Life's Sick Lil' Games...

*WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD!!!*

I was sending my dad a short text message for his birthday...it's today, damn my dad is actually quite young...49! Still young, right? Well, mom's even younger...an elegant 45 year-old woman who gave birth almost three years ago! :P

All this solitary confinement, added with procrastinations about doing my thesis (or not doing it!!!) gets me thinking about them...

I wrote this before, but I never fail to say it out loud & proud: "I love my parents!"

During my teens: You know that age where most girls hate their mom/dad/both parents...my besties (now former besties) would bitch about their parents...lying to them about going out and stuff. Well, I was very different. I would say "Heck, i love my parents!", to their annoyance...Hahaha! They always trusted me, and that's why I've never had to lie to them about anything...hey, i'm not gonna go all out and say that I'm an angel...rather, I would say that I'm not that bad a daughter!

Yes, I know i've complained about them too, but i've never had that "I hate my parents!" phase...well, my sister had that phase with Pops, but not me...don't know why. Disappointments+complaints, yes...but never in a I-hate-my-parents sorta way.

I have always and WILL always love them. Once, when I was as little as 11-12, when I was thinking about my parents, I actually cried...don't know why, but I did. It was as if I felt I didn't deserve them...It's a wonder how some people are lucky enough to have one good parent, but to have two is somewhat hard to find...

I have cousins who aren't as lucky, as well as friends who constantly get into arguments with theirs. Hmmm, now thinking about it is getting me all emotional...somehow, I STILL wonder why I was/am fortunate to be born in this family...I wouldn't trade them for anything...

Don't even know why i'm writing about this, it's making me tear up...like seriously!

Well, whatever...moral is: I AM A LUCKY GIRL...always was, still am...and I hope that I always will be! And yes, I appreciate every single blessing given to me...and to my friends who read this, I'm lucky to have you guys too!

Ahhhh, maybe i'm just scared that one day i'll wake up to find out that everything was just a dream...my biggest & ultimate fear; waking up and finding that everything you thought you had was actually a dream. Geez, I'm such a dweeb...what's wrong with me?

Sorry, blog...guess you'll have to bear with my emotional roller-coaster...I'm just glad that even though i'm not rich in material wealth...I am absolutely abundant with the love of my family...if I was Superman, they would be my Kryptonite! (Geek, I am!!!)

The end.

PS: Gratitude makes way for abundance...believe it!

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30th August...on this day 23 years ago, my parents got married...

We didn't go to a special lunch as my dad had originally planned...coz my mom felt lazy...so he bought a cake instead...her fave: Hazelnut Butterscotch something something from where else...it's not so "Secret" anymore where we get our cakes! ;)

I wouldn't call it my fave, but hey, it's for my mom to choose, right? I gave my parents the suggestion of "why don't you guys go out...just the two of you?", and i was met with my mom's WTF-face...wow, mom! Is it so icky to go out ALONE with your own husband? Geez...ok, so i made a mistake...who knew you hated dating your husband? We'll come along too!

But then, she changes her mind, and she asks dad to get a cake instead...so, her wish be done! And my sister and me? WE LOVE CAKE!!! Om nyom nyom!!! Muahahaha...



Yeah...i know it says "20th", but the lady in the shop made a mistake...and the sugar-angel on the 2nd pic, my dad bought just for the little girl aka "zee little devil"! The cake was just OK for me...you know i love Secret Recipe cheesecakes rather than the other varieties...but i still ate like a pig! Hahahah...

Tomorrow i'll have to borrow the car...to register to STAY in my current room...you know the whole "i'm gonna write a letter" shit? I don't even have the will anymore...i'll just accept that nothing will change...all i have to do is just suck it up, dust myself up...and stand tall to face REAL challenges, such as doing my thesis and assignments!!! In fact, i think i would write a letter complimenting the principal! XD I'm officially cooled-down, thanks to coming back home...it sorta chills me, and i'm glad for it!

Okok, now i'm bullshitting...please just disregard my emo post before this...i'm fed up of whining!!!

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The most annoying thing to me...as stated below:

You know when a guy or a girl have a relationship...1st they're all happy and stuff, they're in their own world...well, that's ok. That's not the issue here...coz that is normal, right?

But one thing i hate about this is that they start ignoring their family and friends...some don't even go home, or even think of calling their mom and dad...

THEN...

Disaster strikes!!! Your relationship is broken...you're lost...where do you go?

That's the time you go back home to your family...you go back into your mother/father's open arms...but where the hell were you when you were out and about with ur bf/gf? Were you even aware of what was going on at home? Did you even care at all?

This is something i've seen one too many times...you can't avoid it, coz nowadays people tell it to you whether you want to know or not...on Twitter, Facebook, Friendster, and many other social networking sites...sometimes you see them with your own eyes, and they admit that they haven't been home for months...

Some things you can't force...you could just be frustrated and pray to God it doesn't happen to you. I'm lucky that i appreciate what i have right NOW...my family and friends...and i hope i'd never forget them or take them for granted once i'm in a relationship. I hope i'd never forget a birthday, never miss a day where i said i loved them or never forget the memories we built together...because as much as i pray they will always be there, mortality rears its ugly head...and God might take them away the very moment you least expect it.

I don't know why i'm even talking about this, it's just that i get angry when i see friends forget their parents at home...their parents who love them and try their best to always give them the things they need and want...not everybody i know have that. Some people dream of having a mother or father who gives a damn, somebody who cares...

That is what i wish some people would realize. Why does it have to take a relationship breakdown for you to go back home? Or to take time to call them? Why not try NOW?

Right now, you're just annoying me...

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I don't know why i suddenly thought of posting about my parents...i mean, i haven't actually written that i love them so...i always have, but never actually written a post specially for them...well, maybe i have but forgotten about it, but i wanna write one NOW!

I don't actually know how my life would be without them, but i sure know that i am one of those lucky people who sometimes feel that they don't deserve such wonderful people as their parents...i mean, you could have all the riches in the world, and you can have parents who don't give a damn about you, right? Sometimes it overwhelms me how much i can't live without them, i almost cry when i imagine my life without them.

One thing good about me is that i never take them for granted...ever since! I'm so happy for that. Yeah, yeah sometimes they are a pain, but so am i, right? We are ALL humans, we are NOT perfect! But to me, no matter how many heroes i adore and respect...my number 1 will always be them both...Mom & Pops!

And that is why, i wanna be the best person i can be just so that i could justify all your sacrifices you made for me and my sisters. I don't even know why i'm feeling like i miss you guys, even though i'll see you tomorrow (i know, stupid right?) and i just talked to you...but i just know what you guys went through in each of your individual lives and your lives together...and as much as you fight about this and that, even if one day you might end up apart (God forbid...)-- I know you love your children to the brink of selflessness! I just hope all those selfless sacrifices would be worth it in the end.

I pray that BOTH my sisters and I would be able to achieve greatness and finally give you the riches you deserve! I'm glad i say "I love you" so i will never regret NOT saying it when it's too late...may God hear my prayers and bless you both...for I am ALREADY blessed. AMEN!

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So yesterday was my birthday...as usual, I was broke, so I couldn't do anything. Went out with my family to buy a camcorder. Got us a good one.

Dad bought me a cake from Secret Recipe, cheese-chocolate cake...yum!

Sang me the birthday song, even if I didn't want them to. Mom asked Dad to pray (God knows why, for some reason...) Dad thanked God for his wonderful family, two daughters...I almost cried, but then I tried to cover up by saying "OK, I thank God for the best parents in the world", in the most cheerful manner, I wished a wish (secret!) and blew the candles; 2 big ones.

Oh, God! I'm 20!!!

Went to bed feeling all warm and fuzzy, thanked God in a prayer, and I lay in deep slumber...

Thanks for the warmth I felt on my 20th birthday...even without all the glitter, the money, the things...I was happy to be where I was! I love my family and friends; many of my friends wished me at midnight, midmorning and midday...and at night too...thank you guys! Wish I had a party, but it's not exactly the right time, now is it? Next year, babes, next year! Let's celebrate our 21st year in Vegas...or Genting would also suffice! ;-)

Wish you could all see me giving y'all a shoutout, but...y'all don't know I have a blog now, do ya? (Except you, of course...nightfox!)

God bless!!!

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Where should I start? Well, I was hoping to score at least...AT LEAST 3.50 cgpa for my STPM, but noooo, what did I get? A fuckin' 3.00!!! Shit, just when I thought God would help me, this happens...Oh shit, dude!

In a state of panic, I receive my notification via sms...in a state of denial, I started crying! Just a few minutes ago, my dad told me to go get that straight As...my mom told me as long as I did the best that I could, there would be no worries.

After this, I ran to my parents, with tears in my eyes...which is not, I repeat NOT me! I NEVER cry! Well, this time, I did...I just didn't want to disappoint them! This was supposed to get me at least a scholarship...but now, I guess I have to get into a private college. Damn, the money I'm gonna need...my parents can't afford that! Especially with a baby on the way...well, at least I don't have to pay for pre-U courses!

My mom and dad are the best parents any girl could ever have. They told me it's not the end of the world...They, my parents support me! I thought the grades I would obtain could be their reward...after all the sacrifices made for me and my sister. I love them so much!

My teacher told me, maybe it is a blessing in disguise? I thought I would get into a public uni, get into the foreign service and become a diplomat...maybe this is God's way of telling me it's better to go for communications/journalism?

I've always loved writing, and I love it more than political science and international & strategic studies, honestly...but the reasons I want to work in the Gov sector is because, in the Foreign Service (Wisma Putra), I get to continue my studies, up to a PhD, free of charge...plus, I always wanted to be the first Malaysian woman ambassador to the UN, travel the world, meet foreign dignitaries, or even become one myself! Big dreams, I must say!

If I were to get into communications, there would be big opportunities in the corporate sector--magazines, media, PR, etc...but would I be writing the things I like? Of course not!

Now, I am truly at a crossroads...confused! Just when I thought there would be one straight road! Now; here lies a detour!

God, help me! Only time will tell what will happen, what road I would eventually choose!

If I get into a uni-college, I might as well invest on it, right? 64k is a lot of money! But one thing's for sure...I will NOT ask my parents for a dime...This, I must strive on my own! This is my battle...So, God, if you're out there...please guide me towards the right choice! The road taken, should be the one where i'm the happiest!

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