Waiting for My Prince to Come (Cynical!)
Monday, February 05, 2007
-This is a satirical tale to summon my Prince Charming (like as if he exists)-
Dear Prince Charming,
What is taking you so long? People are beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Now tell me, when can i start creepin' out of the house (in my tower of solitude) to go for dates with you?
Have you found someone else? Should i find me another? Geez, another one bit the dust just a few weeks ago...Before taking his last breath, he uttered the words, "Damn you, bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing? Waiting for some guy that does not exist in THIS world...You must be joking...take me as yours and settle for less, coz you ain't gonna get any if you don't!"
I then smothered him in his sleep! (less suffering!)
Then, an old drunk asked me a few days ago, "How old are you now? 20? Whoa, haven't had a boyfriend? You're weird! Is there something wrong with you? Are you a lesbo or something?"
I told him i was straight, and that i'm driven to achieve my ambitions, and i don't need a man to "complete" me, whatever that means(taken from Jerry Maguire)...
He said, "Oh, i see...you're one of those ultra-feminists who is probably gonna artificially inseminate herself coz you don't wanna marry, right? Well, now i can see why you're single!"
I then switched his beer with cat piss...he didn't notice any difference!
Next, i bumped into Snow White, who just had a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the problem...She is now seeking full custody of the kids! Also met Cinderella...seems that her Prince Charming was caught in bed with the stable boy...he now plans to wed the stable boy in the UK, seeing that gay marriage is welcomed with open arms.
So, now, for my case, oh my special one! I don't know when you will be coming my way, but for now, all i can do is dream of the perfect guy, with the perfect smile, the perfect brains and brawn, perfect sense, and equipped with the perfect tehcniques for...cooking!
While i know you probably are looking for Princess Perfect, rather than myself, you can expect to see me in some bookstore, in the Political/Philosophy/Psychology/Literature section, reading for free to pass the time. Maybe you'll see me watching a movie with friends, shopping with my sister (who's happily 'married'), having lunch with someone as driven as me, and yada yada yada.
Or maybe we'll pass each other by without realizing it...if this happens, feel free to throw a fit in public and drown your sorrows over alcohol, okay? Maybe with your beer goggles, you'll discover me somewhere...and then, we'll live happily ever after, with alcohol to sustain us, and people bugging us no more! Woohoo for beer!
PS: This is just a joke...I do not drink, nor am i condoning it...As i said earlier, i tend to ramble when i feel like crap...so this whole Prince Charming shenanigan is just driving me nuts, coz certain people tend to annoy me about it...SO, THERE!!! Take it, you assholes! (Them assholes are comp illiterates, so, bonus points for me!!!)
PPS: This tale is purely fictitious. Any relevance of this story to real life is merely a coincidence. No animals (humans) were harmed during the writing of this story...
Dear Prince Charming,
What is taking you so long? People are beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Now tell me, when can i start creepin' out of the house (in my tower of solitude) to go for dates with you?
Have you found someone else? Should i find me another? Geez, another one bit the dust just a few weeks ago...Before taking his last breath, he uttered the words, "Damn you, bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing? Waiting for some guy that does not exist in THIS world...You must be joking...take me as yours and settle for less, coz you ain't gonna get any if you don't!"
I then smothered him in his sleep! (less suffering!)
Then, an old drunk asked me a few days ago, "How old are you now? 20? Whoa, haven't had a boyfriend? You're weird! Is there something wrong with you? Are you a lesbo or something?"
I told him i was straight, and that i'm driven to achieve my ambitions, and i don't need a man to "complete" me, whatever that means(taken from Jerry Maguire)...
He said, "Oh, i see...you're one of those ultra-feminists who is probably gonna artificially inseminate herself coz you don't wanna marry, right? Well, now i can see why you're single!"
I then switched his beer with cat piss...he didn't notice any difference!
Next, i bumped into Snow White, who just had a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the problem...She is now seeking full custody of the kids! Also met Cinderella...seems that her Prince Charming was caught in bed with the stable boy...he now plans to wed the stable boy in the UK, seeing that gay marriage is welcomed with open arms.
So, now, for my case, oh my special one! I don't know when you will be coming my way, but for now, all i can do is dream of the perfect guy, with the perfect smile, the perfect brains and brawn, perfect sense, and equipped with the perfect tehcniques for...cooking!
While i know you probably are looking for Princess Perfect, rather than myself, you can expect to see me in some bookstore, in the Political/Philosophy/Psychology/Literature section, reading for free to pass the time. Maybe you'll see me watching a movie with friends, shopping with my sister (who's happily 'married'), having lunch with someone as driven as me, and yada yada yada.
Or maybe we'll pass each other by without realizing it...if this happens, feel free to throw a fit in public and drown your sorrows over alcohol, okay? Maybe with your beer goggles, you'll discover me somewhere...and then, we'll live happily ever after, with alcohol to sustain us, and people bugging us no more! Woohoo for beer!
PS: This is just a joke...I do not drink, nor am i condoning it...As i said earlier, i tend to ramble when i feel like crap...so this whole Prince Charming shenanigan is just driving me nuts, coz certain people tend to annoy me about it...SO, THERE!!! Take it, you assholes! (Them assholes are comp illiterates, so, bonus points for me!!!)
PPS: This tale is purely fictitious. Any relevance of this story to real life is merely a coincidence. No animals (humans) were harmed during the writing of this story...
0 comments:
Post a Comment