Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Ever had recurring dreams...or that of similar images flashing through your mind every now and then?

Well, I have them!!! Those images...those places...those feelings of familiarity. It's as if "THERE" is where I'm supposed to be.

...and yet, I've never seen it (that place) and never seen him...which is what I'm actually waiting for. I've never actually seen this person's face, coz it's always blurry...but I've certainly seen him in a few of my dreams. If I'm not mistaken, I've written about him in a few posts too. It's kinda spooky, but in a good way. I'd like to think that he's looking out for me, even if he's on the other side of the world...

He could be my guardian angel...or my mind's interpretation of God...or maybe me in masculine form...heck, it could be the love of my life for all I know. The only problem is, I don't have a clue WHO he is.

Weird, huh? It's like I'm holding out for something I've known for a long time...it's kinda useless to write about it since I can't seem to describe it.

Hey, I am as realistic as they get...but then again, my imagination keeps me optimistic and somewhat child-like...I'd like to refer to myself as a realistic optimist. I'm optimistic that I'll find out what the hell this recurring image/dream is about.

For now, it's out there! What I want out of this journey is that familiarity...who knows, maybe I knew him from another life...or perhaps a parallel universe? (Which would be awesome, actually!)

If it's just a dream and nothing more...then I'm ok with it too. Somehow, he shows up when I'm having dreams of walking alone. He'll be there holding my hand and guiding me...

Well, this is another useless scribbling...just needed to document this so I won't forget.

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Well, you know i'm your average university student...I haven't been sleeping at the right hours lately (as if I ever did!) due to...you know, THESIS DEADLINE...ARRRGGGHHHH!

So, it's 6.30 in the morning...i'm skimming through pages of "CGE Model used as an economic forecast of a possible FTA"...and my mind just won't let me read anymore...so I skip to the next task...Environmental Politics *double yucks*, thank you very much!!! Then I realize, why the hell are there so many bugs in my room? Yes, I do normally leave my windows open 24/7 unless I go home...I need proper ventilation and I hate stuffiness! Ok, the bugs...guess the rain made them seek refuge in my room. Bugs...a variety of little bugs...crawling on the 4 walls that surround me...harmless, i'm sure...but annoying nonetheless!!!

So I get the Shieldtox and kill 'em all!!! Then, I see a whole bunch of them drop dead on my floor...and that's including the mother-effin' bee that's been buzzing around the fluorescent lightbulb!

"YESSSS...gotcha, little biatch!!!" But, wait...

The bug display on the floor can't be left just like that, right? So I start sweeping my whole room floor like the mad girl that I am...moving things here and there, sweeping under the table and chair...it's almost 7 in the morning and i'm still not sleepy. So, without thinking twice, I head outside for the mop...and i'm mopping the floor at 6.50 am. Now my room is clean and dust-free...smells great too, since it's the purple Ajax I stole from home...it's much better than the brand I have here.

So there...my story. It's 7.10 and I still don't feel a tad sleepy. Maybe i'll try to finish up this Environmental Policy assignment which I luuuuuurrrvvvveee so much! -_____-

Herein ends the awkward tale of my bug massacre+sweeping+mopping trifecta. Hope you liked it. Thank you and have a nice day.

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How some people can say things so easily...I just don't get it! I hate it, and it freaks me out when people just blurt it out...it's weird and it freaks me out! Oh, crap...said 'freaks me out' twice! Isn't that proof enough? Yes, I know some of you could say it easily...but could you do me a favor and grasp the concept properly? To me, the very concept is sacred...

People these days...they just don't get the concept of certain 'concepts'. At least at the end of the day, I don't say what I don't mean, but I mean what I say when I say it!

Arrggghhh, ok...maybe this post is a little cryptic...but yes, I'm writing this way on purpose! Just needed to vent a little...so stick a fork in me...i'm done!

PS: If you tend to blab too much while drunk, perhaps you shouldn't chat with your friends or you'd end up confessing some shit you wouldn't have confessed while sober...on Facebook nonetheless...and another thing, as someone who, admittedly has her mind in the ditch...I keep my chats clean no matter how close my internet friends are...yes, jokes are jokes; dirty jokes and all. But keep away from asking me shit I wouldn't answer...for real!

PPS: I don't get how people who don't even know me think i'm a certain way because of the way I look...in fact, you're waaaay off! Arrrrghhhh...gets me so furious!!! Thank God you're not in front of me or i'll punch you in your pretty little face!!!

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I guess I overslept...again! It was not your usual sleep...it was more like deep sleep, where you can't wake up at all! My dreams were so real at one point, I thought I was awake, doing the stuff I usually do...checking on my Facebook acc, killed some malware (hahahaha, geek to the core!!!), which I really did yesterday, to the point of not sleeping. Maybe that's why I compensated on sleep-time, eh?

Oh, and my weird dream is this: ...Ami from Miami Ink came in biker-mode with the rest of the Wild Hogs...and he had to stay over our place because our country was in turmoil, and he was the designated US celebrity responsible for assisting us in tattooing those in need (HAHA!). He admired the work done on my sister's back, but he said the lines were slightly crooked...but the shading was good. He asked me whether I wanted one, and I said yes, but I don't wanna get one just for the sake of it. If I had to "brand" myself, it would be something important/significant to me...blablabla, yadayadayada...then, he and my family became close, he sorta became our "Uncle Ami" and then he had to go home to the US, where I presented him a bobble-head of himself (coz he can't do the Indian head-going-from-side-to-side thing). He loved it...all of us laughed...then, he left with the rest of his biker friends..they were on some pretty cool-looking Harleys & choppers, people!

Then...dream transition!

The next one was me, some guy (blank-faced, but tall) and my sister were going somewhere...we had to cross this bridge that connected two old creepy-looking buildings together...the bridge was not solid...it was shaky and unstable...that guy and myself were too scared to cross it coz we got weak in the knees just taking two steps...in which my sis taunted us for being such chickens...hahaha, and left us! So we decided to turn back and take another route...the loooong way, in which...by the time we reached the other building, my sister was not to be found. Then, I got a call from my dad who asked me why I wasn't back home yet. It was now very dark...I was alone and lost...where did that guy go? Fuck, I'm screwed!!!

In an instant, I realized I was dreaming...then I woke up.

Weird, huh? Hahaha...

===================================================================

I figured out why the hell I kept getting malware...I had this tracker hidden on my system subfolder...and it was cloaked in an apparent Windows NT file...pretty smart trojan, huh? It took a looooong time to track it, mind you...it is like a magnet for all sorts of malware, and the final straw was when my CPU usage was reaching 100%...was such a horrible thing to watch my baby suffer...I could hear the fan working on overdrive, and it just kept getting very hot as I connected to the wifi...so whenever I deleted a particular trojan, the tracker would still be there, disguised as a legitimate Windows file. SO THAT'S WHY THESE MALWARE PROBS NEVER GO AWAY!!! I sure hope after deleting this asshole of a malware, there won't be any problems anymore! If it does happen, i guess i'll just give in and reformat...need HDD...stat!

Took me a total of 5 hours to do everything...from running the cmd, to tracing the svchost.exe to its program (which was running at 60-99% cpu usage!!!) Ahhhh, I don't know why I won't let anyone touch my notebook...I dunno, guess I don't trust those computer dudes. Added to the fact that i'd rather do it myself...

And take note, most antiviruses can't/won't be able to identify certain malwares/trojans/worms/viruses...in this case, I recommend MalwareBytes' Anti-Malware. It was the only software that identified the "malware.trace" hidden somewhere in a temporary file folder...I also recommend turning the System Restore off before running the software and deleting all those trojans, coz they would mostly hide in those "restore point" files...after all is fixed, just reboot and turn it on again...and you're done!

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Like as if you didn't know i'm a weirdo...my dreams sometimes kick it into highER gear...LOL!

I dreamt I was super-duper-uber late for my exam, that i went o the hall ONE day late! OMFG...super scary!!! But!!! Thats not the weird part...get this: the person in charge, a male authority guy became my best friend, and he was gay! So...he was my Will!!! Hahahahahaha...My bestest gay friend!!!

And we had a blast! We became roomies, and he brought his hot bf...OMG, i totally dreamt I was Grace from season 7 (give or take, right W?)...but i've never had so much fun just chatting with them...it was great, even if it was a dream...i laughed so hard! I can't imagine my face while sleeping, hahahaha!

Ok, this is weird...how come my conscious life images get jumbled up into a weird-ass dream? Oh, yeah...i forgot---that's what dreams are!!! LOL! One thing though...i rarely get the old lucid dreams anymore...it's pretty much gone! It sucks when you can't fly...

Watched Titanic yesterday...AGAIN!!! Yeah, loved it! Leonardo was such a cute boy, hehehe! And i just love Kate Winslet then AND now...she's such a great actress!

Well, i may be going somewhere today...but i'm not sure where...depends on the driver, in which, i'll have to treat! Awww, man!

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Let's me just run my hands on the keyboard and see where it leads me...

Arrgh, let's just reintroduce myself to the world!

Hi...my name is (insert what you think my name is here!)! I am 20-years old, and was born and raised in Malaysia...i'll probably be here until I get enough dough to go around the world...it would just seem impossible to do that now. I have a great family, my mom, dad, younger sister, and not until 3-weeks ago, another sister.

I am of a weird pot of heritage mix; Sinhalese on dad's side, and Filipino-Spanish on mom' side...though, the Spanish part is only minimal...the thing I like most about being a 'hybrid' of mixed ancestry is that I can fool people into thinking i'm a Latina, Indian, Native American, Malay, Hawaiian, Filipino, etc...that's kinda cool!

The thing I hate is, weird strangers asking me my race...WEIRD! I also hate that my dad knows nothing of his native tongue, culture and family in Sri Lanka...it's like his whole history was sucked into a black hole! My mom however, is full of info, which I like! I can understand Tagalog, but can't speak it...I've tried, but I sound too weird, it's embarassing!

So, my mother tongue can be considered the English language...I know for a fact i'm good at it! My Bahasa Malaysia is also great! (Boy am I blowing my own horn, fo' shizzle!)

I've just finished my high school education, and am now awaiting college...

I've never had a boyfriend, but i've had quite many suitors...

I'm waiting for the right guy...but in my mind, I know i'll never find him because of my stupid ideals and too-high standards!

I keep saying I don't look good, when in truth, I do...BUT then, when I start having the confidence, my weight goes up, and I feel fugly...and so, the cycle repeats...

I can cook...and bake...pretty well!

I love Greek Mythology...those were some sickos, I mean, really!

I have many good friends, but I don't make the effort to sustain the friendship.

I love good-looking men...I ain't gonna lie! I want my eye candy every day!

I am only 5' 2...but my rationale is i'll always look young! Even now, people think my super-tall sister is older...but maybe it's because she's tall...D'oh!

Speaking of 'D'oh!' I love the Simpsons...

I love watching TV...

I never make promises I can't keep...

I have a knack for reading people's characteristics through their faces...and it turns out to be true.

I am a great listener and talker!

I am a dreamer...a BIG one!

I am stubborn as hell!

I am very very very opinionated.

I have a small head...and small ears...but i'm smart! Hehe...

I pack up muscles pretty quickly if I lift weights...

I hate holier-than-thou people!!! They preach BS that you didn't ask in the first place!

I hate emo bands...they're soooo NOT rock!

I love classic rock, but I also like RnB, Jazz, Oldies...and Classical music...but the last one's a secret!

In the next post, there'll be more of this! Who thought writing about me would be so easy?

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Just a short post...I dreamt that Ryan Seacrest was the Devil!

I also dreamt that my sister was gonna elope with her no-good boyfriend...At 18, damnit!!! I was begging her not to, but she wanted to, and nobody was gonna stop her, she said! Yikes!!!

---End of weird dream post---

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Here is what i dreamt about...

I was going out of my office building...walking on the ground level, when suddenly i find myself walking into a dorm room...and i see an old guy friend! I seemed happy to see him, and he introduces me to two of his friends, who i swear i haven't seen before. All of us seem to hit it of! They sure seem to like teasing me, and i suddenly pull a playful, sad face...Then all of them say, "Awww, we're sorry..."

All of a sudden, i find myself outside, walking near an apartment unfamiliar to me...old and dark-ish...i sense that my guy friend is trying to call me, and i don't know why. When i answer the phone (which somehow was there, hanging from a chain on my neck), it's actually my mom, asking me why am i not home yet? In that particular minute, i get scared...I mean what the hell am i doing here? I run as fast as i could, and i reach an unfamiliar playground...

The playground is dark. The only lights are the street lights. I see a few children, and i get out of there.

As i walk the lonely road, i see a man running away from the cops! It seems he is a German (???). At least, that's what the neighborhood watchmen are saying (i don't even know where the hell they came from!). The German is caught, and said to be a murderer...

Now, i'm carrying a baby...my bro/sis that my mom had just given birth to...it was smiling...and very very big for a newborn.

Then, i see myself in a cinema...an unknown movie going on. I'm walking towards a lit area with someone, but i just don't know who! This someone is holding my hand...Man, this is weird!

This was a long, unfulfilling journey for me. I wanted to go home, and i was taken into this realm of the bleakness...To places i've never been, people i've never known! All for what? I was lost throughout the journey...feeling scared and alone...and confused! The common denominator of all the places? I WAS WALKING! I really was walking like hell...everywhere...non-stop!

I don't know, it all seems like a very weird dream...can anyone interpret this? And why do i still remember it so vividly? It was like a cocktail of a week's dream, and i find it unusual that i woke up tired!

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-This is a satirical tale to summon my Prince Charming (like as if he exists)-

Dear Prince Charming,

What is taking you so long? People are beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Now tell me, when can i start creepin' out of the house (in my tower of solitude) to go for dates with you?

Have you found someone else? Should i find me another? Geez, another one bit the dust just a few weeks ago...Before taking his last breath, he uttered the words, "Damn you, bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing? Waiting for some guy that does not exist in THIS world...You must be joking...take me as yours and settle for less, coz you ain't gonna get any if you don't!"

I then smothered him in his sleep! (less suffering!)

Then, an old drunk asked me a few days ago, "How old are you now? 20? Whoa, haven't had a boyfriend? You're weird! Is there something wrong with you? Are you a lesbo or something?"

I told him i was straight, and that i'm driven to achieve my ambitions, and i don't need a man to "complete" me, whatever that means(taken from Jerry Maguire)...

He said, "Oh, i see...you're one of those ultra-feminists who is probably gonna artificially inseminate herself coz you don't wanna marry, right? Well, now i can see why you're single!"

I then switched his beer with cat piss...he didn't notice any difference!

Next, i bumped into Snow White, who just had a divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the problem...She is now seeking full custody of the kids! Also met Cinderella...seems that her Prince Charming was caught in bed with the stable boy...he now plans to wed the stable boy in the UK, seeing that gay marriage is welcomed with open arms.

So, now, for my case, oh my special one! I don't know when you will be coming my way, but for now, all i can do is dream of the perfect guy, with the perfect smile, the perfect brains and brawn, perfect sense, and equipped with the perfect tehcniques for...cooking!

While i know you probably are looking for Princess Perfect, rather than myself, you can expect to see me in some bookstore, in the Political/Philosophy/Psychology/Literature section, reading for free to pass the time. Maybe you'll see me watching a movie with friends, shopping with my sister (who's happily 'married'), having lunch with someone as driven as me, and yada yada yada.

Or maybe we'll pass each other by without realizing it...if this happens, feel free to throw a fit in public and drown your sorrows over alcohol, okay? Maybe with your beer goggles, you'll discover me somewhere...and then, we'll live happily ever after, with alcohol to sustain us, and people bugging us no more! Woohoo for beer!


PS: This is just a joke...I do not drink, nor am i condoning it...As i said earlier, i tend to ramble when i feel like crap...so this whole Prince Charming shenanigan is just driving me nuts, coz certain people tend to annoy me about it...SO, THERE!!! Take it, you assholes! (Them assholes are comp illiterates, so, bonus points for me!!!)

PPS: This tale is purely fictitious. Any relevance of this story to real life is merely a coincidence. No animals (humans) were harmed during the writing of this story...

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