Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Yeah...I'm the master of freaking out, believe me (just ask my friends...they even gave me a name!)

But all of a sudden, it hit me...and it hit me hard...I have a few months till graduation, and I'm doing zilch! OMG, what the hell am I gonna do? Where am I gonna work? Time is running out, and I've yet to come out with a decision!!!

Fuck...

Ok, so I love writing, and I'd love to travel, I love talking to people, communicating...but yeah, knowing your abilities does NOT make you know your occupation, damnit! What I DO know is, sooner or later, I would like to open my own business. Yes I do not know what yet, but it's nice to be enterprising and really...this is kind of a big thing, but yeah...that's my long-term goal.

For now, I would need to find my calling. OMG...help me and everyone else who remains clueless at times like these...you see, my major is not really specific...it's good for any types of profession; journalism, law, economy, business, etc...what I wish for is for that 'A-ha moment'...that brick on the head...that *BOOM* because I really need to start helping out my family. It's about time I do my part...all I want to do is achieve my dreams while making them proud.

These past few years, I've been very blessed. Sometimes, I think I must've done something good in my previous life or something like that to be this lucky. Everyone does their part...and I just wanna fulfill mine and take care of everyone.

So what I really want is to love my job...to be waking up every morning and looking forward to go to work...that's what I want!!!

Amen...

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Yesterday, I went to church with my family. Later on, my sister went for her catechism class, and told my parents during the last minute, that there was a meeting for parents for the Confirmation candidates...you see, I'm Catholic (I guess a VERY liberal one!), and my family is big on all these sort of things. I had my Confirmation years ago. So, since it was "parents only", I was chased out of the meeting room...LOL!

Out of sheer embarassment, I went into the church, sat on the pew, and contemplated...

After my family, I have friends...but, other than them, I have a very solitary life! I am reaching 20 this year, and I can't believe I haven't been in a relationship, I haven't gone on weekend trips with my friends, haven't been into a club/pub/disco/whatever...I haven't been kissed, haven't traveled outside of my country, haven't done many things a teenager should! Not even been to a concert!

After thinking of all this, I started to get blurry-eyed...What a waste of my youth, just being at school...not that I haven't done fun stuff, it's just that I haven't done any MAJOR stuff that would make me remember my teenage years when I'm like, 40 years old...and I want to, very much!

I became very moody since thinking about this. Very bitter and grumpy...had arguments with my dad. Guess I kinda resent him for keeping me in a cage. Why can't I seem to rebel against him? Well, it's Monday, the 5th of March, and it's his 46th birthday today...So, I guess I better call him and wish him now!

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