Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Oh...my...Gawd!!! The week has been quite hectic!!! I love it!!! Hahahaha, I just love the adrenaline when you're rushing to do one thing, then another!

My previous post on the fear of swimming and submerging myself underwater...well, i'm still getting used to it...but thanks to F & A...I can now swim..well, somewhat!!! I still get panicky when I can't touch the ground with my feet. Still need some getting used to...today was my second day!

We went for a few minutes yesterday...damn, the pool was packed!!! of course, we went to the "Wuss Pool", that's what I call it because it's NOT Olympic-sized...the pool for real swimmers is on the other side, which I shall not go to, hehehehe!

Well, the first 20 minutes, I was just too panicky and fidgety, but thanks to F & A's patience and getting me all comfortable with submerging myself in the water, they thought me how to float and waddle around the pool...

Once I got the hang of it, I started swimming...woot!

We went again this morning, but it was hot and sunny...damn hell, we got sunburnt!!! Well, as A says, "Better to be thin and dark, rather than fair and overweight!!!" LOL...so true!!! So, with all this in mind, I'm gonna start practicing the art of swimming, as even on the second day, I feel scared...hmmmph!!!

I shall swim my way into fitness...hahahaha, if only!!! I can't even do a lap without gasping for air and swallowing water!!! Arrrggghhhh...I thought I could avoid it, but there's no way, man...swallowing water is a must when you're learning (says Sifu F)... :/

Well, if I...a 23-year old girl can learn to swim...YOU (whoever that can't swim for nuts) can too!!! Amen!!!

Again, I would like to thank God for not letting me drown and finding the drive to learn something I've feared my whole life...I don't even know how I got the urge to learn swimming...I never even thought about it...just came out of nowhere, and when F suggested we go swimming, it was an opportunity!!! So yay, thank you God!!!

Thank you F & A for having the patience for teaching this doofus with such grace and sincerity!!! Love you guys...of course, you will live on as "The people who thought G how to swim!!!"...such good teachers you are, heheheheh!!! *Bows to F & A as sign of respect*

Ok so that's done...now for many days now i've been going back and forth with A to this office and that office to submit and correct the paperwork for the trip...we're damn fuckin tired, so I do hope our time and effort do not go to waste, and that this trip WILL (by hook or by crook) happen!!! Amen!!!

And yes, who could forget...my assignment presentation the next 2 weeks, and of course...my thesis!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Just give me a mug of strong java...and i'll be good to go!!!

May the force be with you and me! Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiyai (say it like Xena, warrior princess, and fadeout!)...

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I'm gonna start something i've dreaded for years...maybe my whole life!

I'm gonna...learn to swim!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so fuckin' scared...i've tried learning a few times, trust me...but the fear, oh God the fear of water getting into my nose and mouth...like the time when I was 3-4 (YES I DO REMEMBER!!!)...I was on a beach...my dad held my hand while we went into the sea...the shallow part was still above my head i guess...or maybe it wasn't that shallow, but I ended up submerged in the water, and yes...water filled my mouth and nose...

Till this day, i am fearful...as I tried to learn to swim throughout the years, I still get the image of struggling under the water, and of course...i fear i would drown!

But you know what? There's no turning back since i made this decision...i already bought the swimming gear needed, and i'm not gonna let my spending money on this go to waste. At least my friends will teach me...I hope it happens, coz my cousin tried and failed, my grandpa tried and failed and so did my aunt...but maybe it was because I wasn't ready to face the fear (at that time)???

Well whatever it is...I'm ready, I'm ready (singing it the way Spongebob does!!!)

Just hope I wake up early, LMFAO (I'm laughing, but i'm still scared ok? Hahahaha...fuckin' serious about learning to swim, so I hope the drive helps)...coz I suck at waking up early! It's like the alarm never works for me anymore...or maybe it's because I sleep like 2 hours before I have to wake up, heheheh!

Oh, and about the concert...the concert...sigh, let's save THAT for another post, or maybe never! I'll give the organizer a C+...but this is me being generous!

Till the next post,

Toodlez, bitches!!!

UPDATE: It's not gonna happen today coz my teacher couldn't make it...but it'll happen by this week...aaahhhhhhhh (still scared!)

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I think I have an idea what I wanna achieve in the future...suddenly, it seemed so clear. And the fact that it ties well with my sis seals it...God, I hope it becomes something epic! Hahahaha...

But for now, i'm sticking to building bridges (for now!)...

Tomorrow is the day of the concert...and what we're getting is laughable! Damn damn damn! Boss better let us put this as an 'embellishment' on our CVs for paying us almost nothing!!! Thank God for him, he's friends with my parents, so in essence...we're doing him a favor. Oh, well...

Till tomorrow (as in later TODAY!)...

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Serious post ahead:

If I could save the world, I would be in Haiti...OMG, 111,000 lives claimed. And here we are...wasting the time that we have worrying about boyfriends not loving us enough...worrying about not finding the one...worrying about not catching Mr/Ms Right. Why don't we just forget all that shit just for a sec and focus on what we have...

I love what I have. I may not be wealthy in the material sense, but I AM wealthy when it comes to having loved ones. I am wealthy because I have what I need. I am wealthy because I can have water whenever I feel thirsty and food whenever i'm hungry. I have clothes on my back and money to spend for leisure activities. I can go out of my house without worrying of people looting shops and houses because they've lost everything they have that's worth anything.

I live in a country free of natural disasters (to a degree)...my friends and my family are safe from harm...I have an education...and we are all healthy...and for that, I'm grateful...and I love myself...after reading of all the horrors happening in Haiti...i shall never worry about not being tall enough, not being thin enough or not having flawless skin ever again! Why? Coz life is too precious to sweat the small stuff...yes, I know it's hard...but I sure as hell am gonna try!

For now, I offer my sincerest prayers for the lives lost in Haiti...for their families and friends, and I hope the people find a renewed strength and somehow rise up to the challenge that they have faced in these hard times. Amen!

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I was listening to Snow Patrol's Run...and I was somehow directed to Leona Lewis' rendition...of course, the style is so different, but I love her version as well...she has such a high range as a vocalist...

Leona is such a great singer...and I love the theme for Avatar, by the way...if you listen to it the first few times, it would sound quite weird because the song is kinda complicated...sometimes, when you hear a song, you know the direction...but with 'I See You', you wouldn't know it...the range is wide...the backups rather robotic...but Leona's part shines. I still like the song though!

And it doesn't hurt that she's a looker as well...my sis thinks she looks like a man (hahahaa), but I beg to differ...I think she's beautiful! Looks+voice=perfect product=success...

Okay...why am I writing about Leona Lewis at almost 4 in the morning?

Oh, and a friend recommended that I give a listen to Chet Baker's 'My Funny Valentine'...I love Sinatra and Bennet's versions of the song, and of course...such a classic song would mean dozens of cover versions...but Chet's version is great too...so breezy, almost in a soft whisper...thanks for the recommendation!

Whatever it is...my night was full of listening to music and nothing else...hahahah! Day and night...a paradox to the highest degree!

Oh, and by the way...Bill Kaulitz is looking thinner and more eccentric by the day, it's kinda worrying...and please don't go cuckoo on us...please! He joined a fashion show recently looking very skinny, looking like a woman...I kid you not! I mean, I get the androgyny-chic fashion sense, but c'mon...there is such a thing as being OTT...even David Bowie wasn't THAT feminine...

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I don't know why, but I get happy when my day is productive...I know, it's crazy to be happy just because of this...but mainly i'm happy because somehow the LoA has helped me once more...will explain later!

Woke up to go see our French lecturer to enquire many things regarding Lasbella. Got the info we needed mostly! I'm so stupid though...as secretary, I didn't do my job well enough coz I went and forgot to bring the paperwork...thank God he was kind enough to print out a copy for us (me and the Chairperson...Mlle A!) My apologies to A for my absent-mindedness...well, a lot of things to do to make this possible, but we need everyone to pull this together, and I pray this happens for us! Amen...

Then we went for our replacement class...which isn't so boring...dunno why, but I didn't get bored in class...maybe i've been sleeping too much...so I don't feel as sleepy as I used to! Hehehehe...

After lunching with F, we went (this is what made my day!) to the mini-library in the faculty...why? Because i finally took a second step towards understanding what goes into making a thesis...then, this is where LoA came in...a classmate who happens to have the same supervisor as me started asking me questions about my thesis...then I told her my problems regarding my thesis and whatnot...so her friend heard me and offered me this authority figure's contact info to ask for assistance. Seems that although this man is VIP, he's very keen with helping students with their problems...Oh, thank God!!! I thought i'd never get even ONE person to interview!!!

Thank God!!!

And thanks to F for taking me there...coz if you didn't wanna go, I would've not gone there as well...then i wouldn't have talked to KPK, then i wouldn't have gotten Y's help...

Thanks, universe...i'm smiling not only because i'm happy, but because i'm so relieved that I do not have to worry too much about finding contacts...that was all I was worried about actually. Coz in my topic, my supervisor wants me to interview many people...so maybe getting one or two would kick-off the momentum...hahah!

Please God, let me finish my thesis on time...and a good thesis at that!

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I had my day planned out...convinced myself that i'm ready to learn something today, that I had to let down my sister who I was supposed to accompany to the bank but didn't because I had to go for a class...I reached the place quite early...which is unlike me! Soooo unlike me...then, after half an hour the lecturer says she announced earlier that class was cancelled. WTF!!!

My poor sis! Sigh...and when I was waiting for a message that says, "Class is cancelled!" I got zilch! Damn...waste of all the students' time...imagine those who came from their homes...they have to return the very same day! Damn...

Well, at least I got to hangout with my friends and talk...didn't do that for awhile...

Oh, and I wish my sis knows how grateful I am for she always sends me to campus...hehehehe! Sometimes I just dread all the waiting and pushing while getting into the bloody train. Just appreciate it...and also thanks for lending me what i've wanted to borrow for a long time...at least I won't get soooo bored here anymore! :)

PS: On another note...totally irrelevant to this post...I would like to pray for the people who have lost their loved ones in Haiti...I hope we as a people can rise to the occasion and help our brothers and sisters...well, I know I can't do anything myself, but all I could do is offer my prayers in sincerity...I hope that all the funds sent to the Haitian government will be used for good, rather than be pocketed by the government -- if you know what I mean. It happens all the time...I hope this country would be an exception!

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"Here comes Speed Racer...he's a demon on wheels..."

I so want to have the ability to do anything with lightning speed...damn! I don't know, it seems like I have little to do...and yet, there's a lot to do...ahahahah!!! Think i'm going blur...

My sister's (the middle child) resolution for 2010 is to live a healthy life...as inspired as I am, i'm realistic enough to realize that I can't...as much as I want to...there's no kitchen to cook my own food and eat healthy here in campus...the food they serve here is loaded with fat, oil, coconut milk, etc...but yeah...even more so, is when i'm here, I tend to eat ramen noodles, bread, and junk!!! Coffee is a staple I will never ever give up...so much so that I bought one of those vacuum-tumblers just so I can bring my coffee along when I don't have enough time to drink in the morning...LMAO!

And I bought one for my sis too, but shit...we bought the smallest size, which isn't enough for a "Tall" at Starbucks...fuck!!! We only realized this when it was too late, and we can't return it!!! Fuck...that was a funny incident though...hey, at least I get to pack my morning coffee! (I'm trying to comfort myself by repeating this statement everyday...)

Oh, did you know that there's another size in Starbucks called "Short", an 8 oz cup...it's smaller than the smallest on the menu, aka the "Tall" which is 12 oz...betcha didn't know, huh? It's a known secret among the chosen ones...lol! It's only a few cents less, so you might as well get the Tall, right? And it's only available for the hot drinks...uhhhh, why am I talking about this crap? Geez...

Oh yeah...watched Avatar last week...loved it! Wanna watch it again, but in 3D this time...but yeah...some friends do not like to spend more on some dumb glasses, so I guess...go figure! :'( Oh, and Sam Worthington is hot!!! Why the hell are the guys from Oz damn hot??? Hugh Jackman, Adam Garcia, Heath (RIP), Eric Bana...and now Sam!!! Damn, if only that damn accent wouldn't get to me...sorry, I find it annoying...maybe it's those "McLeod's Daughters" commercials on Hallmark...oh, and Kylie Kwong that Australian chef...damn, she annoys the hell outta me when she talks...*shudders* So ok, maybe it's not Ozzie's per se...maybe it's the individual...hahahaha!

Muse is gonna perform in Singapore and I wanna go!!! Ahhhhhh!!! I can't coz of the $$$ factor and of course, my thesis awaits...I saw my supervisor today, and luckily, I was given a more elaborate explanation as to wtf I should do...

Yes, i need to...no, i HAVE to interview officials from the various agencies under a certain ministry...damn! I would have to do around 5 chapters...and maybe tweak my conceptual framework...yes, it's more International and Political Economy rather than political dynamics of nations and policies...which I prefer. Now I have to get a letter from the uni just to get an interview...and all that shit! Arrrrgghhhh!!!

...but man, I'm pretty freaked out! LOL! Can I vent a little bit...like: FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Okay, okay...breathe!!!

Ok, done!

And it's just ten days away from that so-called concert...I don't know what the hell i'm supposed to do since Boss hasn't told me anything...don't even know if i'll get any money...I have to use a new number by the telco sponsoring the concert, but i'm not gonna use it...unless it benefits me.

Just look at this post...damn it's so messed-up...i'm not even making sense...just jumbling up any thoughts that come into my head...hahahah! Okay...maybe i've had too many cups of you-know-what!

Listening to: Walking On Air by Kerli...it's an awesome song!!! Kerli is Estonian, and she's so eccentric...sounds a bit like Bjork, and dresses like she's the female version of Bill Kaulitz...they should be together!!!

UPDATE: Kerli and Tokio Hotel will be collaboration on a single for the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack...OMFG! Hahahahahah...hope to hear their single soon! And yes, Kerli does look like an Alice...Tim Burton is such a genius! Love his work, especially when it involves Johnny Depp (yummo!) and his wife Helena Bonham-Carter...

Okay...done yapping! Maybe i'll write more later at night since my head is super-charged!!! Feel like a million bucks and i'm typing like the Energizer Bunny woot!!!

Toodlez, bitches!

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"I'll get to you...just hold on a little longer"

This song keeps going on loop in my head...heard it a few days ago, and downloaded it. It's James Morrison's 'Get to You', and just listening to it brings me the imagination of driving in a Buick, then running down a prairie in a sundress, enjoying the wind against the strands of my hair and experiencing bliss with every sense...sigh! It's crazy how music affects me sometimes...

James Morrison's voice is one of the best in contemporary music - very bluesy, has a gruff voice which I wish more male singers had...don't know why, but when I think of James, i'm reminded of Paolo Nutini...another great singer-songwriter...hahahaha, I know...so random, eh?

Yeah...me blabbing again about things people won't get...that's what you're here for, sweet blog of mine! Anyway, lots of great songs out there...just wanted to write about this particular one coz I felt like it! I think i'll write more about songs in the future...I love analyzing them...LOL!

Still looking for the piano sheet for 'Zoom Into Me'...you know, that haunting riff I keep yapping about? Found the most accurate one...the girl who wrote it is spot-on...it's so good, it's perfect! Can't wait to learn it...hope I get the chance.

Till the next post...toodlez, bitches!

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Happy 2010!!!

I started my year with a touch of optimism and a sense of gratitude...i have a feeling that 2010 is gonna be packed with things to do...and i'm ok with it!

Remembering 2009...it was somewhat interesting, but not without it's challenges. But you know what? Whether good or bad, it passes...everything just eventually passes you by. I've failed to realize this principle in the past, but it has become my mantra in the recent years...everytime something bad happens, my mind goes, "This will pass..." But when something great happens, I just throw all caution in the wind and enjoy the moment...

So for 2010, what i hope to achieve is just that...living in the moment...it's nice to look back...nice to look forward...but we experience the NOW, so...go figure! Carpe diem!

On another note...the trip to Paris thing is on a roll...God, by early May I could be doing what I've wanted to do in years...if y'all don't fuckin' know it by now, you can just eat my shorts...lol!

Just watched "(500) Days of Summer"...yes, i've had this movie in my hard drive for over a month and i'm only watching it now! Hurray for my procrastination!!! Hahahaha, it just reminds me of the time I forced my friends to watch "The Orphan"...all of them did (eventually), except me...and it's also on my hard drive...and I still haven't seen it!

Okay, back to the movie...it's one of those quirky and unconventional pseudo-love stories...I love it! Damn, I really loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt's performance...truly felt the gut-wrenching hurt he felt when he finally discovers that his "lady love" just doesn't love him back...it's pretty intense. He's a very good actor, and it doesn't hurt that he's hot! Hahahah...he has that quirky, geek appeal that I love...and of course, my must-have in a man--> a great smile with a nice pair of dimples!!! LOL!!!

But seriously, I love both Joseph and Zooey here...Zooey's performance as a cold yet endearing "bitch" (towards the 300th day) was totally believable, and she was just beautiful...

And this movie just refreshed my love for the Smiths' best song ever!!! Well, at least for me...'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' is THE anthem for Tom's character...I've loved this song from the time I saw "Never Been Kissed" -- you know the prom scene? Yeah, that's the one! A very short song...but appropriate nonetheless! Morrissey's voice of desperation is in line with Tom's in the movie. Sigh...a perfect match! Well, maybe you don't know half the shit i'm yapping about, but at least i'm not talking about Tokio Hotel right? LMAO! I'm slowly withdrawing from my daily dose, mind you...

Okay, this is a long post...you know how I tend to blabber non-stop!

Oh yeah...my thesis! Shit...must meet supervisor by this week!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!! MUST DO IT...no more procrastinating!!!

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Right now, i am happy...thank you for this year! It has been wonderful (towards the end) mainly because i am fortunate enough to be with my family...it is the FIRST time the five of us are together...

I don't know why, but i feel like the next year will be just fine. I know i always get a hunch about certain things that may come true...or maybe wishes and thought manifesting into reality...but yeah, i think 2010 is going to be a good year.

I also feel like something good is going to happen to me...don't know why, but i do. Geez, i know it seems crazy, but i don't know why i feel this way. I think i've been reading too many books on self-growth and happiness...i'm finally seeing the silver lining in the things around me.

On another note...

A friend of mine never fails to make me feel like a fool...one minute, that person complains about the bane of having a dickwad for a partner...the next minute...back with the said jerk. I mean what the hell, right? Please don't go asking me shit if you're not gonna get it...it just pisses me off how you could let a person treat you like shit. Love is not blind...if you love yourself enough, it should open your eyes.

Ok, done with that moment of toxic negativity...yes, it is bloody toxic...and i shall leave it right now and never open up about this again. You wanna talk about stuff like this with me again, i'll give you a piece of my mind just like i did before...and you may or may not repeat the cycle. People can claim they love you...but if you don't start loving yourself...you may never see the truth.

Funny how i just feed you with oxymoronic themes, eh? Well, these are just my 2 cents worth...you don't have to agree. I'm just sayin'...

To a good year ahead...cheers! Salut! Toodlez, bitches!

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You know how i said i screwed a few papers in my exams? I don't know what the fuck goes into deciding my fateful marks, but I didn't fail!!! OMG...thank goodness! As usual...got the average results. Lol, i was never an above-average student...but i am an above-average person, hahaha!!! Ok, i'm so full of it...just laugh it off!

Yes, the results ain't so good, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be...and if it wasn't for acing French (yet, once again...my saving grace!) I would've gotten a less than mediocre GPA.

But after writing my list of things i was thankful for (SEE: previous post)...i realized: I am soooo much more than this...I am not my GPA! Who fuckin' cares??? It's only a grain in my whole self-concept and self-worth! It doesn't make me who or what I am...so tiny and insignificant! I'm sure any employer would hire someone who would do a great job rather than attain above-average grades...yeah, they told me so!

I would be bullshitting if i said I didn't care...of course i do! But i have more things to care about...like LIFE! Like doing the things i wanna do, and living the life i wanna live! So to hell with this shit, i'm gonna do better for my final term. And hell yeah...i'm giving out a killer thesis!

And i'll be in France with my friends by May...woot! Sipping coffee in a quaint little cafe, overlooking le Tour Eiffel...maybe bumping into Bill Kaulitz and le gang! Well, universe...do your job...please please with a cherry on top! Ktxb!

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With all the whining and bitching I've done...I've never taken for granted the thing that matter most in my life; my health, family and friends...and with all that's been said and done, I've come to appreciate myself the way I am...sure, I'm flawed just like any human being...but i have come to terms with it...heck, I'm not ashamed to say that in the past few years I've grown to love myself more...guess that counts for a few things, eh? Like knowing we deserve better, or not letting people mistreat you, etc...

So for the year 2009...my grateful attitude is for the following:

• The greatest, coolest most supportive parents any person could ever have (I've certainly had my fair share of complaints in the past, but you guys have been great ever since i was born! I thank God everyday for being in this family...and i will love you always!)

• The bestest best friends a girl could ever have...you know who you are...old friends, college friends, friends you just meet under circumstances, strangers you just happen to have a short conversation with...you've all somehow affected me once upon a time...and I'll never have it otherwise!

• My unbelievable luck -- I mean, damn! All the stuff I've got, the things I've done, the people I've met...it's all unbelievable when you look back...and i will say for sure; there's more experiences to be experienced, more lessons to learn, more people to meet, etc...

• ME -- coz there could NEVER be another ME...i could never be replicated. I am special and unique...just like YOU...a paradox, I know...but I kinda like it! We are all special…I am so full of imagination, and i can't picture my life any other way than my very own sitcom-cum-drama with theme songs to each circumstance...or being super curious about something totally out of context to any part of your life…and I’m also glad I’m the type that goes ahead and learns what I want to know…like French, or playing the guitar…the piano…karate! HTML codes? Well, that’s something in progress…I did search for tutorial sites and such. My bestie says it’s easy-peasy…so I’m already half-done! ;) For my next steady paycheck, I’m gonna go learn how to salsa! Ay, caramba!!! Can’t wait…

• My buffer zone...yes, some would say this is a bad thing...but no! I would keep this quality coz only then, you discover your TRUE friends…truly special people would see me the way i really am...a dorky, geeky, crazy-ass weirdo who's funny, moronic, neurotic, good at freaking out and a stupid genius...muahahahahaha!!! Coz some people make assumptions…and who wants to be friends with people like that…best save these qualities for those friends who are real keepers.

• My love for music, movies and TV. I've said it many times...i can't live without music! Heck, i think my first post ever was about music...if i'm not mistaken! How can we humans have life any other way? I love Rock, yes...all types of Rock, but I've always had an eclectic taste, ranging from Classical music to Jazz, Reggae, Oldies, Pop, Acoustic, Electronica, Big Band Swing, R&B, Rap…and yes, even Flamenco (think Gypsy Kings, baby)! Movies? Well, go figure! I’m a sucker for action-packed movies (Rocky!!! Eye of the Tiger, baby!) as much as I am for tear-jerkers (It’s A Beautiful Life, Life Is Beautiful, The Notebook) and romance…and of course, Chick-flicks and Disney cartoons & fairytales! Ahahahahah…I’m truly a sucker for fairytales; they never fail to put a huge smile on my face! True favorites are aplenty, ranging from classics to totally stupidly funny and corny movies (think White Chicks and Zohan). God bless the entertainers!

Thank you God!

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LMFAO! Sound familiar? Oh, c'mon...you must've heard it at least once in your life from somewhere! It's Spandau Ballet's True or something like that...don't even know why I bothered writing about it...must be going mad?

Anyway...life's been good! I've been battling all sorts of sickness for the past month--> I don't know, maybe it's because I keep getting the virus from every member of the family who gets sick? Fuck, i wish i had some sort of 'firewall' that shields me from all the sickness...i hate it, really! Such an inconvenience!

And my friends from high school keep pestering me about arranging some sort of meet for us friends...i'd love to help, but why does it have to be me who arranges thing? Lol, yes, i'm flattered you think of me, but really...i'd rather join in the fun rather than arrange things...besides, I'M FREAKIN' SICK! Lol...

And yes...still listen to TH every day...just before sleeping! Single dose, daily.

Been contemplating ME...i've always held that i'm spiritual, rather than religious...and i took out my old book by Walsch...which i bought when i was 17 or 18...i read it again...i never realized that it had elements of The Secret...but while reading the latter, i spotted Walsch's name as one of the 'teachers'...wow, go figure! There is some sort of correlation there! Indeed, we're all connected! I sometimes wish more people would get onto the bandwagon towards self-discovery, rather than being dictated that life is already written. But that's just me!

Now, another thing...my dad says he wants to widen his abilities as a musician...so he's gonna learn piano next year! Wow! I was totally out of my mind since I wanted to go back to learning it as well...so I told my dad, "Me too!!!"...so, yay!!! By next year, we'll be takin' piano lessons from my godmother...again! I don't know why, but i have a feeling, we'll be getting a piano!!! Lol...yes! LoA, do your work! I must learn the piano riff of that song...that beautiful, haunting riff!

Tonight, i'm gonna chill with my bestest best friends at the movies...however, be it at the mamak, at some crappy diner or wherever else...all i care about is that we have a blast just by hanging out and talking useless crap! Sometimes it's amazing how long we've stayed friends...i know, we've had different cliques throughout the years, but we've somehow managed to stay friends, unlike our former 'cliques'...funny, eh? Funny...but somehow, it kinda works! Remember, we all are supposed to wear some drapey top and skinnies...got it? And YOU know why, Foxie! LMFAO...see you!

For now...toodlez, bitches!!!

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Long post alert! And...

GEEK SPEAK ALERT!!! FOR GEEKS ONLY...

So yesterday morning, i found that my computer was kinda iffy...and by the afternoon, when i tried turning it on, i got the dreaded blue screen...it said:

Stop: c0000218 {Registry File Failure} The registry cannot load the hive (file): \SystemRoot\System32\Config\DEFAULT

OMFG...I thought, "Well, maybe if I reboot, all will be good!"

Boy, was I wrong! It showed me that all the craziness of my Dell had taken its toll...damn! So dad asked me to take it to the shop, and of course, being the shero that I am, i cleverly said NO...that i could fix it, even though i had no idea what's going on...well, you know these so-called computer fixer-uppers...they're super lazy to even see if any files could be salvaged, they'd just reformat everything and overwrite all my files...no way i'm gonna lose all my songs, writings, pictures, and other important files...yeah...don't have an external HD yet ok? Don't give me a hard time bout not backing up...i know i'll receive flak for it!

So i started doing my homework...but then it gets worse...my lappy also tends to overheat pretty quick when it gets booted from the CD...fuck, i had about 2 minutes if i was in room temperature before it shuts down! Arrrggghhhh, that was my main problem! So, i put it in my parents' room for sometime...to cool it down, so i'd get more time to type in the super long command line!!!

md tmp
copy c:\windows\system32\config\system c:\windows\tmp\system.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\software c:\windows\tmp\software.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\sam c:\windows\tmp\sam.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\security c:\windows\tmp\security.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\default c:\windows\tmp\default.bak

delete c:\windows\system32\config\system
delete c:\windows\system32\config\software
delete c:\windows\system32\config\sam
delete c:\windows\system32\config\security
delete c:\windows\system32\config\default

copy c:\windows\repair\system c:\windows\system32\config\system
copy c:\windows\repair\software c:\windows\system32\config\software
copy c:\windows\repair\sam c:\windows\system32\config\sam
copy c:\windows\repair\security c:\windows\system32\config\security
copy c:\windows\repair\default c:\windows\system32\config\default

Could YOU type this in 2 fucking minutes???

Then, to make matters worse, since the DEFAULT registry file was erroneous, after i tried copying it, it said "the file could not be found"...FUCK!!!

So...what do you think I did...i skipped the first and did this instead "copy c:\windows\repair\default c:\windows\system32\config\default"...and it worked!!!

So what the hell happened...well, it overheated before i could finish...

after cooling it in front of my fan (hahahahah), i continued from where i was cut-off...then...the results...

NO MORE BLUE SCREEN! But...

got another error saying "Error message WINDOWS/SYSTEM32/CONFIG/SYSTEM on Windows startup"...

I was literally like the painting of The Scream!!! Then i refered to this genius called Fastco on http://www.techspot.com/vb/topic53755.html and did this:

1. Insert and boot from your Windows XP CD.
2. At the first R=Repair option, press the R key
3. Press the number that corresponds to the correct location for the installation of Windows you want to repair.
Typically this will be #1
4. Enter in the administrator password when requested
5. cd \windows\system32\config
6. Depending on which section was corrupted:
ren software software.bad or ren system system.bad
7. Depending on which section was corrupted
copy \windows\repair\system
copy \windows\repair\software
8. Take out the CD ROM and type exit

I did it for SYSTEM...and yes...all was well again!!!

So i did even more elaborate shit...there were soooo many fuckin' things to do, if i wrote it all, I would bore myself to death...it took a lot of time coz of the overheating, the Recovery Console loading time, the limited amounts of time on the Recovery session, and so on...and i finally finished after 5 long fucking hours! Arrrggghhhh...

Now, i can finally call myself a GENIUS, GENIUS, GENIUS...for someone who's not in this sector, hehehehe! Gives me some kind of satisfaction when I don't have to rely on people to fix MY stuff...nice!

But of course, who could do it without the tons of people on the internet...thanks to them, I could fix anything...and that's a fact! :)

Need help? Leave me a comment...muahahahaha!!! I'll pay it forward...

And now, back to doing what I do best...slacking off!

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I'm STILL listening to them...yeah, you know who! Fuck, what the hell? It's been more than a month, people! Kaulitz boys and the two Gs, what the hell are you doing to me? And i know for a fact they'd never come here since they don't have much of a fan base here...

The closest i'd ever get to seeing them is IF i go to Germany...or France, and that's IF they happen to be in the same place altogether for a gig! Awww, damn!




I SOOOOOOO wanna see you guys perform live! And I will...

So Bill's no longer rockin' the dreads...he has the zebra look now, but hell...any weird-ass hairstyles work on his beautiful face...that bone structure of his is unbelievable...

And here's a freakin' fuckin' funny still-shot i found while watching their live show on YouTube...man, their fans are so protective...i mean, any individual posting a negative remark will get shot, and i'm NOT even kidding...i can't even picture the Kaulitz twins having a gf (or bf *ehem ehem*), as the fans will probably commit suicide, and again...i'm NOT kidding!



And while we're at it...don't they have any guy fans??? Makes you wonder...are the girls just in it for the boys? I can't imagine...coz i love the music they're putting out.

Uhhhh...i'm sick of writing about Tokio Hotel...but it's like a disease i gotta shake off..."Shake the Disease", as Depeche Mode goes...ahhhh, another favorite band of mine, except i don't listen to them for most the day... :-/

...then again, it is MY blog...hahahaha! So; don't like it, don't read it!

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It's little things that create bliss sometimes...

Like cool air and rain at 4 in the morning, while having a grilled cheese+garlic butter sandwich...hot drink (i dunno what to make yet!), listening to your fave music...and not having to worry about anything for the rest of the day...

Haaaahhhhhh...bliss! :D

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Ever had that pre-flu feeling, where at first your throat feels like it has a golf ball stuck inside...then your head starts throbbing, followed by the inevitable cold and cough?

I'm past the head-throbbing and golf balls...but i AM going to be fine right after that...not even gonna think about what follows except that i'm gonna be just fine!

My baby sis has suffered these past few days...damn, yesterday was horrible coz she was sleepless and her chest and airway was so congested...the poor baby was crying everytime she tried to sleep. She cried so much she threw up. I felt so bad everytime she cried, man...you have no idea! Had to carry her for so long till my hand muscles felt sore...hahaha! My mom woke up and tried to put her to sleep, but it was futile...

She finally slept at 6.30 am...brought her to my dad, coz mom had to go to work...and by that time...MY head was throbbing and my arms...lol! Let's just say it was shivering...

And of course...woke up at 1 something in the afternoon...Baby woke me! Lmao...by then the other sis had done so many chores...yeah...good for me! Hehehe...props to middle child. Sorry i couldn't help, but i just felt like crap the whole day.

Can't seem to get rid of this headache...i usually NEVER take painkillers coz i hate it...1 pill would usually be enough, but this time, it wasn't. And another one didn't help either...so i'll just leave it be! By tomorrow, i'll be so healthy...Popeye would be jealous! (tricking my mind...sorta Jedi mind-tricking myself!)

Boy, i'm so lame...LOL!

Well, baby had a slight fever just now...but i think the fever is down, and she's gonna be ok. I hope she gets some quality sleep...hope I get some too! Wishing all of us a good night's sleep...and we'll all be so fuckin' awesomely fit as a fiddle by the time we wake up! HAH!

For now, it's time for some Spongebob with my baby sis...we sing the intro like all the time...she's soooo easy to influence *evil laugh* that i teach her stupid songs...unusual, weird songs that just have my name written on it! Muahahahaha!!! So far: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, that Spongebob Pirate Intro, TH's Wo Sind Eure Haende, Vampire by Antsy Pants and many more weird-ass songs...the thing about her is, she's as wacky as me, so i've no problem acting like a fool with her...coz she's a fool like me! :)))))

We shall widen our repertoire soon!

PS: Still listening to songs by TH...OMG, what's wrong with me??? I've never listened to a particular band for this long...seriously! I mean like on a non-stop loop...40-something songs on loop! Hahahah...and guess what? I don't intend to stop...so there!

Oh, and here's to good health...

Toodlez, bitches!

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See what I said about the law of attraction? I obsessed about going to France for a long time now...heck, it's one of the reasons i took up the language! And though I felt an inkling of a possibility of going there, i didn't wanna jinx it till it was remotely possible!

And now, i've been informed that a committee is to be formed, and of course...i was over-zealously upfront in claiming a spot! Hope i get in...the lecturer even said that higher-level students are given priority which means...go figure! Level 4, thank you very much!

And I know for a fact...by hook or by crook! I WILL be in France next year! I will! I can even feel the atmosphere of the cafes, Arc du Triomphe and Champs-Elysees...Le Tour d'Eiffel...OMG!

I thank you God for the chance...just seeing an opportunity gives me sheer joy coz it leads me to believe that thinking and visualizing manifests into reality. It always does when you have some positivity...the universe always helps you get what you want. So for now let me do a Dorothy and pretend my ruby slippers would send me en France! I know, don't count your eggs before they hatch...but I for one am not gonna taint this dream with a hint of negativity! It's toxic...so any negativity will be banished!

Je vais aller en France avec mes amis...c'est super et incroyable! Maintenant, 'Le Secret' à Rhonda Byrne c'est vrai pour moi!

Please...the Secret by Rhonda Byrne...i've always vouched for its propensity for working...read it if you can. If you want it...i'll share! Tell me if you do... :)

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Well, what else can I say...i've said every sort of greeting i know!

Anyway, the week is going ok...pretty cold nowadays. The weather has been crazy-wet and cold...but i'm doing ok! Having a blast with the little one, who's so big already! OMG, how time flies...can't imagine my life without her! Thank God for this gift everyday, seriously! That's why i hate it when certain people say shit about me taking care of my sister, saying it's the parents' job. Like hello!!! I only take care of her when i am able to! And besides, I love it! AND my parents take care of ALL OF US, asswipes! Stop talking about shit you don't know or understand, got it?

Don't you hate it when people 'assume' things when they don't know you? Judge you when they've known you for like five minutes? Heck...i've known some people for a decade or more, and i'm still discovering new things about them! Moral: Don'tsimply judge a book by it's cover...things are not as simple as WYSIWYG, ok?

And to add to that note; people change...everyday! Things never stay the same...change is inevitable! But being the Taurus that i am...i hate change, but hey...Shit happens, and so does 'change'. Gotta accept that, even if it's hard at first. That is why i kinda appreciate that i adapt pretty well to new surroundings...if i didn't, i would certainly die in my campus, believe me!

Hmmm...been preoccupied with my obsession for the songs i've acquired, so forgive me...i can't help but like what i like! I don't remember when i've ever loved songs from the same band except Led Zep, but yeah...hahahah! Now i have one...you know what i'm talking about!!! LMFAO!

Well, enough of the songs...been having a sorta blah moment...you know, the whole shock-after-screwing-your-exams kinda thing, coupled with not-wanting-to-grow-up-coz-you're-stuck-in-that-Peter-Pan-Complex mode, and also I-feel-so-ugly-everyday...and who could forget, the very popular what-the-hell-do-i-wanna-do-after-i-graduate dilemma...

Hmmm, pretty typical really...i bet i'm not the only one! I am kinda looking forward to experience working with my old boss and sister for the whole concert of xxxxx in January. It'll provide me with choices...do i want to work the PR sector, media, event management, journalism, diplomatic corps? Whatever it is, I only hope God is out there guiding me throughout my journey. I feel so lost sometimes, not knowing where to go. It's always the same issue with me...me and my future. Where do I wanna go? Who do i wanna be? What will make me happy? What do i wanna achieve? These questions...all unanswered. They kill me sometimes.

The fact that i don't know anything BUT "I wanna achieve something great, and be someone of significance to this world in a good way...be someone great and be something my family can truly be proud of." Is this achievable? And if so, how do i do that, and through what medium? Hmmm, sometimes i envy people who know right away what they wanna do with their lives. Or people who are lucky enough to find their purpose and love their job and such.

Oh God, I do hope i find that...I know I can get what I want if i work hard for it...it's just that i DON'T know what it is...sick, huh?

Another post of a 'lost' soul, finding it's way to the light of the tunnel...we are ALL lost, IMO...just hope i realize it before i waste my energy on something that's NOT worth it! I know posts like these seem pretty redundant, but heck...it's just how i feel at the moment!

Ok...time to contemplate deeply! I have lots of time for that now, LOL!

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So I started my day pretty ok...all was well till middle sister (the younger, but bigger and bossy and sorta beyond MY years) started scolding me. Holy Jeebus, Batman! All because I want to listen to some songs. On one hand, she scolds when I listen with the speakers...on the other hand, I'm scolded even when I use the headphones. It's not like I'm bothering anyone...then mom joins in to scold! Ughhh, it's like I can't catch a break here. Mood-killer!!!

I tried to explore my BB and see what applications it had, so I subscribed a week's BIS on my telco company line...for a small sum. Told the sister and got another awesome scolding. LMFAO! Now she's lecturing me on MY airtime? Ohhh man! Too funny...kinda amused at how someone younger than me could have such little respect...but I guess it happened just when mom trained me to give in to the younger one. Guess the lesson never dies, eh? Not to say that I want her respect, but geez...I have to get a break from all the scolding once in a while. I know you're always gonna be right, and I'm always gonna be wrong...but can you save your mothering for when you have your own kids?

One thing I'm amused at is that she can't take it when I give her some comeback scolding in return! So...it's more a matter of me ShuttingTFU or just giving in and getting a headache for 5 minutes, then it's over.

Ok, complaining always puts me in a better mood! :))

I shall carry on with my songs now...oh, btw...loving the internet with my BB- youtube, messenger, facebook, google, hotmail, etc...better make it worth it! Hence, gonna use a hell of a whole lotta BB this bloody week. And yeah, I'm blogging from my BlackBerry, woohoo!

Toodlez, bitches!

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Just when you think Bill Kaulitz' lyric-writing skills couldn't get any better...i find another song from the new album...probably the last out of Humanoid's Deluxe Edition called Phantomrider aka Geisterfahrer in German...the difference? He wrote the original in German, of course...and the German version has a girl singing an excerpt of his "love" answering him from the other side...damn! Of course, it sounds better in the language in which it was written, right? The English version is just for us English-speakers to comprehend and etc...

You see, a geisterfahrer...according to German lore is someone who is on a drunken rampage and/or suicide rampage on an autobahn (highway) in Germany...it's basically speeding on the wrong side of the highway, either coz you wanna die, or you just want some thrill...whatever it is...TH's version seems to be on a suicidal note, where he is giving up coz he wants to meet his love on the other side...the thing is, we don't know whether the "love" is known to him, or maybe it's just some dream he's pursuing...whatever it is, it's scary the way he chases it, kinda optimistic AND pessimistic at the same time...

Yes, i AM sooooo free to analyse songs...isn't it what i do best? Heheheeh...remember Three Days' Grace and Third Eye Blind, and NIN...yes...guess i kinda like dark, gloomy songs...doesn't misery love company?

Now don't get me wrong...i DO love the fast-tempo songs like Wo Sind Eure Hande or Wir Sterben Niemals Aus --> great to hear it live and acoustic respectively...if only! :( or Hey You...or etc! It's just, why would you analyse the happy songs, right? It's just that...a WYSIWYG kinda thing! You get it! But i think if i should be so lucky as to ask the band some stuff, it would definitely be on the lyrical and musical side, rather than their favorite color or their sexual orientation...which is kinda rude! So what if he's gay or not? His music still rocks, and that's what matters in the end...but isn't it weird that like their German stuff a little bit more than their English ones? Hahaha...i love both versions, but yeah...Deutsch seems more them...duhhh! Meh, whatever...

By the way, haven't been well this past 2 days due to food poisoning...just thinking about it makes me mad! Arrrrggghhhh hate it, hate it, hate it!!! Why is it that I get sick every November? Remember last year? It was either November or December...arrrhhh!!! But yeah, last year was worse...couldn't forget he mere "uggghhhhh.." feeling...okok, i'll stop now!

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Done with my last paper...but the bad news is, there was one COMPULSORY question in which i didn't know the answer...FUCKKKKKKKKKK!!! I so screwed it up! And it was 30/50 marks...OMFG...aaarrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

So i don't know if i should be happy coz it's over...or be sad coz i screwed up! The stuff we were supposed to read came out for the paper, but the stuff we didn't read became the main question! Hmmmph! It's like we can't catch a break with this lecturer...his papers often become controversial. In a previous paper, he told the student that that paper would be multiple-choice questions...and at the exam hall...it was a few essay questions! WTF...now, this!


Now...on to moving back home, which would be very very excruciatingly tiring! Just have to wait for the sister's word...hopefully before 5 pm so i could hand back the keys...

And at last...i can do whatever the hell i want without the dreaded books...not that i read them anyway...damn, man...i'm such a lousy student! Lol...what the hell am i gonna end up doing with my life? I should've taken journalism or something like that! I find IR OK, but very academic...i was never excellent at academia, but what's done is done...no regrets! And i would love to take up my masters in journalism or popular culture if there's such a thing...oh, is there anything related to music and movies? OMG, that would be a dream, really!!!

Ok, done with the daydream...you see how my mind wanders? This is what happens when i read or attempt to study...my mind floats away...i'm in a Tokio Hotel concert...AAR concert (which kinda came true!)...BEP concert (which kinda came true!)...Incubus concert (which kinda came true!)...boating on the sea (which kinda came true!)

...

OMFG! Am i gonna get to watch TH now??? Please please let it be so! I'm sending a message to the cosmos...i shall go to Germany to watch them, while holidaying during Oktoberfest and eating all sorts of German bratwurst and Bavarian cuisine :)

Hell, since i'm dreaming, why not continue, eh?

Next, i shall go to France and do all the stuff i wanna do there...then off to Italy to visit all the piazzas, throw a coin at the Trevi Fountain, climb the Spanish Steps, visit the museums...then go off to Tuscany and live in a chateau at a beautiful vineyard while taking a walk around the hills...then before heading back home, i shall attend a masquerade party in Venice, but of course not before going for a ride with a singing gondolier!

Then someday...i shall go to the US and you know...do that thing which i wanna do badly on the Vegas strip? Then, go up north to Alaska to witness Aurora Borealis...and camp at the alpines and fish for trout!

And why not go to Angkor Wat and be dazzled at the serenity of such wonder!

Ahhh, that's the life...possible? Sure! If others can...why can't I?

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Let's play my fave game...since my mind is blank right now:

• Ever felt so hungry even after eating 2 hours prior to your hunger pang? Then, you eat a packet of biscuits so quick, and of course...like a pig that you are?
• Ever felt a song touched you to your soul, that you can't help but cry?
• Ever had a certain song never fails to get you up from your chair just so you dance to it?
• Ever felt jittery after drinking that 5th cup of coffee, then wonder why you're feeling jittery and feel like skipping rope?
• Ever wanted to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but instead you ATTEMPT to read your lessons for a major test on the same day, then choose not to coz you're afraid you won't wake up?
• Ever felt doing something major to your hair, like maybe getting dreads...but your head is too small and you'll look like a turd-head? (Yes, i DO have a thing for guys with dreads...so what?)
  

Shit, what the hell am i doing??? I gotta focus...

FOCUS!!!

Man, i'm so screwed!

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So about the emo post...had a talk with my besties, and sure enough: they are isolating us! Hah! We unanimously isolate you too, bunch of fucktards! I actually don't know who to pinpoint this so-called conspiracy to, but i've always said i didn't belong here in this university...and I always always always thank God for the friends i've made here...coz life here without them would've been so different. Now, looking back at all the stupid things we've done, all the things we're about to endure in our lives...it sorta gives me a moment of sadness+excitement.

I've learned about their secrets, their dreams and i've met their families...truly a blessing for me. And no matter how different i was and am, they never made me feel lost or out of place. And here we are, nearing the penultimate semester...and i'm so freaked out, but i'm so sure we are ALL going to be okay.

I'm proud to say that we all have great upbringing, great tutelage from our parents and we are family-oreinted individuals who will make it in this world. Yes, we never did excellent in our education, heheh...but what are we striving for, really...is not our academic goals...it is much more than that. We are more than our CGPAs...we are people who are on a journey to self-discovery...and no matter what we achieve--strip all our materialistic gains, and your real treasures are your loved ones...

Therefore, i post this before i start on my IL reading (which is much too late, LOL!), Just thought i might build up our egos a little...i'm actually pretty good at motivating others...myself, nope! But yes, i meant everything i said!

I'm also trying to cut back on the TH songs which kinda affects me tremendously (the slow ones make me wanna cry and the fast ones make me wanna head-bang)...it's actually bad to listen to their songs while reading your books...ich bin distracted! Ach mein gott!

Good luck to all of us...we shall tread the waters together! And one more thing--> One more day till partial freedom!!! Woohoo!!! (I say partial because we still have our thesis...booo!!!)

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In this world, not everyone will like you. Seems like a 'duhh!' statement, but just wanted to make it clear...i used to think "So what...I've got better things to do...", but my mom keeps this mantra which I find pretty non-Zen, but more realistic...it goes like this,

"If you don't like me...I don't like you MORE!"

Well, i have always been a person who likes to appease...to not hold it against a person who treats you badly. But for some reason, me thinking this way just isn't cut out for the real world. I feel like a schmuck if i let another person treat me like a piece of crap, and hey...turning the other cheek is something Jesus could do, but heck...I'm no Jesus!

So there...i know that i will and can't please everyone in this world...and of course, i may not be the best person in the world, but i'll tell you this...NO ONE IS A SAINT! Everyone has their faults, and i surely am one of them!

What is this about actually? Well, let's just say that some people really are mean...yes, another "Duhh!" statement, which I shall not get into in detail...just because I look like i have a hard exterior, it doesn't mean i'm immune to any sort of feelings...what the hell do some people know, that they can isolate you or a clique? I think that if I don't bother you, then why the fuck should you bother minding me (or my friends) anyway?

All i wanna do now is listen to my Tokio Hotel...their music, though some may call them lame, their music speaks to me in loads of ways...the vocalist's voice would seem kinda nasally, but it kinda works...the lyrics, the rhythm...it all works for me, so relevant to what i, as a young individual am going through. It gives me some sort of solace coz it's full of hope. Yes, i'm a dweeb by the way! Lol...Moral is, I love their songs coz i can relate! Therefore, ich liebe Tokio Hotel!

I couldn't find the tabs for 1000 Meere (1000 Oceans in English), so i wrote my own, albeit in a higher key...it works. Still slow in transitioning, but faster compared to previous attempts. Kinda find solace when i play now. Wish i had one for my own, and i will get it when i get some monay!

Oh yeah, my former boss is hiring an ad hoc team coz he's bringing in this major Filipino superstar to do a concert here. I'll be his "wingman" (LOL!), together with my sis. Hope i could meet great new people, and maybe widen my network, since i'll be graduating soon...God i hope this works!

Hmmm, i dunno. Maybe i'm going nuts or something...maybe i'm PMS-ing, but there you have it...the story may seem stupid, but yes...i'm feeling like i'm in a whole different galaxy because of some people who are fucking retards! I just thank God, that with the bad, there's good to balance it. Thank God for good people!

So there you have it...another emo post! -___-

And God...thank you for everything i have! I thank you coz i never take anything i have for granted...

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Yes...i slept for a total of...13 hours!!! Guess that's what NOT sleeping does to you...i have paid back all my sleepless nights, and i have gotten a major headache for over-sleeping! Ouch!

Yesterday, i was listening to Zoom Into Me by TH, i just discovered it...and i absolutely love it that i woke up humming the song...fuck! I'm so obsessed with their songs...hope it's just a phase! Anyway, the riff is played on a piano, and if you just focus on the piano part, i think i could play it...now i always liked playing the piano, just that i didn't like the songs i was made to play...

Ok, now i'm sad coz i don't have one...by the time i can afford one, i would be old! Arrrggghhhh!!! Even playing the damn guitar, i have to ask permission coz it's not mine! How does one develop if one can't practice everyday, huh?

Anyway, enough of this...i'm supposed to get back home hours ago, but i just can't seem to have the will to journey back home. The waiting kills me. The sardine-packed trains kill me. The pushing animals kill me. I hate it!

One day, i hope and pray...i won't have to endure this shit anymore...at least others in the family have a car. So it's easy to keep scolding me when i say i'm lazy to come home early...

Yup, looks like an emo post...LOL! Well, so what? It's my blog and i'll post whatever the hell i want. Not like anyone reads this shit.

Oh yeah, forgot to write about my concert last Saturday...will do so tonight maybe! On a rather related note, i would just like to proclaim that...

ICH LIEBE TOKIO HOTEL! (I mean i love their songs...the new ones, not the old ones where Bill's voice was still high and boyish!)

Ok, i'm done...

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See what my obsession does to me? I've started learning German just so i can understand the lyrics...LOL, nahhh...it's just a title of Tokio Hotel's German song...i love it; it means In the Night...but it would seem that Into the Night would be better-suited!

Okay why the hell am i blogging when there's five hours on the clock till my next exam? Why? Who the hell knows...i'm just crazy! To add to the craziness, i slept for a total of 3 hours yesterday...then i had to finish up my last assignment, pass it up and read up on tomorrow's exam! Didn't have time to pay-up on the snooze! So i hope i would wake up after ANOTHER 3 hours of sleep!!! Please, God...please!

And the freakin' owl that keeps swooping across my window won't stop screechin' for God knows what reason...it screeeches everyday around this time. So, any idea on how i could ever get some sleep? Facebook tells me i'm not the only one in my class who's having a hard time sleeping...thank goodness i'm not alone! Misery really does love company, huh?

I'm listening to 1000 Meere for the umpteenth time...still not bored with it! I guess I kinda channel my good qualities into shit like this...why can't i do something good for once, rather than look for songs, research on some cult, or band, or even blog...

I'm so fucked! Toodles, and wish me luck!

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Well you know sometimes when a singer of a band has a gimmicky or rather 'out there' kinda look, it turns a person off...but after I put those kinds of things aside, i kinda like the band...who? what?

It's Tokio Hotel...your average German-rockers-turned-international sensation! Okok, i must admit it, Bill and Tom Kaulitz; the twins made me fascinated...and the initial song that brought me in was some song i saw in a video montage during a recent concert i attended...it was 'Automatic'...or 'Automatisch' in German...sound better in English, ahahaha!

As usual...my curiosity hit me, so i YouTubed the song and i heard the whole thing...so ok, i liked it! Then, i saw few related videos on the band and discovered they were soooo freakin' German! LOL, they can't even speak English without sounding like some German character out of The Simpsons...but yeah, i like their songs. The German ones, the English ones...both!

TH sounds like the LostProphets, with some Rammstein flavor (but of course, just the German factor...Rammstein is waaaaaaay too legendary to be compared to TH!)

Maybe it's a phase, but I like them and that's that...and even if Bill looks like a hot girl, it doesn't steer away from the concept of good music. I wouldn't say it's fantastic, but it certainly got my attention...



Hey, maybe gimmics DO work...if he dressed like your average Joe, i wouldn't have discovered them anyway! So here's to you...Tokio Hotel! Ich liebe dich...hahahahah!

Okok, I know they're an 'old' band...but it wouldn't hurt to gain a new fan, right? Below are the twins; Tom and Bill Kaulitz...by the looks of the videos on them, Tom is more guy-like, while Bill is ultra feminine in the way he talks and acts...funny, huh? Bill is so pretty!



TH, my new obsession...please come to Malaysia soon!

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I dunno what's more sick...the fact that i'm not studying or the fact that i haven't finished my TWO tasks? Wtf...

And here i am reading something TOTALLY UNRELATED to my studies...what, you might ask? No, it isn't on proper ways to speak French...No, it isn't on Major Powers...No, nothing about International Law...what I'm reading about is a thousand times irrelevant to what I should be searching for...can you guess?

Scientology...

...what the fuck, right? This always always always happen to me! I have short attention span, so no matter how hard I try, my mind will unwittingly stray from the main focus...I know-->this is dangerous, but what can I do? This is why, when i look into the future, I don't wanna end up doing something like office jobs from 9 to 5...I just don't think i have the ability to do the same things over and over again. Damn, what about other areas, then?

I'm so doomed! LMAO...this says something about many things, eh?

Alas, we'll see what happens...does ledzeppelin4evr succeeds in finishing all her assignments in the nick of time? Find out in the next post!

PS: I'm supposed to write about a vacation to a foreign land in French...I am writing about Italy. My imagination is running wild over here...and i think i'm on a caffeine high as well, having drunk 3 mugs in less than 6 hours...all this, and the fact that last minute task completion gives me an adrenaline rush...so i'm super-pumped! All the best to those who are doing their last minute studying and task completion...Godspeed!

Toodlez, bitches!

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It's been awhile since i talked about my adventures playing the guitar, but you know how it is...you pick it up, then you're too busy with uni and assignments and shit like that. Wish i had one in my college dorm so that i can just play when i'm freakin' over my head...but the next best thing is borrowing my sister's when i'm home...so she's like a play-by-ear kinda person (a-hole!), and i'm like a dumb person attempting to play...but it feels like an achievement when you play something that makes sense, you know? LOL...

So one small achievement is me plucking the intro for my most fave song by my most fave band...you guessed it; Led Zeppelin baby!!! Stairway to Heaven...i can't believe i could now play the fuckin intro by just playing around with the stings, hehehe! Kinda happy, but i guess that's all i have to show for it...oh, and yeah...i also tried to play the chords by ear...and i did, but i'm also missing some...so what else can i do but go to 'Ultimate Guitar Tabs' and refer to it...and you know what? My chords matches the ones online, so woohoo! One small step for me, one giant leap for...me i guess? Well, whatever...the most important thing is that i'm happy! Hahahaha, hope that i can play the whole song one day...it's a superawesome song! LOL...

Oh, and did I mention, i also can play the chorus for AC/DC's Highway to Hell, albeit rather slowly...but yeah...i did it myself...just for fun! You know, when you hear the song long enough, you just wanna play a certain part for fun, so i did! Hahahah, when i played the sis, and she laughed coz it's super random and "Whuh???"...LMAO! Guess it's kinda good when you learn to play chords first...makes things easier.

A few songs that which are super easy for beginners are Howie Day's Collide, Amos Lee's Colors, Green Day's Time of Your Life (Good Riddance), etc...but i've yet to master them...another song i'm studying is my other fave which is Tonic's If You Could Only See...I STILL suck though!

Too bad most of the songs i learn is unknown to most people!!! But hey, even if they did know, i would rather be caught dead than play in public, heheheh!

Well, i'm just one step closer to crossing another life task on my list! Next, is going to ******! Some rumors are swirling that we might get a chance...but i won't say it out just yet. Don't wanna jinx it!

By the way, good luckeroo to my besties (if they read this!) for the finals! Hmmmm, i can't imagine how our lives would become next year...we'd graduate, go our separate ways...it kinda makes me wanna go all emo and shit, but i won't let it...at least not just yet! :(

God bless us...everyone!

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What is life?
It is not a wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within - wanting, seeking, cherishing...

What is life without love?
What is life without crying?
What is life without laughing?
What is life without a need to fly away?

And so I live my life,
Searching for its means,
Searching for its worth,
Searching for its balance...

I am still alone,
I am still hidden,
I am still lost,
I am still searching...

I seek something to call home,
I search for a kindred spirit,
I search for somebody without haste,
I seek the ultimate time to find it.

One question lies within;
Will I ever find it,
This thing that makes life a gift?
Only God knows - I am as complex as one shouldn't be!

And though I haven't reached full circle,
What I search, seek, and hope to find...
An 'end' to call home,
So I can say I lived my life without waste.

What is life?
It is a soul full of peace,
It is a soul full of love,
It is a soul full of questions - answered.

What is life?
It is not wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within.


------------------------------------------------------------


I took it from my old notebook...I wrote it during my first semester in my 'new' surroundings; at my university...

I realized that I still want the same things...although circumstances may change me, the core 'wants' are the same.

I dunno, just kinda feeling sad coz as much as I want to remain a 'kid', I HAVE to grow up and go into the real world and find my ground...maybe separate from my friends and family in the long run, and that just plain sucks!

I hope and pray that I don't get caught up in work that I become one of those people who forget friends and family...

You can bet your ass that i'm gonna cry on my graduation day! I'm already counting the days till I say goodbye to student life (and I haven't even finished my assingments and thesis!)

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I just finished watching Life Is Beautiful, that Oscar-winning Italian movie that came out in the late '90s...and i've gotta say this...i cried like i've never cried before...for a damn movie!

OMG...the ending, especially, when the little boy was reunited with his mom...Roberto Benigni deserved his Oscar...and his wife on the movie is his wife in real-life too! She was good too, but the boy really stole her thunder, IMO...he wasn't just adorable, he was so right for the role and the boy can act very well, i might say!

It felt nice...the whole movie was amazing. Definitely adding it to my list of favorites!

Hey, it's never too late too watch a movie, no matter how old it is, right? At least i've unleashed years of not being able to shed a tear! What did it? A freakin' movie!

Well, at least it was an amazing movie...at least! Watch it...if you don't feel anything at all towards the end of the movie, you are full of shit!

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Sooooo, how now brown cow? It's been so long since i've blogged for real...all this has made me miss writing even more...

So i shall start by telling the story of our adventures in Sunway Lagoon's event -- Arthur's Day! I have to say, it was a mixture of good and bad experiences...

Firstly, we were running late! My 2-year-old sis was having a cold, so we had to rush in order to buy her meds at the pharmacy...then, we were off!

On the way, my sis passed a double toll-booth...in which she decided to pay at the second one ahead (as it displayed the green light), but...the 1st pole went down upon the car! OMFG! My sis and our friend were furious at the woman for such foolishness. At the same time, the woman was mad at my sis for not stopping! I, on the other hand was super stunned and remained quiet, coz secretly, i thought my sister should just STFU at the woman coz we were already running late, and after i checked the top of the car, no scratches or dents were found (thank God!)...but i so wanna forget that incident coz seriously...just plain "Ugggghhhh!!!"

Ok so after that, we all got into an argument about where to park, what if we were overdressed, what to eat, who should drive back, etc...

We had a hard time looking for parking, as it was extremely full! After finding a spot, the next thing was looking for the entrance! Then, it was a task of looking for the ticket booth! OMFG...and of course, my idiot of a sister had to stop for frequent smoking! Which was a total mood-killer! I hate it so freakin' much! I just hate it!!! It stuck to my hair and clothes the whole night!

After successfully redeeming our tickets, we went inside...it was a loooooong way! We reached on the location after a long way! Thank God i was wearing espadrilles, which were easy to walk in! Hahahaha, but some women stupidly wore stilettos...what were they thinking? It was a freakin' concert okay? LOL!

Upon reaching, there were some performances from locals and international artists...but of course, I was there to see the Black Eyed Peas, as were many other peeps. So while waiting, we sat around, tried some Guiness stout from the draft (which was good, i must say...not bitter, just smooth with a hint of smoky aftertaste...i liked it very much! But c'mon, VIP passes got you into free-flow area, which was a total buzz-killer for us who had to pay RM 100++ per ticket! So i just drank one glass! Those mothereffers!!!)

Then we chilled at the back, where there were little people...near the beach pool...two guys approached, hitting us with one-liners (which was so lame!), and before i could say "no thanks"...they asked if we had boyfriends...LOL! My sis smartly said, "Yes, ALL of us do!" One of those guys (foreigners), did a sort of flying-kiss action which kinda reminded me of those boyband gestures...OMG, hahahaha! I told this to my friends and they laughed their asses off! Now, it is one of our official gesture...seriously, lame! Guys, don't be tacky...for your own sake.

BEP came out...we pushed our way to the front! I reached a barrier...fuck! Couldn't see 'em, which made me super fucking pissed! Damn unfair!!! I settled for them on screen only, but those fuckin' peeps from VIP didn't even sing along or dance or even gave a hint of enjoyment! It was unfair to those who genuinely loved the band! Huh!!!

Okok i won't go to much detail, as it will be too long...so other than me drooling over Taboo's hotness...which i don't know, it's so sudden. Used to think he looked weird...but on that night, he looked hot wearing that wife-beater and his hair tied-up! He looked super fit too! Hahahaha, okok...shall stop now! Now, i wasn't the only one okay? Everytime he was on, all the girls would scream...so i wasn't the only one who thought he was hot! :P

After they finished, people were sorta bummed, coz they gave a great performance...save for the bad audio/visual which were quite below par! I mean, the event management could've done better! The fireworks, however (which ended the whole event) was a great display! Super fantastic!

And that was it...left out many other details, coz i'm too lazy!

An after-event meal was planned...so we thought of goin' to Asia Cafe...but, we got lost...majorly lost! Spent 1-and-a-half hours looking for the parking...we stupidly didn't record which wing we had parked in! Fuck! My feet hurt due to walking up and down! We even paid the parking ticket already, and we spent ALMOST two hours looking for our parking! Seriously, that was the ultimate breaking point for us...i even took off my shoes, as the place was closing, the elevators shut down, we had to walk barefoot! Not that there was anyone left in the complex! WTF...i saw others walking barefoot too, so why not...hahahah! Even up to this day, my ankle hurts coz i twisted it...pretty brutal!

Anyway, we finally found it! And we just chilled in the car...paid the extras for the parking, then headed for AC...we ate, we met someone of no significance to me (but to my sis...yes!)

Of course, the other mood-killer was my sis' stupid bf who kept calling very minute demanding to know who she was foolin' around with! OMFG, i seriously hate that he is a super-controlling, mentally-abusive, insecure piece of man...who, IMO doesn't deserve to be in a relationship...especially with my sis! What the hell can i do? He's in Russia nonetheless, and still manages to cry like a baby over the phone while begging my sis to admit that she's 'grinding' with other guys!

So in the end...was it disappointing or well-worth all my time? Well...i'll just say this: I loved only five things:

• The BEP performance,
  
• The fireworks,
  
• The stout,
  
• The hot eye candies
• The after-event supper!

Go figure...bittersweet, but sweet nonetheless!

Zoom to current events: I didn't realize it till i passed him...my friend told me that he was there. Turning around, I was him...OMG! My crush was still there...OMGOMGOMG! LOL, yeah...made my day...and he sat right in front of our table! A guy like him...must be taken or surrounded by girls everywhere he goes! But of course...that wouldn't change the fact that he's the nicest stranger i've ever met! :)

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Okay...freakin' out because of my fuckin' stacked-up pile of assignment!!! OMG...

I didn't even blog about my wonderfully bittersweet outing the other night, but yeah...i'll get to it right after i'm done...OMGOMGOMG!

Why the hell don't i do it early? Somehow, in some way, i do my work late, and finish just in the nick of time!

Now for the last time, i say...

OMGOMGOMG Ahhhhhhh!!! Help me God...

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Sometimes the weather is too weird you just wonder what's going on with the world...

Like today...take my word for it!

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It's been awhile since i've updated this blog, but i've been busy and a little lazy too! Well, it's the beginning of my Raya holidays, which is a week! And in this week, I'm probably gonna go visit a few friends' open house for Raya (which I love!!!) and then maybe we could swap stories after months if not years of not seeing each other...

And i'll be going to watch BEP and AAR...woohoo!!! AAR thanks to me and my sis and a friend buying DiGi's simcard and subscribing to their whatever MusicLive thingy...although, i used my mom's DiGi account due to my lack of finances!!! LOL! BEP is all mom...heck, i didn't think much of it, but when mom offered, and my sis said "YES!!!", i was inadvertently saying yes as well...hahahaha, so now i'm pretty fuckin' excited since i love BEP and the Rejects...but I will pay her for my ticket once my PTPTN gets credited in December!

At least i'm havin' some fun in my life...OMG, the rules of "The Secret"...i think it really works, coz I didn't know AAR was coming back here, and i wished with all the positive vibes, and there you have it; next thing I know, they're coming for DiGi's birthday bash and all that shit! And now, after redeeming my ticket, i'm like "Wow!"

But now comes the hard part...my mom is really adamant about migrating to that country...if only I could make her see that initial attraction could become a later regret...i mean, of course i complain about Malaysia, but to revoke my citizenship to become a Canadian? OMFG...

I knew my parents wanted to migrate when they were older, but now seems too soon! I mean, I haven't even graduated...but i'll support them 100% if they wanted to go on without me and my sister...they can bring the baby coz seriously, I think she would be better educated over there. But for me and my sis (the middle one), we need to stay here to live our lives, gain some experience...maybe later on, if we decide to work there, we'd join you guys...coz consider the damn cold weather, the lack of mamak stalls, the norm that is bland non-spicy food, and i think i'd die!

And dad is all quiet and actually considering the idea...and here i thought it was just an idea in passing that my mom concocted from talking to her relatives living over there...but when she sent me that email talking about the price for the lawyers and shit, i was thinking "OMG, she's fuckin' serious? ALL OF US???"

Then, talking to her, i asked her to not just jump into the bandwagon out of excitement...everything is unknown over there...yes, it would seem nice at first, but what about the pros and cons? What chance do I have over there? I don't wanna end up being a cleaner over there...what about my career? I can't go there as a freshie and expect to be in ANY sort of corporate ladder...

And there my mom goes again, pressuring me to join the M'sian Diplomatic Service or fail in this country... i mean wtf, right? My life is not to please everyone...sometimes i think, what's the point...whatever i choose, my mom would ALWAYS want me to be a damn freakin' ambassador/diplomat, even if i think that life would make me miserable (i presume, but i'm not sure!)

And there you have it...life's ups and downs in a nutshell...

Right now, i'm happy about the Raya and concerts, but i'm utterly shocked at the migrating bit...of course!!! Well, wouldn't YOU??? It's all so...sudden!!! We don't even have anything! We'd have to sell of everything we have here just to move there, and i'm in no shape of giving up all my chances in this country just yet! I love Malaysia, but i love my family more...

So if we were to make a compromise, I would say, you guys go ahead, gain your citizenship, and maybe i'd get PR status or something like that...but i'll just be here in Malaysia with my sis who also doesn't seem interested in this whole idea...maybe we would go back every Christmas or something like that...

Okok, i may be looking way too ahead...i mean, it's not even confirmed that you are going!!! But as usual, i think too much so now i'll STFU!

Toodlez!!!

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I can't believe i found it...and reading them over and over again makes me marvel at my own outlook on the subject...sometimes i'm cynical, sometimes i'm hopeful and optimistic, and sometimes just vacant...

It's all relative, i guess! And it all depends on how you feel at THAT moment...external factors, internal conflicts, movies (in my case...a lot of movies, LOL!) play a part in shaping my thoughts of poem-writing.

I notice that I don't write 'em anymore; since i lost my notebook. Wow, talk about brand loyalty! Hahahahah...maybe I should now, since it's here! Woot!

First thing's first--> DO THE FCUKIN' THESIS!!!

:P

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OMGOMGOMG...can't.feel.arms.

Seriously, i was drenched in my own sweat by the time i finished carrying everything, while my sis got wet in the rain...i'm thankful for the help though...really!

I just left my things in the new room...couldn't stay any longer coz we had to get back asap! Anyway, now i'm back and yeah...arms are so tight, raw, tired, etc!

But damn!!! It feels good! Isn't that nuts? Hahahaha...i'm lovin' it!

PS: Glad i moved...no regrets! Will be back by Monday to clean up. At least it's nearer to the cafe and bus stop...yay!

PPS: I wanna I wanna I wanna go see All-American Rejects...but i have to buy a new sim card from a different telco (which i used to own)...it's gone now, so i'd have to buy a brand new number...damn! Hope i get them tickets...let's buy 'em in bulk, y'all!!! Muahahahaha...

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The above pic has been a staple to me since Ramadhan started, and today...*Hallelujah!!!* I went and bought rice for dinner...i don't regret trying this Kimchi Ramen...it tastes great (to me), and it contains little pieces of Kimchi veggies...yum!!! No regrets...this is one of the reasons i try strange stuff. At least if it's bad, you don't buy it again, and if it's good...you know you'll want it again!

One of the reasons i don't buy proper meals anymore is coz:

1.The cafe doesn't serve food for non-Muslims during Ramadhan...whatever they serve are leftovers from the sahur our friends had in the morning...by the time lunch hour comes, it looks like dogfood!!! Yucks!!!

2.The cafe is so damn far from Block 12, i literally get too lazy...it's an uphill walk, and i'm a lazy person...so...go figure! I'm lazy...So there!

I took the liberty of applying for the new block, thanks to M's support...which means, i'll have to move for the 3rd time this semester! I don't really care for the moving, but i have to coz i hate that i'm never alone...my room is my private+comfort zone, and i love being alone after the whole day of mixing around with people...sometimes, you just need that alone time, right?

Besides, i hate having to put my radio alarm to waste...since having a roommate, i haven't listened to the radio coz i'm afraid i will seem too inconsiderate...she's nice, but i just can't live with another person.

And Block 12's communal bathroom? Filthy! The garbage bins are overloaded...the mozzies are on rampage...uggghhhh!!! Oh, did i mention that the vending machine swallowed all my money and didn't give it back? Fuck you, nasty machine!!! I want my drink, dickwad!!!

So i'll have to force Dad to bring his car to move my things, coz i sure can't do it myself like the last time...blocks 3 and 12 are too far apart...literally, both are at different corners! So i'm sorry, Dad, for this inconvenience! But i have to if i wanna have my privacy...besides, it'll be easy if friends come for slumber parties...i won't need to worry about my roomie and stuff like that!

The smell of the new room in Block 3? Like new! What do you expect from a newly-built block? Needs some getting use to...but i'll manage! The lady-in-charge said that we'll move back to Block 10 at the start of the next semester...GREAT...I can't wait!!! Miss my old room :'(

So again...i'll be carrying my stuff down the stairs...driving to the new block, bringing 'em up and down the stairs...again! Geez, at this rate, i BETTER be losing at least a few lbs...LOL!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Toodlez, bitches!

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