what have I gotten myself into...tomorrow, she will know me...who I am, for she will announce it in class...then everyone will look at me...some may even say "F***...she's doomed!"

I must say, I have been f***erized! By none other than me! I would be laughing out loud, rolling on the floor, giving me a diabolical belly laugh if I were someone else, but, alas...it's me! Oh shizz!

And here I am at 1 am, dreading it...tomorrow is what it is; i'm to wake up at 6am to commute back to campus, into my hostel...and straight to French class...

Oh yeah, tutorials start this week too...Bummer...Shizz squared...

Sorry for the lame curses...other than f***erized, i've nothing that tops that.

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Today was a frustrating day...it was as if the cosmos does not want me using the internet...but, i digress...

My friends and i spent the whole freakin' day looking for a location to use wifi on our computers. My battery sucks-balls, so i had to look for a hub with a plug point. We booked a special room just adjacent to the library...it had a cool lighting system with air-conditioning...BUT...there's always a but (of course!), the plug point didn't work!

To make matters worse, the connection was pretty bad. We were literally nomads, searching for the most "fertile land", aka place with a great signal...I guess in the end, there was just too many peeps using the wifi. SUCKS!!!

Now, i've finally found a place to call "home"...HAHA! I'm at the lab, and here, i use the computer given, where i am downloading codecs that i need to watch a video of a particular format...

It seems NIN has released free songs for fans...i'm so there!

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I dreamt of having some scones with tea and crumpets...all because of a friend's funny remarks of an old English lady...the so-called jam i spread on top of it was blue...does that mean anything? Hahaha, just a scrambling of data collected throughout the day, made into a movie in my head!

I also keep dreaming that Ryan Seacrest is the devil...isn't that hilarious and creepy? Why, of all people, should I dream of the "hardest working man in Hollywood"? HILARIOUS!

Tomorrow, i'm going back to uni...getting prepared for a hectic week. And tutorials haven't yet started. However, some friends and I are preparing to go see another blockbuster...Hellboy II!!! I rather enjoyed the first one, and I hear Guillermo Del Toro's visionary monsters are 'imported' or rather, quite similar to those in his previous hit, Pan's Labyrinth (which I didn't get to see...).

The Dark Knight...watched it yesterday with my best buds...I realy loved it. You know, i'm the type that believes in all the hype, but i must admit, this piece was awesome. From the storyline, to the characters, to the cinematography, even to the title...simply great! At first, I thought everyone wanted to give Ledger a posthumous Oscar just coz he's passed, but now I see that he deserves it! What a loss...so young, so talented...he was great in "that gay cowboy movie"...and what an ending with Joker.

Bought a couple of staples; 2 hoodies!!! And a formal, frumpy yet professional-looking blouse-shirt. Friends say it said "pro!" on me, but when I got home, mom said it makes me look old. And I'm there like, "WTF? Who am I supposed to believe now?" Meh...

I must say, for all that happened this week, I don't feel very much enthusiastic. I don't understand why. I keep feeling bored, yet, I feel like I don't wanna do anything but lie in bed and do nothing. Am I becoming what I hate most? Apathetic, with no zest for life? Please don't let that happen to me...

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The hectic schedule which i'm about to receive calls for perseverence, patience, a firm hand, and...patience.

IT IS GONNA BE DAMN FUCKIN' HARD!!!

First of all, my application to up my credit intake for this term was approved...the problem is, fitting the said subject into my already tight schedule. Am i gonna be able to do this?

I hope to God that i can...

Second thing is, as i'm sitting here typing this shit, i feel so blurred-out from the world, that I don't know what am i even here for.

I'm sort of liking my current room better than my last (HORIBBLE!!!)...just coz of the view, the floor, the lack of a roommate...and yet, my friends are next door. So, i sorta get the best of both worlds; when i'm bored, i go next door...and when i wanna be alone, i just have to go back to my room.

Watched Braveheart yesterday...but it didn't finish...i mean, it stopped at the climax. You know, when Wallace was leading the Scotsmen to war. It just stopped while they were slitting and bashing those English heads...man! I feel so cheated!

I heard Mel Gibson's in Malaysia again...lol! I remember just after "the incident", Wikipedia called him Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson.

I think he'll fit well in Malaysia because of our policy on ******...so to finish this good-for-nothing post, i say;

"SELAMAT DATANG KE MALAYSIA, ENCIK GIBSON..."

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Yes, yes, yes! I'm going back to varsity life after 2 freakin' months of slacking on the couch, babysitting my 13 month old sister, cleaning, cooking...

I DON'T WANNA GO...................

But I have to...oh, dang it!!!

Have to start eating ramen noodles, buying greased up fuckin' junk food, can't see my adorable sister except weekends...will miss family all over again! Oh, geez...I hate it...hate it, hate it, hate...FOR NOW!

And guess what, stupid PTPTN did not bank in the loan instalment...i literally go back empty handed, with no new clothes, nothing to say, "I'm all fresh from the holidays"...what a drag!

For the record, I use majority of the money for necessities, till the end of the semester...and the sum given is a pittance...after paying the tuition fee, i'm left such a small amount, that I almost live like a hermit...note the Ramen/junk food line above...but at least i'll be losing the holiday weight...LOL!

Also, have to start running in the morning to boost metabolism, then tone-up so that i won't huff and puff while running around for lectures.

Must start reading more books on stuff i like...also, i must be thrifty from now on...no more buying stuff for baby and mom and dad...sorry, i just have to for my own sake. I HATE BEING A CHEAPSKATE!!! But, what can I do, i have no dough to be buying stuff...thank God i don't have a credit card...

Saw 'Get Smart' with my best bud yesterday...was great...totally love Carell...he has played every character with such a consistency (of a men so stiff, he makes the mopstick look limp!), that it amazes me...ever seen Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy? Yeah, Steve's a stiff character with a cuckoo complex...hahahaha!!! Love him, really!

What I would love to see next is 'You Don't Mess with the Zohan'...another Apatow movie...well, he sorta shot Carell to movie fame with '40-year Old Virgin', right? Plus, the trailer looked good..who could resist Adam Sandler with that hair? Hahaha...

Okay, I hope and pray that the rooms are now equipped with WiFi or some sorta internet hub, as the main peeps of the dorm promised...

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So, for the previous emo post, I would like to apologize for the totally pathetic self-pitying party...now, i'm not one for peoples' sympathies...that's why i'm saying screw the previous post...i'm so over it!

The latest is more problematic...I'm gonna have to find a part-time job. Seriously, what in the world could i do to earn some money? I have parents who are living from check-to-check, and i don't want to burden them.

I applied for some part-time writing, thanks to W, but I doubt anyone will ever hire a newbie...so now, what else could I apply for? I guess i'll have to start looking, browsing, etc...this high cost of living is really disturbing...if i am not rich, but not in poverty, and yet could suffer like this, can you imagine the hardship those in poverty are going through?

Oh my God, the rich keep getting richer...those oil tycoons are some bloodsucking leeches, dudes! As you know, once the oil prices go up, everything else does!

Anyone hiring?

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It's sorta my thing...I play this game mainly on this journal I call a blog...

Have you ever fallen in love? My answer is no...pitiful, you say? I don't know, although I must admit it is pretty lame that I haven't had the chance to experience the whole being in love thing, I would at least want to experience it once in my life...

I'm 21...by the way! It's still pretty ok, right?

I just try and try not to get jealous when friends of mine who have been single for long come around and tell me, "Hey, i'm in love with this guy/girl...and he/she loves me back!"

But still, I can't help feeling resentment when I see them holding hands and looking each other in the eye with so much love...I mean, when am I going to experience that? That's what songs are made of, movies..and art too!

Now, it wouldn't be fair at all if I didn't get a chance to fall head over heels before I die...it just goes to show that life does indeed play sick games with me...and people like me.

Meh, i'm pretty much bitter right now...at this rate, I'll be keeping cats by the time I hit 40...and so, life goes on...maybe i'll keep dogs instead! Yeah, dogs...

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