Life's Sick Lil' Games...

You know, it's amazing what 3 months can do to a person. For one thing, I have become different in a sense...my colleague told me she has actually seen a transformation in me; from the first time I ever presented my task, to now. I have become more outspoken & more confident.

I was and am always shy when it comes to strangers. However, when it comes to doing a presentation or a job, I guess I was always quiet when it comes to giving opinions and input. I am sometimes drowned in a sea of outspoken human beings, and I have put this forward to my superiors...but I guess the months I spent in training has trained me for the better. I am more focused and structured. I consciously make the effort to see things from a bird's eye view, rather than from a smaller perspective...

Wow...as much as I have heard the first batch of MTs talk and complain about how hard it is and how they are always facing challenges...I think I am going to see it in a different angle. I see it as a way to practice on my problem-solving skills. And of course, I can gain experiences and know what I can or cannot repeat. You see, what I've learned as well is...

Everything you go through depends on YOU; on your ATTITUDE...you can whine and bitch and complain about how life is unfair...but YOU have the power to make it how you want it to be. They chose me for my attitude...coz honest to God, I had no skills whatsoever...hahahaa!

Slowly, I am trying to be a better me. I have a lot of things to change about myself; my messiness, my structure of thoughts, etc.

What I am really proud of though...is that I'm NOW a punctual person (at work, ok!). If I ain't early...I'm on time! And that is waaaaay better, TTYTT!

What else? Oh yeah, I have met one or two people here who are my peers...they have that feeling of 'entitlement', thinking that they are higher/greater than certain people - like the technicians, advisors or salespeople...I say, with this attitude...you might go somewhere in life, but when tough times come about, nobody will be there to help you. Again, ATTITUDE...what I don't understand is how they could even consider themselves so great when they haven't even performed...and yet, act so arrogantly towards those they consider 'lower' than themselves.

That is why, I shall pull myself back from these types of people...I don't like being around negative/toxic people...thank you very much!

However, if I could tell you about the good people I'm mixing with, I could write for days...I am lucky that there are more good peeps than bad. I am happy here in training. I don't know what the future holds, but I sure will enjoy all I can NOW...but absorb as much as I could for now (and also as long as I live).

I am also considering furthering my studies...I think I would love to get an MBA. No, scratch that...I WANT and MBA. Maybe, if possible...I would go register next year or 2012 (if it's not the apocalypse, heheheh!)

Man, this is quite long...I wanna write a lot more, but I think I should go to sleep now.

PS: I am the official mode of entertainment among my colleagues. The stories they tell of me...is like when M tells the story of my 'gelabah-ness'...faham-faham sendiri ye? Hahahaha...

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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I know it has been a long time...but here I am, typing every thought which is in my head...don't think of it as anything important, coz I sure can write some crazy stuff when I don't filter it...so don't take it as me being conceited or anything like that, k?

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Is it wrong to wanna be extraordinary? What does it take? Does it require you to give up an area of your life which people deem as important?

All I ever wanted since I was young was to be different. To be somebody. To give my parents all I can...so that they can say all their sacrifices had been worth it. To give my sisters the big house, all the things they want and need...and more!

Can I achieve this? I really want to, but I don't know if I have it in me...and I surely need God to be with me all the way. Coz in this world, nobody is gonna give you what you want...in this world, you're gonna have to get out there and take it! Coz you can get whatever the hell you want, as long as you have the courage to receive it.

This past few months have been awesome in terms of learning and absorbing...as I keep telling people...I'm basically a sponge...and I hope I keep learning throughout my whole life...

Another thing is, I know I always say this, but sometimes I feel so miniscule, so minute in this universe...like I am a part of something bigger...just like everyone else...I feel that we are all connected...we are of the same web. Weird, I know...but yeah, it's how I feel. Geez, this is so random...

Ok...a weird story, as per below:

I saw this young man in the training center I go to. I don't know, but he kept staring at me and my friends intensely for a long time. Then, a few days later...I saw him again while I had to go to the bathroom...they were renovating the one nearby, so I had to go to the one far away...and there he was, walking behind me. I didn't think of anything at that moment...

Fast forward to a few hours later, he accidentally opened our door...and probably mistakenly came into our training room. We laughed (all of us, coz he was pretty panicked, AND it was funny!) All of a sudden, I felt something inside me say, "OMG...it's him!!!", and I felt this intense feeling in the pit of my stomach...like something crazy was going on and I felt confused and shit...

I for one, don't know what the hell it means, but it was like I was waiting for this guy to come into my life or something...yes, it was that BIG ok! Soooo intense, that I became super quiet and anxious all of a sudden. It fuckin' freaked me out...and no, it wasn't like I had a crush on this guy coz I sure haven't seen him enough to be crushing on him. But the feeling was like I knew him...even though I'm sure I don't. Hmmm, like we've met before...even though I'm sure we haven't!

So, the moral of the story is...I love this program so far coz it's full of learning experiences...and the other is...I'M A CRAZY NUT!!!

Ok. The end. For now.

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I'm not writing about the song...just thought since it's November and all...why not!

My previous post was about a book presentation...and what do you know? Fast forward to a month later, and I'm writing about my 2nd book review presentation!!! Damn, time passes by too quickly, and I can't believe I didn't blog this past few weeks...wow!

A lot has happened...one of the main thing is I hit a milestone...the first milestone for a newbie like me...I purchased my first asset...a car! Mind you, it's a starter car...the most basic and affordable! It's white, solid white...and I've named him Mikey...short for Michael, heheheh! Hell, you could even call him Mike if you like!

What can I say...I didn't plan to get one, but since I NEED one, and my work requires me to travel everywhere...a lot!!! I HAD to buy one so as to not give my family anymore stress! I've been making things hard for them, I just couldn't handle it anymore...the same goes for them...they couldn't handle waiting for me, sending me...it's just a waste on fuel and time! BUT, I get staff rates...that's what I'm happy for most of all...

Mikey is a good car...and finally, I get to choose what station I want, what CD to listen to, and go wherever, whenever (not quite WHENEVER though) I want...

What else? Oh, another book review presentation in front of managers and GMs and maybe CEO this Thursday...and guess what? I haven't ven finished reading the book! Fuck! I can do it, I can do it! The previous presentation was fine, but I was one of the last ones, so everyone was pretty much jaded...and this time, we drew lots...and I got one of the last ones yet again! FUCK!!!

I know I could finish on time...but will I make give a high impact presentation? Only time will tell...would I blog any time soon? Only my sheer will would guide me, lol!

One thing...I love this blog!!! Coz you are my sole witness to everything that's in my life...anything I went through, you know! And for that...I thank God for the internet...

...Amen!!!

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You think it's over, those varsity days of assignments...then you become a management trainee and your 1st presentation is to present a book review to the 7 GMs and a CEO of the company.

AARRRGGGHHH!!! Shitdamncrap!!!

Ok. Done.

God bless!

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Didn't I just write about men who would just buck-up and tell a girl how they feel? That's exactly what happened to me these past few days...unbelievable! I admire him for being brave and taking the first step...ok, so I actually respect him for his actions, but that doesn't mean we're an item now! I'm just acknowledging that there are men who are man enough to go after what they want...it gives a girl a sense of optimism and hope! :P

God bless that boy...

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A few days ago, we had this trainer come in to teach us a few things...he was amazing; an older gentleman, with years...I mean YEARS of experience. He's huge around the region, the US, UK and Australia. He was the one who assessed us Management Trainee hopefuls during the 2-day assessment. Mind you, there were 2 sessions for this. The first one was earlier this year. I was in the 2nd one in August.

He taught us many things and told us countless inspirational stories to motivate us and teach us that if it is to be a reality, it will be up to us...the line goes like this, "IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME". This line helped him during a dark period of his life, where an old sage told him to buck up and be what he wants to be. It really affected us all...coz look what has become of this trainer...he has achieved many things, trained countless MNCs, and about 60,000 people!!!

The last day of training, at the last session, he made us do this activity...the finale! He made each person stand in front and be complimented by each and every person. So you can imagine me giving countless sincere compliments...like one-on-one, eye contact and hugging...while giving a good, sincere good quality compliment to one person at a time!

I was the last one...you know how I hate compliments, but he says that you can't say NO or shake your head...you just had to nod and say thank you! THIS, ladies and gentleman...this affected me tremendously!

In the end, 11 out of 15 of the MTs started shedding tears, and I just couldn't help myself! I immediately started crying after a few of my close colleagues (now my friends) gave me sincere compliments...the others too, each hugged me or held my hand, looked into my eyes and said that I could achieve great things, that I was a kind person...that I was beautiful, etc.

All these years I never believed it! All the years passed by me telling everyone else that they were beautiful, but I hadn't realized that EVERYONE is...and that includes ME! Sometimes I forget all the hard and negative crap that I've been through growing up because I sort of erased them from my memories and just leave them behind...but the nasty comments given to me stuck at the back of my head. Telling me I'm not good enough, although countless of times I've been told otherwise.

This session helped me realize that what I was doing was wrong. I am beautiful like everyone else. I just never believed people could perceive me that way. Until that day...

In the end, the session was done...and he asked each of us to sum up what we had gained from this training...I was last again...and though some had traces of tears while they explained what exactly they had learned, when I started to talk...I actually choked-up and couldn't even finish a sentence...bugger! I showed everyone my vulnerability...they embraced me and that made me so overcome with emotions even more. What had this done to meeeee??? I basically was holding back from crying, making it even more obvious that I was crying!

LMAO...this was a breakthrough, people! I have NEVER cried in public! NEVER...wow! And I saw that the trainer was gonna cry as well...it was such a positive moment where all you could feel was love around you. I know it sounds like some hippie movement, but that's truly how it was. Saying goodbye (not the last time we'd be meeting him though!), I couldn't just shake his hand, I went ahead and gave him a big old hug! AND that's why he's who he is!

Anyway, truth be told...I truly treasured this session and it made all of us closer...I think this organization could achieve greatness if training for self-growth is given. For now, I think they are spoiling us with these lessons. In a good way!

Dare I say it, I'm looking forward to going for "training" every day! Could I love my job? Only God knows...but I think I'm heading with the right attitude...Amen!

And God bless Mr. Trainer (I won't reveal his name) for teaching me lessons, not only about management skills...but about life too!

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Why can't some people just come out and say it? Why do they need to create an elaborate game plan just to attain something they're not even sure of? It seems funny to me why this happens...it looks so forced and unnatural to me, and I hate it!

Stop wasting your time...be a man! Most of us aren't complicated, and I'm not those girls who like playing games.

Ok...totally out-of-the-blue, but it's what I wanna say for now.

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Ok...so I got into the Dean's List. They sent me a certificate. They wrote on the envelope, "Jangan lipat/Do not fold!"

Then some idiots at the post office or maybe the postman goes on and folds it...I open it in anger. It is so crumpled-up like a tissue paper...I become the Hulk! Fuck you...my first (and last) time getting this honor, and the idiot spoils it!!!

-___-

Sorry, but for someone like me who has never gotten into the Dean's List...I am pretty jakun+excited...so don't blame me for getting a little nuts...k? Thanks!

Idiot postman!!!

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Well, here's one thing I'd never thought I'd have this early on...a four-day holiday! Heheh...well, so far...it's been good! Challenges await me, but I'm ready! I'm eyeing the Marketing Department...just because I relate to it so much. It's strategy, long-term planning, delegating, communicating to the advertisers, intermediary to the mother organization and its subsidiary...it's more ME! But...early on I see others eyeing that department, too!

I don't know if they started assessing which MT goes to which dept yet...but then again, we've only been here for about 2 weeks. The hard part hasn't even started yet! On my part, I have to read this awesome book by the Harvard Business Review...okay, so I haven't done anything, but I know it's a great book that I would enjoy reading!

Not even receiving my first paycheck, and my Mom is already planning what I may or may not pay for... -____- Okay, so I WILL pay for some utilities here...I always said I would! BUT please don't go planning for me to pay for things and buying this-and-that when I'm only a week in...

Hmmm, there never fails to be a sort of pressure with Mom...I know that she hates that I took this job, since there's no way in 3 years I would be working for the diplomatic corps (see what I did there? Hahhaahha...genius!!!) :P

Another thing is the need of a car! I NEED one!!! So far, I've been going to and from work by driving Dad's car coz my sister is on a 2-week break. After this, she'll have to send me to work again! It's hard and it's such a waste on petrol...I've already broken down my pay in case I get a car...it's gonna be a challenge, but one I'm willing to take! Even the toll is about RM10 a day...their travel allowance is just enough for a month's worth of toll.

Wow, somebody needs a pay hike asap! I will do a great job and get a pay hike within 6 months...this is my short-term goal!!! I know that I can't get it within 4 months because I'll be in training...but I will try AFTER that. ;P

So...what else? Oh, everyone in my batch is somehow attached or engaged to be married...this makes me realize that I am the odd one out...I don't even state my status...just gonna leave it at that and let them guess all they want...know what? I've been so lucky in so many areas of my life...I have accepted that I'm just unlucky in ONE area...I have come to terms with this; there is no man who will ever make my dreams come true...coz what I want is a fairytale which doesn't exist. I have built this man in my head so high, that no actual person could ever fulfill this dream...well, nobody asked me to dream this BIG, right? It's just me dreaming big like I always do (well, it's not like I'm the perfect girl anyway...hehehe! ), coz Oprah always tells us to "Dream big!"...and this is something that I couldn't do any other way! :)

Also, I miss my home in the Philippines...when any of my relatives from Guagua message me on Facebook, I am instantly taken back to the paddy fields...the jeepney rides in the village...the family...I remember the boat ride we took, exactly like in one of my dreams...it was just wonderful! This is the very reason I believe in LoA...so far it has worked tremendously for me.

The trip to Paris was my ultimate LoA dream as well, but I think now is not the time...doesn't mean I'll never get there...I sent a letter of resignation to my lecturer, and he sent a heartfelt reply. No matter what, I will try my best to get them at least ONE sponsor...a good one! I really miss taking French classes with my friends...when you leave, it's not the lessons that you remember...it's the memories! AND I'm glad that I have created memories with the people I love...no matter what happens, I'll always have photographs and keepsakes from the 3 years we've spent together (and some I've known for longer ;P).

Wow, it's been so long since I've written a long, brain-extracting post! Voila...

I don't expect anyone to read this, but it's so cathartic for me to write what I'm feeling. I will certainly read this post in the future, feeling the same emotions...God bless!

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I can't believe it...the time has passed so quickly...and all this while I haven't updated my journal...how can this be? I miss you...I miss coming here and typing everything in my head...where no judgment passes me...all the words just lie here in a vacuum of the blogosphere!

I am currently working...yes, I AM WORKING!!! OMG...I didn't say it earlier because I didn't wanna jinx it, but who needs to say anything when you have a mother who practically broadcasts everything on her Facebook wall??? I am laughing now, but when she did it at the time, I was so freakin' mad and embarrassed...well, the past is past...fast forward to now...I did get the job, and I'm now undergoing training!

What's mad is I have joined the automobile industry...which is something I have never thought of joining...but whoever said the Taurus sign isn't flexible...eat your heart out!!! This is a total 180 for me in every way! Cars...I have to eat, sleep and breathe cars...I am actually looking forward to this...hahaha, especially the part where I will be attached as a technician! OMG...ganassss aka fierce!!! LMAO!!!

Okay, so it's been a few days of ups and downs, but I have been warned that the coming weeks are gonna be hell...I'm freakin' ready...ready for anything you wanna give me!!!

I shall note my day-to-day activities if I can...one of the trainers said it's good to keep notes, so you don't forget...or maybe a few years down the road, you can read it again and remember the good and bad of your past experiences. For now...those other MTs are my friends, and I'm sure we're gonna grow together. Please be with us, God!

And as for the trip to Paris...as much as I want to go...I am bonded to the organization which hired me...I have 4 months of training, in which I can't take leave...so I sent in my resignation and pulled out of the trip...much to my sadness. But I can';t do anything but support my friends who are lucky enough to join the trip...please do it, and live my dream for me... :D

What else? Oh, I might get a car soon...might get staff price without waiting a year since we're bonded for 3 freakin' years!!! Muahahah, I don't want one, but I NEED one! It's just impossible to borrow Dad's car all the time! Impossible! Hey, even if I don't get the staff price...I NEED one... :(

Till the next post...I'm fuckin' sleepy...it's 12 am...OMG, I'm becoming normal!!! :-0

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It's evil; this new phenomenon of dumping babies, aka infanticide. It's becoming rampant here in Malaysia, and I'm not gonna sugar-coat it: almost every day, you will see at least one report on a newly-born baby being dumped...they are either dead, alive, or barely alive. Some are half-eaten by bugs...some are foetuses (among the garbage) who never had a chance.

Why is this happening? Some groups think it's because of free-socializing amongst teens during "Western" celebrations such as New Year's Day...WTF? Yeah, blame it on celebrations and integration...it's so typical! It's so in-your-face and clear: the reason is the lack of sex education amongst the young...all because SEX is taboo! AND, the stigma that comes with teen pregnancies (or babies born outside of wedlock). Come on and open your eyes...teenagers are doing it; they're having sex whether it's against religion or not...they simply are! Asian values? What does that even mean? Does that mean that Asians don't have sex? If only you were open-minded enough to realize it and not hide behind a veil of denial...then we could nip this issue in the bud!

I guess I'm just pissed! Pissed that this issue is happening everyday! These are lives...humans lives...newly-born babies!!! I'm not even saying I'm Pro-Life or against Pro-Choice (or some of those American politicized stances people there tend to take). I'm just a human being trying to make sense of this. The Malaysian gov is now considering harsh punishments for parents who commit infanticide...is this what we have become?

Sometimes, I see Malaysia going far...but at times such as this, I see us left far, far behind due to a few bad apples. After all, you're only as strong as your weakest link! What we need is open minds and open debate, not blame-games and minds stuck in the Dark Ages...

Okay...I'm done venting! Sorry lah...I'm just mad right now...

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How did I get so lucky in life? I thank God every single day for being this way...charmed! I may not have been born with a silver-spoon in my mouth, but I have the best family I could ever dream of...the best friends who are the best people ever...and the basic things you need to survive...AND I am blessed!

I've always prayed to God to show me the way to what I want to achieve...you see, I have the vision and goal, but I don't know how to get there! It was always holding me back. My parents, as lucky as I am to have them always seem to put high expectations...and here I am, an average Jane...a grain of sand...a piece of clay waiting to be moulded!

I sometimes wonder what else can I do or learn to make myself better; Learn another instrument? Learn more about computer-languages? Learn how to fly? Well...I suppose I could learn everything but it's more about self-perception.

I'm slowly learning that there must be something within us...as well as something we all were put here to achieve. And from what I think, it's all up to us to dream...we create our vision for the future...but God blesses the road we take.

I know it all seems sudden...but I always wonder what I did to deserve such a fortunate journey...all I can do now is thank God and live every moment the way I want to live it...

Thank you, God for finally giving me the "brick" I needed! I'm only waiting for my new phase to begin.

Amen.

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Today is the day I graduate...I'm so freakin' scared, and I don't know why! Guess it's because it's the end of a phase in my life.

Ever had that feeling of fear of the unknown, yet a slight hint of excitement follows? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling now. I have finally hit that "SEND" button for 2 job advertisements...and hell, I've been meaning to these past few months, but I've been stalling due to certain wants...

I guess there's no longer a reason NOT to apply now...is there? I'm gonna do it; gonna start looking for a job. I just needed a few months of pure sloth so that I could take a break for awhile, you know?

I know for a fact that I will never be this 'free' anymore once I start...it's gonna be work, work, work and more work! So at least I could say that I've spent time with my family.

The one thing I'm scared about is the ceremony itself...everyone's so caught up with being perfect, I'm afraid I'd stick out like a sore thumb in terms of being under-done! Man...some people are going to salons just to do their hair and makeup...and all I have is my straightening iron!

Hehehe...well, there's nothing left to do...I've taken the odor-horrible robe to the dry-cleaner's and got it cleaned...at least I won't smell like an onion gone bad!!! :P God, I hope I don't forget any necessary items...

For now, all I can do is hope I don't screw-up! And while we're at it...I also wanna have fun!

But most of all...I just wanted to say congratulations to all my friends who are graduating with me coz you know I wouldn't have had such a great journey without you...love you guys and thank you for being my friends and sticking with me all this while despite my flaws.

Hoping we grow into better people is what I really want for all of us...and happiness throughout our lives as well.

Here's hoping we have an awesome graduation!!! Class of 2010, bitches...yeehaw!!!

PS: More emoting still to come...stay tuned!

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It's almost like an obsession...this need to play the guitar everyday at 4-5 in the morning. I know it's sick, but it sort of gets me to a different place. One, because nobody is here to hear it...just me. So no pressure. Second, it's more like a proud moment every time I play a song just because it's self-taught. Thirdly, it's so I don't get rusty.

It's not like I'm great...matter of fact, I can only play the major important chords that could make all kind of songs. You'd be amazed on the amount of songs you could play just by knowing a few chords.

Now the best thing is...I don't have to search for chords online coz I could just write down the chords of a song by myself and transpose the song to another key...with easier chords...

Mom heard me playing a song the other day (The Bends by Radiohead...I wrote the chords myself...and it sounds correct...yay!!!) and said, "Wow, you can play...I'm so proud!" like as if I played like Slash or Jimi...hahahahah! But I'm not afraid to play in front of her and my sisters. If I were to play in front of my dad, however...I'd be scared as shit!!!

My sister told my dad that I play real good and I should give her ex-bf (now her friend) lessons...I flatly denied and called her a liar just so I wouldn't have to play in front of Dad. Hahahaha...that's "intimidation" for you!

BUT...whatever it is...I am happy to state that this is one thing I can cross-out in terms of what I can do...

You see, I made a list a long time ago (age 15-16 or so)...and you know what...I've done almost all of it! So, after I learn ONE computer language, travel, take up photography AND get my writing published (somewhere), I'll write a new one!!! :D

At least I can say for certain that I finish what I start...and that ain't a bad thing!!!

Man, the thousands of things I wanna do...I think I should start that list now coz I know for sure that certain goals, such as getting published is like asking for the moon...hehehe!

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That's what my sister's surgery is called...and the latest news on my sister's operation is as follows. I'm just documenting this so that it may help someone else who may have this surgery...

According to her x-ray scans, she was supposed to have a superficial tumor on her parotid gland...turns out it was a deeper tumor...one that went through her facial muscle...so you might say that it was deeper than expected. The assumed 2-4 hour surgery became a little longer than 5 whole hours!!! Imagine our worried faces...they started at 2-something pm...the latest she should've been back in her room was at 6pm. It's 8pm and she's still not back!!! Imagine...

Thank God her there were 2 surgeons at hand...there wasn't supposed to be an extra surgeon, but looks like it worked in her favor, coz my sister's surgeon did not expect it to be that complicated. As he explained...they had to stretch her cheek-muscle, do many suctions and not destroy the nerve which connects 5 facial area movements. It was successful...but it weakened the left side of her face...and although she can't move one side of her face that much for now, she will be able to in a week or two...

...but now comes another part to worry about.

Since this was a deeper tumor, they have to run tests to see whether it (the tumor) came from the nerve...if it did, they would have to remove the nerve on her face, since it would only grow more tumors in the future...they would have to graft a nerve from her leg...sort of transplanting your leg nerve to your face, which would result in months of physiotherapy...and the doctor also explains that she might not be able to move every muscle of her face as before...this, my dears is the worst-case scenario. I can't sleep thinking of this. As my sister hears the doctor, I try my best not to show any signs of worry just so she won't panic or cry. But she was strong and took it like a trooper!

Man, now all of us are praying that it's NOT from the nerves...we pray that it's just a random tumor and that's that! The doctor kept saying "we are praying that it's not coming from the nerve..."

Well, so are we, doctor! So are we...

...coz if it is just some random tumor...my sis will have a full recovery and won't have to worry about anything else except keeping healthy! And as a realistic optimist...I know that God will always be there for her and for us too. May she obtain an "all-clear" from the results and her doctor soon...Amen!

For now, we're all traveling to and from the hospital all the time. She had to remain warded an extra day due to some complications. So it's like 3 days in a hospital jail for her, the poor thing! She will come home later today...at least that's we're hoping!

God bless her, the rest of my family and friends...and their loved ones as well...AMEN!!!

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My sister (the 20-year old one) has another cyst...this time on the corner of her face. She has to go for surgery tomorrow. The poor thing, I hope it all goes well. She's really strong...she showed be the probable scar that will be left, and it's actually kinda hardcore...from the ear, along the jawline...to the bottom of her ear till the neck...

You'd think it's huge...it is. But I think it'll fade off nicely just coz her doctor is an ENT specialist, so he's bound to know how to close the incision rather nicely.

Man...some things you just wished would happen to you (I mean ME) instead...she's had too many surgeries at 20 years of age...first two were the tumors on her breast. :(

One thing to be thankful for: It's benign...

Anyway, God give her strength to pull through...we will always always always be there for the original "Princess of the house". Perhaps she might work the scar and make it seem like a fashion statement, like her huge-ass tattoo (hehehe)...at least till one of us could afford plastic surgery. Yeah...the jokes...as usual, to cover my nervousness...i'm nervous for her, okay? I know...not cool!

Actually, after checking it out (I checked Google...where else?), the scar would seem unnoticable in 6 months due to the sutures done underneath the skin, whereas the skin would be sealed using 'Dermabond'...a glue-like substance commonly used for facial surgery...so I hope it all goes well. We're more worried about her facial nerves.

It's rather risky, the tumor is connected to the parotid gland, which is connected to the 5 nerves which control her facial movements...one slight mistake and she might not be able to do certain facial movements...so, of course...this is our main concern!

God, please let the surgery be a success!!!

Amen.

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WARNING: A depressing post...

It's been a rather sucky week...

First of all...I had to vent about my mom not supporting me and shit like that...but that was that. A rant! But I took the post out as fast as I posted it just because it wasn't me talking as much as it was my own resentment. I feel so sorry and guilty for it now...my mom has been the most supportive person in my life...and maybe this is just one part she wouldn't let go because she saw a glimmer of me finishing her unattainable ambition?

Maybe...but I shouldn't let my bitterness out as I did...I would just have to show her I can make it without going her pathway for me...I put my future in God's hands, whatever it is. I always wanted to achieve something big...to leave with a legacy bigger than myself. But it all depends on God and my own effort. We'll see how it happens though...

Secondly, My dear Uncle J has been confirmed to have a very aggressive form of cancer...which has now spread to his bones...and as he came to the house for a visit, my dad found out his brother, Uncle C had been found to have cancer...lung cancer. Both these men came over the same day. Uncle C's stage is unknown, and tests are currently being done while treatments to kill the cancer cells have begun. It was an extremely sad day for me, my family and the families of the brave men...

Earlier that day, my godfather called to tell me that his brother had passed away...

Literally one of the worst weeks...ever!

Not just saddening to think that my uncles diagnosed with cancer are just so brave...they even joke about their predicament...even saying that they would meet each other at "the gates"...I was successful in hiding my tears...and so were the rest of my family, except my mother...damn! Just then, Uncle J's eyes were welling-up, but he managed to put on a brave face.

Just goes to show that anything can be taken away...you never know when your loved ones would be taken away. After everyone had left, I just went into the bathroom to cry...thinking that cancer is such a death sentence if found too late...I prayed to God to protect the rest of my family members and friends from this horrible disease...

Then, just the other day I had a horrid dream: I had a dream where I heard my 20-year old sister screaming after answering the phone call in her room. I raced up, thinking the worst...I thought my father was dead...and it turned out Uncle C had died...

Then I woke up! Fucking awful dream coz it felt so real!

So, to sum it up...the past two weeks were filled with bad news...but I pray with all my heart and soul that God gives these men the strength and courage to go through it all...same goes to those around them. From what I see, my uncles are the ones consoling family members instead of the opposite...

Life goes on though...we just have to pull through...then again, it's easier said than done, right? All we can do is try our best.

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I watched Toy Story 3 with my sisters, and I gotta say...despite it being an animation...it really struck a chord...coz friends matter...no matter what you think, no matter how you could handle being alone...they matter. So people who take friends for granted...don't kid yourself!

*SPOILER ALERT*

We see Andy about 10 years since Toy Story 2...he's going off to college and the toys are afraid that they'd never be played with again...and as far as adventures go, they've had a few...and of course, a few toys were left along the way...but we also get to meet new additions...I love the Peas in a Pod Plushies...so friggin' cute!!!

A few parts were hilarious (Buzz in Spanish-mode...Buzz and Jessie ftw!!1)...and many parts were sad and touching. Arrgghhhh...Disney-Pixar should win an Oscar for this story not just because it's flawless in terms of animation, but the storyline affect children and adults in different aspects. That's what great movie-making is all about when it comes to family genres. I'm so happy for the toys...but yeah, you've gotta keep a Kleenex handy for quite a number of instances...the-incinerator part, and the Andy-saying-goodbye part...they damn nearly killed me. My three year old sister (of course) couldn't yet comprehend these parts (wait till she's older...is she in for a surprise!), but my 20-year old sis did...it's just good writing, and you could tell that the creators loved this project! It was projected throughout the movie.

Yes, it's a movie...NOT a cartoon! A grade-A movie!

...of course, you should watch the first two parts of the saga to be able to fully comprehend the movie. The first two are not as 'tug-at-your-heart' as this one though... :P

It's been awhile since I've written here...lot's of things happened, but what I'm writing about is something I'd never thought I'd write till a few years down the road...someone I know very well is getting married...I don't wanna say who since this person told me not to tell anyone just yet...so there!

But...I just gotta say...I feel happy for this person and this person's partner. I've never felt anything much when it happened to other people coz they didn't matter much to me. But since it's happening for someone so close to me, I felt an instant tug at my heart. Fuck, I'm happy but I kinda feel like a parent whose child is going away, or a sibling that's left because all her brothers/sisters have gone off to college...that's EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. As much as I want us to remain young, we can't...life goes on and we change even if we try not to...people change! And those that matter stay in your life despite all the changes.

Well, the theme for this post is exactly what TS teaches us...despite everything...

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME...or HAY UN AMIGO EN MI (en espanol!)...hehehe! Thank you Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Bullseye, Rex, Mr & Mrs Potato-head, Slinky, Ham (aka Pork Chop), the Aliens and the rest of the gang (you didn't think I'd name them all did you? Lol!)

Toodlez, bitches!

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My very close "Uncle J"; a family friend, and my little sister's godfather told us he had a very aggressive form of prostate cancer and has to go for chemo...damn! Doctors gave him about a year...

What can you say to someone who tells you this? My mom just started crying on the phone. I thank God I wasn't there at that time...and I'm sure glad it wasn't me who had to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

I am devastated...I hope everyone's prayers give him the courage and strength to pull through it all...and I pray that God wills him to stay more than the 1-year period the doctors had given him. God, only thy will be done. Please hear our prayers. Amen.

Coz he's a musician, his fellow performers are gonna organize a charity event...so I hope this shows him that his comrades care for him and I truly hope my baby sister will grow up with Uncle J around...coz I find him to be a wise man, quiet...but wise!

I hope I would come back in the future to write nothing but good news of his treatment. Amen!

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I know for a fact that I have lots to say or talk or write about, coz a lot has happened in the past few weeks...a lot!

But all in all, it was just great...nothing more, nothing less...guess the minute details will just have to remain in my memories coz I just don't know what to write about, heheheh! From th not-so-reunion (coz I wasn't even in the range of classmates...but I knew some of them), to the spontaneous trip to my friend's kampung (since over a year ago), to outings with my sisters...right up to tonight's freak-filled drive with the middles sister and "adopted" sister...lol!

Ok...hope there will be more stuff going on.

I thank God for everything in my life every single day. I'm happy because my parents and sisters seem happier...my parents don't argue like they used to...and I'm seriously happy because of this.

My mom and dad are super-stoked that I'm graduating...with mom always posting stuff about my "achievement" on her Facebook wall...much to my embarrassment! Ok, being the first child, I guess I could understand the pride of being their first child who completes their studies...I thought my mom was too much; my dad told EVERYONE! Okaaaaaaay...done!

I really enjoyed hanging out with the CS gang...it's like we never separated...the moment we got together...it was non-stop chatting for hours...thanks F...I swear, I had so much fun despite just being there for "1 hari 1 malam"...

It's football season now...and I want Argentina to win!!! Yeah...but if they should go out early on, I would support Germany...coz ich liebe deutschland sometimes, hehehe....and it's not because of Tokio Hotel ok!!! I supported Germany during the previous FIFA...then switched to Italy during the finals...

K, maybe I'm talking about too many things...so I best get a move on and switch my ass from this chair to the TV couch!

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