Life's Sick Lil' Games...

It's almost like an obsession...this need to play the guitar everyday at 4-5 in the morning. I know it's sick, but it sort of gets me to a different place. One, because nobody is here to hear it...just me. So no pressure. Second, it's more like a proud moment every time I play a song just because it's self-taught. Thirdly, it's so I don't get rusty.

It's not like I'm great...matter of fact, I can only play the major important chords that could make all kind of songs. You'd be amazed on the amount of songs you could play just by knowing a few chords.

Now the best thing is...I don't have to search for chords online coz I could just write down the chords of a song by myself and transpose the song to another key...with easier chords...

Mom heard me playing a song the other day (The Bends by Radiohead...I wrote the chords myself...and it sounds correct...yay!!!) and said, "Wow, you can play...I'm so proud!" like as if I played like Slash or Jimi...hahahahah! But I'm not afraid to play in front of her and my sisters. If I were to play in front of my dad, however...I'd be scared as shit!!!

My sister told my dad that I play real good and I should give her ex-bf (now her friend) lessons...I flatly denied and called her a liar just so I wouldn't have to play in front of Dad. Hahahaha...that's "intimidation" for you!

BUT...whatever it is...I am happy to state that this is one thing I can cross-out in terms of what I can do...

You see, I made a list a long time ago (age 15-16 or so)...and you know what...I've done almost all of it! So, after I learn ONE computer language, travel, take up photography AND get my writing published (somewhere), I'll write a new one!!! :D

At least I can say for certain that I finish what I start...and that ain't a bad thing!!!

Man, the thousands of things I wanna do...I think I should start that list now coz I know for sure that certain goals, such as getting published is like asking for the moon...hehehe!

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Complaining is one of my greatest weaknesses...sometimes you just have those days when things don't go the way you want it. You go home (in my case, my single room in campus) to your solitary confinement...you then throw your weight on the bed, look up the ceiling and just have the whole day on playback in your head. From there, you go on and think about the bigger things; your future, where you're heading and you find yourself lost...the same ol' issue!

Happens all the time...

Sometimes you go into dark-mode...but i'm learning to cope by going the other way...like just reminding myself that I have everything I need in my life. Basic stuff for survival, stuff that feeds my mind, body and soul...and of course the greatest assets any human could have: a circle of trust...people whom you know will have your back in any situation.

Sometimes God speaks to you in ways you can't imagine...just when I started to get all gloomy and whatnot (maybe it's that fucking unfinished thesis and that trip I want to happen with every fibre of my being, which I've just come across some upsetting news!)...the song that played on my player was True Colors by Cyndi Lauper...damn, it made me cry!

I'm one of those people who really take the lyrics into heart, and I believe the words make the song. Of course, the music and melody plays an important role...but if the lyrics are just some jumbled-up crap...i'd hate it no matter how beautiful the melody...but that's just me!

Back to the story...I personally felt that someone was speaking to me...well, maybe not...but I would like to think so. It was just the perfect answer to that particular moment I was having. Take a look at the lyrics, and maybe you'd understand why I thought SOMEONE was speaking to me...

True Colors by Cyndi Lauper

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Thank you, God...I love you too! :')

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So I started my day pretty ok...all was well till middle sister (the younger, but bigger and bossy and sorta beyond MY years) started scolding me. Holy Jeebus, Batman! All because I want to listen to some songs. On one hand, she scolds when I listen with the speakers...on the other hand, I'm scolded even when I use the headphones. It's not like I'm bothering anyone...then mom joins in to scold! Ughhh, it's like I can't catch a break here. Mood-killer!!!

I tried to explore my BB and see what applications it had, so I subscribed a week's BIS on my telco company line...for a small sum. Told the sister and got another awesome scolding. LMFAO! Now she's lecturing me on MY airtime? Ohhh man! Too funny...kinda amused at how someone younger than me could have such little respect...but I guess it happened just when mom trained me to give in to the younger one. Guess the lesson never dies, eh? Not to say that I want her respect, but geez...I have to get a break from all the scolding once in a while. I know you're always gonna be right, and I'm always gonna be wrong...but can you save your mothering for when you have your own kids?

One thing I'm amused at is that she can't take it when I give her some comeback scolding in return! So...it's more a matter of me ShuttingTFU or just giving in and getting a headache for 5 minutes, then it's over.

Ok, complaining always puts me in a better mood! :))

I shall carry on with my songs now...oh, btw...loving the internet with my BB- youtube, messenger, facebook, google, hotmail, etc...better make it worth it! Hence, gonna use a hell of a whole lotta BB this bloody week. And yeah, I'm blogging from my BlackBerry, woohoo!

Toodlez, bitches!

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Just when you think Bill Kaulitz' lyric-writing skills couldn't get any better...i find another song from the new album...probably the last out of Humanoid's Deluxe Edition called Phantomrider aka Geisterfahrer in German...the difference? He wrote the original in German, of course...and the German version has a girl singing an excerpt of his "love" answering him from the other side...damn! Of course, it sounds better in the language in which it was written, right? The English version is just for us English-speakers to comprehend and etc...

You see, a geisterfahrer...according to German lore is someone who is on a drunken rampage and/or suicide rampage on an autobahn (highway) in Germany...it's basically speeding on the wrong side of the highway, either coz you wanna die, or you just want some thrill...whatever it is...TH's version seems to be on a suicidal note, where he is giving up coz he wants to meet his love on the other side...the thing is, we don't know whether the "love" is known to him, or maybe it's just some dream he's pursuing...whatever it is, it's scary the way he chases it, kinda optimistic AND pessimistic at the same time...

Yes, i AM sooooo free to analyse songs...isn't it what i do best? Heheheeh...remember Three Days' Grace and Third Eye Blind, and NIN...yes...guess i kinda like dark, gloomy songs...doesn't misery love company?

Now don't get me wrong...i DO love the fast-tempo songs like Wo Sind Eure Hande or Wir Sterben Niemals Aus --> great to hear it live and acoustic respectively...if only! :( or Hey You...or etc! It's just, why would you analyse the happy songs, right? It's just that...a WYSIWYG kinda thing! You get it! But i think if i should be so lucky as to ask the band some stuff, it would definitely be on the lyrical and musical side, rather than their favorite color or their sexual orientation...which is kinda rude! So what if he's gay or not? His music still rocks, and that's what matters in the end...but isn't it weird that like their German stuff a little bit more than their English ones? Hahaha...i love both versions, but yeah...Deutsch seems more them...duhhh! Meh, whatever...

By the way, haven't been well this past 2 days due to food poisoning...just thinking about it makes me mad! Arrrrggghhhh hate it, hate it, hate it!!! Why is it that I get sick every November? Remember last year? It was either November or December...arrrhhh!!! But yeah, last year was worse...couldn't forget he mere "uggghhhhh.." feeling...okok, i'll stop now!

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I dunno why, but hearing Brother Iz's version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow never ceases to make me relax...the ukelele and soothing sound of his voice...wow, makes me wish I was in a Hawaiian beach, relaxing and watching the waves during sunset...wow, this is what music does to me!

Or hearing Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze gets me in the Woodstock era, where hippies dance and put flowers in their hair...nice!

Or what about 80s music? Don't even get me started! Hahahahaha...

God bless MUSIC...i'd be nowhere without it.

I think i've written about this before...oh God, i'm repeating myself, aren't I? Meh, who cares...hahaha!

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My favorite songs of all time...not all though (just some that I could think about at the top of my head). The first three of them are kinda dark, lyrically:

• IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE by Tonic

I love love love this band's album...Lemon Parade! It's great! And only recently, I found out that their song 'Mr. Golden Deal' was a sort of continuation of 'If You Could Only See'; the latter was written by lead singer Emerson Hart as a way of convincing his mom about the love he has found with his girlfriend...years later, after their marriage...she leaves him for another man. 'Mr. Golden Deal' is a song written to the man who got her in the end (WOW!!!)

• NEVER TOO LATE by Three Days Grace

I love this song. If you hear it at first, it would seem that it was written to a significant other. The second time I listened to it, I realized that it's not about that at all. The song is about suicide, perhaps he, the singer is convincing a suicidal friend that he/she can turn things around...that's it's never too late to change your life...even though the world wasn't what you expected in the beginning...it's a sad song, yet, at the same time it gives you a hint of optimism and hope.

• JUMPER by Third Eye Blind

Well, do not be put off by my seemingly dark choices of songs with suicidal undertones. This song is also about suicide. Unlike 'Never Too Late', 'the Jumper' does jump from the ledge...or so I've heard. This song was a supposed 'what I would've said to my friend (the jumper) if I was there' by the singer who lost a friend to suicide.

• HURT by NIN

I've talked about this song before...

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