Life's Sick Lil' Games...

You think it's over, those varsity days of assignments...then you become a management trainee and your 1st presentation is to present a book review to the 7 GMs and a CEO of the company.

AARRRGGGHHH!!! Shitdamncrap!!!

Ok. Done.

God bless!

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Didn't I just write about men who would just buck-up and tell a girl how they feel? That's exactly what happened to me these past few days...unbelievable! I admire him for being brave and taking the first step...ok, so I actually respect him for his actions, but that doesn't mean we're an item now! I'm just acknowledging that there are men who are man enough to go after what they want...it gives a girl a sense of optimism and hope! :P

God bless that boy...

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Why can't some people just come out and say it? Why do they need to create an elaborate game plan just to attain something they're not even sure of? It seems funny to me why this happens...it looks so forced and unnatural to me, and I hate it!

Stop wasting your time...be a man! Most of us aren't complicated, and I'm not those girls who like playing games.

Ok...totally out-of-the-blue, but it's what I wanna say for now.

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Sometimes, what you see is what you get...no need to analyze. It's just there in your face! No need to analyze the 'deeper' meanings by my selection of book or movies...I just like them coz they're good movies.

No need to ramble on about what makes me like certain types of music...I just do!

No need to ask why I do this or that...I am human and I'm driven by instincts...

No need to philosophize about the world to me...I didn't ask you to.

No need to ask me stuff. I am not a sage, and you are not my pupil!

No need to tell me stuff I don't wanna know coz it makes me feel awkward...don't you have a right/wrong filter in your brain? DO you have a brain?

The filter in my head tells me that I can't tell these things to you coz I have something called sensitivity...which maybe you don't? Guess I'll just have to ignore you then...and no, I don't like you. I'm just being nice...

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Sorry...this is my outlet, people...some people are idiots, that's all! So this is the place where I let it out...

This is pretty much a pointless post...but I'm feeling very much better now!

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It's little things that create bliss sometimes...

Like cool air and rain at 4 in the morning, while having a grilled cheese+garlic butter sandwich...hot drink (i dunno what to make yet!), listening to your fave music...and not having to worry about anything for the rest of the day...

Haaaahhhhhh...bliss! :D

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Let's play my fave game...since my mind is blank right now:

• Ever felt so hungry even after eating 2 hours prior to your hunger pang? Then, you eat a packet of biscuits so quick, and of course...like a pig that you are?
• Ever felt a song touched you to your soul, that you can't help but cry?
• Ever had a certain song never fails to get you up from your chair just so you dance to it?
• Ever felt jittery after drinking that 5th cup of coffee, then wonder why you're feeling jittery and feel like skipping rope?
• Ever wanted to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but instead you ATTEMPT to read your lessons for a major test on the same day, then choose not to coz you're afraid you won't wake up?
• Ever felt doing something major to your hair, like maybe getting dreads...but your head is too small and you'll look like a turd-head? (Yes, i DO have a thing for guys with dreads...so what?)
  

Shit, what the hell am i doing??? I gotta focus...

FOCUS!!!

Man, i'm so screwed!

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Sometimes the weather is too weird you just wonder what's going on with the world...

Like today...take my word for it!

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OMGOMGOMG...can't.feel.arms.

Seriously, i was drenched in my own sweat by the time i finished carrying everything, while my sis got wet in the rain...i'm thankful for the help though...really!

I just left my things in the new room...couldn't stay any longer coz we had to get back asap! Anyway, now i'm back and yeah...arms are so tight, raw, tired, etc!

But damn!!! It feels good! Isn't that nuts? Hahahaha...i'm lovin' it!

PS: Glad i moved...no regrets! Will be back by Monday to clean up. At least it's nearer to the cafe and bus stop...yay!

PPS: I wanna I wanna I wanna go see All-American Rejects...but i have to buy a new sim card from a different telco (which i used to own)...it's gone now, so i'd have to buy a brand new number...damn! Hope i get them tickets...let's buy 'em in bulk, y'all!!! Muahahahaha...

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Dear God,

I know there will be a time where all questions asked by us mere mortals will be answered...somehow i know you DO answer us, but we don't listen...

I'm just saying, sometimes i need a brick in the head to see the answer. So please please please answer me in this time of confusion. I am at a crossroads, not knowing where i should go to attain what i truly want, which only you would know...seeing that i myself don't! I really don't know what i want...yes, i have ideals and all sorts of plans, but i know nothing can be attained without your blessing and will.

The pressure is pushing me towards one way, but even if i seem to want it, i'm not sure i do...i don't think i do...maybe i'll feel like i'm missing something that could give me more happiness? I don't know...all i know is that i have another year to decide...i'm counting on you. And no more jokes, please...as funny as they are sometimes!

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Baptized in the river...i see a vision of my life and i wanna be delivered...

That line from Good Charlotte's 'The River'...i keep singing it over and over and over again...help! I love the song, but can't I stop?

On a different note, i love the fact that M. Shadows (hott!) and Synyster Gates (super-duper cool!!! AND hot...at the same time, hehe!) are in it! Apart from Joel and Benji Madden, the rest of the GC guys are rather low-key...that's why i'm not familiar with them individually...unlike Synyster's bandmates...hahah!

Do i need to be delivered or something? Why can't i freakin' stop singin this song???

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I dunno why, but hearing Brother Iz's version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow never ceases to make me relax...the ukelele and soothing sound of his voice...wow, makes me wish I was in a Hawaiian beach, relaxing and watching the waves during sunset...wow, this is what music does to me!

Or hearing Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze gets me in the Woodstock era, where hippies dance and put flowers in their hair...nice!

Or what about 80s music? Don't even get me started! Hahahahaha...

God bless MUSIC...i'd be nowhere without it.

I think i've written about this before...oh God, i'm repeating myself, aren't I? Meh, who cares...hahaha!

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Ever felt there's tension in a room, where everyone is dead silent, doing whatever they do...and all you can hear in your head is "GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!" coz you can't bear the tension?

Ever felt the tension get so awkward, and yet everyone's acting oblivious to it, that you can cut the tension with a knife?

I have! The only thing is, I can't run away...

Sometimes I think they might be happier apart...sometimes! Just sometimes...

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Oh Holy Jebus, Batman! Can you believe i have written loads of crap throughout the years...and i'm still NOT tired of it?

Man, i've re-read some of my posts...and i have written about many things -hopes & dreams, love, myself, family, friends.

And i've written while i was in all sorts of mood- mad, weird, crazy, sleepy, sober, sad, happy, ecstatic, bitter, hopefull, hopeless, optimistic, pessimistic...wow!!! I'm so multi-faceted...but which girl isn't, eh? ROFLMAO!

With all that, you could say i've changed somewhat, but still...i've remained the same -- does that make any sense at all?

I still have that hope of travelling, of writing, of falling in love, of sky diving, of being a worldly person, and building myself up so i can live a happy wonderful life with my loved ones...

Somehow, i've come to realize this: EVERYONE wants the same thing, whether we know it or not. WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS!

Have I got what it takes? Who knows...but one thing's for sure...my journey hasn't even begun! I somehow always focus on the future and the past...never being totally in the present. Maybe that is my ultimate weakness. I think so...

If i start thinkin in the NOW, would i be any different? What would change? Would i be more or less selfish?

Lots of unanswered questions...

I THINK TOO MUCH! But i'm lovin' it...

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Yeah, my dream to go to Boracay Beach is shattered, as mom says it is soooo bloody far from Manila or any of her provinces...damn! You even have to take a plane. Arggghhh! But we will go visiting some highlands...yeah...good enough! I love the highlands...cool air, clean breeze...cool air! Lol...

Well, I don't freakin' care...all i want is to enjoy myself...coz i deserve to! I've been cooped up here like some hermit, and i haven't even had the chance to get the hell out. I can't go out this weekend coz my mom will be busy at work, and so will my dad! Huhhh!!!

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! I just can't catch a break, can i? Time for the laughter at this ironic circumstance: I'm on holiday, and yet...i'm stuck!!!

Cue to the laughter--> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

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Ever found that 2-month old cornflakes you kept at the back of the fridge and forgot about? Well, i did...and at that very moment, it tasted good...rofl!

Correction: it was wheatflakes, NOT cornflakes! Same diff...

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I can't sleep! I can't sleep! I can't sleep! I can't sleep! I can't sleep!

I think the whole nocturnal thingy rendered me incapable of normal sleeping time...while i was supposed to sleep around 7 in the morning, i took the liberty of doing the laundry...well, sort of. I just finished a batch, hung them up...then, zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

Woke up at 1, and took a nap in the evening...and now, I can't sleep! I can't sleep! I can't sleep!

And so the cycle continues, much like the cycle of the washing machine...

And to repeat...i'm ok!

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Ever wonder sometimes where the hell you're heading for in life? I've made plans...and plans never turn out how you imagined them. I'm gonna be in my final year after the holidays, and i've yet to KNOW exactly what i'm supposed to be doing.

I can say where i could work...i could work for the foreign service, the Malaysian Political Think-tank, i could work for the bank, i could work for the various MNCs here in Malaysia, i could work as a journalist, i could work for the mass media...and many more. The key is "COULD"...but do i WANT to? What do i want? Do any of us actually figure out the answer in the end?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO!

Where am i heading? Shitdamncrap!

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I'm taking a lot of quizzes on Facebook...today is a pretty boring day. And it's someone's birthday today...but it ain't a happy one. That's all I have to say! I thank God coz she doesn't know any better.

Tomorrow, however is another girl's bday...Happy bday, Ms. Fitrina!!! May your birthday bring you the joy and happiness you deserve!!!

Okok, so what now? Right now, my fingers are sore from the strings...found some tabs of songs i've always wanted to learn (easy ones only), but damn! Just as I get to practising, my name gets called, and i have to do something! Epic fail!!! But i try whenever i can...skin of fingers are peeling, ewwww!!! And hardening too! Double-ewwww!

And what about today? We're supposed to go to grandma's today...hate it! Won't elaborate further... :S

My hair is getting too long for me to manage...wanna chop it off as soon as i get the money...shorter hair is so much better, hehehe! Well, not too short...but not long either. Meh, i dunno...we'll see when the money comes in, hehehe...money talks, right? Shit, maybe i'll just cut+style it myself...hahaha, or maybe i'll just go bald!

I don't really have much to write now, as i'm just typing whatever comes to my head...utter gibberish!

Okok, gotta go...toodlez, bitches!

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The detour mentioned earlier was confirmed on Friday night when i got the message from mom's meeting with the ambassador...she IS going tomorrow, Sunday morning at 5 am! Okaaay, so it's fine. All i'm feeling is worried for mom's safety, like always!

I mean, wow! Why do i always always always get so worried when she goes? I miss her already...and the fact that she's going for Mother's Day? Even worse! My poor mother...and I love her so...we all do! Know what is the best thing in all of this? The best thing is i KNOW for a fact that God really takes care of us...i mean, of all the times my mom gets posted there, I happen to be on holiday...and if i don't, it's my sis who has a break from college. Is it a mere coincidence, or is SOMEONE / SOMETHING really watching over us? I'd prefer to think it's the latter!

Well, there goes the short post...for now, i have to plan a lot of stuff...grocery shopping, stuff to cook for the week, laundry (DAMN!), etc...

So much for a fun vacay, huh? Well...i'l save it for a weekend or two! And who can forget...THE TRIP!!! So looking forward to it!

Till then...toodlez, bitches!

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