Thursday, March 15, 2007

Of Sucky-Suck Grades and Crossroads...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Where should I start? Well, I was hoping to score at least...AT LEAST 3.50 cgpa for my STPM, but noooo, what did I get? A fuckin' 3.00!!! Shit, just when I thought God would help me, this happens...Oh shit, dude!

In a state of panic, I receive my notification via a state of denial, I started crying! Just a few minutes ago, my dad told me to go get that straight mom told me as long as I did the best that I could, there would be no worries.

After this, I ran to my parents, with tears in my eyes...which is not, I repeat NOT me! I NEVER cry! Well, this time, I did...I just didn't want to disappoint them! This was supposed to get me at least a scholarship...but now, I guess I have to get into a private college. Damn, the money I'm gonna parents can't afford that! Especially with a baby on the way...well, at least I don't have to pay for pre-U courses!

My mom and dad are the best parents any girl could ever have. They told me it's not the end of the world...They, my parents support me! I thought the grades I would obtain could be their reward...after all the sacrifices made for me and my sister. I love them so much!

My teacher told me, maybe it is a blessing in disguise? I thought I would get into a public uni, get into the foreign service and become a diplomat...maybe this is God's way of telling me it's better to go for communications/journalism?

I've always loved writing, and I love it more than political science and international & strategic studies, honestly...but the reasons I want to work in the Gov sector is because, in the Foreign Service (Wisma Putra), I get to continue my studies, up to a PhD, free of, I always wanted to be the first Malaysian woman ambassador to the UN, travel the world, meet foreign dignitaries, or even become one myself! Big dreams, I must say!

If I were to get into communications, there would be big opportunities in the corporate sector--magazines, media, PR, etc...but would I be writing the things I like? Of course not!

Now, I am truly at a crossroads...confused! Just when I thought there would be one straight road! Now; here lies a detour!

God, help me! Only time will tell what will happen, what road I would eventually choose!

If I get into a uni-college, I might as well invest on it, right? 64k is a lot of money! But one thing's for sure...I will NOT ask my parents for a dime...This, I must strive on my own! This is my battle...So, God, if you're out there...please guide me towards the right choice! The road taken, should be the one where i'm the happiest!