Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Today is the day I graduate...I'm so freakin' scared, and I don't know why! Guess it's because it's the end of a phase in my life.

Ever had that feeling of fear of the unknown, yet a slight hint of excitement follows? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling now. I have finally hit that "SEND" button for 2 job advertisements...and hell, I've been meaning to these past few months, but I've been stalling due to certain wants...

I guess there's no longer a reason NOT to apply now...is there? I'm gonna do it; gonna start looking for a job. I just needed a few months of pure sloth so that I could take a break for awhile, you know?

I know for a fact that I will never be this 'free' anymore once I start...it's gonna be work, work, work and more work! So at least I could say that I've spent time with my family.

The one thing I'm scared about is the ceremony itself...everyone's so caught up with being perfect, I'm afraid I'd stick out like a sore thumb in terms of being under-done! Man...some people are going to salons just to do their hair and makeup...and all I have is my straightening iron!

Hehehe...well, there's nothing left to do...I've taken the odor-horrible robe to the dry-cleaner's and got it cleaned...at least I won't smell like an onion gone bad!!! :P God, I hope I don't forget any necessary items...

For now, all I can do is hope I don't screw-up! And while we're at it...I also wanna have fun!

But most of all...I just wanted to say congratulations to all my friends who are graduating with me coz you know I wouldn't have had such a great journey without you...love you guys and thank you for being my friends and sticking with me all this while despite my flaws.

Hoping we grow into better people is what I really want for all of us...and happiness throughout our lives as well.

Here's hoping we have an awesome graduation!!! Class of 2010, bitches...yeehaw!!!

PS: More emoting still to come...stay tuned!

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I know for a fact that I have lots to say or talk or write about, coz a lot has happened in the past few weeks...a lot!

But all in all, it was just great...nothing more, nothing less...guess the minute details will just have to remain in my memories coz I just don't know what to write about, heheheh! From th not-so-reunion (coz I wasn't even in the range of classmates...but I knew some of them), to the spontaneous trip to my friend's kampung (since over a year ago), to outings with my sisters...right up to tonight's freak-filled drive with the middles sister and "adopted" sister...lol!

Ok...hope there will be more stuff going on.

I thank God for everything in my life every single day. I'm happy because my parents and sisters seem happier...my parents don't argue like they used to...and I'm seriously happy because of this.

My mom and dad are super-stoked that I'm graduating...with mom always posting stuff about my "achievement" on her Facebook wall...much to my embarrassment! Ok, being the first child, I guess I could understand the pride of being their first child who completes their studies...I thought my mom was too much; my dad told EVERYONE! Okaaaaaaay...done!

I really enjoyed hanging out with the CS gang...it's like we never separated...the moment we got together...it was non-stop chatting for hours...thanks F...I swear, I had so much fun despite just being there for "1 hari 1 malam"...

It's football season now...and I want Argentina to win!!! Yeah...but if they should go out early on, I would support Germany...coz ich liebe deutschland sometimes, hehehe....and it's not because of Tokio Hotel ok!!! I supported Germany during the previous FIFA...then switched to Italy during the finals...

K, maybe I'm talking about too many things...so I best get a move on and switch my ass from this chair to the TV couch!

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I won't go into details, but I'm glad all the late nights and sacrifices had been worth it! I'm not really happy about the other papers (attained a B for one paper)...but I guess it's ok! If only I had this GPA for the previous semesters, then I'd be happily accepting a degree with Distinction...but I guess "with Honors" will do just fine.

My parents are saying they're so proud of me, though I keep saying it's no biggie...I didn't get outstanding grades, just average like most people...what I'm most proud of is that I did my best for my thesis, and it showed...

I'm happy that my friends got good grades as well...and ALL OF US will be taking our scrolls together...we have done it, guys! I'm proud of us not because of our CGPAs (but I guess it's okay if you wanna count them, lol!)...I'm proud because we have gone through all sorts of crap...and it served as lessons and as a preview of the real world we are about to enter into. The world where everything is a race, and our wages or employment depend on it.

Very soon, some of you might get married and have kids...some of you might build an empire...some of you might just be the next pioneer of some great team...some of you might just be an individual trying to make ends meet, but one thing we all have in common is that we are working to provide ourselves food, shelter and clothes on our backs not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones...

I hope to remember that in order to achieve my dreams, I have to just take a moment to be grateful for what I have...my wonderful parents. God has truly blessed me, for I could have easily been born into a family without proper regard for education...without love...without good principles...I could have stopped schooling and become a hooker walking the streets at night...I could have been a nobody, begging for money on the streets...but God put me in this family, and now I am graduating with a thesis in which, amazingly got an A (I hope it wasn't a mistake or something...that would just kill my mom who told the whole world...lol, go figure! You know mothers!!!).

I am graduating with a 2nd-class upper honors (2:1)...yeah, it might be something mediocre...but hey, a lot of mediocrity is bound to produce some extraordinary achievements, right? So my friends...with all the optimism of a fresh grad...I wish you all the best! Take failure as lessons, and achievements with humility...I hope to one day meet you again as leaders, mothers, pioneers, moguls, and the like...then, in all your greatness I shall remind you of our times in campus...all of 'em...

PS: I'll always "remember" coz everything is documented in this blog...hahahaha!

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What is life?
It is not a wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within - wanting, seeking, cherishing...

What is life without love?
What is life without crying?
What is life without laughing?
What is life without a need to fly away?

And so I live my life,
Searching for its means,
Searching for its worth,
Searching for its balance...

I am still alone,
I am still hidden,
I am still lost,
I am still searching...

I seek something to call home,
I search for a kindred spirit,
I search for somebody without haste,
I seek the ultimate time to find it.

One question lies within;
Will I ever find it,
This thing that makes life a gift?
Only God knows - I am as complex as one shouldn't be!

And though I haven't reached full circle,
What I search, seek, and hope to find...
An 'end' to call home,
So I can say I lived my life without waste.

What is life?
It is a soul full of peace,
It is a soul full of love,
It is a soul full of questions - answered.

What is life?
It is not wasted soul,
It is not a loveless spirit,
It is not without a freedom that lies within.


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I took it from my old notebook...I wrote it during my first semester in my 'new' surroundings; at my university...

I realized that I still want the same things...although circumstances may change me, the core 'wants' are the same.

I dunno, just kinda feeling sad coz as much as I want to remain a 'kid', I HAVE to grow up and go into the real world and find my ground...maybe separate from my friends and family in the long run, and that just plain sucks!

I hope and pray that I don't get caught up in work that I become one of those people who forget friends and family...

You can bet your ass that i'm gonna cry on my graduation day! I'm already counting the days till I say goodbye to student life (and I haven't even finished my assingments and thesis!)

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Had a fun day with the girls...haven't seen them for quite some time. But first things first:

HAPPY GRADUATION DAY, NIGHTFOX aka W** MY BFF!!!

I so wish i could be there, supporting you for one of the most important days of your life (it is, even if you don't admit it!)...coz what are friends for, right?

Hope you step into the working world with much tenacity, spunk, and be the best you could be, no matter what you do...i have yet another year to study, but i'm in no hurry to work just yet...even if i'm jealous of some of those friends who are working...just a little bit! ;)

Wow! How many years have we been friends? It's been a very long time, eh? Hahaha, Gawd, i feel so old when i think about it!

Anyway, watched a movie with "the girls" --> The Proposal...I loved it so much! Maybe, it struck a chord, maybe not...nevertheless; I LOVED IT! It had a good storyline, though predictable...the humor and chemistry between the two characters were very believable! Plus, i had some eye candy that is the hotness of Ryan Reynolds...damn!!! *6-pack abs*

I'm reminded of a line in the movie...it just stuck to my head, and at that moment...i was like "OMG...that's me!" I won't say what it was, coz i forgot it...but yeah...sometimes there's a thin line between love and hate, right?

What else? Ok, this advice may not apply to you, but if it does, just take it: You know sometimes when you get a gut feeling about something? Just trust it...it works for me! And i often regret when i ignore it...so, people: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! You don't need to be forced into something you're not into.

Ok, so i've had enough of my workout "time-out"...not like i intended to take a break! But yeah, muffin-top and ham legs does not work on some people, i.e. ME!!! Hahahaha! I guess watching Ryan Reynolds and talking bout Ciara's ripped bod DID give me some motivation...LOL! Sometimes you just feel extra weak because you don't feel light...i need to be stronger NOW!!! Plus: When you exercise, you can eat as much as you want without regret, hehehehe! Nice...

Wish me luck!

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