Monday, April 02, 2007

Friday Nite...and the Later Days!

Monday, April 02, 2007

After work, I watched a movie with a couple of friends...this movie, 300 that everyone's been talking about.

One of my friend saw it for the 3rd time! Can you believe that? Lol, the movie was great, in terms of cinematography, it is very artistic (yes, even the bloody, gory scenes...oooh, and the beheading too!). I should tell you that I was the only one really enjoying (i.e.--laughing out loud) all the gore and slicing of hands and legs...my friends were looking at me like, "Whaaat? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a sadist or something?" much to my chagrin...well, it's just surprising that all the gory details are intact...

And would you believe the pecks on those dudes? OMG, fuckin' unreal, dudes! Imagine 300 men with their six-packs on guard...my male friend was almost crying at the sight, claiming "do you think those pecks are real?"

Of course they are, dude! That's what months of training do to your body...and if we are talking about real Spartans, they train almost their whole lives...and, oh, what hurt I felt when King Leonidas bit the dust...and the end was awe-inspiring. All in all, great movie in terms of style...substance, i'll give it a B-!

Yesterday was Palm Sunday in the Catholic calendar...so, my family and I went for mass as usual...damn, the church was packed! Our church is quite small, so to see people all the way outside was quite touching!

I even saw my crush there too! Damn, he's cute! I somehow can't gather enough courage to even smile at him, which is unusual, coz i'm NEVER shy! Oh, yeah...I forgot, I usually am shy with guys I like! Oh, snap! Well...someday, i'll have to change this attitude, but I guess I'm afraid taking chances might somehow backfire...well, i've seen it happen to some of my closest friends, and see what it did to her? I don't want that to happen to me too! Eh, maybe he has a girlfriend anyway (that's how I comfort myself when I think about it!)...

And...I'm officially the family chef...Lol! I cooked on Saturday, (seeing that my mom can't be doing any work due to her pregger state) and people seemed to like it...so I cooked on Sunday, and was crowned the family cook! Haha...I have to cook special vegetarian meals for my vegetarian sister, you know? That's tough!!!

I'm kinda regretting cooking well, coz now i'll have to cook all the time! Shit, I never thought of that...only now!!!

Wow, looks like a long post...heheee, looks like I got my writing mojo back!

Toodlez, bitches!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Continued...

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I dig them guys I can't have...love these rocker dudes! Hotness+talent=ledzeppelin4evr's crush...

These rockers...I like!

  • Brandon Boyd (Incubus)
  • Jeff Russo (Tonic)
  • Chris Cornell (Audioslave)
  • Trent Reznor (NIN)
  • Jakob Dylan (The Wallflowers)
  • Gavin Rossdale (Bush)

[UPDATED: How could I forget dear Gavin, hot hubby of Gwen Stefani???]

Finally...

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Finally found the album i've been looking for; Lemon Parade by Tonic. Been looking for it for over two years...yeah, fucking Malaysian record stores rarely have this album. So, guess what I did? I downloaded it from Multiply...it seemed like the only way, y'all...I needed it desperately!

I absolutely love Tonic's Lemon Parade...LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!! Now, I swear, if I don't find their 'Sugar' album in stores, i'm gonna do the same thing, and download it online again!

I LOVE JEFF RUSSO of Tonic...he's hot, and talented! Okay, Emerson and Dan are hot too, but I am drawn to Jeff...Sigh!

It's the men I can't have that I'm ultimately drawn to...that is so...retarded!

I'm gonna enjoy the album now. See y'all in the next few hours, coz i'm sure i'll have lots to talk about!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What's Up???

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Yeah, what's up with Malaysians nowadays? Total selfishness and stupidity...everywhere!

It has been twice since someone's cut me off-queue, damnit! The first time, this 40-ish guy came off his old motorcycle and cut me off while I was lining to buy me brekkie...Nasi Lemak w/ Kerang (Mmmmm....)! Huh, what the hell did I do? I called out my freakin' order out loud before the lady could pick up his order. Luckily, this lady acknowledged that I was there first, and proceeded to give me mine...Hah!

Today- the 2nd time; this old-ish hag (call her Lady Hag) cut a lady (let's call her Lady B) in front of me, and Lady B did not have the guts to say a word.

OMG, I seriously almost screamed out "Hey fuckster, don't you know how to queue up?"...BUT, she would probably die of a heart-attack, seeing that she's about 50 something or so...so I didn't...Lady B should have, though! If anyone ever cut me off like that, I would have a fit! Too bad the nasi lemak lady didn't see Lady Hag cutting queue.

Just wanna say, don't be a fucker and go jumping into people's queue...have some decency, courtesy and respect for your fellow humans...we ain't animals, y'all...

And If I ever catch you doing that, I'm gon' do some ass-whoopin'...BIG TIME!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's Official...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

...that I have no work to do today. Isn't that nice?

Well, it is, if you are the idle-lovin' type of person, but I AM CERTAINLY NOT ONE! Oh, man...with my free time, I just check out blogs, go joining clubs for bitches (don't believe me? Look at the nice pic below...), IM my friends, watch YouTube, read the papers online, basically, my whole day revolves around the computer...

I just finish up my work a little too soon, I guess...I do work fast, and that's a good thing!

So, what am I gonna blab about now? Let's see...

Okay, i've been contemplating on going to Taylor's College or Monash University...Communications will be at Taylor's, and International Relations at Monash...

So, am I to join the foreign service, join the mass-comm industry where every man, woman, and those in-between are joining?

Seems tough, seeing that I like both! Mom and dad will support me in anything I do, so that's a good thing. However, regarding the finances, I will have to invest in my future with my OWN money...trust me, this is the ONLY time I wish my parents were rich!

Choices to make, in such little time...God, help me!

I Love Multiply!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Any music I was looking for, I found it here! I love it so so much...the ones that seem impossible to find, without downloading any malware/spyware/adware interference...I found it all!!!

Yay!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, nowadays, my posts seem short...have I lost my gift of blabbing? What do I blog about today?

Oh yeah, last weekend; I watched Just Like Heaven on HBO...guess what my sister tells me?

She said that I would become like Reese Witherspoon's character...workaholic, and alone!

WTF? You mean to say I have to be half-dead to get a decent guy?

Bummer...

Monday, March 26, 2007

E-Train = Jesus?

Monday, March 26, 2007

I must say, most of the songs released on Eli's MySpace are great...he is now revamped...new teeth, long hair and all...and might I say, he looks like JESUS. Kinda miss the old Elliott...

Holy Jebus, Batman!!!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Who's Your Daddy...

Friday, March 23, 2007

I thought I was no fan of the guys in American Idol this year...coz I know for sure, Melinda needs to be given the title, hands down!

BUT...

This week, I fell in love with Blake! He sang one of the sexiest songs ever made, and it made me love him...it was a song by The Zombies, called 'Time of the Season'. As usual, he did his beatboxing thing, but I wasn't disappointed...he didn't spoil the song...not at all!!! I always loved that song...appropriate for seduction, hehehe!

Mind you, I think he's a great performer (you should've seen his moves...), but not an awesome singer...but, i'm swooning, baby! Btw, Ryan was totally checking Blake out! Hahahaha!!!

Oh shit, just when I thought I wouldn't fall for any guys on this season of Idol...I go ahead and fall!

It happened with Bo, Chris...and now I present...

BLAKE LEWIS! (Sigh...)

Who's your daddy...Blake's my daddy!!! Wooot!!!

PS: Why the hell is Sanjaya still here?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Where's My MP3 Walkman?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Yo, I received the notification on V Day, via e-mail...then I received another asking for my address, so they can send a letter...but I did not get it yet...when will they send it? When? When? When?

I know the company is legit...the whole contest was to promote Sony MP3 Walkman in Asia Pacific...you know, the whole thing about being a Soundaholic? BUT...where is my Sony NW-S705F MP3 Walkman?

When I won another contest last year, I waited for the prize for 6 months...6 months! My weakness is impatience, people...don't test it, please!!!

I summon thee, MP3 walkman, I summon thee...

Chasing Cars...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Okay, I did no such thing; chasing cars...I just like it as a title!

Mom's car is still at the mechanic's, so dad dropped me at my office...yesterday's trip on the train was...tiring! I did not expect to be walking so far with the heels I was wearing...Gosh!!! I reached home with sores on my feet...

Anyways, in the commute, there's no such thing as decent people. Alright, I may be talking shit because of a few bad apples, but I just can't keep my mouth shut...why do people have to stare? The one thing I despise is staring...guys, girls, it doesn't make a difference. Staring is NOT polite! I seem to get stared at by a confused-looking bunch of people...

Then they start to get annoying and ask my race...I wish I could say, "None of your fucking business!" but I am a polite person, and I just have fun and say the first thing that pops into my head...I pretend to be Mexican and say, "Lo siento, yo no hablar Englais!", or a Sabahan, or a Filipino, or a Spaniard, or a Malay, Indian...whatever! Just as long as they get out of my freakin' face!

Well, while commuting, I got the 'ol stare-a-thon from this old guy; looked like he was staring at my chest! Oh my God, could the guy not be creepier? Yucks!!! WTF, dude! Go to a fuckin' place called Chow Kit, you mo' fo'!!! Plus, he was the ultimate stereotype...I don't wanna repeat myself...you get the gist!

I did not happen to bump into any cute guys, however...where are all the hot guys??? Just stood next to one guy that had extremely bad B.O.! Where's the eye candy? I need some eye candy, people!!!

Well, I did jinx my whole week...I hoped it would not be a bitch, and it did! I need to use reverse psychology the next time!

'Til the next post, i'm gonna go chase some cars...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I Feared The Worst...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

My mom just called me. The time? 9.30am.

She tells me...after dropping me off at my office, her car got hit by a BMW! Wtf??? What else could I, a daughter of a preggie mother do, but panic...

"Oh my God, mom! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, i'm okay...the guy who hit my car was gracious enough to apologize, and promised to pay for the whole mess."

Well, of course he should, right? He hit her car...from the back...it's his fault, so he should pay...he drives a BMW anyway, so what's a little bill for fixing a little car for him, eh? My poor mom. Thank God nothing happened to her. Thank God!!!

And thank you, God for letting a polite, civilized, gentleman hit her car, not one of those meanies who beat up pregnant women with a wrench...

What is it with Malaysian drivers? Just yesterday my sister and her fellow team of debaters were in an accident on the road...they were on their way back from a debating competition (i'm so proud of her, by the way!). You know what happened? A fuckin' truck was speeding, and hit their car from the back! Guess who got scolding? Their poor teacher, aka the driver got it from that fuckin' trucker! Shame on that trucker for hiding his guilt by sounding-off to an innocent teacher...with her students watching, nonetheless!!! Trying to cover his mistake by aggression...what a wimpy chicken-shit!

He hit them coz he was fuckin' speeding, and yet he had the gall to be scolding the victim? As my Malay friends would say, "Masya-Allah!" (sorry if the spelling's wrong...)

Too much cars on the road, I must say, especially now that everyone can own one, no matter how minimum your wage is...heck, even I can own a car!

I heard the Gov is charging a levy for one-passenger cars...I think that's great, much to dad's disapproval. This would be the only way the cars on the road would lessen.

All in all, i'm happy nobody is hurt! Oh, geez...i'm gonna have to take the train! Oh, man...

Toodlez...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Weird Dream Yesterday!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Just a short post...I dreamt that Ryan Seacrest was the Devil!

I also dreamt that my sister was gonna elope with her no-good boyfriend...At 18, damnit!!! I was begging her not to, but she wanted to, and nobody was gonna stop her, she said! Yikes!!!

---End of weird dream post---

Don't Speak...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I wish I had a mute button for certain people. Some people can't just seem to shut the fuck up! Why is it, when you don't ask for their opinion, they just go on and on, and give it to you anyway? Man, that is soooo annoying!!!

Another thing is, what the hell is wrong with me being single? Why do people seem to think i'm miserable just because i'm single? Sometimes, I don't know what to think and what to do anymore...the thing is, i'm happy!!! So, why must I look for "Mr. Right" at the mere age of almost-20? I somehow think I would stumble upon a great guy, serendipitously...somewhere out there. Besides, my ideals on future relationships are much too idealistic.

I'm NOT an old woman, so please...can't you let me enjoy my youth? Being single and carefree is fun!!! I'm only 20 years old, damnit!!!

Wait, wait...one more thing! This is to men who can't take no for an answer; just because a girl ain't into you, doesn't mean she's not into guys, you egotistical twat! Maybe it's because you are a jerk, an asshole, a male-chauvinist pig, etc...so get the message, will you?

You know what? I might as well tell everyone i'm joining a convent to become a nun...or that i'm a lesbian...yeah, that would be so much easier and would probably shut them up!!! Or maybe that would invite more "opinions"? Oh, boy...here we go again!

Monday, March 19, 2007

I Forgot To Add...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Over the weekend, I went over to my aunt's apartment, she's renting out a room to a boy, around my age, maybe a little older...my cousin rents out another room.

This guy seems pretty decent, shy and ...awww, you know, the boy next door...okay, that's all I can say.

You know what's the problem? My mom has started to ask my cousin to hook me up with this guy...My MOM!!! Now my cousin and aunt are in on it...everytime the boy is there, they let out hints that I am single...and the fact that he's single too is pretty weird. WTF, man? Okay, if you guys wanna joke with me, hey, i'm fine with that...in fact, i'm the master of being the court jester...but c'mon, not in front of the guy.

Now, I find it awkward even going to the place...this all started when my aunt's grandaughter said, "Hey, that boy is cute...why don't you make him your boyfriend?" in front of him...Yikes...I then laugh with a hint of embarassment.

Why is it, that I can't be single and happy without people butting-in? My mom should be proud that i'm not dependent on anyone...that's what gets to me. Note to self: more on this on my next post...

My Daily Ramblings...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Firstly, I would like to start by saying, the weekend sucked! Supposedly, I was going to volunteer at SPCA, but one thing; the stars of the event were not the animals, instead it was...a VJ? Another thing; I got stood up by my good-for-nothing sister, who ditched me for a date with her good-for-nothing boyfriend! Anyway, my friend told me there were many, many volunteers! That's a good thing, right? I really wanted to go...but damn, that place is so far away, and I can't travel THAT far...as much as I love dogs, and wanna help, this is too much hassle, yo!

The second thing is, mom came back from the O.B.'s appointment with dad...looks like there's a few problems with the pregnancy. This is what I can't fathom...she could be in danger! Not to mention the baby! She started crying at home...my dad couldn't stay longer, as he had to work...so, he asked me and my sis to comfort her. What do you tell an expecting mother who just got some bad news? It's something about the placenta in the wrong location. If it doesn't move in the next 2-weeks, she's gonna be admitted, one month early! God, please let everything be okay! Please...

Another rant i've got to release...why is it always the idiot Malay-sians who seem to do stuff they can't handle? I'm proud to say that i've done a good job writing not one, but two articles for my former-school magazine. I was the one who edited my article, coz trust me, not even the teacher-in-charge, nor the editor-in-chief understood what I wrote about. They've asked me, "what is 'Gucci'...or 'dictates'...or 'vegetative'?"

WTF? And I sort of knew that this school had hired some incompetent idiots to publish the mag...so what? Not that 99% would understand what the hell I was writing, seeing the average student couldn't even read an Aesop fable without an English-BM dictionary, right? Okay, I'm being condescending here, but I can't help it! I wrote a pretty good article, which I am proud of...sarcastic, witty (ego-bitch tells it again!), yada, yada, yada...but what exactly is the fuckin' problem?

Clerical errors! Wouldn't YOU hate that? Readers wouldn't think of blaming the publishers, they will blame the writer for this sort of shit! In this kinda shizz, I really want my stuff to be perfect...is that so wrong?

The letters "L" were replaced by exclamation points (!), "I" with the number "9", and so much more, that even I, the writer, couldn't decipher my own article...for fuck's sake, people, be a little more competent, will you? Luckily, my other article, was typed ALMOST perfectly (which means, about 20% typing errors!)

It's stuff like this that makes me a control freak! The very article that I was proud of has become one of my worse shame...Damn, I even won an elocution contest for it! Now, on to my venting...

"*(&^%$#$%^&***%%%^;^' @$$#*&$% @#$% &^*%^&$%%%^##"

Too much of you couldn't handle what I just said...so, I now camouflage the 'fucks and other stuff' with nice, frilly motifs! Enjoy!

Toodles...may the week not turn out to be a bitch!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Today Is A Better Day

Friday, March 16, 2007

Alright, I admit, yesterday was a pretty emotional day...hence, the emotional post! Sometimes, you can't help how you feel, you know?

I guess having a whole day pass you by does indeed give you perspective. So be it, if I don't get into a public uni...so be it. I can easily get into a college. Money? I can easily get a loan. Repayment? Why bother with all that now! Just don't get a credit card, my mom says...

Getting a job would be posibble, I guess. Being a driven, hardworker, with charm (I'm such an egotistical bitch!), wit, and talent (ego-bitch!), there is nothing more to worry about.

**Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts**

**Be positive...be positive**

So, the words above is sort of an exercise for me...accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Until the next post...later today...TGIF!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Of Sucky-Suck Grades and Crossroads...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Where should I start? Well, I was hoping to score at least...AT LEAST 3.50 cgpa for my STPM, but noooo, what did I get? A fuckin' 3.00!!! Shit, just when I thought God would help me, this happens...Oh shit, dude!

In a state of panic, I receive my notification via sms...in a state of denial, I started crying! Just a few minutes ago, my dad told me to go get that straight As...my mom told me as long as I did the best that I could, there would be no worries.

After this, I ran to my parents, with tears in my eyes...which is not, I repeat NOT me! I NEVER cry! Well, this time, I did...I just didn't want to disappoint them! This was supposed to get me at least a scholarship...but now, I guess I have to get into a private college. Damn, the money I'm gonna need...my parents can't afford that! Especially with a baby on the way...well, at least I don't have to pay for pre-U courses!

My mom and dad are the best parents any girl could ever have. They told me it's not the end of the world...They, my parents support me! I thought the grades I would obtain could be their reward...after all the sacrifices made for me and my sister. I love them so much!

My teacher told me, maybe it is a blessing in disguise? I thought I would get into a public uni, get into the foreign service and become a diplomat...maybe this is God's way of telling me it's better to go for communications/journalism?

I've always loved writing, and I love it more than political science and international & strategic studies, honestly...but the reasons I want to work in the Gov sector is because, in the Foreign Service (Wisma Putra), I get to continue my studies, up to a PhD, free of charge...plus, I always wanted to be the first Malaysian woman ambassador to the UN, travel the world, meet foreign dignitaries, or even become one myself! Big dreams, I must say!

If I were to get into communications, there would be big opportunities in the corporate sector--magazines, media, PR, etc...but would I be writing the things I like? Of course not!

Now, I am truly at a crossroads...confused! Just when I thought there would be one straight road! Now; here lies a detour!

God, help me! Only time will tell what will happen, what road I would eventually choose!

If I get into a uni-college, I might as well invest on it, right? 64k is a lot of money! But one thing's for sure...I will NOT ask my parents for a dime...This, I must strive on my own! This is my battle...So, God, if you're out there...please guide me towards the right choice! The road taken, should be the one where i'm the happiest!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Bitter Pill To Swallow

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The fact that I am utterly bitter and cynical has got me to ask this question, "Am I a shrew?" I made a mistake by making myself seem that I was performing a soliloquy...coz my mom who happened to pass by said, "Oh...do you even have to ask?"

This, I must admit, is a bitter pill to swallow! Ever read "The Taming Of The Shrew"? I'm the shrew! I'm the shrew!

What can I do? I'm nice most of the time, but if one thing gets on my nerves, the fun girl turns into "the Hulk"...my whole day turns dark! Maybe I've bipolar disorder...who knows?

Perhaps some Xanax would help...

One thing for sure, a few minutes listening to my favorite songs, I turn back to the normal, fun-loving girl that you once knew...

Gee, music does tame the wild beast! Perhaps I should find me a musician boyfriend, Lol! Ok, ok, just because my dad is (or was) a musician, don't get all Freudian with me!

That's it! I'm joining the Heartless Bitch Club!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I Talk...He Talks!!??

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

This post is a different side of me, I must say!

Know what i'm talkin' about? Well, i'm talking about having a conversation with God...do you think he talks back when you pray? I kinda think so...

Around two years ago, I found this book called Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsch. Read it with much curiosity, and I must say, though new ideas by Neal's talk with God seems to be different than what i've learnt in Catholicism, I kind of understand his connection with God. I think it's okay to have questions, once in a while, you know? Everyone has questions...especially in things much bigger than ourselves...

Okay, for a cynic, I must say, I believe there is a God. I believe that HE is always within us to help us and give guidance...but, only if we ask. I always ask HIM to give me answers, but I realized, I never LISTENED! That is one of the things we all do...we hear, but don't listen!

Now, I know each person have their own idea of God, and I believe that HE is okay with that...just as long as you are a truthful person, do good unto others, you're home free. That is why, I can't stand it when some people force their own religion unto you! It can be quite annoying. God is received by a person in their own time! He does not force a person to believe, and that's what I think...

I also think that God loves ALL his children, no matter how different you are...I just don't get some people who judge others like they are all that, and a bag of chips! So, if you are different--don't force yourselves to be otherwise just because some people can't accept you. As long as you are a good human being, HE will not make you go into a pit of fire!

That's the God I believe in...so, don't judge me, coz you ain't perfect!

I've tried to hear God speak...this time, maybe i'll listen!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Women, How Do We Deal With Jerks?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Well, this post is long overdue...but, nevertheless, I feel just as strongly about this as before...In this country of mine, there are people who are blatant misogynists! This, therefore makes me sick to my stomach...

Can you believe after all the years of feminist movement and activism, this country still lags behind other countries in terms of women's rights? Well, how do you suppose that is NOT gonna happen, when supposed politicians who make up our government have minds as old as time, and brains as small as a pea...there, I said it!

Mind you, I am certainly not talking about all of them, just a few bad apples. How do I not get mad when some go public with their stupid views...that women get raped because of what they wear? Wtf? Are you for real? Seriously? Oh, I guess women who wear the burqa are safe then, huh? Well, then how do you explain the raping of women in what you call "modest" gear? They cover themselves from head to toe with your supposed "aurat"-covering clothes, and still get raped! Try wearing a low cut top, and you'll see that many Malay-sian men say "no cleavage-bearing tops! It is haram!" by staring down your chest, no matter how fat and ugly you are!

Lemme give you a tip...wanna wear these kinds of clothes? Wear 'em in places like KLCC, Mid Valley, and places where there are lots of foreigners...coz, for them, it's no biggie! But try going to places like Mydin (where you'll NEVER see me!), kampungs, etc...you're inviting danger...coz it's "mencolok mata", "haram", and "berdosa" to show your "aurat"! And, an invitation to rape and molestation.

How about children? Are they seducers to rapists?

What kind of sick person rapes? Oh, I know, the very people who commit incest with their grandmothers, nieces, nephews, sons and daughters...

Why do you suppose that the very people who do this are the very people who calls it "haram", "berdosa", and does a lot of preaching, forbidding, etc?

So far in my observation, these people are the very ones who ride around in their motorcycles, acting all holier-than-thou...and then, showing girls their super-teeny 'pea-cocks'!

So, forgive me for giving my two-cents' worth in this matter. After hearing tales of molestations, which surprisingly, are done by the you-know-whos...turns out that there are many victims! Wow, I guess, we who wear cleavage-bearing school uniforms, sexy huge T-shirts, tight sweaters are "just too sexy" for y'all to handle? So, what explanation do I hear now, Mr. Minister-of-whatever?

Oh, and another news of stupidity among politicians...Lo and behold...to curb men's sexual attacks, we women should wear...the chastity belt! Oh, here we go...this is as far as the bad apples go...to the 16th century!

So, does that mean we could wear sexy clothes now? Now that we have chastity belts on?

Forgive the sarcasm in this post...perhaps if I were less cynical...Nahhh, that'll never happen!

Sarcasm=Me!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Guarded Soul

Sunday, March 11, 2007

As I traveled my dreams,
I saw a little boy,
Crying near the brook,
There he sits, his body trembling.

I ask his name,
He answers, "Ben...", "Will you help me find my home?"
I take him,
Carrying him on my back, this 6-year old is light as a feather...

I climb a hill,
With Ben on my back,
Again he cries,
"I don't know where my home is"

I say don't worry,
He'll stay with me,
He'll be my family,
We'll find a house with everything we want.

He says, "No",
I ask why,
"I am every boy you knew and know..."
"You say you'll love me, but you won't".

My eyes start to blur...the little boy becomes
The very thing I try to get away from,
He is right, what have I done, what am I doing?
Only time will tell...

Now I realized how I was and am,
Trying to change now...I'm in a lucid mind,
In a make-believe reality,
I decide.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Oh, The Boredom!!! (It's Like A F***in' Hell-hole In Here!)

Friday, March 09, 2007

There, I admit it...i've absolutely no life. Dullness is my middle name...So on to my 2nd post for today...

Today, my bosses came in like 3-4 hours...then, they said that they're going for a stupid meeting with Astro...now i'm alone in the office. What do you suppose I could do here, you say? Well, I took the liberty of blasting my audio downloads on this freakin' slow PC! Man, can't these people fix this shitty thing? Damn...

Uhh, the song playing now---Last Request by Paolo Nutini. I must say, being a rock fan, i'm slowly getting drawn into bluesy stuff...was looking for Tracy Chapman's Give Me One Reason, and I found a different version by Earl Thomas & Heineh Andersen...and, I must say, it wasn't that bad at all! I instantly remembered my childhood years, when mom used to take me to dad's gigs in pubs/bars, and he did some blues with his band...and my eyes would get so watery because of all the smoke from the pub/bar patrons...

Ok, I will admit, it wasn't a great place to take a 5 year old, but these are the stuff I recall when I think of dad's gigs...and you know the sweetest thing? He would tell the whole crowd that the beautiful ladies sitting at the tables were his beautiful wife and two of his daughters, and would proceed to sing a song dedicated to mom...forgot the song, though! Supposedly, it was the song my mom heard him sing that made her fall in love with him. Yup, their love is what I call 1 in a million...

The song playing now---Fidelity by Regina Spektor...Likin' the chorus...it goes, "It breaks my heart, breaks my he-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-art"...Lol! My mood now is pretty normal, but bored to tears...wish I could teleport myself to Brazil to party and Mardi Gras 'til i'm dizzy...Sigh, wishful thinking!

The song now---If You Could Only See by Tonic (love Tonic! The band, not the booze...), and i'm outta here! Woohoo, TGIF!!!

Fake Plastic People

Friday, March 09, 2007

Ever seen people that are so plastic, that you see right through them? Oh gawd, sometimes I wonder how anyone could not just punch 'em right in the face.

Used to have a friend like that. In your face, she's all smiling, complimenting, kissing you on both cheeks (face cheeks...what were you thinking?), then, as you turn your back, she's bad-mouthing you...

Wow, one thing to talk about that person, but to talk about a person's family? Whoa...what a jerk-off! Luckily, I slowly drifted myself away, coz you never know what she might be talking about me! I realized this after she started bitching about our best friend...Hmmm, I guess some girls are real bad! Things have never been better since then....

No more lying on her behalf, protecting her from being busted by her parents, answering their phone-calls, only to lie!!! I totally hated that...they (the parents) were so nice to me! Now, I see her once in a while...I just say hi and bye!

Well, I know i'm kinda contradicting myself by writing about her...BUT this is like a journal...I release my thoughts right here...kinda like therapy. Plus, only a couple of people who read this know me...Wait, why am I explaining myself again? My conscience is clear, damnit!

Currently, I have best friends who are totally real...not plasticky(Is that a word???), caring, supportive, and all that jazz...love 'em to death! I know we never hangout as often as we should, but we still keep in touch...I thank God that where there are nasties, there are nice, genuinely sincere people. If there wasn't, life would totally be a bitch-fest.

Where there are nasties, there is karma...and karma is so good! I've seen it work, and man does it give you revelations...Ooooh, let's talk about karma in my next post! Lots of karma-inspired anecdotes to talk about!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Whip It, Into Shape...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Ok, Devo's song was the title...just couldn't think of any appropriate title for this post...basically, i'm just gonna ramble on today's agenda...so, here goes!

Mom's having the baby in the middle of May. Can't believe i'm gonna be a sister all over again...aged 20! Man, when this stunner (I suppose she would be...don't the younger ones ALWAYS look better?) turns 20, i'll be 40! OMG, that would be so fuckin' weird. People would probably think i'm her mother. Damn, mom and dad! Can't y'all have had this baby around 12-15 years ago? Gosh! (In Napoleon Dynamite mode...)

Now, on to other things...STPM results will be announced in the middle of the month. Oh God, please grant me a 4.00 cgpa...i'm so freakin' scared, thinking about the day I hold THAT result slip makes me wanna pee in my pants!

However, i'm looking forward to uni/college...can't wait to experience one of the most memorable years of my life! Hey, maybe i'll find Mr. Right then! Hahahaha, nawww, I doubt it!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Today...in the morning...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

So, the other day, my mom and I went looking around for my dad's gift...we thought of buying him a nice watch, as his old one is all worn-out...plus, he once told me he liked a round watch, instead of the square one he had.

With that in mind, mom and I hunted for the perfect watch, and found it! He loved it, and we're happy about that! Gosh, sometimes my dad could be such a softie...and that keeps me in a good mood!

Other than that, I catched a teaser of Spiderman 3, coming out in May, and boy oh boy, was it great! Just thinking about all the drama, action makes me all excited about it! I can't hardly wait, yo! Woot...

Hmmm, what else? Well, just paid around 50%-60% of my minimum wage to my list of IOUs...Yup, the driving lessons, dad's gift, and now I can't buy a thing for myself...Oh snap!

Guess what? Kanye West is coming here for a concert...that's awesome! I wanna go, and so does my sister...so, who's gonna pay for those damn tickets, you ask? Well, this blog wouldn't be called "Life's Sick Lil' Games" if it wasn't yours truly, now would it?

So there goes my money from my blood, sweat and tears...there goes the laptop I was saving for, there goes the pairs of shoes I was hoping to buy, there goes the clothes, the make-up, necessities, etc...

Well, I'm happy to say, at least i got something. I found out I won a Sony mp3 walkman in the Sony Soundaholic Contest...at least that's something, right? I almost called my aunt in the US to buy me an iPod Nano...which i were to pay for...it's much much cheaper over there than it is here! But then, when I was thinking of my lack of money, this happened! So, now i'm just a little bit happier! If ever I feel lonely, confused, angry, or anything else negative, I can always tune in to my audio downloads...music always keeps me cool and calm.

Ok, maybe i'll blog later again, since i've nothing better to do! Toodlez!

Monday, March 05, 2007

I Realized...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Yesterday, I went to church with my family. Later on, my sister went for her catechism class, and told my parents during the last minute, that there was a meeting for parents for the Confirmation candidates...you see, I'm Catholic (I guess a VERY liberal one!), and my family is big on all these sort of things. I had my Confirmation years ago. So, since it was "parents only", I was chased out of the meeting room...LOL!

Out of sheer embarassment, I went into the church, sat on the pew, and contemplated...

After my family, I have friends...but, other than them, I have a very solitary life! I am reaching 20 this year, and I can't believe I haven't been in a relationship, I haven't gone on weekend trips with my friends, haven't been into a club/pub/disco/whatever...I haven't been kissed, haven't traveled outside of my country, haven't done many things a teenager should! Not even been to a concert!

After thinking of all this, I started to get blurry-eyed...What a waste of my youth, just being at school...not that I haven't done fun stuff, it's just that I haven't done any MAJOR stuff that would make me remember my teenage years when I'm like, 40 years old...and I want to, very much!

I became very moody since thinking about this. Very bitter and grumpy...had arguments with my dad. Guess I kinda resent him for keeping me in a cage. Why can't I seem to rebel against him? Well, it's Monday, the 5th of March, and it's his 46th birthday today...So, I guess I better call him and wish him now!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Bored to the Max, But Eye Candy Helps!!!

Friday, March 02, 2007

What a day today has turned out to be...nothing to do...for real, man! I feel like taking a nice long nap while i'm here having a useless day, but my boss is always around...haha! I really don't deserve to get paid for sitting down, and surfing the net the whole day, I tell ya...but i ain't telling my boss!

Other than that, I hope every day that some cute guy would just walk into the office...but that hasn't happened yet, LOL! Well, a girl can dream, can she? It's not like i'm gonna do anything...I'm the type of person that crushes from afar, and doesn't do a thing about it coz she's too damn chicken and afraid of possibilities. Yup, that's me! ("Ya yeller-bellied wuss!") I'd just admire beauty from afar...It's kinda fun that way...really!!! (Poor gal is in denial!)

When you see someone hot/cute, you kinda get this sudden rush of a 'feel-good' feeling...I think it's some sort of brain chemical release...Yeah, that's it! Hahaha, I love that feeling! Let me give you an example:

This one time, I was having a hell of a bad day at school...so at the end of school, basically nothing much happens...we all go home.

On this particular day, I accompanied a friend to buy some meds for her mom. So, we stopped by a pharmacy...and boy, was the pharmacist hella cute! Then, me and my friend exchanged knowing glances, and proceeded to giggle like little starstruck Hello Kitty-kawaii-obnoxious schoolgirls once we exited the pharmacy! A cute pharmacist...what are the chances? That totally made my day...

So that's how I feel when I pass by or meet cute guys...they are like eye candy to me...I'll say it again: HOT GUYS = EYE CANDY!!!

P.S.: If you think you're ugly, and are disgusted (jealous) by what this post conveys, don't hate me...I don't discriminate! Hate the brain chemicals!!!

So, there goes my Friday ramblings...yes, nothing significant to say today, just plain ol' boring stuff...TGIF!!!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I Love the '80s!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

"I'm so in love with you, i'll be forever blue...That you give me no reason, why you're makin' me work so hard...that you give me no, that you give me no, that you give me no, that you give me no...SOUL, i hear you calling...oh baby please...give a little respect...tooooo meeeee!" -Erasure

That is one of my favorite songs from the '80s...watched a re-run of Scrubs, you know...when the song kept looping in JD's mind over and over and over again, and was spreading around the hospital like a virus? Hahaha, that was great! I mean really, these types of songs are classic! Original!

The '80s could be summed up as fashion-wrecked, but the songs were superb! Mind you, i was born in the year 1987, but i appreciate these songs much more than say, the songs of the 2000s (is that how you say it?)...I mean what song can you remember from 2005 that could be considered as a classic? I can't...And the teen flicks? LOL...Who couldn't name at least 3 teen movies of the '80s? St. Elmo's Fire, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club...Yup, those were some fun movies!

I guess this is one of my nonsensical ravings...i have them at least five times a month! I know, i'm a weirdo...but hey, there's no one else like me, y'all!!!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Rom-Com Life!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

How nice it would be if my life was like a romantic comedy...LOL! Could you say Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, and all the other rom-com shit? Gawd, that would be fun!!!

Having friends tell me i'm more likely to get killed by terrorists then finding somebody...then, out of sheer serendipity, i find Mr. Right! Or maybe he was in front of me and i didn't realize it until he was halfway around the world, then i would go after him...begging the flight attendant that i can't miss the plane coz i'm after the man i love? Yup, that would be just how i would want my life to be!

Alas, life does not imitate art...in my 20 years on this good Earth, i have only known a few decent guys...some of them gays, some are taken, some are friends (my principle: dating friends result in losing a friendship. Go figure!)...Some are after one thing, and that just makes me sick! Some think that they are all that! Some think that they can touch, grab, pinch, or jerk-off in front of young school-girls! Yeah, the latter happened to me before while i was getting home from school with a friend! What we both experienced was traumatizing...Not to mention, there was nothing much to look at, if you know what i mean...LOL!

The grabbing part happened before too, when i was around 13...yeah, a fugly motorcyclist played the "i'm lost" card and took advantage of a young girl's naivety by grabbing her boobs!

You know what's funny? The friend i was walking with earlier told me the same thing happened to her before too! Hahahaha...i guess that is why we both are very cynical towards men. We always think there's an ulterior motive when a guy tries to be all "nice" to us...

So now, what am i gonna do? Just let someone in? Hah, like it's that easy...Well, i hope that my cynicism will not drive me to utter loneliness and self-destruction. I so want the idea of the perfect man...Could it ever happen? Well, someone might prove me wrong, i hope!

All the best to girls (and guys) waiting for their ideals to become a reality!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Here's Me!

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

Your exact opposite:
The Playstation

Random Gentle Sex Master














You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy

CONSIDER: The Manchild


Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: Georjie

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I've Come To Terms...

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Yeah, i still am coming to terms that i'm not going for Muse's concert, although it could be one of the highlights of my age (19---but only 'til April 28th!). Somehow, i just don't wanna think about it, but you can't, when every commercial on TV seems to be promoting it!

It's like they're trying to shove it in your face that you can't go...like they're saying "Ha-ha" in the Simpsons manner. You know, that kid from the Simpsons, the one always going, "Ha-ha"! LOL...

Yeah, now where can i seek comfort? No one really is as obsessed with this concert as i am (i think!)

Sometimes, you just go, "Life's sick little games...now i get it!"

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Muse in Concert

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Oh my Gawd...I keep dreaming that i am going for Muse's concert this coming Sunday. Shit, man! I hate it; that all the tickets are sold out. I feel like crying when i think about all the people who are going for this special concert! I hate it that this could be the best concert ever in Malaysia, and i'm gonna miss it!!!

It certainly is gonna be huge, seeing that an alcoholic beverage is the sole-sponsor for the concert...Damn!!! And you know what's the best part? No "Rempits" and gediks allowed!!! If you live here in Malaysia, you'd catch my drift!

How i wish i could go...My budz wouldn't want to, but i could find others who would. The problem is...tickets are sold out!

Now i'm gonna keep on dreaming about this until the concert is over. I really am gonna wallow in self-pity and biterness now...

So, toodlez...bitches!!!

Friday, February 16, 2007

My Weird Dream

Friday, February 16, 2007

Here is what i dreamt about...

I was going out of my office building...walking on the ground level, when suddenly i find myself walking into a dorm room...and i see an old guy friend! I seemed happy to see him, and he introduces me to two of his friends, who i swear i haven't seen before. All of us seem to hit it of! They sure seem to like teasing me, and i suddenly pull a playful, sad face...Then all of them say, "Awww, we're sorry..."

All of a sudden, i find myself outside, walking near an apartment unfamiliar to me...old and dark-ish...i sense that my guy friend is trying to call me, and i don't know why. When i answer the phone (which somehow was there, hanging from a chain on my neck), it's actually my mom, asking me why am i not home yet? In that particular minute, i get scared...I mean what the hell am i doing here? I run as fast as i could, and i reach an unfamiliar playground...

The playground is dark. The only lights are the street lights. I see a few children, and i get out of there.

As i walk the lonely road, i see a man running away from the cops! It seems he is a German (???). At least, that's what the neighborhood watchmen are saying (i don't even know where the hell they came from!). The German is caught, and said to be a murderer...

Now, i'm carrying a baby...my bro/sis that my mom had just given birth to...it was smiling...and very very big for a newborn.

Then, i see myself in a cinema...an unknown movie going on. I'm walking towards a lit area with someone, but i just don't know who! This someone is holding my hand...Man, this is weird!

This was a long, unfulfilling journey for me. I wanted to go home, and i was taken into this realm of the bleakness...To places i've never been, people i've never known! All for what? I was lost throughout the journey...feeling scared and alone...and confused! The common denominator of all the places? I WAS WALKING! I really was walking like hell...everywhere...non-stop!

I don't know, it all seems like a very weird dream...can anyone interpret this? And why do i still remember it so vividly? It was like a cocktail of a week's dream, and i find it unusual that i woke up tired!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Behold, V Day!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Here it is, the day every person in love waited for...Valentine's Day! I've dreaded this day for days...and why?

My mom feels sorry for me coz i don't have a valentine (whatever that means), my sister is all googly-eyed the whole day, talking to her boyfriend, some friends ask me why have i STILL not had a boyfried, my other friends who are single start hatching a plan to boycott V Day, TV shows about romance, and how its still NOT dead keep getting thrown into my eye sockets, blinding me further with idealistic views on love and romance, and i could go on...but i won't!

Why is it wrong to be single without everybody (not all) being all up in your face with "Why? Why? Why?"

I'm single, and that's my prerogative, damnit! If i would've settled for less, i'd had many relationships by now...but i don't, and i'm happy with that choice. I'm happy being alone, independent, stong, confident, etc. I don't think i would have any of these traits and experiences if i had a relationship.

As much as i want to, the simple answer is, I still haven't found the right guy! The right guy who makes me have butterflies in my stomach, the right guy who makes my heart skips a beat whenever we meet, the right guy who makes me think of him day and night, the right guy who i can't get enough of, the right guy, the right guy...
THE RIGHT GUY!

So, what can i do? Wallow in bitterness? NO!!! I'm gonna hang out, watch some cartoons, read a book, listen to some music, talk to my parents, and just NOT think about it.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Uh-oh...V Day's Coming!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Everybody!!! Head to the safe spots for cover, the attack of V Day is almost here...Oh geez, i can almost smell the love in the air...Dinner tables booked, roses ordered, chocolate candy hearts, in a heart-shaped box, jewelry, the whole enchilada!

Okay, maybe i'm a little bitter, but isn't it true? You see that special someone every day, and yet only profess your love, shower 'em with gifts and buy 'em hiked-up priced roses...and for what? Just to prove you're not alone? Just for one miserable day? Heck, you should do it every freakin' day of your life...Same goes for Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, and all the other days...

If it wasn't for this awfully commercialized day, i would think it is a day to commemorate a saint, who died for love...something so special to his heart...LOVE! And i only wish i could experience what he strived for. But nowadays, who knows about St. Valentine at all?

Wow, i guess i am bitter!

Friday, February 09, 2007

My Guardian Angel Saved Me

Friday, February 09, 2007

So I followed mom to the supermarket after work...poor mom looked like she could pop the baby out at any minute (only 5 and 3/4 months, and she's sooo big!)...Went to buy stuff for cooking and basic necessities.

Goin' back home, i carried most of the stuff. I'm 5 ft 2, but very VERY often, i'm hailed a strong little boy by my dad (He thought i was a boy when they looked at the ultrasound) and often carry heavy things, fix electronic appliances at home, yada yada yada...but that's another story! Will follow up on that on the next post...

So, we were walkin' down the stairs. Just before that, i told my mom to be careful while goin' down. Then the ironic thing happened (READ: Life's Sick Lil' Games!)...I almost fell down!

Wtf? All the groceries (very heavy!) I was carrying fell from my hands, as my fuckin' medium high-heels got caught on the foldings of my jeans, makin' me tip over.

Gawd!!! I swear, i would have or could have fallen down flat on my face, broken my neck, my nose, my chin, etc if it wasn't for my guardian angel! I was carrying canned stuff, and you should've seen the dents caused by the fall. Those stairs are high!

The thing is, somehow, i did NOT fall over...I just didn't! I should've, but didn't! I'm very lucky, very VERY lucky! If you saw the staircase, and how i tripped, you would've seen that a resulting fall would've had me bite the dust!

So now, after always hearing people being saved by their guardian angels, i could say that I too, have been saved by mine!

Thank you, my guardian angel, thank you! I'm sure that you've saved me many a times, but this time, I realized it! So, thank you...God bless!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Stop This Shit!!!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I have this problem. This guy keeps pestering me by calling, sending me SMSes. Even anonymous ones (I know it's definitely him), and frankly, it's beginning to scare me. He and i became friends when i worked at some place. JUST friends, and i make it clear, every time. Yet, he kept calling me, and calling me, and calling me...

Now that I left that place (which was around, i dunno, 2 years ago!), i thought he would just get fed up with all the calls he's been giving me, seeing that i don't pick up when i see his number.

Ok, so he stopped for awhile, and i was sooooo happy. Now, recently, a mysterious number appeared on my cell, so i answered, and what do you know, there he was! Oh shit! I couldn't say anything, so i talked out of courtesy. I did NOT lead him on or anything...just remained curt and polite!

Yesterday, he sent me an SMS, begging me to send him my photo, and it sickened me! I said, "NO! I do not send out my photo to ANYBODY!" to which he replied, "Please, do this for me...and i'll send you mine." I replied, "X", for no...and he didn't send anything else. I hope he got the message.

Some people just get on my nerves. Why don't they get the message? (no pun intended) Besides, never in my life have i met someone like this...I smelled desperation+dependency on him from day one. So, please avoid being friends with these kinds of people, who can't get a clue, can't get a life, and yada yada yada...

Why do i feel that i have this magnet for these kinds of people? Why can't i attract someone i could be in love with, like, or even get along with? Aaaarrrggghhh!!! I always, always, always attract people i don't like!!!

Please let this guy find somebody who will love him, someone he deserves...NOT me! And let him be gone from my life!

NOW, i say...BEGONE, you mo' fo'...BEGONE!!!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Waiting for My Prince to Come (Cynical!)

Monday, February 05, 2007

-This is a satirical tale to summon my Prince Charming (like as if he exists)-

Dear Prince Charming,

What is taking you so long? People are beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Now tell me, when can i start creepin' out of the house (in my tower of solitude) to go for dates with you?

Have you found someone else? Should i find me another? Geez, another one bit the dust just a few weeks ago...Before taking his last breath, he uttered the words, "Damn you, bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing? Waiting for some guy that does not exist in THIS world...You must be joking...take me as yours and settle for less, coz you ain't gonna get any if you don't!"

I then smothered him in his sleep! (less suffering!)

Then, an old drunk asked me a few days ago, "How old are you now? 20? Whoa, haven't had a boyfriend? You're weird! Is there something wrong with you? Are you a lesbo or something?"

I told him i was straight, and that i'm driven to achieve my ambitions, and i don't need a man to "complete" me, whatever that means(taken from Jerry Maguire)...

He said, "Oh, i see...you're one of those ultra-feminists who is probably gonna artificially inseminate herself coz you don't wanna marry, right? Well, now i can see why you're single!"

I then switched his beer with cat piss...he didn't notice any difference!

Next, i bumped into Snow White, who just had a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the problem...She is now seeking full custody of the kids! Also met Cinderella...seems that her Prince Charming was caught in bed with the stable boy...he now plans to wed the stable boy in the UK, seeing that gay marriage is welcomed with open arms.

So, now, for my case, oh my special one! I don't know when you will be coming my way, but for now, all i can do is dream of the perfect guy, with the perfect smile, the perfect brains and brawn, perfect sense, and equipped with the perfect tehcniques for...cooking!

While i know you probably are looking for Princess Perfect, rather than myself, you can expect to see me in some bookstore, in the Political/Philosophy/Psychology/Literature section, reading for free to pass the time. Maybe you'll see me watching a movie with friends, shopping with my sister (who's happily 'married'), having lunch with someone as driven as me, and yada yada yada.

Or maybe we'll pass each other by without realizing it...if this happens, feel free to throw a fit in public and drown your sorrows over alcohol, okay? Maybe with your beer goggles, you'll discover me somewhere...and then, we'll live happily ever after, with alcohol to sustain us, and people bugging us no more! Woohoo for beer!


PS: This is just a joke...I do not drink, nor am i condoning it...As i said earlier, i tend to ramble when i feel like crap...so this whole Prince Charming shenanigan is just driving me nuts, coz certain people tend to annoy me about it...SO, THERE!!! Take it, you assholes! (Them assholes are comp illiterates, so, bonus points for me!!!)

PPS: This tale is purely fictitious. Any relevance of this story to real life is merely a coincidence. No animals (humans) were harmed during the writing of this story...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Hate the Gluttony! Kill the Glutton!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Do you ever eat, even when you're full from the meal you just ate? I hate it!!! Oh gosh, when i'm not at work, when i'm just stuck at home, i keep looking into the fridge, like as if some other food is gonna miraculously appear...

If i don't find any, i'll just go back to the sofa and watch tv...then, when there's a commercial, i repeat the cycle. Why, oh, why do i do this? It's driving me nuts. Is there a cure for food hunting out there?

One more thing i failed to mention...when/if i fail to find anything that fits my fancy, i make me a sandwich...and then i wonder where i get the jelly-belly!

One thing i have to restart is my exercise regime...i used to exercise, then i stopped for no apparent reason. Well, here is a good reason to start all over again. Wish me luck, bitches!!!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Ever...

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Ever had an experience of a song playing in your head over, & over, & over, & over again? The problem i'm having with this is, i HATE the song...This fuckin' song has been playing in my head for days now...and i can't believe how someone could've created it! Oh my gawd...



"Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Friend Chicken and a Pizza Hut...McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut... "



OMG!!! Stop the madness!!! i actually heard that this song was in the UK Top 10! Are you fuckin' kidding me? What sort of people listen to it??? Aaarrrrghhh, make it stop, make it stop!!!



Sorry i had to write this post...i just feel a release when i do!



Will post a better one next...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Sometimes It Sucks, Even When It Doesn't!

Monday, January 29, 2007

So, what is up with me nowadays? Well, this job is, well, a temp job...so I don't expect to enjoy any of this soon. Meanwhile, the bosses are ok, they respect me, give me occasional work, etc (Heck, I don't even know why i'm complaining...many people would kill to make money just sitting in one place for 8 hours!). Maybe, it's just me liking pressure, liking hectic work, liking to feel the adrenaline rush through my veins, giving me a peptic ulser! Gawsh!

Well, nothing to do today, except for a few faxes and xeroxing! Time to punch the card and go home. Hope tomorrow's a better day!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Let's Play Five Things...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

  • 5 things you're thankful for:
    -My family
    -My friends
    -My ability to adapt to change
    -My personality (the positive ones!)
    -My ability to empathize

  • 5 things you're sorry for:
    -My cynicism
    -My personality (the negative ones!)
    -My lack of trust in people (family and close, true friends excluded)
    -My lack of agression (makes me a pushover!)
    -Materialism

  • 5 vices:
    -Good quality chocolates
    -Music
    -Technology
    -Art; be it nature or man-made...
    -Great looking guys (just to watch, not to touch!)

  • 5 essential makeup items in your bag:
    -Foundation
    -Chapstick-cum-lip tinter
    -Blusher
    -Mascara
    -Powder

  • 5 of your favorite food:
    -Sinigang-prawns, pork, or fish...sour power!!! (Filipino)
    -Sushi-all types...Yum!
    -Tom Yam (Thai)- I like it HOTHOTHOT!!!
    -Pasta Carbonara w/ Bacon
    -Curry

  • 5 types of food you hate:
    -Any mock-meat items...yuckady-yux!!!
    -Balut-half formed foetus of a duck, still in the egg!
    -Duck meat
    -Orange marmalade
    -Fruit cake

  • 5 things you want that special someone to have:
    -An intellect !!??!!
    -Attractiveness (subjective, very subjective!)
    -Kindness
    -Sense of humor
    -Driven

  • 5 things you do NOT want that special someone to have:
    -Lack of respect
    -Lack of social etiquette
    -Jealousy that is OTT
    -Infidelity
    -Control freak-ism (that ain't a word, i know!)

Many more to write, so here's to the end of the 5-things game, Part 1...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Workin' 9 to 5, What A Way To Make A Livin'...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

As the title says...I am indeed working a temp job now, awaiting my exam results. I've been waiting for so long to see what my new job is all about...Alas, its just me in the reception area (which is pretty great looking!) doing a few things. Damn, here i thought i would be going out and about town, but no...my boss does that.

What i do here is this: I guard the office. I have around 3 officemates - my 2 bosses who are business partners, and their comp whiz kid. I am the assistant. Basically, i do nothing but answer phone calls, write e-mails, research artists, etc...it's too boring though, as sometimes i do nothing in a day. What can I say, i get a pittance for a pittance. They are all nice people, though.

Together, they work a broadcasting company who represent artists internationally. I'm just gonna take what i can get and gain some experience for a few months...After that, off to uni/college! Hope everything goes well...

Monday, January 08, 2007

Resolutions...

Monday, January 08, 2007

Oh what the year this would be, only time will tell...and i will see! For the year '07, new things will come...a sibling, a friend, or maybe more? Well to start things off, let me make my new year's resolution(s) known, therefore it shall be implemented and then...executed! So, without further ado...My new year's resolution(s)...Lol, so, there's more than one...what else is new!

  • To be a good sister to a newborn due in May!!! Hurray!!!
  • To love the skin that i'm in...that is; to NOT complain and to be happy about how i look!
  • To get the degree I want...either in International & Strategic Studies, Political Science or Communication/Journalism
  • To give guys a chance - coz i never did then...but i will now!
  • To be more open to detours (in life, not on the road...)
  • To eat only what i can take in, not eat everything i see
  • To have a regular exercise regiment
  • To buy a GOOD mp3 player, not those cheap ones!
  • To broaden my network (for future use, ie. after uni/college)
  • To take care of my health, and that of my family
  • To pray more, and thank God more often
  • To let go of petty issues
  • To take up another language (one for the year...pick one!)-French, Arabic, Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish...and more in the future
  • To keep in contact with my high school friends
  • Celebrate my birthday!!! I NEVER do!
  • Watch more movies
  • Go for dates (SEE: 'Give guys a chance' above)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Baking Cookies this Christmas...Who, Me?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


Yeah, unbelievable..But, i have to try. I will do it well, coz i follow instructions well, verbatim! So, this xmas, my grandma's pineapple tarts will be one of the main focus...What else, you say? I'm thinking chocolate macaroons, shortbread cookies, choc chip cookies...that's about it.


Mom will bake the choc and butter cakes...and flan...or rather, Leché Flan!!! Lol...Having some sort of xmas lunch for some friends, and looking forward to meeting my darling classmates. Miss them a lot, as we haven't chatted in weeks!


So, there...A day's useless rambling of a mad woman! Hope the cookies don't get burnt, crumbled, get too hard, tasteless, etc...Gawd, what the hell am i doing? Please let this work!!!


I love xmas time!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Wishing and Waiting

Friday, December 15, 2006

Here i am again...Waiting for something special to jump into my life! The previous post was that of an angry, bitter, mad teen! That being said, i can no longer use this excuse the next time i have an outburst...

How can this be? I'm 19, happy, free, single...but every time someone finds out i'm single, they go "Awww, you poor thing, don't worry...you'll find someone!"...Are you freaking kidding me? Wtf??? I'm happy, so shut up!

I would love to have someone to love and care for, despite not having any experience...But if i do not find a guy who is good enough, what's wrong with that? I'd rather wait than settle for someone i do not click with!

So, Santa dear, please give me the strength to face the idiots who keep giving me their fucked-up two-cents worth...ME - a perfectly flawed, smart, driven young girl, who doesn't need a man to complete her, but to complement her. Having said that, could you also find me the right guy before the new year approaches? Lol! Yeah, that would be a blast!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Fucked-up Shit!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006




Aaaarghhh...Why is it when things go well, it ends up slapping you in the face? Yeah, things are looking up now...Then, all of a sudden, it's trampled on like rotten tomatoes!!! OK, here's the deal, my hols started in its full gear, so now what? Everyone's doing something, going somewhere...So, what's left? Me. Alone. Doing nothing, achieving nothing...Zip! Nada! I'm like a lone star in the night, like a lonely canyon of the desert, like the only leaf on a tree...I'm all alone!

I hate it when there's lack of productivity in my life...Oh, by the way, had a fuckin' fight with my sister...Again! It's not like we don't ever fight, it's just that she keeps quarelling with her damn boyfriend every single day, every single night...About things as petty as not calling...Oh, you get the idea! It just pisses me off! Ok, i don't have a boyfriend, and i so hate people 'pitying' me just 'coz i don't have one. If this is what a relationship is - this fighting-every-day thing, i might as well resort to spinsterhood for the rest of my freakin' life!

So, what else is there? Well, the fact that i must be responsible for practically everybody's mistakes makes me wanna puke. Everytime my dad gets back from work, he scans the house...My mom and my sis? They leave their unwashed cups and saucers on the table...and what happens? Dad scolds me for letting the house get messy, while giving me a lecture on being neat and tidy...Wtf??? Well, don't let me get started on that subject...There's more, mind you...Most of 'em is what the eldest child of a family experiences. I'm practically the maid of the house - minus the wages!

I can't wait for xmas...Meanwhile, i'm broke as hell...Lent some money to my sister...Yeah, the very same day she said she couldn't care less about me...I'm used to all this shit, but it hurts me everytime, not because of me, but because of my parents...Her behavior is a reflection on the way my parents raised us, "the children"...And when she screams and shouts at me or anyone else, it seems like they didn't bring her up well. What the hell could i do? Advise her? Huh, she'll just keep calling me a bitch, and say i'm such a grandma and she couldn't care less about what i have to say...

Blatant disrespect is what i get! They say you have to give respect to gain it...Well, i'm living proof that this cliché is total bullshit! A daughter so loved by her family would do practically anything for her boyfriend, and yet, couldn't even have a family outing without some sort of bribe...That's being the perfect daughter for you! And me? I'm stuck here in my room, doing nothing productive, bitchin' and ravin' like a lunatic on meth, wishing for a savior, wishing her parents would appreciate her, wishing that her sister respects her, and wishing her friends could be free so that they could take her out for a day of fun, but alas...That is asking for the moon!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Just One...

Monday, December 04, 2006

Just one more day of insanity up ahead 'til I get over all the f***in' shizz that is Form 6! I feel sad, but free in a way...Today was the last day of exams for some of my friends. I must say, a few of them welled-up and i felt like that too, seein' that it's gonna be the last time i see them!

No matter how we say we will keep in touch, deep down i know that it's easier said than done...Friends i have come to know all go away in the end, and all you're left with are the memories and laughs that we have, or had, rather...

Well, this just goes to show that we don't call 'em clichés for nothing, right? Friends do come and go...it's the journey we take through life that we find the most weird and interesting bunch of friends...I'm so happy with all my friends now, i woudn't trade 'em for anyone else...Each is unique...My library of friends are filled with all sorts of head cases, LOL! God bless us all!

I'm now listening to my most favorite song, by my most favorite band..."Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. It's a great song...hypnotizes me from beginning to the end...It sounds like i'm in a different era...you know, of psychedelic highs (brought-on by too much of pot!) and hippies...Love Robert Plant's banshee-like screech...Cool!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Story Today

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

What's up, you say? Well, so far, i'm in day-3 of my major examination...So far, i must say honestly...I sucked big time on this one paper...but i did pretty well on another...and the third? Average...That's NOT what I wanted! I have to buck up! I've been praying a lot, and i hope God hears me.

Other than sucky exams, my mom and dad came back from the O.B. yesterday...the baby is doing good, all the major limbs have formed...Oh my God! I'm so excited. After what my mom and dad have been through the last time, i hope that this baby comes out healthy. Oh shit, the baby will be born around a month right after my 20th birthday! Geez, that sounds kinda freaky, lol! I'll be one of the oldest sisters in the world...but i'm cool with that now. Now i wouldn't worry 'bout mom and dad having empty-nest syndrome after me and my sis go on through adulthood.

I listened to "Hurt" by NIN after a long time, and i missed it. I used to love that song. It's so raw and heart-wrenching...if you'd ever felt what Trent Reznor was trying to say. Well, i'm gonna listen to it again.

I'll be posting more soon. Hopefully a better, more interesting post. I know...I'm dull!

Monday, November 20, 2006

First Day of My War...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Goodbye to my first book of General Studies, for i will not see you for a very long time...it was nice knowing you, for i have learnt so much from thy worthy feed...Had fun, and i'll be seeing you soon! Toodles!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Lost in Denial

Thursday, November 16, 2006


Oh, gosh! I'm totally in freak-out mode right now...not only am i not studying, I'm also just staring into space, while my books stare back at me...aarrrgggh!!! This photo of "The Scream" is exactly how i feel...

My major public exam is this Monday, and I'm not proud to say that I'm soooo not ready! Wtf? What am i going to do? I seem like I'm calm (that's what my parents are telling me), but inside, this shit is killing me, eating me up inside. I'm praying for a clear mind, and i hope i could rise to the occasion with God's help.


Other than that, i am also planning my life post examinations...WHAT??? I've not even completed day one, and here i am planning ahead! Well, there's ME for you! I'm so screwed up, that i commit the worst foul, ever...I'm commiting a cliché! You know, the one where you don't count your chicks before they hatch...I, hate clichés, but here i am contradicting my own belief system...


I feel like throwing up when i think of my exams...why can't i be calm? I need some soothing, calming mantras...perhaps the Hail Mary on the rosary? Sigh...I can't wait for this shizz to be over. God, my patron saints, and angels help me!


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

When I Looked at A Shooting Star

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


As a young girl of 12-years, i saw the dark, morning sky as i was waiting for my school bus...and boy, did i love looking at the stars! I saw one, twinkling brightly...it was the biggest star i've ever seen...and i said, "Will you be my shooting star, one that i could wish upon?" and you know what happened? It shot across the morning sky...now, i really thought i'd imagined it...but then, my wish came true.

Now, as a 19-year old, i firmly believe in wishing upon a shooting star...how i wish i could find one again!

I really love looking at the stars and the hues of the sky...i'm truly at awe at this! Whenever i look at the sky during sunset/sunrise, my faith in God increases...'coz a godless world couldn't have created such beauty for us to behold. C'mon, how could mere probabilities and 'Big Bang' theories put the beauty of this heavenly painting to justice?

Monday, November 13, 2006

Okay...

Monday, November 13, 2006

Okay, so the job i was supposed to get is paying minimum wage, i don't know if i should take it...should i? I always jinx myself...wasn't i just saying that life couldn't be better? Then, this happens. Well, if i look at the bright side, i don't have to look for another job...but, as i'm a self-confessed pessimist, i'd rather look for 10 other available jobs that could at least pay wages that fit the job i'm about to partake...

Well, i do have about a month to think about it...

Other than that, i'm still doing my revisions, and i'm doin okay...JUST okay.I'm praying like there's no tomorrow for good results, and asking for intecessions from all my patron saints (uhuh, really...it worked before...really!)

As much as i love planning my future, sometimes weird thing happen, so i'm trying my best to plan and be flexible at the same time...however, i do want my dream to become a reality, i want to become an AMBASSADOR for my country...please, please come true!

As i have not gone into tertiary ed just yet, i can't say that cirumstances won't change things...i've seen this happen tons of times...So, may everything fall into place!

Peace out!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'm Back...

Sunday, November 12, 2006

After a long year, life is getting a little better...Mom's pregnant right now, we're all so happy. Just think, in April/May, a little bundle of joy will be here to bring us luck.

I'm still single, but getting ready for the wild world as i'm gonna go through one of the toughest examinations in the world. Have almost a week to go, then after 3-weeks, i'm home free! The wild world awaits...

In January, i start a part-time job as an assistant at a production company...but only for a few months, then i start university...Whoah, it seems all so surreal...From last year, whch i must say was a shitty year, i now am a lot happier, have additional great friends and memories i'll cherish throughout my life.

I hope things will just keep getting better, it's time it started...If there is anyone reading this stuff, just know that life has its ups and downs, but, just keep going and have faith...I have always been cynical, and i doubt i'll ever change, but sometimes when you let things go and be at peace with the world, something funny happens; you see LIFE as it IS!

Well, i'll be posting soon, i pray all goes well! Good luck to me...and wait! Christmas is coming...haha!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Mom's the Word...

Sunday, October 30, 2005

There it is, my ma's turn to piss me off...Now that i'm at peace with my dad, mom goes and open her mouth to say stuff i hate. She thinks i'm a lesbian just because i don't have a boyfriend...C'mon ma, i'm 18, not a 60 year old spinster.

If you want me to just find some random guy who i have no interest for, by all means, i could...I know what i deserve, and i deserve someone who i'm attracted to...Not just a guy who's attracted to me and that's it (means he likes me, but i don't like him!)...C'mon, it should be mutual, damnit!!!

Although my younger sister beat me at having a boyfriend, that doesn't mean i have no interest in guys at all, of course i do...It's just that i haven't found what i'm lookin' for...

I hope somehow you'd understand...but i guess you'll never know...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Holiday Season Coming to a Theater Near You!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Well, as i said, it's the start of the holiday season... I really wanted to get a p/time job. I know mom and dad don't have a lot of money right now, so i really hoped to get a job during the term break...

As usual, my dad forbids me...AFTER they hire me...Luckily, i decline before the HR lady gets the chance to get pissed. I hate him for that...He expects the bosses to let me work when i want to, how i want to...arrrrghhhhh!!!

All i wanted was to buy nice stuff for me and my sister, so that mom and dad won't have to scrimp on their expenses...since it was xmas season on the agenda and all...Sometimes he can be so selfish! He doesn't want me to work coz he's afraid...Afraid that i'll be coming home late...By takin' the bus...I'm freakin 18 for goodness sake! Why won't he let me be independent and take a stupid bus? He's so paranoid, and i don't wanna be like that!

I wish mom was here...She would've given dad her two cent's worth...Ma, please be back soon...I wouldn't be so sad and angry if he had told me this before i freakin' went for that freakin' interview!!! The lady from the HR department liked me...Oh, God, please let this anger subside...

Oh, Father Christmas, if you do truly exist, i just want to be happy this year...Coz dad never fails to make me cry when i'm suppose to be at my happiest...

Monday, October 10, 2005

Naturally...

Monday, October 10, 2005

Hmm, mom's goin back 2 her homeland 4 a month...Shit, i'm gonna be stuck here with my dad & sis, what could happen??? Well, nothin' i guess, possibly WW3. I'm gonna miss my mom!!!

Wel, did my plan 4 finding a bf by me setting myself up with the reverse psychology mindset work? NO! I'm such a fucked-up girl, man...I noe he'l come wen i least expect it, but i always expect..lol, wat a load of bullshit, huh?

I'm gonna need a p/time job, and i sure hope that bookstore job gets through, even 4 a month and a 1/2...Keepin' my fingers crossed...Need the $$$ coz i really need that ipod nano, altho', it mite bcome obsolete in like, i dunno, a month? Hmmm, technology...guess i'l have 2 get smtg else, IF i get the money from the job...coz, i'm sure it'l be a waste in a few months.

Anyway, thought of coloring my hair...Light brown? Red? White? hehe...we'l see, den i'l have 2 make it black again after the vacation!

Other than that, wat hv i gotta say, other than hope things'll work out...i hate my life bein like a yo-yo...It's nuts 2 have a life like that, but...c'est la vie!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Yo-yo (The Chronicles of Life)

Monday, October 03, 2005

It IS like a yo-yo, my life...It's as i said earlier, i suspect my life is as an undiagnosed patient having bipolar disease. I try to be the best i can be...but no one seems to care.

I wanna make my parents proud, but all they do is take care of my sister's feelings, and they have issues with each other.I have to practically talk non-stop just for them to pay attention to what i have to say. What can i do? Can anyone tell me? My sis is not that lonely, she has a best friend and a boyfriend who loves her and vice versa.

Who have i got? Only a couple of close friend and my family. That's all. No significant other. I do have high ambitions...

Everything that goes wrong in my house, and fingers start pointing at me. I'm a self-confessed black sheep of my family, and all i could do is blog to release the tension, loneliness and pain...And nobody knows who I really am!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm Screwed!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Huh! just as i thought thing were goin fine, my parents decide to have a fight. Sometimes i just wish i could disappear, you know?

Perhaps i jinxed my good luck or something...why do they always have to bring up the past? and it ALWAYS about money, and why the other isn't doin enough to help out.I'm out here on neutral territory, and i always thought that the both of them did their part in helping out.

I'm so pissed that they complain to ME(???), but fail to talk to each other...I say, go seek counselling, but each are too proud to seek help, coz they don't wanna change...If that isn't enough, my sis has no clue...Coz everyone is tellin' me, and me ONLY!

I'm screwed! just as i think my life would get better, disasters like these happen!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Great...

Friday, September 30, 2005

I think I might finally be at ease with myself, me being single and all...I guess it just took me some time to realize some things are just worth waiting for. I just want something REAL, not some movie line to make me feel "complete"...Maybe there's no such thing, i say!

Anyway, all I wanna do now is concentrate on achieving my ambitions and with that, make my parents proud! I hope to God that happens, coz at the rate I'm goin' through...Uuuhhh!

If this dream of mine comes true, it would be worth all the shit they (my parents) went through just to make me happy and motivated to be SOMEBODY...

Love you mom and dad. (They don't know about this blog, so i'm not worried...yet!)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

A Recap on Today's Forecast...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Boring old day...What can I say, oring-bay ay-day? Haha, too bad for those who can't speak pig latin...

Anyway, the days are not so happening, so there's pretty much nothin' goin' on...Still no boyfriend, no driving licence(yet!) , etc, etc...

So, what about my country, you say? Well, so far the crime rate is STILL pretty darn horrible & terrible, with murder victims still on the rise, petrol subsidies are now confirmed as nil, and the AP issue still hangin' with fingers pointing to one another...Geez, politics just won't stop, would they?

No matter what good they, the Gov does for us, we'll still find their faults...So why bother? We're a bunch 'o whiners, so just bear with us, will ya? Give us our moment of glory to shine in these predicaments and act the fool...Thanks, Big-G or shall I say MaS-G for our day in the sun!

Don't get me wrong, I love my Gov, it's just a natural thing to bite the hand that feeds you in my book...NOT!



P.S. Whining is my game, so if you've got a problem with that, buzz off!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Dear God...

Monday, September 26, 2005

Take it, I give it to you,
My life's worth, my Lord & my God!
I give it all to thee,
For You to set free,
Free onto this Earth,
To learn, be wise, and be whole...

For the love of her family,
She wills herself to be content,
Guarded, she has no-one to call her 'other',
Although it may seem that she needs not this 'other',
She very does so...

For her, no-one has the time,
And so she develops, quietly, slowly through all of her senses,
She listens to peoples' experiences and learn from them,
She does not seem lonely, she has friends,
But only ONE being knows her true-self,
And that is you,
God Almighty...

And, that is why I give it to you,
My soul to keep, my heart to hold,
Until you find the right person for me,
That You choose to give him this gift,
That is my heart...


(PS. This is just my mushy, 'artistic' side being published in this blog...My blog is meant to be satirical, but that doesn't seem to be the case now, is it? So, just deal with it, will ya?)

(PPS. I'm NOT an atheist! It may seem so before this, but i'm not...)

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I hate It!!!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I've had it with people askin' me what race I am...Sayin' that I'm a Malaysian, (Oops, guess my cover's blown, but I don't care anymore!) shouldn't that be enough for people to get a clue and not be too preoccupied with what my race is? I mean, what the fuckin' hell is the point?

This is what I don't get, and one more thing, when I say i'm a Malaysian, they laugh out loud and say, "seriously, answer the question..."

What the hell? Who are you, really? Mr/Ms gotta-know-it-all? Get off my case and get on with your fuckin' life! It's ok if we know each other, and I understand you wanting to know, but if you're just some stranger, what the hell are you so curious about? It's none of your fuckin' business who or what I am!

This is what people think of you when you, a stranger, ask a person these types of question:
  • You seem like a freak
  • You seem like you have a fetish for the unconventional-raced people
  • You seem like you are havin' a bet with your friends on guesses what race the particular person is
  • You make yourself to be just plain annoyin' and weird
  • You seem to have no life, lookin' to strangers and askin' things about them, and many more...

So, the next time you wanna ask someone you don't know what race they are, just remember this...You're freakin' weird!!!

Heed my advice, and thou shall be free of all judgement!!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

High Highs & Low Lows...

Friday, September 23, 2005

I sometimes am afraid that i might have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness...When i'm happy, i'm extremely happy, and when i'm down/sad/angry, it's to the extreme, too!

Is it bipolar i'm havin'? Oh God, i hope not...I don't wanna be another nutcase in the world...I hope to God it's my imbalanced hormones...

I lash out at everyone nowadays, my mom and dad especially...Maybe i think of them as an outlet for my anger coz i've been theirs for all these years...Them not wanting to "hurt" my sister's feelings and all...Might I say, all this has made her even worse than before.

I hope they realize their mistake and stop doin this to me...For now, all i can do is confide in the music I listen to. It does soothe me a little...

No one really knows me, i guess. Just waiting to be released from this prison of depression. I cover it up with my sarcastic jokes and sense of humor...Guess it's a defense mechanism!

Have a flair for writing, my former teacher told me once...Maybe it could mount to something in the future...I hope!

I sure hope this will be over when my hormones become balanced, LOL!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Dreaming Beautiful Dreams

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Lucid dreams,
What I wait for the whole day,
Flying high in the sky,
Transforming into an eagle gliding through a storm, that is my life...

Lucid dreams,
Guiding me to a deeper realm called fantasy,
I'm in my own world, where I am the queen,
I rule, but I am alone...

Lucid dreams,
By now, it's a contradiction,
No longer can I control it,
I'm falling, falling down and I can't stop,
No one cares, as I am alone in MY world...

Lucid dreams,
No more,
I am lost in an underworld, where I am nothing at all,
Am in a world of absolute loneliness...

Lucid dreams,
Over,
I am lifeless, my soul spirited away by the darkness,
As my lone self conquers the night,
I remember flying high in my glory,
And I wonder if there is anyone who would save me from this nightmare,
Which I thought was a lucid dream,
And, now, I am trapped...

I am waiting for you...
Save me from this hollow space,
Where this void grows every day,
Until the day you find me, I am a-broken...

Friday, September 16, 2005

Pray for Humanity

Friday, September 16, 2005

I know i've got issues, and I would often think about my situation, but I never seem to realize that people around me have problems deeper than mine...

I would sure hope that the people who are suffering will get through their great traumas and live their lives how they want to...I'm truly sorry for those who have lost their families to natural disasters, terminal illnesses, accidents, etc...

I hope humankind shows itself through prayer and kindness for all races...World peace will ultimately be achived-though it's tough to believe that, I believe God will not let us down, and he will save our souls...This doesn't mean it will happen anytime soon, but faith will make it come sooner.

Won't Somebody Find Me?

Friday, September 16, 2005

When are you gonna be here by my side?
When are we gonna spend special moments together?
When is my life gonna be filled with pure and brilliant love?
When are you gonna look into my eyes and say you're always gonna be here with me?
When will i be able to look forward to the times we're gonna spend together?
When will i be able to let my guard down?
When will someone other than God know how/who i really am?
When are you gonna know me?
When will we find love in one another?
When will you find me?
When?

Only God knows, i'm lookin' forward to this...so when we find each other someday, please don't let me down...coz i would like to think that it was worth all the wait...

Whoever you are, know that i'm waiting for you to find me...

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Some Stuff I Thought About

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Just some stuff i was thinkin' about...

Things I am thankful for:
  • my parents
  • my personality
  • my intelligence
  • music
  • Hollywood
  • my people skills
  • sushi & pasta-basically, all the food I like
  • the internet
  • great authors & their books
  • peace in my country
  • my capabilities
  • my privacy
  • my dog-may you RIP, my dear friend...
  • my ability to keep my feelings (not thoughts) inside
  • my ability to understand & appreciate peoples' diversities
  • my friends
  • my spontaneity
  • my sense of humor
  • my comeuppance from overweight child to normal-sized girl

Things i'm not thankful for:

  • my neurotic mindset
  • my being a control freak
  • my inability to shut my mouth when I have a thought
  • my inability to lose an argument
  • my lack of confidence
  • my mild body-dysmorphic disorder (BDD);not that bad like other girls, just a mild one!
  • my addiction to TV shows, movies & the internet
  • my inability to save money
  • my lack of self-control; food-wise, money-wise, tv-wise, etc...
  • my physical scars and ugly skin (frm being a formerly overweight child and having had a serious bout with the chicken pox; mine was brutal!)
  • my inability to trust the opposite sex, except my dad and close male friends (was molested twice by strangers; a motorcyclist & a mad man)
  • my laziness
  • my inability to accept that some guys may actually be attracted to me
  • my lack of communication with God (i will try after this!)

I bet there's a lot of stuff i've forgotten, but, at least i got some of my thoughts out...

Monday, September 12, 2005

Being 18 sucks!!!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Why am I whinning? 18 is supposed to be a GREAT age where you have relationships and go clubbing and hangout with friends...I really think some fucked-up pressure is getting to me. First, the need for me to pretend i'm happy in this family.

Ok, my so-called sister makes my dad think he's a useless father, and i hate her for it! She only talks to mom, and she's a recovering bullimic, who slashes herself when she's angry, sad, depressed, so she could numb the pain? I really don't know, coz she's just fine when she's with her boyfriend, and best friends...

The thing is, i'm the one who has to pretend everything is ok when she slashes her formerly-flawless hands...i have to put on a face and tell mom and dad that it's not their fault when she does that. No one dares to give her a scolding coz "she might go and hurt herself..."!

Why, God, why? Yet, after all this, my parents anger towards her comes to me...The only one who has ever made me cry is my sister.When my parents wanted to take her to a psychiatrist (secretly), they decided to give her another chance, coz she was 'recovering' and promised never to do it again...I really try to do all I can, but it's like i don't exist to her...That's why i feel i don't have a sister.Mind you, she'll go through hell for her friends, but she won't even go out for a family dinner, my parents' 19th anniversary...reluctant, she uses her cellphone the whole time during dinner...My parents have literally spoilt her...i don't know what happened to that sweet little girl! She's a pretty girl, not like me, and smart too! I guess i have always been the ugly duckling of the family who has a great and bubbly personality...Even when people say i'm pretty, i feel that i'm not coz i feel so small compared to her...literally & figuratively...She's 15 and taller than me!

I'll just have to go on blogging as a form of therapy for my 'ever-so-lovely' life, with no one i can truly talk to, courtesy of low-self esteem, distrust in many people, no matter how close they are to me, etc...

Boyfriends? None, coz i was molested twice by strangers, that even now when a guy wants to be more than friends, i push 'em away although they have done nothing to me! I have always been one of the guys, that being a girlfriend to someone would seem like i'm not independent...It's unfair to them to deal with a nut like me...I say i don't need a boyfriend, but i dunno...Do i?

I hope that i'll be ok with the help of the music i listen to...seriously...and everything will be over... and i will be happy with my life!

Friday, September 02, 2005

Goodbye Letter to a Former Best Friend

Friday, September 02, 2005

Friends forever! That's the deal we made...some deal...you go off to another college and you never take the effort to even call or sms! What the hell, man? What hurts the most is that you don't even reply my messages....it's not that hard...just an sms!

Maybe i was stupid for thinkin you were a true best friend, coz best friends don't talk bad about each other behind their backs....what a damn backstabber! And that wasn't even about me, that was about another best friend...What could you possibly be talkin about me to that other friend if you are talkin shit about her to me? And boy, are you one hell of a two-faced missy...always lying to your parents, friends and boyfriends...

I have principles, and one of 'em is not being friends with people who are too much of a backstabbing, major liar...so, i bid you goodbye, and farewell...i really hope that you realize that you are losing a person who was the greatest friend you could have ever had! But i know better, and even a teacher told me you talked her into not givin me an increased grade in school, coz that would mean getting a better position in class...You woulda hated that wouldn't you?

Well, i'm not a bitch, i'm a nice person...so that's why people trust me and tell me when "certain friends" are bad-mouthing me...I know i deserve better than having a "friend" like you! I believe in karma, so watch your back, coz what goes around comes around!

So long, and may you change for the better before it's too late!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

I dunno.........

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Music...It's a way of life! I dunno where i'd be without music. The songs of Led Zeppelin makes me feel like i'm on a high...Like i'm on pot or something, not like i'd know, but there is that feeling of the hippie-era whenever i listen to Led Zep, Uriah Heep, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix...Wow! They were the greatest, and they still are.

Don't get me wrong, i love today's music too, but there's something about the classic rock era that gets me in a trance.

Today's rock music, i kinda like...But i don't care what kind of rock it is, coz music is music, and nothing else...Some jerks would tell me mainstream rock is outdated, but it's all good, as long as they play good music...

Speaking of a few jerks, why do some people tend to be very condescending when it comes to some matters... Were they born rude and asshole-like, or do they have to go for some 6-month training school for jerky-asses? Hmmmm, i wonder...There could be a possibility...Coz, sometimes i just wish people would respect each other, regardless of each individuals' opinion on music, for instance! I mean, if i can't have an opinion for MY musical tastes, where does that leave me for other stuff? Geez, the people today! Gimme a break...So, you're a jerk...Get over it and get outta my freakin' face. God, this feels good! I've just released my anger towards this person by writing down my thoughts. Great, now i can get on with life knowing that douche-bags DO exist in this world!

OK, so some people are mean, but that doesn't change my opinion; THERE ARE MANY GOOD PEOPLE AROUND...THEY JUST NEED TO BE FOUND!