Life's Sick Lil' Games...

It's almost like an obsession...this need to play the guitar everyday at 4-5 in the morning. I know it's sick, but it sort of gets me to a different place. One, because nobody is here to hear it...just me. So no pressure. Second, it's more like a proud moment every time I play a song just because it's self-taught. Thirdly, it's so I don't get rusty.

It's not like I'm great...matter of fact, I can only play the major important chords that could make all kind of songs. You'd be amazed on the amount of songs you could play just by knowing a few chords.

Now the best thing is...I don't have to search for chords online coz I could just write down the chords of a song by myself and transpose the song to another key...with easier chords...

Mom heard me playing a song the other day (The Bends by Radiohead...I wrote the chords myself...and it sounds correct...yay!!!) and said, "Wow, you can play...I'm so proud!" like as if I played like Slash or Jimi...hahahahah! But I'm not afraid to play in front of her and my sisters. If I were to play in front of my dad, however...I'd be scared as shit!!!

My sister told my dad that I play real good and I should give her ex-bf (now her friend) lessons...I flatly denied and called her a liar just so I wouldn't have to play in front of Dad. Hahahaha...that's "intimidation" for you!

BUT...whatever it is...I am happy to state that this is one thing I can cross-out in terms of what I can do...

You see, I made a list a long time ago (age 15-16 or so)...and you know what...I've done almost all of it! So, after I learn ONE computer language, travel, take up photography AND get my writing published (somewhere), I'll write a new one!!! :D

At least I can say for certain that I finish what I start...and that ain't a bad thing!!!

Man, the thousands of things I wanna do...I think I should start that list now coz I know for sure that certain goals, such as getting published is like asking for the moon...hehehe!

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That's what my sister's surgery is called...and the latest news on my sister's operation is as follows. I'm just documenting this so that it may help someone else who may have this surgery...

According to her x-ray scans, she was supposed to have a superficial tumor on her parotid gland...turns out it was a deeper tumor...one that went through her facial muscle...so you might say that it was deeper than expected. The assumed 2-4 hour surgery became a little longer than 5 whole hours!!! Imagine our worried faces...they started at 2-something pm...the latest she should've been back in her room was at 6pm. It's 8pm and she's still not back!!! Imagine...

Thank God her there were 2 surgeons at hand...there wasn't supposed to be an extra surgeon, but looks like it worked in her favor, coz my sister's surgeon did not expect it to be that complicated. As he explained...they had to stretch her cheek-muscle, do many suctions and not destroy the nerve which connects 5 facial area movements. It was successful...but it weakened the left side of her face...and although she can't move one side of her face that much for now, she will be able to in a week or two...

...but now comes another part to worry about.

Since this was a deeper tumor, they have to run tests to see whether it (the tumor) came from the nerve...if it did, they would have to remove the nerve on her face, since it would only grow more tumors in the future...they would have to graft a nerve from her leg...sort of transplanting your leg nerve to your face, which would result in months of physiotherapy...and the doctor also explains that she might not be able to move every muscle of her face as before...this, my dears is the worst-case scenario. I can't sleep thinking of this. As my sister hears the doctor, I try my best not to show any signs of worry just so she won't panic or cry. But she was strong and took it like a trooper!

Man, now all of us are praying that it's NOT from the nerves...we pray that it's just a random tumor and that's that! The doctor kept saying "we are praying that it's not coming from the nerve..."

Well, so are we, doctor! So are we...

...coz if it is just some random tumor...my sis will have a full recovery and won't have to worry about anything else except keeping healthy! And as a realistic optimist...I know that God will always be there for her and for us too. May she obtain an "all-clear" from the results and her doctor soon...Amen!

For now, we're all traveling to and from the hospital all the time. She had to remain warded an extra day due to some complications. So it's like 3 days in a hospital jail for her, the poor thing! She will come home later today...at least that's we're hoping!

God bless her, the rest of my family and friends...and their loved ones as well...AMEN!!!

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My sister (the 20-year old one) has another cyst...this time on the corner of her face. She has to go for surgery tomorrow. The poor thing, I hope it all goes well. She's really strong...she showed be the probable scar that will be left, and it's actually kinda hardcore...from the ear, along the jawline...to the bottom of her ear till the neck...

You'd think it's huge...it is. But I think it'll fade off nicely just coz her doctor is an ENT specialist, so he's bound to know how to close the incision rather nicely.

Man...some things you just wished would happen to you (I mean ME) instead...she's had too many surgeries at 20 years of age...first two were the tumors on her breast. :(

One thing to be thankful for: It's benign...

Anyway, God give her strength to pull through...we will always always always be there for the original "Princess of the house". Perhaps she might work the scar and make it seem like a fashion statement, like her huge-ass tattoo (hehehe)...at least till one of us could afford plastic surgery. Yeah...the jokes...as usual, to cover my nervousness...i'm nervous for her, okay? I know...not cool!

Actually, after checking it out (I checked Google...where else?), the scar would seem unnoticable in 6 months due to the sutures done underneath the skin, whereas the skin would be sealed using 'Dermabond'...a glue-like substance commonly used for facial surgery...so I hope it all goes well. We're more worried about her facial nerves.

It's rather risky, the tumor is connected to the parotid gland, which is connected to the 5 nerves which control her facial movements...one slight mistake and she might not be able to do certain facial movements...so, of course...this is our main concern!

God, please let the surgery be a success!!!

Amen.

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WARNING: A depressing post...

It's been a rather sucky week...

First of all...I had to vent about my mom not supporting me and shit like that...but that was that. A rant! But I took the post out as fast as I posted it just because it wasn't me talking as much as it was my own resentment. I feel so sorry and guilty for it now...my mom has been the most supportive person in my life...and maybe this is just one part she wouldn't let go because she saw a glimmer of me finishing her unattainable ambition?

Maybe...but I shouldn't let my bitterness out as I did...I would just have to show her I can make it without going her pathway for me...I put my future in God's hands, whatever it is. I always wanted to achieve something big...to leave with a legacy bigger than myself. But it all depends on God and my own effort. We'll see how it happens though...

Secondly, My dear Uncle J has been confirmed to have a very aggressive form of cancer...which has now spread to his bones...and as he came to the house for a visit, my dad found out his brother, Uncle C had been found to have cancer...lung cancer. Both these men came over the same day. Uncle C's stage is unknown, and tests are currently being done while treatments to kill the cancer cells have begun. It was an extremely sad day for me, my family and the families of the brave men...

Earlier that day, my godfather called to tell me that his brother had passed away...

Literally one of the worst weeks...ever!

Not just saddening to think that my uncles diagnosed with cancer are just so brave...they even joke about their predicament...even saying that they would meet each other at "the gates"...I was successful in hiding my tears...and so were the rest of my family, except my mother...damn! Just then, Uncle J's eyes were welling-up, but he managed to put on a brave face.

Just goes to show that anything can be taken away...you never know when your loved ones would be taken away. After everyone had left, I just went into the bathroom to cry...thinking that cancer is such a death sentence if found too late...I prayed to God to protect the rest of my family members and friends from this horrible disease...

Then, just the other day I had a horrid dream: I had a dream where I heard my 20-year old sister screaming after answering the phone call in her room. I raced up, thinking the worst...I thought my father was dead...and it turned out Uncle C had died...

Then I woke up! Fucking awful dream coz it felt so real!

So, to sum it up...the past two weeks were filled with bad news...but I pray with all my heart and soul that God gives these men the strength and courage to go through it all...same goes to those around them. From what I see, my uncles are the ones consoling family members instead of the opposite...

Life goes on though...we just have to pull through...then again, it's easier said than done, right? All we can do is try our best.

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I watched Toy Story 3 with my sisters, and I gotta say...despite it being an animation...it really struck a chord...coz friends matter...no matter what you think, no matter how you could handle being alone...they matter. So people who take friends for granted...don't kid yourself!

*SPOILER ALERT*

We see Andy about 10 years since Toy Story 2...he's going off to college and the toys are afraid that they'd never be played with again...and as far as adventures go, they've had a few...and of course, a few toys were left along the way...but we also get to meet new additions...I love the Peas in a Pod Plushies...so friggin' cute!!!

A few parts were hilarious (Buzz in Spanish-mode...Buzz and Jessie ftw!!1)...and many parts were sad and touching. Arrgghhhh...Disney-Pixar should win an Oscar for this story not just because it's flawless in terms of animation, but the storyline affect children and adults in different aspects. That's what great movie-making is all about when it comes to family genres. I'm so happy for the toys...but yeah, you've gotta keep a Kleenex handy for quite a number of instances...the-incinerator part, and the Andy-saying-goodbye part...they damn nearly killed me. My three year old sister (of course) couldn't yet comprehend these parts (wait till she's older...is she in for a surprise!), but my 20-year old sis did...it's just good writing, and you could tell that the creators loved this project! It was projected throughout the movie.

Yes, it's a movie...NOT a cartoon! A grade-A movie!

...of course, you should watch the first two parts of the saga to be able to fully comprehend the movie. The first two are not as 'tug-at-your-heart' as this one though... :P

It's been awhile since I've written here...lot's of things happened, but what I'm writing about is something I'd never thought I'd write till a few years down the road...someone I know very well is getting married...I don't wanna say who since this person told me not to tell anyone just yet...so there!

But...I just gotta say...I feel happy for this person and this person's partner. I've never felt anything much when it happened to other people coz they didn't matter much to me. But since it's happening for someone so close to me, I felt an instant tug at my heart. Fuck, I'm happy but I kinda feel like a parent whose child is going away, or a sibling that's left because all her brothers/sisters have gone off to college...that's EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. As much as I want us to remain young, we can't...life goes on and we change even if we try not to...people change! And those that matter stay in your life despite all the changes.

Well, the theme for this post is exactly what TS teaches us...despite everything...

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME...or HAY UN AMIGO EN MI (en espanol!)...hehehe! Thank you Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Bullseye, Rex, Mr & Mrs Potato-head, Slinky, Ham (aka Pork Chop), the Aliens and the rest of the gang (you didn't think I'd name them all did you? Lol!)

Toodlez, bitches!

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My very close "Uncle J"; a family friend, and my little sister's godfather told us he had a very aggressive form of prostate cancer and has to go for chemo...damn! Doctors gave him about a year...

What can you say to someone who tells you this? My mom just started crying on the phone. I thank God I wasn't there at that time...and I'm sure glad it wasn't me who had to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

I am devastated...I hope everyone's prayers give him the courage and strength to pull through it all...and I pray that God wills him to stay more than the 1-year period the doctors had given him. God, only thy will be done. Please hear our prayers. Amen.

Coz he's a musician, his fellow performers are gonna organize a charity event...so I hope this shows him that his comrades care for him and I truly hope my baby sister will grow up with Uncle J around...coz I find him to be a wise man, quiet...but wise!

I hope I would come back in the future to write nothing but good news of his treatment. Amen!

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I know for a fact that I have lots to say or talk or write about, coz a lot has happened in the past few weeks...a lot!

But all in all, it was just great...nothing more, nothing less...guess the minute details will just have to remain in my memories coz I just don't know what to write about, heheheh! From th not-so-reunion (coz I wasn't even in the range of classmates...but I knew some of them), to the spontaneous trip to my friend's kampung (since over a year ago), to outings with my sisters...right up to tonight's freak-filled drive with the middles sister and "adopted" sister...lol!

Ok...hope there will be more stuff going on.

I thank God for everything in my life every single day. I'm happy because my parents and sisters seem happier...my parents don't argue like they used to...and I'm seriously happy because of this.

My mom and dad are super-stoked that I'm graduating...with mom always posting stuff about my "achievement" on her Facebook wall...much to my embarrassment! Ok, being the first child, I guess I could understand the pride of being their first child who completes their studies...I thought my mom was too much; my dad told EVERYONE! Okaaaaaaay...done!

I really enjoyed hanging out with the CS gang...it's like we never separated...the moment we got together...it was non-stop chatting for hours...thanks F...I swear, I had so much fun despite just being there for "1 hari 1 malam"...

It's football season now...and I want Argentina to win!!! Yeah...but if they should go out early on, I would support Germany...coz ich liebe deutschland sometimes, hehehe....and it's not because of Tokio Hotel ok!!! I supported Germany during the previous FIFA...then switched to Italy during the finals...

K, maybe I'm talking about too many things...so I best get a move on and switch my ass from this chair to the TV couch!

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I won't go into details, but I'm glad all the late nights and sacrifices had been worth it! I'm not really happy about the other papers (attained a B for one paper)...but I guess it's ok! If only I had this GPA for the previous semesters, then I'd be happily accepting a degree with Distinction...but I guess "with Honors" will do just fine.

My parents are saying they're so proud of me, though I keep saying it's no biggie...I didn't get outstanding grades, just average like most people...what I'm most proud of is that I did my best for my thesis, and it showed...

I'm happy that my friends got good grades as well...and ALL OF US will be taking our scrolls together...we have done it, guys! I'm proud of us not because of our CGPAs (but I guess it's okay if you wanna count them, lol!)...I'm proud because we have gone through all sorts of crap...and it served as lessons and as a preview of the real world we are about to enter into. The world where everything is a race, and our wages or employment depend on it.

Very soon, some of you might get married and have kids...some of you might build an empire...some of you might just be the next pioneer of some great team...some of you might just be an individual trying to make ends meet, but one thing we all have in common is that we are working to provide ourselves food, shelter and clothes on our backs not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones...

I hope to remember that in order to achieve my dreams, I have to just take a moment to be grateful for what I have...my wonderful parents. God has truly blessed me, for I could have easily been born into a family without proper regard for education...without love...without good principles...I could have stopped schooling and become a hooker walking the streets at night...I could have been a nobody, begging for money on the streets...but God put me in this family, and now I am graduating with a thesis in which, amazingly got an A (I hope it wasn't a mistake or something...that would just kill my mom who told the whole world...lol, go figure! You know mothers!!!).

I am graduating with a 2nd-class upper honors (2:1)...yeah, it might be something mediocre...but hey, a lot of mediocrity is bound to produce some extraordinary achievements, right? So my friends...with all the optimism of a fresh grad...I wish you all the best! Take failure as lessons, and achievements with humility...I hope to one day meet you again as leaders, mothers, pioneers, moguls, and the like...then, in all your greatness I shall remind you of our times in campus...all of 'em...

PS: I'll always "remember" coz everything is documented in this blog...hahahaha!

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So what's been happening? Nothing much, really...just a few outings, since I've been starting to get bored at home.

I finally met one of my bestie's bf...and you know what? I guess he's ok. Well, he hasn't spoken that much since the girls did most of the talking. But ok, I shall cease to comment on him. From what I saw yesterday, she was very happy and in love with the guy. So I'll keep my mouth shut...

Well, he did keep teasing her because she was on the plump side...but I told him straight... "Hey, she's a very beautiful girl, and you're damn lucky to have her as your gf..." Hahaha...sorry, I just can't stand guys who talk down on people...he was ok throughout, but I am kinda protective of my friends...

We watched Prince of Persia...and we had a blast! Firstly, because it was your average blockbuster movie which was absolutely fun to watch...it won't win an Oscar, but hell yeah it was fun! And Jake Gyllenhaal was freakin' hot OMG! Hottt!!! The Princess reminds me of a younger Monica Bellucci...right???

Anyway...went to the usual "Where to now?" phase and ended up laughing our asses off at the local mamak joint! Had a blast, and well...sorta got to talking about some stuff and P plans to get a console for her bf...I would definitely go to her house everyday if she bought one...LMAO!

Btw, W...I think I'd prolly give you a hard time for dropping my coke...it'll be a running gag just like the 'anney' aka your boyfriend! Hahahaha...

Today...went shopping to look for stuff for mom...all the 3 and a half women of the house. Baby enjoyed it a lot since we took her to Playland where she got to ride all sorts of...uhhh, rides...and Mom bought her a freaing Buzz Lightyear!!! Hahahaha, mom gives dad a hard time for spoiling her, but she was willing to spend RM 150 for a freaking Buzz!!! WTF...

Thank God I found a smaller-sized one which costs RM60!

K, end of story...

PS: I miss my uni friends...I'm happy there's Facebook and blogs! Phones are so boring hahaha...Take care dears! Please keep on updating your blogs coz I never miss your posts...

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Yeah...I'm the master of freaking out, believe me (just ask my friends...they even gave me a name!)

But all of a sudden, it hit me...and it hit me hard...I have a few months till graduation, and I'm doing zilch! OMG, what the hell am I gonna do? Where am I gonna work? Time is running out, and I've yet to come out with a decision!!!

Fuck...

Ok, so I love writing, and I'd love to travel, I love talking to people, communicating...but yeah, knowing your abilities does NOT make you know your occupation, damnit! What I DO know is, sooner or later, I would like to open my own business. Yes I do not know what yet, but it's nice to be enterprising and really...this is kind of a big thing, but yeah...that's my long-term goal.

For now, I would need to find my calling. OMG...help me and everyone else who remains clueless at times like these...you see, my major is not really specific...it's good for any types of profession; journalism, law, economy, business, etc...what I wish for is for that 'A-ha moment'...that brick on the head...that *BOOM* because I really need to start helping out my family. It's about time I do my part...all I want to do is achieve my dreams while making them proud.

These past few years, I've been very blessed. Sometimes, I think I must've done something good in my previous life or something like that to be this lucky. Everyone does their part...and I just wanna fulfill mine and take care of everyone.

So what I really want is to love my job...to be waking up every morning and looking forward to go to work...that's what I want!!!

Amen...

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Ever had recurring dreams...or that of similar images flashing through your mind every now and then?

Well, I have them!!! Those images...those places...those feelings of familiarity. It's as if "THERE" is where I'm supposed to be.

...and yet, I've never seen it (that place) and never seen him...which is what I'm actually waiting for. I've never actually seen this person's face, coz it's always blurry...but I've certainly seen him in a few of my dreams. If I'm not mistaken, I've written about him in a few posts too. It's kinda spooky, but in a good way. I'd like to think that he's looking out for me, even if he's on the other side of the world...

He could be my guardian angel...or my mind's interpretation of God...or maybe me in masculine form...heck, it could be the love of my life for all I know. The only problem is, I don't have a clue WHO he is.

Weird, huh? It's like I'm holding out for something I've known for a long time...it's kinda useless to write about it since I can't seem to describe it.

Hey, I am as realistic as they get...but then again, my imagination keeps me optimistic and somewhat child-like...I'd like to refer to myself as a realistic optimist. I'm optimistic that I'll find out what the hell this recurring image/dream is about.

For now, it's out there! What I want out of this journey is that familiarity...who knows, maybe I knew him from another life...or perhaps a parallel universe? (Which would be awesome, actually!)

If it's just a dream and nothing more...then I'm ok with it too. Somehow, he shows up when I'm having dreams of walking alone. He'll be there holding my hand and guiding me...

Well, this is another useless scribbling...just needed to document this so I won't forget.

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Sometimes, what you see is what you get...no need to analyze. It's just there in your face! No need to analyze the 'deeper' meanings by my selection of book or movies...I just like them coz they're good movies.

No need to ramble on about what makes me like certain types of music...I just do!

No need to ask why I do this or that...I am human and I'm driven by instincts...

No need to philosophize about the world to me...I didn't ask you to.

No need to ask me stuff. I am not a sage, and you are not my pupil!

No need to tell me stuff I don't wanna know coz it makes me feel awkward...don't you have a right/wrong filter in your brain? DO you have a brain?

The filter in my head tells me that I can't tell these things to you coz I have something called sensitivity...which maybe you don't? Guess I'll just have to ignore you then...and no, I don't like you. I'm just being nice...

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Sorry...this is my outlet, people...some people are idiots, that's all! So this is the place where I let it out...

This is pretty much a pointless post...but I'm feeling very much better now!

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Baby A or 'Bee' as we call her just turned 3 last Monday. After all the apparent plans to celebrate her birthday at McDonald's, Pizza Hut...a bar, even (hahah!!!)...we took a step back and made a 180-degree turn. In the end, we started thinking of the things that would be the best thing for HER...and not us!

She loves animals...hahaha, so they decided to take her to the zoo. I say, GREAT CHOICE!!! I really thought a huge birthday bash was useless because she didn't have that many friends, and all the people would consist of OUR friends...therefore, it wouldn't really be that fun for her, right? They just needed a little clarity.

So we ordered her a Spongebob Squarepants cake...chocolate! We wanted to order one from Secret Recipe, but they didn't have Spongebob...damn! So we just looked around nearby our place for any cakehouse that made Spongebob-design cakes (since time was already running out!)

We took her to the zoo, where she had a blast. Meanwhile, the other sis had a mad insect bite which caused her foot to become humongous! LOL...but she walked like a champ! Well, that's love for ya...

After the trip (in which we sweated cause it was like a sauna in there!!! Thank God I wore shorts!!!), we took the cake to Grandma's house (I hate it there, but no choice...it's all for Baby, so I'll put up with anything!!!)

...we bought some KFC and called all the children over...yeah, my cousins have many children!!! And they were only from one aunt! LMAO...but baby is close to them so i'm glad she had a blast. And despite us (Mom, Dad, me and the middle sister) thinking how horrendous the cake looks, Baby liked it...no, she LOVED it! So if she loves it...means WE love it!!! :D

I'm so glad she had a blast! And she's growing so fast, I'm just enjoying the time; in which I'm lucky enough to watch her grow...man, we love her so much! God has blessed us, and I'm so happy!

Happy 3rd birthday, my dear baby sister...may you have many more to come! God bless you always, little one! :')

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WARNING: Long post!!!

Friendship for me has come a long way. From what I can say, when I was in high school...I felt indifferent towards this concept! I was the quiet one among "The Trio"...yes, they were great! We were always together, we had our good times and we clicked well...but I can't deny that there were times when I felt I didn't belong because they had such different ideals than me. Each couldn't stand NOT getting male attention. They were always going after the boys, and I was left in the lurch. They also didn't like it when boys gave me attention. Although I like boys, I was never boy-crazy...hell yeah I loved admiring and going ga-ga over guys...but I didn't push-away my food when boys came over to talk to me at the table. I didn't lie to my parents to go dating. I didn't do nonsense. And I still don't!

One thing that put me into cynical-mode for some time was this incident:

One of them got herself a boyfriend. She never; not even once, introduced us. I was her so-called 'best friend'...and she never even introduced us after I covered for her all those times...followed her to the phone booth to make those calls to Mr. BF...it's like she didn't acknowledge me at all. After being THAT naive, I realized (someone told me) that she was scared that he'd be attracted to me instead of her...F***!

What? Was she so insecure that she was afraid that I would steal him away or something? As a friend, did she NOT know me? I would never do that to a friend...or even a person for one thing. That's just not who I am! Nobody knows this coz I never told anyone, but I'm finally writing it down...recalling this incident, I feel hurt all over again. My mistake was that I just let it go, pretended I didn't know anything and acted like everything was fine. I can't believe this still affects me...damn!

The current ME would definitely go ape-shizz and go all confrontational towards her, believe me! If the years have thought me one thing; it would be to stand up for yourself and don't sit still and shut up when you feel like you're being wronged!

The final day we said goodbye, I knew in my heart that we would never be the same again...and I was right. The two decided to move in together and fought...because of insecurities...and oh, the main thing...GUYS! Friendship was over between the 2 girls...just like that. How sad...

I emancipated myself by working and exploring other areas...and at work, I've come to find out that I'm more than this "Trio"...I'm finally me! And guess what? I wasn't the quiet one...I realized that I was NEVER quiet, but they were too 'noisy' that my voice disappeared...LMAO!!!

I made great friends when I took my Form 6 (Pre-U) education...but the best was yet to come...

University...it scared the shit outta me!!! I spent my orientation week with my friend from my Form 6 class...and soon enough I made some friends of my own...what can I say? We just clicked! I wouldn't say it was easy, mind you...lol! We did have some confrontations in the beginning, but looking back...I always thank God for helping me find these girls. Guess I was always afraid that I'll be used again. :/

I realized the friends I've made in campus are so different from my supposed best friends in high school...why? Coz they're more like me...family-oriented, they don't judge you by how you seem on the outside...and they don't pressure you to be anyone other than yourself. They believe that beauty is something from within, and material doesn't make who you are. I can say with confidence that these people will be among my lifelong friends...and I'm the type who has been disappointed with those deemed 'besties' in the past. The final day with them I realized that we would be friends always, no matter what (totally different feeling than I had with my high-school buddies.)

Isn't it funny how life works? I'm now best friends with 2 of my primary school friends...my best friends in high school are now 'just friends'-friends, my Form 6 classmates are my good friends, my former-annoying jerk of a classmate is now my friend (and we talks about music and guitars...how weird is that???), and my university besties are my forever-friends...

Well, that's life for you...you meet people, and if you're lucky enough...you become friends. I am lucky to have sincere friends who tell it like it is, not lie or back-stab. I hope God blesses them with nothing but happiness, for though it may seem like I never say it enough...they put my faith back in friendships. Yeah, I was cynical at first...but they proved me wrong!

Therein lies my truth...I love you my dears! Please call me for your weddings, baby showers and such...till we meet, I'll be cherishing our moments in these photographs. :'D

Another truth...never underestimate the practicality of 'layers'. Confused? Ask me...LMAO!

Whew...glad to get that off my chest!

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I've only realized it now...my favorite bracelet is broken...NOOOOOOO!!!

In my life, I've never gotten attached to any sort of accessory...except this bracelet...it was translucent and brown, where each large "bead" was octagonal and had embossed yin and yang motifs on each side of every piece of bead...

My little sister broke it!!! Nooooo...seriously, didn't realize it till I was on the way out and put on my watch...I reached for the bracelet and saw that a few bead-pieces were shattered. And now I'm sort of in mourning coz it's the ONE thing that reminds me of the trip...and I've never seen anything like it! And I bought it...for myself. I NEVER buy accessories for myself!!! So this says something about this item, right? Sigh!

Plus the fact that I don't ever wear daily accessories unless it's for something special...this Yin Yang bracelet, I wore every time I went anywhere!!!

So rest in pieces, my dear Yin Yang bracelet...I shall miss our times spent together...we've been through a lot, and you've served me well (even though I was sorta wearing you out and you became looser after every wear)...

You shall now be kept in my "vault of forgotten trinkets"...

PS: I don't even know if this is a tribute or a joke...could it be both?

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Okok, you know how I admire aesthetics...as a human being, I love looking at beautiful things such as landscapes, mountains, stars, sea and the sky...all as much as I admire beautiful people...

So I can't help but post this post (does this make sense?) for a cool ad...

...he caught my eye when he acted in this made-for-TV biopic, 'James Dean' and 'Sonny' (watch 'em!!!)...and so when Spider-Man came out and he was the son of Green Goblin, I was totally drooling over him rather than Tobey...LMAO! Also, he just killed me as Saul in Pineapple Express...LMAO! Him and Seth made a great team.

So imagine my awe when this ad for Gucci aired on TV..."Whoah..."


James Franco, coming out of the water in slow-motion, all serious and brooding...in B&W...plus the awesome background music!!! The music, which I find totally epic...made me google it, hahaha...you know me and my curiosity...

I found out it was a cover made by Roisin Murphy...that lady from Moloko, OMG!!! She's so freakin' cool...I totally loved her song, 'Let Me Know' (using a sample of the riff in 'Thriller' by Michael Jackson)...and she covered this song which was originally done by Bryan Ferry called 'Slave To Love'...

So, in essence...awesome male who oozes sex appeal+awesome Nu-Wave song done in a modern way = coolest fragrance ad...ever!!!

Don't even know why I posted something so random...but hey, I've nothing better to do, so why not project my nod for aesthetics seen on TV?

I know, I know...beauty is skin deep and all...but sometimes, you just gotta appreciate beauty that's right in your face, no? It's not like I'm judging his whole character or anything...just appreciating what God gave him, Lol!

PS: James Franco is taking his PhD in Yale...this just upped his appeal in my book...hot, witty AND smart? I hope to God he's not a jackass...Lol!

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I mentioned earlier about this reception job, right? I said it's quite far and all...

Well, I did my research and found out just how mother-effin' far it really is with public transportation as my vehicle...

From my house to the office location, it would take 3 buses, and 2 trains just to get me there...OMG! I thought maybe just a train and a bus...but no, 3 buses and 2 trains...it's not worth it!!! Damn...according to my estimation, just getting there would take about 3-4 hours...so daily, I would travel for about 8 hours...6 hours minimum...I don't even know how frequent are the buses, but yeah...not gonna happen!!! Sorry...i'm gonna call the guy and explain to him! OMG!!!

Ok, the money is sooooo not worth this part-time job...soooo not worth it! It would be different if I was driving, but no, little sister gets the car...and of course, I'm stuck here taking the public transport like I always do...when will I catch a break for once? Sigh...somehow, I'm gonna need to look for a short-term job for my trip!!! Please, God...please!!!

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WOW!!! OMG IT'S REALLY DONE AND MY VARSITY LIFE IS OVER...OVER, I TELL YA!!!

So...now what? Lemme get to thinking and I'll let me know...yes, you read it...ME! Coz I sure as hell still don't have a plan...my plans went down the drain about a year after my first year at uni...

...damn! Somebody...help. Anybody? OMG...

Okok, the story first...my thesis editing went on like Hell's Kitchen during the periods of chaos...OMG, then there came a time where my MS Word started giving problem because I stupidly did this whole 'page break' thing...so in the end, I couldn't insert page numbers, and A sorta got into the whole mess...It was almost 4pm, and we were supposed to be printing the work already!!! So A offered to let me use her laptop to fix it...but I failed...SHIT!!! And I still had more to do like the references and shit like that! Didn't even proof-read the whole thing!

Thank God A managed to figure it all out and put the pages in for me...sorry coco! I'll always be grateful... :')

Then, we started getting to our destination...A also found out from her friend about this place just outside of campus that makes thesis hard covers in just a day...of course, we had to pay extra, but we didn't care! So we asked the lady and she confirmed this...so we paid about 2 times the price I think...but seriously...I had no regrets...just as long as it was done!

And then we paid almost 90 bucks...that's including printing out 2 copies of the thesis, with multiple reprints because we didn't proof-read our writings, LMAO!!! Now, that was funny...but in the end, we left with a slight feeling of accomplishment!

The next day, I managed to pass it up on the day itself...the 5th of May 2010, in which a huge burden left my shoulders after I signed that final form...I had to go without the partner in crime coz Dad had to use the car so I had to hurry...boo!

Then, as I walked towards the car, it hit me...

"It's over...just like that?"

It felt so surreal...every single time I tell myself that an intensely chaotic period will pass...it does, of course...but this...this whole experience...it's really over! Oh.my.God.

I came home and slept like a baby...seriously been like a zombie running on caffeine and junk. Now I have the chance to cut the intake...hopefully my skin will get better soon...and those inches gained throughout uni will melt away with a new regiment...I hope!!!

Now, I'm supposed to be focusing on this work thing I have in Damansara...I was hired for a short stint at an events company. They need a receptionist. I need to make some money. However, I have no idea how to get there so looks like I have to do some homework...and of course, I don't even know if it's worth the pittance I'll be making, since it's quite far from my place...hmmmm...well...why not, eh? At least I won't be stuck being too much of a couchie at home...which I am right now, heheheh! Of course, I'm paying back for all the times I've missed at home...and you know what? By the time I start working...I mean OFFICIALLY...I'll be working like a slave for the rest of my life, won't I? So let me revel in my high-density sloth!!!

All this while planning the trip to France...yes, people...the trip is on...and for now, it shall be my main focus (among other things, lol!)...there's lots to do. Many have pulled-out due to this and that...but we shall overcome and like I said, God knows and never disappoint...now I know why it didn't happen in May...HE knew we wouldn't be able to make it on that particular date...HE knew...and HE is going to make it happen for us in November...so, I pray that it happens at this moment...I know in my heart that this trip will change me in some way...I don't know what and how, but it will...

For now...I bid my formal education adieu...and I don't know what the future holds for me, but I certainly plan to further my studies down the road...one thing about me is...I do something and finish it...so I'm glad I finished this Degree in IR...and finished all the levels of the French language at UKM with my friends (learning French has been my dream since primary school so I'm glad, so glad...I finally managed to learn it)...at least now I know that I actually DON'T love IR, lol! So, in essence...I'll be taking a Masters Degree in something I love. I'll just need the time to figure out what I love...this will be a toughie, since I love so many things...

Good luck to all my dear friends...you are going to face a whole different battle now. Congratulations on this particular one...it has been a honor to fight the fight right beside you! ;)

The next post will be a tribute to all of you...hehehe! Why not, eh? I'm free now so let me be! Okay, gonna go chill with the 'Boobettes' tomorrow...my other circle. See ya!

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The title sums up how I've been feeling these past few weeks; cooped-up in this room, pressure building from worries, anxiety, zits, belly fat, etc...all coz i've not been moving much...just moving from the seat to my bed, and to the seat again (save for buying food, bathing, toilet breaks and going home for awhile...), the stress shows on my face and body coz I haven't been taking care of it since the beginning of the semester! -____-

After all the crap of anxiousness and panic, I kept repeating, "God help me, God help me, God help me..." while trying my best to help myself think clearly and ridding myself out of a writer's block!

Today, I completed the final draft and nervously went to see my supervisor. The first few minutes was excruciating, as he was reading quite silently...he then started to correct a few technical errors such as hyphenations and explained that I needed footnotes as well as the author-date system...okaaaay, looks like everybody gives me different information...dang! But I was more interested in the contents...was it correct or wrong...or???

"Well, this is after all YOUR findings, so I can't be the one to say that you're wrong..."

-____-

So he goes on to say that his responsibility is to check on my first and last chapter...the correlation, the format, the essence of my dissertation...it took quite awhile till my classmate under his supervision as well came knocking...she has completed hers and is ready to bind it! Whoaaa...

So then he said what I should amend, talked a little about the formatting (UKM style sucks...go with Chicago style, lmao!), etc...and I asked him about minimum pages...and he actually said that there's no minimum! WHOAAA!!! Ok!!! And what about the literature review? He said, "...about five books." Whaaaat??? Hahahaha...and I was flustered at all this revelations...damn, I should've asked him before...

So for now, I'm back...bought some lunch! Now, a huge burden is lifted and I have the whole weekend to do this shit of a thesis! Oh holy crap, I forgot...I have to move out, stat!!! Awww man!!!

For now all I have is one thing to say, and that is thank you God for letting me finish in time for my appointment with Dr. X...at least I could do it during the weekend! God is great!

PS: Wee, I so wanna go, k? Next weekend? Sorry...but i'm up for drinks if you are! Miss you guys...;)

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No...it's not the Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry...MAF is an acronym for the coolest and sweetest bunch of peeps I know! LOL!

I'm shamelessly into Tokio Hotel...as you've already been told countless of times, heheh! Indeed, TH is my guilty pleasure!!! Many people think they're lame and stuff like that...my sister despises them, hahahah! But I really enjoy their music for the many reasons I've stated before!

So to think that they bought me TH's latest album for my birthday...it's just so...so...thoughtful! It's the thought that counts ok??? Even if you gave me some cheap mamak-stall lunch for my birthday, i'd still appreciate it...hahahaha! But of course this is waaaaay better! LMAO!

For my part, the moment Munik shoved a little bag onto my hands, I thought..."Awwww, thank you!"

Then I opened it...




...I was speechless for a few seconds, but I said a lot by my actions:

1. Shrieking like a 15 year-old stereotypical bimbotic high school chick
2. Jumping while wearing a kebaya (thank God nobody was around!)
3. Smiling from ear-to-ear; before that I was really in a bad mood

Then M says, "Sorry we couldn't get you any tickets..." Are you kidding? This thing you gave me says a lot ok?

To me, it says "We don't care how lame TH is, we bought it for you coz we know you love them!"

Thank you guys...you know I wanted to get the CD for so long, but never got to a chance to get it. The fact that YOU bought it makes it more valuable to meeee...why? 'Coz it's the sweetest thing!!! You bought it coz you know how much I love TH! That.is.the.sweetest.thing!!! Hahahaha...you girls have to sign it k!!!

Love ya!!!

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