Life's Sick Lil' Games...

After my so-called hell-week, i'm finally home, sleeping on my bed!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

The problems i've accumulated throughout the semester of my first year has gone far, far away, thanks to my ability to solve problems, hehe!

Now, i'm just gonna chill, then i'll go to a few friends' houses to visit them for their Hari Raya celebrations; great!!!

Right now, i'm downloading some songs...ever heard the cover of Rihanna's "Umbrella"? I like it! Sounds like Mandy Moore, but the radio DJ said 'twas some girl from YouTube...I dunno, I just know I like it.

Uhmmm, since it's early registration for the next semester, i'm thinking if I should take French lessons earlier, because I can't wait to learn it! However, it seems the classes are at 11pm!!! I mean, is that even possible? WTF, dudes! 11pm? How the hell am I gonna get transportation over there? My dorm is like 4 kilometres from my faculty...gahhh!!!!

What music am I listening to now? Lenny Kravitz' "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over"...one of my favorite chillout-mellow-touchy-feely songs...

Btw, I was thinking...should I get a 1-month long job for the holidays, or should I just stay home? This is, however in December, so no rush...you know what, i'll think of it then!

At least i'm updating this who-knows-who-the-hell-reads-this blog...I sorta love this blog coz it's my only release...so bear with me! Any comments? Lol!

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That sums it up; Hell-week!!! It was and is: Hell! I expect this wek to be hell to! I've had a few problems with friends, but after a week of playing "cold war", we all sat together and had a heart-to-heart talk, confronted each other, purged our feelings, and made truce...now that that's done, there's another fuckin' problem that I need to settle!!!

Certain subjects have too many students, so we are all divided into sets. Well, my problem is, until recently, i've discovered (or my friend discovered!) that i've been going to the wrong fuckin' set!!! How in the world...well, let's just say, I'M AN IDIOT!!! I've been doing all the quizzes, and assignments in this set, so now, i'll have to come clean to the lecturer and hope that he transfers all my marks to the correct-set lecturer!

Oh, did I forget to mention that I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT???

Well, other than all this shit, some people have been asking me whether i'm a lesbian because i'm such a cynic about love, and don't wanna get married, and STILL, even at 20 have never had a boyfriend...Lemme just say something here; I'M SO NOT! I want to fall in love with a guy, but haven't met someone that fits my criteria, my huge list of standards, haven't met the one who makes me feel like i've butterflies in my stomach, haven't met the guy who i'm not afraid to say anything to, coz he gets me...never met a guy who "clicks" with me...etc!

So, I don't need to prove that i'm not, coz everyone who knows me knows i'm straight...so, meh...let 'em think so...who cares, right?

In other news...nothing else, other than i'm going broke...well, that's all, folks!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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A new conclusion from a previous post regarding a little girl, raped and brutalized...It was discovered to be the missing girl. Earlier, her parents were not able to identify her because her body looked so difference. The rapid decay had marred her facial features, that only after a DNA test were her poor parents able to accept the fact that it was her; their baby...

Such heartbreak for a country that's a developing nation, coupled with proud achievements- and yet, this happened. Her case has been the focus of my country this past few weeks...the gruesome discovery of how she was sadistically tortured, raped and murdered just shows us that no country, no matter how great it claims to be could ever avoid having such a sick person...I can't call the perpetrator(s) an animal, as animals could never do such a thing like this.

The family who is going through this hard time is in suffering...they are being blasted by hate SMSes for letting their child go out alone. Well, of course that's one of the factors in the child's abduction, but let's not forget about the responsible one! The nation, in general wept as her body was lowered...the imam who read her last rites wept freely. The priest from my church highlighted this case during mass, had prayed for her innocent soul, and people all over the country are basically praying for the killer to be caught.

To the family, I could not even comprehend the suffering you must be going through, and I pray to God that the beast who did this may face what he deserves...

Amen.

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Yeah, i'm not quite sure of the whole galore thing, but I wonder why couldn't the professors had given my tasks earlier, when we had a lot of free time. My assignments are all back-to-back, and I sometimes never sleep because my partners and I want to finish 'em on time! And trust me, we do it perfectly, without sleeping...

Another wave of tasks had just hit me like a ton of bricks; building and presenting a website, tons of esay-based questions, and more...but one thing I like about this is, it keeps me busy.I love being busy, and hate passive moments. I love doing work under pressure, as it makes me, or rather forces me to think critically and uniquely...I produce a lot of good stuff when I work under pressure. However, I perceive this to be a very bad habit that I need to break!!!

Know why? Coz I could get an aneurysm at any moment, and stressed-out at any given time...that's why!

I also have a knack for getting to classes a little late...I don't know why, coz I tend to get up long before class, and then I take my time. THIS IS VERY BAD!!! This one time, I read a CNN article about tardy people; it says that tardy peeps (in my words, not CNN!) tend to be programmed that way, and it would take forever to change, coz it's already written in our brain that being late is OK. It also says that quitting tardiness is like quitting the ciggies. The problem is-- the addicts do not want to quit.

I say, this quite puts me in deep shit, coz when I have the chance to be early, I tend to not take it. It's true; i've been programmed for life! BUT, I want to change, and I will try my best...(God, help me...)

Now, let' move on to something else...meh, maybe not! 'Til the next post, toodlez, bitches!!!

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You know the headline of today's news in my country?

"Child Found Sexually Assaulted and Killed"

This child, less than ten, if i'm not mistaken, was found in a sports bag...she was assaulted sexually...her privates was stuffed with a cucumber and brinjal!!!

What the hell, are these people commiting this horrendous crime even human at all? I can't believe someone would do this!!! I can't believe this...I know there are some sickos out there in the world, but I can't seem to understand how in their right mind they would do something like this! A child...

And her identity is unknown; which means, her family doesn't even know their little girl might be dead. She died suffering a horrible ordeal. May the animal who commited this crime be caught ASAP!!! What are parents all over the country supposed to feel when their kids' lives are at danger? Even though i'm not a mother, but somehow I fear for the children out there...

Another girl was abducted a few weeks/a month ago...her parents were called to confirm that this "Jane Doe" was theirs. It was not. However, this poor girl belonged to another set of parents. God be with them!

I know this has nothing to do with my day-to-day ramblings, but this is something I needed to post. This sickens me, and I wanted to tell the world about it. So, there!!!

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Is this it?

I came back home expecting a little more than "Hi!"... well, what can a girl do, right? I can't expect a grand welcoming party...Hahahaha!!! I wish my life were less dull, though! I'm going to buy stuff tomorrow...Lol, may I get some eye candy!

The journey home is real hectic, I tell ya...I have to take three different trains; interchanging at different stations. What else? Oh, yeah! My little sister has oficially remembered her crazy, big sister...she identified me by my wackiness and flair for acting like a fool...i'm the court jester of the house, I guess!

======================================================

WHINE ALERT!!!

Sigh, will there ever be someone for me? I think not! But you know something? I'm not gonna settle for less than I want...I couldn't...I can't!!! Some old timers tell me to lower my standards; AS IF!!! Besides, it's not like they're happily married! The identities of these old bags? I guess you'll never know...LOL!!!

Well, i'm on this journey called life, and I expect to go through the best life possible; I mean, what is life without falling in love, right? What is life without love? I wish I will have what my parents have---REAL love...I mean, you can tell they're STILL in love. Sometimes, I see my Mom holding my Dad's hand...my dad buys Mom flowers and stuff for their anniversary...it's so sweet! You don't go and have a baby after 20 years of marriage if you don't love each other after all these years, right?

Well, I KNOW what kind of life it can be without love--DULL!!! Of course I know this coz i've been single all my life!!! I'm not a desperate girl...I don't go knocking on doors to find Mr. Right, and I don't like it when my friends, cousins, aunts, uncles ask me when am I gonna have a boyfriend. It's just something I think about, for future use.

We all need to fall in love once in a while, right?

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As you know, it's the month of Ramadhan; where the Muslims fast for a month...

In a university where Muslims are the majority, i'm all alone now! Meal time is now ME time, get it? Lol...lame! Seriously, my friends here are mostly Malays, and therefore, I eat alone...and I can't eat in public, or in front of my friends, that's just being rude...

Other than that, the good news this week is that I get to go home!!! I'm going home...maybe going to blow the rest of my money on shoes and clothes and books. Though, the money is NOT enough at all!!!

Ummm, I sorta made a huuuge mistake in buying this pendrive...I could've gotten one at a much cheaper price, but my impatience betrayed me...what a fool I was...right after paying for it, I wanted to cry for being so sponteneous! I saw a better-looking one for the same price right before, and I didn't bother...I just went and bought the ugly Kingston!!! Now, for my blowout:


AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

There...all done (but not quite!) I still wish to go back in time and correct this stupid fuckin' mistake! Why am I so damn impatient?

Okay, I guess my time's running out...I.R. classes starts in a few minutes...gtg!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

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First thing's first; sorry for not updating for so freakin' long...it's been hell thinking about this poor blog, rotting away...but, here I am now!!! I've been very sick during the last week, from headaches to fever, to headaches, to tummy aches, to many other aches...

FINALLY!!! The money has been credited...bought most of the stuff I needed, paid my fees, and gave a grand to help Mom pay the bills and shit like that. Now i'm left with only a few hundred bucks, and that, I suppose I have to give to my sis (and maybe Dad too)! Lol, nothing left for me...Never mind, as long as i've settled the fees, I guess i'm ok...

What did I do that took most of my time away from you, blog? Here goes...

I was finishing an assignment. A very difficult one, it was!!! Me and my group had to do a multi-level-analysis on the Bosnian conflict...LOL! Dudes, this was NO easy task...journals upon journals, books to books. We basically had to use up everything in our brains to connect the dots. I tell ya, at one point, we didn't sleep for two days and one night! But, you know, I had a great group, finished on time, presented our work, handed out the work papers and got a 50-50 remark from the prof. Not what I was looking for, but it works for now!

Now I have to finish this assignment on Malaysia's foreign policy from the era of the first prime minister to the latest...I'm doing it alone...but not before another group task of Islamic Spain! How nice this is...LOL! I love I.R.!!!

I miss my family. I didn't go back for two weeks because of all the work. I hope my baby sis didn't forget her eldest sister...

You know what? I'm thinking of not joining the foreign service. I think a person of my race will not have a chance of promotion in this country (I could be wrong, though!)...I would love to travel the world on behalf of my country, and become somebody respected worldwide, though...I would love that very much! But, maybe something else would come along. Though, it would break Mom's heart, coz she really hopes that her daughter would become an ambassador...Anyway, it's all just something i'll consider, it's not final.

I still haven't found a single guy that fits my "LIST"...you know, "the list"...the whole brains, looks, kindness, good sense of humor, caring, etc...you know...that one! I think there aren't guys like that in this world...i'm not perfect, but I wish that I could experience that feeling of someone being in love (cue to Bjork's It's Oh So Quiet...)! That would be fun!

I'm a little committment-phobic. When I like someone, and he likes me back...for some reason I back off! Geez, i'm such a freaky weirdo! My younger sister is now in a four-year relationship...She has put me to shame...I think my baby sis will find her husband before I ever get a boyfriend...I need to do an analysis on myself and write a thesis!!!

I have such a thing for books, I can never get enough...some of the librarians now know me by name, I think! I'm reading Deliverance now...not done with 1984 by Orwell...had to give back Animal Farm coz I had to borrow more important stuff for my assignments...i'll get back to reading that as soon as I can!

Song playing in my MP3 player: Claire De Lune by Debussy...okay, okay for a rock-chick, what's wrong with a little classical piano? I like to keep things eclectic, baby!

So far, so good (jinx!!!)...I hope all goes well for now...till then, Toodlez bitches!!!

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I have so much to be angry at; my angst towards the world just keeps getting bigger by the day! Don't you sometimes feel like the world is out to get you? Coz sometimes your luck is like, "Whoa, Nelly!!!"-- I mean, sometimes it's too good to be true...but then you hit a spot where all the good turns bad, you know what I mean?

I just don't get it...is life really a cycle of good times and bad? I just can't seem to enjoy the happy times coz I keep waiting for the bad to come...it's me in paranoid-mode, and I hate it! I hate being cynical about everything...I hate it so much!!!

Me whining ain't much help for me...I just want to purge my negativity in this blog, coz this is all that i've got...my friends here are ok, but I really miss my childhood friends, now doing their own thing--everyone's always too busy to hangout (even me!)

Varsity life isn't so depressing, mind you...it's the circumstances that makes things suck!
Why can't there be good, and nothing else? Why do all good things come to an end? THAT is my question!

I don't really know what the hell i'm talking about. Nowadays I talk crap all the time...seriously! Just today, I was at this tutorial talking about...I don't even remember! Then, when it came to giving questions or comments, I sort of was trying to understand what another student was saying...ok, that was done---then, I stupidly opened my mouth to make an analogy that didn't even make any sense at all! I mean, WTF, dudes...what the hell did I do? I didn't make sense at all! I couldn't even salvage my statements by covering that up! No, I didn't...I just shut the fuck up, and held my frickin' tongue in case I said another stupid thing!

A pretty long post, this one...but I don't fuckin' care, coz it's my blog, and i'll blog long if I want to!

Now, back to my whining... I recently asked my friend to take comfort in prayer, but then I realized that I don't pray as much as I should- I mean, it's not sincere...Sigh, I don't know, I guess maybe it's some sort of a phase or something.

My student loan has NOT been credited yet! Calling the line of the officers supposedly responsible for my problems have gone, unanswered...those answering the hotline keep playing the "not our fault, it's the bank's fault" line on me...I just stand there, not knowing if I want to laugh or cry...and I ended up laughing, coz they are too predictable!

A friend has given me a few media contacs, for me to complain...so I will! My Mom told me to wait it out till this week, but i've been waiting for my freakin' money for a month, and I can't even get a straight answer from those idiots! So, since my Mom's advise is crucial to me making a decision, I wil wait it out...but only till this week! After that...you know...

What am I listening to?
My Sharona by The Knack...i'm bobbing my head and tapping my feet like an idiot in the Cyber place, and people are staring like i'm high on something...LOL! What a freak I am...but I don't care!

Oh, shit, a headache's coming...I'd better go back to my dorm and read educational stuff...and meditate, or pray, or do something good!

Toodlez, bitches!

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One thing I could be is patient, I once said...well, i'm tired of it! I'm tired of waiting for the bloody loan to come through...come Friday, i'm writing to a very popular daily about this case...

You couldn't get anymore stupid and inefficient than not settling a complaint after a few working days, right? Indifference I can take when it doesn't involve anyone other than yourself...but when it involves someone else, and if solving a problem is your job...SORRY! No reason for me to cut you any freakin' slack! No siree!!!

That is why...half of me wants to NOT get it, so that I can put the whole agency to shame...gimme a hell yeah!!!

Anyway, other than that unfortunate incident (that boggles me to death!), i'm doin' pretty ok...so far, so good! Me reading a lot of scholastic and intellectual books tell me that i'm growing up! Haha...what??? NO WAY...

Well, to tell you the truth, I really think there will always be a kid in me that'll never grow up! Seriously...I can't live without playing pranks on closest friends (yep, my pranks are uber-exclusive! LOL!), chatting and hanging out, laughing like a mad woman, etc...

Our country's independence will be celebrated soon...and some young girls want me to follow them to a certain concert to a certain power center for the countdown...I have classes on the day after the next, but they don't care. In fact, they're forcing me to go (I would actually be considered a chaperone)...Hey, even i'm contemplating, as I haven't ruled it out...YET! Could be fun, right?

What am I listening to now? Roxanne by The Police...my friends are pissed at me as I constantly use my MP3 player (which is noise-cancelling), that I never could hear them calling me...I sometimes even pass 'em by without even noticing, as i'm in my own world...LOL! For that, I apologize, but I can't help it...i'm a SOUNDAHOLIC! Sorry...

Another friend even told me the reason i'm single is because I walk looking ahead, and don't even look to the side...and that I may have missed Mr. Right! I said the only scenario I imagine meeting my Mr. Right is if we bump into each other, face-to-face, OR me and him reach out for the same book at the bookstore...SERENDIPITY is what i want when I meet him, Haha!!!

Classes start in half an hour...shit! Gtg, and till the next post...Toodlez, bitches!!!

P.S.: To Ms. W, bring them cookies for our yum cha this Sat ok? Lookin forward to seeing y'all!

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Dear PTPTN,

Why don't I get this freakin' loan?

Patience, I have indeed, but when you frickin' give me tentative answers, and "I don't know" answers, I can't help but be pissed!

Why can't you just answer properly, and with conviction? Your "I don't knows" are driving me up the wall, you know! Why do all my friends have theirs, but not me? Why can't you check up on it? Why can't you take a little initiative for what the angency is paying you for?

This money isn't yours...it is GOING TO BE mine, which I am bound to pay for...so, it isn't yours for now...IT SHOULD BE MINE from the time I signed the agreement, and you people accepted!

That is how it should be...not dilly-dallying on the crediting, not I-don't-knows, not whatever, not whenever, not anything which I can't measure!!!

Why is it, when people pay a day late, you waste no time "reminding" them of late payments, but you don't give a damn about people like me?

Just for once, can't you be as efficient as my little finger? FYI, you're not even close to my little pinky!!!

Please please please let me get what I want...(cue to a head-banging metal song by Slipknot! Whichever you please...choose!)



Yours,
-Ms. G-

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While I wait for the bloody loan to be credited, I suppose I could plan my to-buy list! Already, I owe a friend money, as she kindly paid for some books I copied (Thanks, Ms. F!)...I have yet to pay for other stuff, like fees, clothes, books, and much more.

I also want to help my parents...and I will, with no regrets.

Sometimes, I sit and see my family, and although we're not rich, i'm glad that we are all unselfish towards one another...i'm glad that we're not poverty-stricken...i'm glad we have a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs.

And I pray with all my heart that I somehow make it in this world, that I can be a good example for my sisters, and someone Mom and Dad can be proud of! Such big dreams I have...and yet, I hope it all comes true, God-willing...

Wow, what an emo post! Kinda short, but it says what I want to for now...maybe a longer one will come out the next time...for now, so long, bitches!

Toodlez!

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Well, I was almost at the verge of an anxiety attack, as I was suppose to have memorized this stupid article to be presented as a speech in my tutorial...now, I really really suck at memorizing facts, what more a whole bloody article.

As luck might have it, my lecturer cancelled today's tutorial, and yay...i'm home free!!!

Thank you, God almighty!

PS: Loan is still nil!

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It HAS been a long time since my last post...it feels nice updating again...since then, nothing much has really happened. I still haven't goten my loan credited into my account, and more bad news; turns out my fees were more than I had initially thought it was! How sucky is that? I do feel that there's an error somewhere, but in the back of my mind---maybe not!

In other news, I got fatter! Enough said! Eating dinner and sleeping right after has not treated me well...My parents have resorted to taunts of chubbiness...THIS, I DO NOT LIKE! Action that needs to be taken: bring dumbells to start weights+cardio activities...every day!!! And so I begin...and no sleeping after eating, for goodness sake!!! Lesson? If you wanna sleep, do NOT eat! The sugars/carbs turn right into fat on the belly or visceral fat (omentum), which is dangerous!!!

So I shall go back to my room, start my exercises, read my books and prepare for my overdue fees...eat in moderation, drink plenty of water, which I still don't...

However, there are still things that I wouldn't change about myself...they are:

• Me walking fast---I hate it when people in front of me walk slow...they are what you call banes to my life! Plus, they're just plain annoying!
• Me reading stuff unrelated to my studies---hey, they make me smart, so why stop?
• Me being a joker in the family---my mom's a fan, my dad's a fan, now my cynical sister's a fan...next fan to come is my baby sis...she's already laughing when I make funny voices. Lol, so cute!
• Me loving music---they make life more beautiful!
• Me loving coffee---nothing to add to this!
• and many more!

So there goes today's post...till next time...toodlez, bitches!!!

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Well, let's see...the day hasn't ended yet, so I can't say for sure what i'm gonna do next, but so far, i've gone for tutorial classes for IT for Science and Technology, had my brunch...next, it's another tutorial class in Malaysian Politics and yada yada yada...

Well, yesterday's blabbing about entities of the paranormal kind must've been soooo different to what i always talk about, that is life's bore, happenings, ups and downs, but sometimes you sort of get a block in your head, that you have no choice but to write about things that don't necessarily go with your routine topics...vis-a-vis; yesterday's topic.

My friends are planning to have a par-tay on my country's independence day!!! I don't know what's the plan, but they say it's because I planned to have a party in my room...well, i'm one of the students who happen to be in a double-bedroom, but have no roomate...

When I jokingly told my friend that I plan to have a disco ball installed in my room ceiling, order a DJ for the night and have a mini-party, she thought I was serious! She went and told her friend, and now assumes that I have to organize this! WTF???

So I said to her, why don't we, on Merdeka night, go to Kajang and have Kajang Satay? Well, it's now a plan that is on KIV mode, alright? A plan is bound to change at anytime, right? Lol! The friends I choose...you can't help but be impressed or whacked-out by their craziness...that's what I like about my social instincts; I tend to look for like-minded peeps, and i'm sort of proud of that! Hehe...

Well, so much for wanting to write a shortie...I end up blabblin' the whole way through!

So long, bitches...toodlez!!!

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Some sort of paranormal entity has been harassing my sister in her room. She claims that some entity puts its entire weight on her as she is almost falling asleep...it has happened a few times, and the last time it happend, it freaked her out so much that she had to go sleep in our parent's room...AND she doesn't freak out too easily!

I've read somewhere that entities often send messages to us living beings when we're in the half-asleep/half-awake mode...You see, that's why i'm weird...I'm sort of fascinated by stuff like these! To top it off, my mom's sordid depiction of bad spirits are like those of horror movies. I find that entities such as the ones I read or hear about (the real life ones) are normal...BUT that's what I think!

You can't be certain for sure that there's no intent of harming coz, hey, you can't really talk to them if you don't have "the gift", right? It seems those born with a 'veil' can see and talk to these entities. However, sometimes, it's not so much an entity as it is your negative energy channeled into a unique type of entity that becomes a power by itself...or so i've seen in documentary-like shows about hauntings! Well, i'd rather be without the gift, thanks!

Well, I don't know what the hell it is in my sister's room, but she has gotten sudden black and blue bruises here and there once in a while, as stuff like these happens to her periodically. Maybe the entity likes her? Lol, oh man, that was mean! Malaysians believe that a sudden blue-black mark reveals that a being has "pinched" you! See what I mean? Haha...

Well, all in all, no one can say for sure what it is, hence the term paranormal mysteries! But, i'm sort of fascinated by these things...my mom asked us to recite the Holy Rosary to 'bless' our home, but I think God and our guardian angels are watching over us, so, no worries.

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• I get to start doing my work projects ASAP
• I get to start doing my university tasks ASAP
• I get to go home on Thursday
• I get my PTPTN loan credited into my account by this week
• I understand everything that's being taught during lectures (so far, so good!)

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My 2-month old sister has given me surprises after surprises! OMG, she's growing so very fast, you have no idea...

I mean, can a 2-month old carry its own head already? I think not! And she was doing this since she was a little more than a month old...AMAZING!

She likes sleeping on her belly, and that's when she'll carry up her little head and look around, like a little turtle...she's so adorable.

I made a huge mistake by volunteering to let Mom and Dad sleep for the first time in a long time...I volunteered to look after little A.J. for the night...Big mistake! She kept me awake for the whole duration, bawling, and screaming the whole time. It's amazing that her whole likeness changes from day time to night time...

It's like Jekyll and Hyde, I tell ya! Around 6 am, the girl finally slept...from 12am-5.59, her so-called 'sleep' would be a mere 5 minutes, and mine would be the same...at 6, she slept like a log, and I fell on the sofa, till Dad woke me around 8am to go sleep on my bed.

The babe's a challenge, dudes! My Mom and Dad understood how it all was. Imagine doing that since she was born! I have a new respect for them, but I wasn't going to back down! I promised, every time I came back from university, it would automatically be my turn to care for the babe. They said they slept well for the first time, and that made me want to do it again even more...

C'mon, you gotta pity your parents, right? I've also earned a new respect from my other younger sis, as she couldn't even take care of the baby for even a few hours...Lol!

Coming back to the uni the other day, I felt so sad...with a heavy heart, I left my home. I hate it when times like these come to get me...I hate leaving my family for life in campus...it's so different, coz they're a part of me...but, I have no choice...sigh!

Days past, and I find myself getting used to scenarios like these...it's getting routine...so it seems normal. I'm happy for this!

My sign in the horoscope is one that loves stability, and hates changes...it is a hardworker, determined and ambitious, loves the good life, materialistic...I guess that sounds like me! I do hate changes, but I find that I adapt to change...and that's a good thing, I guess!

Hope all else goes well for moi! 'Til the next post...

Toodlez, bitches!

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Yes, it's true...I can't go home this Thursday...damnit!!!

I have activities to attend, meetings, tutorials...shit, dudes! Why did I have to join so many frickin' activities? Why in the world do I feel that I have to do everything? It only brings me hardship and annoyances in the end.

The lectures here are quite okay...not bad, really! So far, that is...I kinda wished that I was more busy on the weekdays, rather than the weekends, though...but what can I do?

I keep waiting for my laptop to come by, but to no avail...i'll just have to keep waiting!

Cute guys? NONE still!

Food? I've had it with chicken! Yucks to the core...i've been eating that fowl for the past week...where's the beef? Or lamb? Or seafood? Well, today, I ate some noodles, w/out any meat...NICE!

So, for now, i'm just hangin' out till my next task calls me...

'Til next time, toodlez, bitches!

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So far, i'm slowly getting used to doing my own stuff, balancing my schedule, going back home, getting back to university before classes start, eating, sleeping, drinking, blablabla...

I'm actually here at the CC (Cyber Cafe) coz i've nothing to do for the whole day...i'm almost kinda bored...I find that I get bored rather too easily, and i'm sick of this attitude...I don't even think what i'm blogging about makes any sense...does it?

Activities? They usually start after the 3rd week...

Outings? Not so soon, as everybody's busy....

What else can I say...life here? Well, there's two sides of me here; the first side is me being all social with my mates, smiling, laughing, etc...the second side of me is the solitary-lover...When I get back to my room, the only thing with me is my MP3 player, my phone, and myself...I don't like to hangout with anyone within my block, coz there's just some weird feeling you get when you hang with certain types of people...or in my case, there's no "click factor".

You know, there's some people who you just don't feel comfortable with...the thing is, for me...I DON'T hangout with someone if I can't "click" with them, get it? It's not dislike, not hatred...just...disinterest or pure pathy. I just don't care for them. I know, that's mean, but what can you do?

But hey, that's just me!

The shuttle services here are so-called scheduled, but c'mon, you can't be that naive, right? 20- minute intervals become 40-45 minutes of anxious students during the rush hour...but you kinda get used to these kinds of things.

The desktop PC i'm using has the suckiest keyboard in the world...I have to key in extra hard to type out words...bleagh!!!

OK, gtg now...

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Please don't tell me everytime I want to login to my web stuff, i'll have to wait for hours!!!

Life here in campus ain't so bad, though...i've made a few friends, and lost a few, since we don't hangout as much...

I miss my family like hell!!! And I can't wait to get back on Thursday, hangout with my bestest best friend to watch you-know-what; the all-grown-up wizard with the unusually bushy brows, and a weird fetish for horses...LOL!!!

I feel so isolated in this uni, though...I just don't get living outside of the city...I can't imagine some people settling for solitary lives in rural areas, but hey...different strokes, eh? I respect that!

Cute guys, you say? NIL...absolute zero...but i'm not looking! (Yeah, right...)

People just can't comprehend that i've never had a boyfriend...I sure could...i've been alone all this while and good at it to let some guy come spoil it all---independence, baby!!!

Every night, i'm gonna gather up some gals to go hangout at the hawker stalls provided here...yeehaw!

Then, one of my friends had to tell me about hauntings in the girls' dorm...and she fuckin' knew that I was all alone in my room; no roomate! But, you know...I always pray, and I have a strong heart, so, although I act all scared and stuff, I know there's always something there to protect me...you know, GOD!

So that's all for now...the only reason I was up to blogging today was because my Sony Walkman was running out of battery, and needs to be recharged...well, it looks as if it's full now, so buhbye!!!

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So, how has everybody been doing so far?

Gosh, i've never had a more hectic+exciting+excruciating+adrenaline-pumping week, ever!

I'm back home for the day, and i'll be going back tomorrow morning, as lecture starts in the afternoon. Yay, I don't have to wear formal attire for lectures! But let's get down to the deets of the past orientation week!

I had my doubts about the "no ragging policy", believe me! However, I was pleasantly surprised at the rate the facilitators of the program, a.k.a. the seniors took to care for us newbies...

They really really took care of us, without getting anything in return...except, gaining our respect, for they had everything planned to fit the whole agenda.

So, this uni has 12 different hostels, which are called colleges (weird, huh?). I'm placed in one of the top ones...lol! The first day of orientation week, which is called 'Minggu Mesra Mahasiswa/i', or "Scholars' Week of Pleasantry" (or something of that sort! Sorry, no time for proper translation...)

We were taught all sorts of traditions practised on the first day...and believe it or not, I fell in love with my college...geez, for everything to do with my college, me and my fellow college mates clapped and cheered and sang our college songs, booed at other colleges, had all sorts of fun, till our seniors had to shed tears of joy, seeing how we were so enthusiastic...

I got sick on one of those 7 days, but I decided to call in a little late to attend a lecture...so they sent two seniors to take me there...what nice people!

The only thing I hate is that, being overzealous, I became 3 tones darker...FUCK! We had sports activities on one of the days, so we had aerobics in the morning...that made me one tone darker...THEN, we had to run for 5km in the blazing sun, and I, being the overzealous bitch that I am, had to go all the way...and ended up getting super-duper sunburnt!

Then, I had to walk for more than 2km to get to some places, and got sunburnt even more, even while wearing a cap! If I wear a plunging neckline, you could see a big difference...gosh, I look weird! I'm okay with being dark, but when there is a difference between your face and neck with your chest, it can be embarrasing...parts of my face have different tones now!!! Geez, i'll have to wait for...I dunno, a few months till it gets back to normal?

Another thing, the freakin' campus is soooooo gargantuan, we have shuttle services to get everywhere...

What else? My credits taken for the first semester...only 15! I have three days of lectures...and on Saturdays, I have to get to the Students' Club, which i've taken as a credit (it's compulsory to take co-curricular activity as a credit)...

I've joined a few sports clubs, which goes through elimination, so I picked more than one, just in case I suck at one of them (or two!)...I picked:

• Tennis
• Golf
• Tenpin Bowling

Challenging? Bring it on, bitches!!!

Plus, my uni has all the facilities you could ever ask for...imagine...a golf resort, bowling alley, olympic-sized swimming pool, tracks, fields, squash court, tennis court, hospital, huge-ass library...etc!

OMG, I gotta go now, more details in the next post! More, more, more! For now, i'm happy to be home with my family...missed them soooo much! Baby is so big now, even after just a week!

P.S. : My cellphone network sucks at the university's vicinity! Shit!

Bye!!!

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A new day begins tomorrow...

For very different reasons...i'm leaving my family for university life...OMG, it's just gonna be a week. However, my mom is urging me to stay on the campus for the whole year. She says it's impractical to travel daily, i would be spending a lot of money just on transport...so now, i'm thinking...

Well, it will depend on this 1 week period...I really am hoping to make tons of friends! I know it's not difficult making friends, but I just want the right kinda friends, you know? I'm kinda choosy...

Everything's been paid for...settled...PTPTN has approved my loan, although it took forever to "process"!!! I still can't seem to find my offer letter...sigh, same old, same old PTPTN!

My bosses took me out to lunch yesterday...they were super nice! My main boss says he'll get me a laptop to continue doing subtitles for the company...What!!! I said "OMG, that's great...pocket money!!!" Then, he laughed and said, "Yeah, your work for us is not over yet! At least you'll make pocket money while studying"

When I jokingly asked, "So the laptop is my parting gift, eh?", to which he replied nonchalantly, "Yeah, sure!"

What disbelief!!! It's gonna be mine? Not just borrowed, u mean all mine, with all the great audio/visual softwares and converters??? OMGOMGOMG, yay!!!

Since Boss is a friend of my parents, he spoke to them on the phone, (Haha, they told me!) telling them he would miss me...he calls me his niece. Of course, since I call of of them 'Uncle so-and-so' weird, huh? Lol! I mean, all those guys there are the nicest bunch! The Macguyver of the company said g'bye to me...I mean, he's the shyest person ever! I thanked him for teaching me all the stuff on templates, converting, photoshop stuff, subtitling, etc...

Oh, man, only now have I realized how much i've learnt! At the moment i'd cleaned out all my stuff, gave the keys to my boss, said goodbye, it felt a little bittersweet! Another boss gave me a Levi's sling bag...not really beautiful, but thoughtfull nonetheless!!!

I dunno what the new journey is gonna bring, but I adapt to new things quite easily...

One thing's for sure, i'll miss everyone at home!!! Even if I stay there for the year, i'll still be back on the weekends, right?

Goodbye old life, hello new experiences!!!

"Thank you God for the good people i've met in my life...You always take care of me, no matter how hard life can be sometimes...

Amen!"

P.S. : Will try to blog after orientation week! This is soooooo not over!

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Oh my God!!!

I'm gonna be a student all over again, but this time, i'm officially a varsity student! I'm so looking forward to this...

My whole week has been hectic! Had to rush here and there to open a new bank account, apply for a student loan, fill-in tons of forms, yada yada yada...

I can't do the physical examination before registering, as i'm very busy finishing all the video editing...you know, coz I don't wanna leave work without finishing my tasks...i've got good work ethics, you know?

This Sunday morning, I would be registering (and i'm hopeful that my dad eventually comes up with around 60% of the registration fees, coz I only can pay a little bit with my own money!), and will stay at the student quarters for a week...this stay is for my orientation and all that.

I have been sent a letter assuring me that ragging will not be permitted at UKM, but i'm bracing myself for the worst...

I wonder if i'll make friends or not, coz I sure need friends in a new place like this! This would be considered my second home for 3 years!

I've made a decision to NOT stay at the student quarters (some of my friends insist that 1st year students HAVE to stay there!) if I had a choice, as my home is only half an hour away...BUT...if it is compulsory to stay there, I will, for sure...the only thing is, i'll be missing my family and TV fix...but I know i'll manage.Perhaps it'll be fun!

Only time will tell what happens...but till that time comes, i'll take things slow, hope for the best, and expect to come out a winner...

Thank God for my strength!!! It's all good...

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I am going...going to university...I can't believe it!

I got accepted into UKM, Malaysia's current 'it' public university, having surpassed, the 'Harvard' of Malaysia, UM...so, does that make UKM today's 'Harvard' of Malaysia? ...hehe!

I was supposed to put 8 choices in my course and uni selection...I only had two in my mind. UKM was NOT included, as I thought I wouldn't stand a chance...since I had to pick four as the minimum, I chose UKM's International Relations as my almost-random 3rd choice...I've been to the faculty i'm interested in...it's kinda funky in an old kinda way...It looked old+ugly-assed! Lol...but i'm grateful to God! Mom keeps scolding me for being too superficial! Quite true...lol!

I credit HIM (duh, God!) because this was HIS plan all along; get me all confused about things for a while, let me consider private colleges and discover I haven't got the money for all that shit...then ask HIM for guidance...

Then, HE goes around and gives me this; BA of Social Science w/h Honors in International Relations, buddie!!! The right course for those wanting to be in the Diplomatic Corps., multinational corporate companies, political think-tanks...etc...Yeah, baby, just what I wanted, but gave up coz I thought I didn't have a chance in this country coz-you-know-why...but now, I sure as hell am gonna try!!! Bring it on, bitches!!! Heeeere's Johnny!

Can you believe it? MYR 7,000.00 with a 3.5% interest to be paid for around 20 years? It is a big deal that I don't have to spend soooo much on my higher education...the gov subsidizes around MYR 20,000++ for my education!

If i'd gone to Taylors or Monash, I would've spent almost a 100K for everything, including books, and other shitty-assed fees! Now that would be alright if I was a rich girl...but i'm not!

My parents told me they were proud of me! I was so happy to hear that!

God has truly blessed me, and for that, i'm thankful!

Oh, and my boss asked me to work part-time, subtitling movies, and he said he'll get me a laptop to work on the movies...Yay!!! A l'il money on the side...Lol! And he said he'll write me a recommendation letter...but that's coz I asked, yo!

What else? Oh, i'm scared of the imminent ragging i'm about to receive...that's if ragging still goes on out there...I heard it is...Shit-Damn-Fuck!

Other than that, everyone's great...baby is great, sister was late, so, since I was awake making my brekkie, I volunteered to send her...in the nick of time, she reached her school w/o being tardy.

Ummm, that's about it, I guess! I love my blog!

See ya!

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No, hell hasn't frozen over...

Just that i'm in an anxious mood right now. It's the moment of truth...my future, my imminent present...which university or college shall I be selected for?

I must admit, throughout the months after high school, or what i'd call the 'waiting period', i've had a few dilemmas...i didn't want to be selected into a government university...although that's what thousands of Malaysian students are fighting for...

I'd lost faith in the government, and opted not to work for the Foreign Service due to the preferential treatment of a certain race...and instead started dreams of working in the media, journalism, PR, writing, etc...

I didn't save money throughout my working period due to expenses, and the new sister needs some stuff...which I offered to purchase instead of my parents...now, i'll have to ask them for money when I start my studies...shit!

I was contemplating which college I would go for...a Plan B in case I wasn't selected! Boy, what a cynic i've become! I hate that i'm such a pessimist...it all stems from constant disappointments in my life; when I hold out for something, it turns out differently. I don't even believe in falling in love anymore!

I'm happy with my family, but...i've never seen any of my friends for a long time, and I miss them so much! These friend are but a few, but they're the ones i'd keep forever! (Sure, I do have a lot of friends, but they're not the BFFs i'm referring to...)

And now, I shall change for the better...a better daughter, a better student, a better friend, a better human being! Lastly, may I regain the bubbly personality, the belief in romance, in good, sincere people, in optimism...without seeming too philosophical about the simple things in life!

Good luck, me!

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Well, seeing that the place I work for is a production company, it would be making a drama catered for TV.

Now I, for certain, do not watch our local TV shows coz, they suck (sorry)! Sometimes or rather most of the time, the actors can't act for nuts....always the same bloody expression on their not-really-made-for-TV-faces (sorry!)...

However, at least I would be watching how and what the bosses here are doing to produce something. That's what i'll learn from this job I have!

So far, i've made the layout of proposed cast and wardrobe stylings for the characters. Though, I wish I could stay longer JUST to see the show in the process of shooting and such, as this is just the early stage of production.

But, you know something? I'd rather go to college! Hehe...

I guess if the whole plan of joining the foreign service don't work out, I will probably join the media circuit, PR, writer, or something of that sort...it's also kinda nice to be a scriptwriter...in Hollywood, not here!

Honestly, there are a few movies that could offer some sort of competition with the foreign flicks...however, they're like a needle in a hay stack. Even most commercials suck in the idea bank! This one local ad for a beauty product gave out the message that a guy won't even look at a girl when she's dark-skinned, but wow...after she uses the product, she gets fairer-looking, and wham! The frickin idiot-guy asks her out? WTF?

BLATANT SEXISM AND PREJUDICE AGAINST DARK-SKINNED WOMEN, ASSHOLES!!!

These are the stupid ads they show on Malaysian TV! That ad had the women scorned was was pulled-out as soon as it aired (yeah, only after a lot complaints and write-ups in the papers!)...but God forbid, kissing scenes! The censor board must cut 'em out!

I want better Malaysian shows, movies, actors, music, commercials, literature...just be original, people!!! IMO, our counterparts, Indonesia and the Philippines, though economically not so OK like ours, they fare better in entertainment...and don't even get me started on Japan and South Korea...I mean, wow! They have their own everything, man!

We should all strive to do better for ourselves here, coz we sure as hell can do it if we really want!!! The problem is, there are no Tarantinos, Scorceses, Coppolas, etc here in Malaysia! And if there were peeps like them, who knows how far we'd go!

Meh, maybe i'm being too harsh...but then again, maybe not!

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Let's me just run my hands on the keyboard and see where it leads me...

Arrgh, let's just reintroduce myself to the world!

Hi...my name is (insert what you think my name is here!)! I am 20-years old, and was born and raised in Malaysia...i'll probably be here until I get enough dough to go around the world...it would just seem impossible to do that now. I have a great family, my mom, dad, younger sister, and not until 3-weeks ago, another sister.

I am of a weird pot of heritage mix; Sinhalese on dad's side, and Filipino-Spanish on mom' side...though, the Spanish part is only minimal...the thing I like most about being a 'hybrid' of mixed ancestry is that I can fool people into thinking i'm a Latina, Indian, Native American, Malay, Hawaiian, Filipino, etc...that's kinda cool!

The thing I hate is, weird strangers asking me my race...WEIRD! I also hate that my dad knows nothing of his native tongue, culture and family in Sri Lanka...it's like his whole history was sucked into a black hole! My mom however, is full of info, which I like! I can understand Tagalog, but can't speak it...I've tried, but I sound too weird, it's embarassing!

So, my mother tongue can be considered the English language...I know for a fact i'm good at it! My Bahasa Malaysia is also great! (Boy am I blowing my own horn, fo' shizzle!)

I've just finished my high school education, and am now awaiting college...

I've never had a boyfriend, but i've had quite many suitors...

I'm waiting for the right guy...but in my mind, I know i'll never find him because of my stupid ideals and too-high standards!

I keep saying I don't look good, when in truth, I do...BUT then, when I start having the confidence, my weight goes up, and I feel fugly...and so, the cycle repeats...

I can cook...and bake...pretty well!

I love Greek Mythology...those were some sickos, I mean, really!

I have many good friends, but I don't make the effort to sustain the friendship.

I love good-looking men...I ain't gonna lie! I want my eye candy every day!

I am only 5' 2...but my rationale is i'll always look young! Even now, people think my super-tall sister is older...but maybe it's because she's tall...D'oh!

Speaking of 'D'oh!' I love the Simpsons...

I love watching TV...

I never make promises I can't keep...

I have a knack for reading people's characteristics through their faces...and it turns out to be true.

I am a great listener and talker!

I am a dreamer...a BIG one!

I am stubborn as hell!

I am very very very opinionated.

I have a small head...and small ears...but i'm smart! Hehe...

I pack up muscles pretty quickly if I lift weights...

I hate holier-than-thou people!!! They preach BS that you didn't ask in the first place!

I hate emo bands...they're soooo NOT rock!

I love classic rock, but I also like RnB, Jazz, Oldies...and Classical music...but the last one's a secret!

In the next post, there'll be more of this! Who thought writing about me would be so easy?

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I just found out I won 4 movie tickets, yo!

Wow...my dad said, i'm a pretty good contestant in the stuff I join!

I say, it's pure luck! Maybe God has pity for me...you know, no boyfriend, always working without ever going out with friends...movie tickets ain't that big a deal, but you know, so far, i've won a bunch of stuff, and i'm happy with it!

Now, if I could only win Milo Ventimiglia and a scholarship to any Ivy League University, i'd be set for life!.............BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, like as if!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------


WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD...

I just hope that my dreams and ideals come true. I may have ideals, but i'm pretty realistic too! I know romance is just life imitating art, and it just wouldn't last after a few months together, unless you make the effort! Pretty soon, you get in the comfort zone, and you find yourself flossing your teeth in front of each other...but maybe, just maybe, that is what I need...Comfort (with someone)! Never felt that before...

A companion to go through life with me, experience the ups and downs with me, and we end up supporting each other...then, as far as you go, you find that you can't live without each other...that's how realistic I am.

Then my friends ask me to lower my standards...why should I? I have always had high hopes for love, life and ambition...I just can't seem to settle for less, and I don't know why! Is it wrong? Oh, man...

I was always confident in my future, and knew that my plans would follow through...now I find that life just isn't that way...you plan, and you plan, and you CERTAINLY DO plan, then what happens? Life takes a detour...takes a 180 degree turn! That's what's beginning to happen, study-wise. When i'm confident about something, the outcome would just disappoint me...


P.S.: Wow, from a chirpy-happy post, to an emo post...BIPOLAR ALERT!!!

P.P.S.: Well, at least I don't dress like an emo, or fancy the same music as them...eeewww!

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YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least, now I have SOME money, even if it's a pittance...

Movies, here I come!!! Wanna join in? Lol!

Toodlez!

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Lately, that is! Man, these past few weeks, i've been dead broke...then, I go and watch the E! Channel, and they go on and show Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's billion-dollar net worth!!!

Dude...

Okay, the current phase i'm going through right this minute is pure apathy towards my further education...why? Because any of my university offers would be the ones i've picked-out beforehand...political science and communication...so if I get any of my choice, i'll accept it! If I don't, last resort would be Taylor's College (BA in Communication).

So, there you go!

Haven't gone anywhere other than work, because of the "no money" problem! So no current news on my social life! Man, I can't wait to start studying again! As much as I hate the pressure to do good, I still love it; the experiences are all that I will remember the rest of my life.

In high school, i've seen the best and the worst of things...

• I've skipped school to go out with friends
• I've played in a few sports
• I've entered a few competitions, in which i've emerged victorious, and also accepted defeat...
• I've experience guys trying to get my attention, but failed!
• I've experienced watching a friend I have so much respect for now dying
• I've experienced attending VIP galas with mom's connections
• Watching awesome piano recitals
• Working as a Food & Beverage hostess
• Being hit on by old, fugly guys who think they are all that, but---
• Also being hit on by cute guys, and rejecting them for God-knows-why (that's my issue i'm tryin' to deal with!)
• Working here at a production company, awaiting freshman year!

There's much more actually! Now I can see that i've indeed experienced a few things...but not what i've been expecting. I'm 20 now, and hope to experience the things I want to.

May it be so...

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Who dat?

Let me start from the beginning...

Yesterday...as usual, I took the bus, which meant that I had to walk very very far to get home, as the nearest stop is around 3-4 kilometres away. I didn't mind that...in fact, I loved walking!

Now, that wasn't the problem. The problem was, some motherfucker tried to snatch my freakin' handbag!!!

He was on his motorcycle. I was facing the traffic, so I could see "any villains" who even try to do anything to me! Meanwhile, this motherfucking asshole came from the back, as the place had no people, no cars...(as it was raining...)

He tried...boy, did he try! Alas, he didn't get my bag, as it was hooked on my "manly" arms (remeber previous post? Lol!)

But, what if I fell and hit my head on the pavement, like all the other snatch cases, huh? I got his plate number, but it was useless...I went to the police station with my dad, hoping that the number would at least save other lives...after checking it out, they discovered it belonged to a Pajero!

WTF? A truck? Then, they explain that thefts like these are all the norm, and they can't do anything...they said I was lucky nothing got stolen. I said, I was lucky to be alive...and indeed I was! There are so many cases like this where the people die of a coma or head trauma coz they got dragged or they hit the pavement. Although I love my stuff (mp3 player), I would let go of it if it meant my life...

So? What do I do now?

I'm gonna thank God, and my guardian angel for having been protected from this jerkoff...and pray that he gets caught so that others won't get hurt, or worse...

And you know what else? The day before, my mom warned me to give up my belongings in case a snatch thief tries to take it...in my head, I was thinking "Great, tomorrow, something like that is gonna happen!"...and what do you know? That happened!!! Sigh, I knew I was psychic! Lol...

I made a joke that the thief lost to a girl...what a stupid thief to work alone...a stupid thief who fucked-up/botched his job...AND my dad scolded me of making light of the situation. I mean, what else can I do, right? I thank God, then I make fun of it, coz that's how I handle things...with humor!

My arm is now black and blue from the bag-pulling force...

BTW, my lovely bag got hurt...reeeeeal bad!!!

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What's up, you ask?

Sometimes I don't even know how the hell i'd answer that question. Life can get so hectic, busy, great atone particular moment, and then...it'll be one stagnant routine of nothingness! That's what's happening now!

My work has taken a rest, as the key programmer is arranging vids and shit like that. Meanwhile, i'd have to wait for the finished results to go on with my work...and so, I wait!

My social life is still blah...still single and available, still idealizing that i'd meet a hot TV character (Peter, Denny, Mohinder, Isaac...), and we'll have a great life together! :'(

Arrrgh, I think I have bipolar disorder!!! One minute, i'm on top of the world, and the next...i'm pissed at the world for letting me be trapped in dull loneliness!

I can't go out and do something, as I need something to do things, right? You can't be broke, alone and expect to have fun here and there, go on shopping sprees, hangout with friends...

Guess, i'll have to wait for something good to come!

Arrrggghhh!!!!!!!!

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Whoa, it has been a long time since my last post!

What can I say, i've been busy...finally passed the slope test on my second try! Yes, right on the yellow line, lol! Without further money-wasting classes since the last test I took! The slopes are merely luck, in my opinion...plus, the cars they use are fuckin' unmaintained, yo! WTF? The gear won't budge, the clutch won't work, but thank God, I can finally have a driver's license...I passed the driving test the first time, so...

**A FLASHBACK...**

While mom was in the hospital, and dad was outstation, I took my sister for a ride in mom's car...LOL! Hey, she asked me to! So, we went to the mall, went to the bank...

When mom asked how we managed to run errands, we say we walked...and give each other a knowing look! Hehe...

**THE PRESENT**

Baby is cute! So frickin' cute, everyone keeps hoggin' her! Aarrrghhh, they say i'm too rough on her, then they say I shouldn't carry her with my tough-guy arms! Then I say "Whaaaaa???"

Yes, peeps! After lifting 5lbs of dumbells a few times a week, my arms now look muscular, which is NOT what I was goin' for! I was goin' for toned arms, not muscular! FUCK...I look like Angela Basset in that Tina Turner movie...I must stop A.S.A.P.!

Other than that, I'm flat broke, coz I keep 'helping' my family with a few expenses...have to wait till my next paycheck till I can go watch Pirates and etc with my pals...hope mom and dad lets me take the car!

I'm fuckin' busy at work now...loads of videos to edit! I'm very happy about this!

College? I don't know where yet, but I have to wait till June to see where destiny takes me...Government university, or private college...

So, that's all for now! Stay tuned for the next post!

Toodlez, bitches!!!

(I'm kinda happy today...)

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I forgot to add this:

This morning, I was to get to work by the bus...that was not the problem for me; all of us were in such a fuckin' rush...my dad had a gig somewhere far away, so I had to help load all the stuff into the car...and what do you know, I wore slippers...and, I forgot to switch into my shoes...yup, I did!

I ony realized this shit after I was taking a seat in the bus...

...that's great, just FUCKIN' GREAT!!!

Now, as i'm typing, i'm wearing slippers...I only thank God the dress code here is casual, but still, it's embarassing to go around town in slippers...seems kinda bummish, rather than boho-chic!

I've taken a half day's work...around 1pm-2pm, i'll be going to visit mom and hopefully, the babe. I hope and pray that everything goes well!

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Indeed, the days DO pass quickly...just yesterday we found out mom was pregnant...just yesterday, I was that naive girl who thought I will always be the bubbly, cheerful gal, with a great life...just yesterday!

What I found out throughout the years is suffering, disappointments, sadness...they come with life, as a package deal. However, with the bad, comes the good, right? I sure hope so. It seems when i'm most confident at achieveing something, a huge pile of disappointments comes along. My grades, my social life, my attitude...and i'm just 20!

I want to be someone better...and I sure hope I can, coz i've experienced a lot for someone my age. Now, all I want to do is to go to college and excel at it, make 'em proud of me, help take care of my baby sibling, and then, maybe serendipitously, find someone who'll accompany me in my life's journey.

I've been all by myself, I just don't know how to be with anyone...but i'll try if the right man comes along. Maybe it's karma for turning down the guys who liked me...who knows? I'm sure i've hurt them, but you can't clap with one hand, right? They were nice guys, but I just wanted them to be friends, and they couldn't handle that.

At least I was up front about it...no games, no leading-ons. I'm happy about that! Just that maybe I wasn't ready, wasn't attracted...you can't force thing like these.

Sigh, maybe i'm being punished...but I STILL ain't gonna settle for what I don't want! I'll know it's right when I feel it...

Isn't that what love's supposed to be?

(I've somehow strayed from the title! Lol!)

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I have a throbbing head!!! It's like i've got dumbells resting on my head, and it won't get off! I'm in my office, so I don't have any paracetamol...wtf!!!

Coffee didn't help...

Other than that, tomorrow is the big day!!! I'm fuckin' scared for my mom and the baby...tonight, my sister, dad and I shop for baby clothes...all together now, "Awwwww........"

Please, God, let them both be OK...

Amen!

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I've been busy these past few days...it's been fun!

I love it when i'm busy, coz it keeps me from thinking about how I have a dull life.

Well, when I think, I think big! My imagination goes wild! Then, I say to myself, why can't my life be larger than my dreams?

Coz then, i'd be really fulfilled...not that i'm so utterly miserable, just utterly bored, coz I know my life could be better! Definitely!

In my imaginary world, I have a great boyfriend, a great social life, a great duplex in the city...I go out to dine with my great family (which I have in real life---thank God!), then go on to party with friends...

There's more, much more...but i'll keep the rest to myself.

-Fin-

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Yep, couldn't think of a more catchy title...

This is my TGIF post:

Today, my boss (who's a friend of my parents) asked me to take home his iBook for my mom...she translates Tagalog movies into English. Since she would be bored in the hospital, why not do something to pass the time, no?

Okay, the thing is heavy...it is! BUT, for my mom, I will...I call her cellphone, and turns out the docs let her out. I thought she shouldn't? Meh, what the hell, i'll take it home anyway.I'll take the train (two of 'em!), and hop in a cab from the station.

Alright!

Today, I had some subtitling/editing work to do, and i'm happy about that!

TGIF!

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• A great job that I love
• A wonderful family and great friends (DONE!!!)
• A great boyfriend who loves me, and I love him back
• A wonderful education, up to PhD level
• To travel the world
• To meet influential people
• To help the children of Africa
• To help Malaysia get rid of blatant racial bias, or what they call "Affirmative Action"; which should actually benefit the minorities, not the majority!
• To become an influential person---power, grace and kindness; the kind of beauty that I want
• To make my family proud, and repay them for all their selflessness
• All of the above

How nice if for once, I can achive some things that I really want...I have been given a beautiful family and great friends, but others, not so much.

I hope it happens, though...I can't keep asking God...this, I have to do on my own!

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Am I a realist or an idealist?

I just can't seem to answer this freakin' question...I ALWAYS admit to people that i'm a realistic person, and I live in a realist mindset...and yet, I imagine a different life during my spare time!

Let me tell you, my imagination is so huge, I look at someone and create their life's story. Sometimes, i'd think of meeting the right man, falling in love, having a blast, getting married, having kids, achieving ambitions, supporting my parents, my new family, then dying...

You would think that's it, but I think of everything in between as well, Lol...My imagination...sigh! This, I see as a gift, coz without it, I'd be stuck in a rut, not knowing how i'll escape.

All these factors make me sum this up;

My imagination rocks! Thanks, God!

-A pointless post, but mehhh, whatever!-

PS: Oh...about my broken heel yesterday, I walked like a drunken sailor with a per for a leg!

Toodlez!!!

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Oh shit, my new shoes...the right heel's sole came out! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How am I gonna walk now?

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's with me, that I can fall for half the cast of Heroes, Denny from Grey's Anatomy (RIP...I don't want you to die next week, but you sure will! Noooooooooo.........poor Izzie!) and a whole bunch of other fictional characters on TV and movies, but I can't feel anything for guys in real life?

TV has ruined men for me!

Why and how can I be fooled into thinking that men are as nice, and kind, and hot as they are in the 'idiot box'?

Man, my standards are so way up there! But fuck it, I love TV!!!

Let any men challenge the charming Denny Duquette, and i'll be all yours!

Why can't I like the guys who like me? I wish I could, but I can't...I just don't like them!

It's unfair, I know...you think I like doing this? You can't force someone to love you, jackass!

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One thing I do nowadays is watch stand up comedy on YouTube...it's one one my favorite things, stand up comedy...my mom once told me that I should try to become a comedienne...but then again, I guess my mom is my biggest fan!

The best comic ever is, of course the undisputed legend; the one and only Richard Pryor!

Man, watch his shit, and you'll literally ROFL...i'm freakin' serious! Though be warned, his stuff contains derogatory remarks for you sensitive people...but, then again, why watch if you're so freakin' touchy?

Others are (though not even close to the legend!) ok, the usual peeps; Rock, Lawrence, Murphy, Carlin, Sykes, etc...

They're all a blast when you're bored, to be honest! But now that i've seen all of Pryor's vids, what am I to do? Noooooooooooooo!!!

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OMG, this past few days all i've been doin' is watching TV...it's sick dude! The E! Entertainment Channel's finally in Malaysian satellite TV; Astro.

So, you know i'm a gossip-junkie...I read gossip blogs, mags...now I have it all on TV! Fuckin amazing, y'all!

I guess i'm better at history lessons of Anna Nicole Smith, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, Jennifer Aniston than the history of the Malaccan Sultanate (which is utterly a bore!). Oh, man, i'm such a freaktard!

Man, it's so pathetic! I ain't proud of this, people!

This is just my confession.

Now, if only they get back NBC...(Heroes...PRIMETIME!!!)

Amen.

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Yo, so I couldn't wait for the whole five years into the future thing on Heroes...I vow to NOT watch it online...why?

Because this episode would only be given the justice it deserves if I watch it on a large, clear, HD screen! In other words, i'll have to wait for it on Astro.

However, due to my impatience, i've found out that Peter Petrelli is the alternate exploding man, which initially was supossed to be...you guessed it: Sylar! And the reason he painted that painting of a "darker Nathan" was because he became Nathan (after killing Candice and acquiring her power of shape-shifting!) as the president.

There's a scene between Sylar and Peter which was cool (looking at the screencaps, courtesy of Rickey.org), as Peter's slicked hair and black get up looked like Neo in the Matrix...pretty cool! And who would've thought that future Hiro would be the katana-wielding terrorist that he is...cool! And Jessica is no more...Niki still is Niki, but now she's a stripper...and she kissed Peter. HELL NO!!! Micah, D.L., Ando...they're all dead in this universe...NO!!!

Yep, that's all I can say regarding this episode of Heroes...COOL! May present day Hiro save the day, and alternate the future. Yattaaaaaa!!!

...dude!

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So yesterday was my birthday...as usual, I was broke, so I couldn't do anything. Went out with my family to buy a camcorder. Got us a good one.

Dad bought me a cake from Secret Recipe, cheese-chocolate cake...yum!

Sang me the birthday song, even if I didn't want them to. Mom asked Dad to pray (God knows why, for some reason...) Dad thanked God for his wonderful family, two daughters...I almost cried, but then I tried to cover up by saying "OK, I thank God for the best parents in the world", in the most cheerful manner, I wished a wish (secret!) and blew the candles; 2 big ones.

Oh, God! I'm 20!!!

Went to bed feeling all warm and fuzzy, thanked God in a prayer, and I lay in deep slumber...

Thanks for the warmth I felt on my 20th birthday...even without all the glitter, the money, the things...I was happy to be where I was! I love my family and friends; many of my friends wished me at midnight, midmorning and midday...and at night too...thank you guys! Wish I had a party, but it's not exactly the right time, now is it? Next year, babes, next year! Let's celebrate our 21st year in Vegas...or Genting would also suffice! ;-)

Wish you could all see me giving y'all a shoutout, but...y'all don't know I have a blog now, do ya? (Except you, of course...nightfox!)

God bless!!!

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Yes, I do complain about my family giving me a hard time, but who's family doesn't? I love 'em to death, and I am so fortunate as to have the most responsible, harworking and caring pair of parents in the world. I don't come from a rich family, but heck, I thank God every day that we are not deprived of food, clothing, and shelter.

Watching Idol Gives Back makes me realize the true horror that is sickness and death among families in Africa; AIDS, HIV, malaria. The suffering they go through, the depravity...such a dark place for all. And yet, what are the African government doing with all the money raised by entertainers throughout the years? What happened to the millions from Band Aid, Live Aid...now, what will happen with the money from Idol Gives Back?

I sure hope that the money is allocated to the people of the African continent, and not to heads of the gov...coz you know what'll happen. The rich get richer, and the poor...you know the drill!

Come to think of it, in all the decades of funds raised, the only time things really worked was if you, a donor went there and saw things through...like Oprah did with building the schools, giving gift to the children personally, and many other stuff like that. That is the smartest thing to do! Watch where your money goes...

At least people are starting to care about Africa. If only I had the dough...what I wouldn't give to help out. Seeing the young ones cry made my heart sink...

I am truly one of the many fortunate people in this world, and I thank God for that!

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Almost every week, there's a report on date-rape, incest, rape, rape, rape, rape, and rape! Today, I read about yet another case of rape; where a girl befriends a guy, meets him, and ends up being raped!

What bugs me is that the rape starts when a girl "befriends" some guy through a random phone number she got, or he got.

What bugs me is that a girl could trust a guy who she just "met" through a phone call, or a short SMS.

What bugs me is that she would end up WILLING to meet him somewhere, all alone.

What bugs me is that she would WILLINGLY follow him somewhere, all alone.

What bugs me is that a guy would treat a fellow human being as if she were nothing but a sex toy. Don't you even have the slightest humanity to feel guilt?

What bugs me is that cases like this happens over and over and over and over again!

That's what bugs me...reading the news makes me sick!

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If you love Heroes, but hate spoilers...DON'T READ THIS!!!
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The exploding man is not Peter, it's Sylar...dang! And you know why future-Hiro asks to save the cheerleader?

Coz when present-day Hiro stabs exploding-Sylar (ala Ted Sprague) with the sword, he regenerated (because he took Claire's powers...therefore, Claire was NOT YET saved!)

I also get why future-Hiro is so grim...after the explosion, people hated his kind...there were curfews, killings, they were treated like crap. That's why!

So, OMG, that totally rocked my socks! NBC's graphic novels provided answers for me! Just think, I now know the background story of "Austin" and "Dallas", Hana, etc...woot!

But there's a lot more, man...many more mysterious stuff...damn, this shit is GOOD!

I LOVE HEROES!

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...since my last post. Haven't been busy, just lounging around the house, watching tv, doing a huge-ass pile of laundry (my family's a well; they wear A LOT of clothes!)

My mom has come and gone for the weekend...my aunt is going back to Colorado tomorrow...she'll be leaving me her dumbells. So, expect me with lovely toned arms and abs soon! Hahah!

Started exercising again...feels good, I don't know why I even stop sometimes. It gets me to release all my gloom, sadness, depressed feelings. It releases the good in me (i'm talkin' endorphins, yo!)

I'm depressed coz I haven't experienced what I should've at my age. I've nothing to remember ecept high school, temp jobs, friends. What else? Zilch! Where's me falling in love? Where's me attending my first concert? How about me gettin' into clubs and shit? Me sneakin' out of the house? I've always been the one who was not allowed to do these things...I guess resentment is how I feel now...to feel more calm, something therapeutic i've done is write a letter. To move on, to be free, and to be the bubbly girl I once was. This letter does not reflect any negativity towards my parents, just some stuff that got me feeling a little down...so, here goes! (Don't judge...)

To my parents:
Why do I have to be the good, "normal" child, the one that HAS to not care about being treated badly by everyone? Just because I didn't cut myself when I was depressed, doesn't mean I don't feel sad. Always, I have to hear the words "Just let her treat you that way, just let it be"...then i'd just HAVE TO shut the fuck up about everything! Even when i've been wronged! They don't care about my feelings when they keep telling me what a bad daughter I am when you channel your anger towards her onto me, coz hey, I don't cut myself, I don't suffer from bulimia...

Now, I guess all the anger throughout the years are coming out...out on you! I'm sorry, but I can't help it...I can't help being a shrew, a bitch, a disrespectful moron! I'm always arguing with everyone at home and lost the "respect your elders" bit. Just so you know, I feel guilt right after I raise my voice on you. Maybe coz the only way I feel that i'm being heard is if I shout it out?

You once asked me why I can't receive compliments...now I answer you with this; I guess all those years of calling me this and that have made me a girl with low self-esteem, who covers it all up with a cheerful front. Inside, i'm all screwed up! I'll always be the fat ugly tomboy that I was in primary school...so, there...there's your answer! Why don't I have a boyfriend? Coz subconsciously, I think I don't deserve anyone, coz, boy, no one could ever handle my shenanigans...

You're the best parents any daughter could have, and this is a mere outburst of what i've been feeling throughout the years when I was 'the good one'. Now...just accept that this is me now. However, I guess you'll never know how I really feel...All's well, I just needed to get this out.

Love you guys always.


Your daughter,
-X-


(I feel so much better now...though, it'll take sometime till i'm feeling great about myself!)

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Idiots!!!

That's how I sum up "these people"...incompetent slobs! Wtf, man?

I was supossed to go for my driving test today, but what happened? Last minute phone call from the bloody-assed driving school. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time, my test is cancelled. I was looking forward to getting through this fuckin' test, that I took a leave of absence from work, and made plans to visit my mom, collect my prize from Sony, etc...

The first time I got cancelled, was because the idiot slob forgot to put my name in the application, but told me I was confirmed for April the 13th...ok, confirmed!

Then, a week before the test, the idiot slob told me that it wasn't her fault, that it was the old clerk's fault...Oooohhh, like I fuckin' care! BUT, she's only human, so I gave in, seeing that she's 'only human', and at least she notified me early. So she said 18th was open, so I said 18th it is!

Fast forward to the 17th...after taking extra-hours of classes,(I had to, because I don't have a stick-car to practice with) I was feeling ready...

Then, she fuckin' calls me in the afternoon before the test-day to tell me my learners' permit has expired, and i'm ineligible to take the test! Wtf!!! I've renewed it, already, bozo!

Then my dad has to send her the copy, and gives her the lecture on how many times will this happened, what incompetence, and shit like that. I was in my office, pissed out of my mind! She called me and apologized and said it wasn't her fuckin fault, but the old clerk's fault!

HUH! You expect me to fall for that shit this time? Some nerve, I took leave, I planned everything around that day, and you can't even admit your fuckin' fault? How long was that clerk working there? Is she working there now?

What's with "these people"? Why do "these people" keep screwing things up? I'm glad i'm no longer wanting to work with "these people", coz working with them would embarass me as a Malaysian!

She tells me the 20th is free! After arguing about her incompetence, I then tell her to better give me the 20th. She says she'll call me back. She doesn't. So I call her. She says I could only get to do the test in May. I get pissed even more! I couldn't handle it, and tell her to call me when she's sure of everything, and be sure this time, or else...then, I slam the phone down in sheer anger, bloody anger!

I swear on Mongrel Dogs, I will never let my sister, or anyone I know go to that fuckin' driving school...NEVER!!! They fuckin' wasted my money, my time and commitment...

Now, I have made up my mind...no working with "those people", coz all I get is stupid, bloody migraines from their idiocy! Now, on to my venting:

@$$fUc^^%##$$%66777mo&&^^%%%^&$##@^$%&*

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OMG!!! Heroes preview...This is absolutely awesome!!! I can't wait, people! Peter looks hot with a scar. Teehee! And what's with the gloomy future Hiro? And is Isaac gonna die? Oh, man, I can't wait!

The song goes great with the trailer. In case you didn't know, it's Nickleback's If Anyone Cared...

Does anyone care? Haha...guess not! This is MY addiction!

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Black Monday...Manic Monday...Shitty Mondays...they are practically a guarantee! The weekend's done, and we start the week with another day of business.

So, i don't enjoy my work, as it's just a temporary one till I start freshman year. Sure, many people do hate their job...but I would like to do something which I have passion for. That is why, I hope everything goes how it should. Pleeeeeeze, let it happen!

Mom had to go back to the hospital after her "weekend holiday". We sent her back yesterday night. Dad waited in the car, probably tearing up coz he'll miss his wifey...my sis and I sent her to her ward. Unloaded her stuff, then kissed her goodbye. We could see her face was sad and she was about to cry. When I turned back, she gave my sis and I a flying kiss, with the almost-gonna-cry face. We got out, and my sister began crying. I tried to be the strong one, and held back tears.

Just as we reached the darkness, I released all the held tears, and wiped them before my sister could detect anything. I really didn't want to make her cry even more, so I had to keep up a front, as usual...back at home, I ran into my room and cried my heart out!

Mommie, my mommie! She's such a great person...she's funny, weird and crazy (like me!), demanding, but she makes up for it with her smile, her heart. We all would just miss her, we can't even say goodbye when we send her to the hospital! Gawd, i'm welling up! Must stop now...

I truly hope everything goes well, and she and the baby will remain healthy, as they should be. Till the next weekend, when momsie comes home...


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Today, I decide to take the bus home. Too much money is being spent on train rides, and I don't have a lot of money. So, I have to get down on a place that is quite far from my house, and walk! Perhaps I could lose some pounds! Lol! Oh, wait, i'm wearing high heels...NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Hope that everything goes well.

Toodlez, bitches!

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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly,points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."
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LOL!
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Help me with the boredom, people!

TGIF post for today...

Yesss!!! I love Fridays...coz I become someone i'm not, when I do nothing...I hate it when i've nothing to do, y'all! I become very irritable, gloomy, and shit like that. I watch YouTube, but that's just till I get an hour's fix. After that, the boredom kicks in again. What i'm curious about is, why do I get bored easily? Is it normal?

At least, i'll be having my driving lessons tomorrow and Sunday, but that's it! No plans after that.

Somebody rescue me!!!

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Dullness begins when you have nothing to do, right? Anybody have a suggestion?

Let's just talk about yesterday's train ride home. Well, I knew as much. I saw this eye candy, he looked so cute+hot, which is great. We looked at each other for a sec, then, at the next stop, a bunch of people came in, so I just gave in and went to the back of the train...sigh!

I believe there is this karmic balance in life, ya know? 1 eye candy must equal to something bad...is it too dark a thought? I think not, since it's always the case in my life...

So, what makes me think these thoughts? Experience! What happened after that? These two Indonesian guys stared at me, then one of them took liberty in holding onto bars either side of me, virtually surrounding me with his arms! Yucks!!!

Feel him breathing on me...talking to his friend beside him! WTF, dude? Just as I wanted to move away, he kinda moved away. Phew!

I just wish all asshole/perverts/idiots/weaklings/pushovers will go to hell!

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I know this much is true...I LOVE HEROES!!!!!!!

I've read all the summaries of the future episodes, but dang! Watching it just gets better every week. Uh, if I were to talk about the show, I would need 100 pages, so nevermind!

I've never seen so many eye candy, dudes! Hahaha, Peter & Nathan Petrelli, Isaac Mendez, Mohinder Suresh, heck, even HRG looks hot! Sigh...am I forgetting anyone's hotness? How about cuteness? Hiro is masterful in the cute area, and so is Ando...oh, and Micah too! Geez, i'm such a Heroes junkie...

Okay, on another note...I miss my mom! Turns out there is no way she'll be back anytime soon. She has to remain under observation until the baby is born...poor mom! Miss her very much, and hope she and the baby will be safe and healthy...

In other news, I would like to thank God for my perv-less journey home yesterday...I only saw one guy in the train I was in...and he was surrounded by women, he looked kinda scared! Hahaha, hope to have another journey like that today!

That's all folks!

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Dear God,

If you would be so kind (of course you are!), would you please let me go home today without the feeling of being watched or breathed on? I wouldn't mind seeing a nice+cute guy, though. Please, don't let those ass-faced-jerk-off pervs do shit today. And if they do, may they be struck by lightning, or may a rabid dog feast on their "frank 'n beans"...yes, the latter would be much better!

It would be very much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Me

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Mom's been admitted...she's ok (thank God!), but needs to remain under observation. The baby might be born this month...wow!

How fast the time passes. In a few weeks, i'm gonna be a sister all over again! Then i'll be off to college/uni/whatever, then i'll be working, then i'll be married, then i'll be having kids of my own, then i'll have grandchildren, then...RIP! The circle of life? I'd like to think my life would amount to something more than just the ordinary, you know?

I've got so much of hope, and yet, I know that things don't always turn out the way you want them to...I've got too many dreams and ambition to live a normal life, and I sure hope God will dream a bigger dream for me...

Yet, here I am blogging in the office, all alone...why is everybody late?

Paolo Nutini's songs are playing in the background. It suits my mood now, his music...bluesy, rocky, folksy...NICE! I love his music.

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You should see my parents...they are so adorable! So in love, you wouldn't believe. One morning, I went into their room to take the laundry (yeah, I do the laundry...everybody's laundry!!!) and I saw them cuddling while sleeping. Isn't that cute? My parents, people!!!

And now i'm sitting here, wondering why i'm such a cynical, sarcastic bitch, when it comes to matters like romance, love...maybe love isn't for me? So far, I haven't even come close to anything like that, what more, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, hearing trumpets (???) and shit like that.

My sister has this idea that i'll turn out as a bitter old woman, who's still a virgin...and i'll also be the neighborhood cat-lady! Hahahahaha...that's funny! But, do you know what's funnier? When your mom tells you that as well...

For someone who seems to be a love-cynic, I do talk about it a lot, don't I? Maybe it's because I want to be proven wrong. Maybe it's because of the constant pressure from my mom, sister, friends (some of them!), cousins, godfather. Why is everyone rooting for me? Why, why, why? It's kinda sweet, but still annoying!

All these questions that will never be answered!

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I'm not busy anymore, coz I finished all the work given...a little too fast! So, now i'm back to blogging, and surfing the net for junk!

What is this I hear about the gov wanting bloggers to register? I mean, is there no such thing as privacy anymore in this country? Gawsh!!! The registered prepaid is understandable, but this? Hey, I don't create trouble for people, I just mind my own business and blog! This is MY journal, and not a malevolent media to bring people down...sigh...slowly, this country is making me more and more disappointed!

Among other things, what can I say? My parent plan to migrate somewhere nice when they get older...you know, how old folks in America move to Florida...lol! I just hope my sister and I will be making lots of moolah so that we can spoil them, hahaha!

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This is what I can say for NOW...


When you plan things, they either:

• Work out well
• Don't work out at all

Well, I planned for years to become a diplomat, or eventually an ambassador to my country, and go on to missions worldwide...but, now what? I am now, with a heavy heart opting not to...because a girl like me--a non-Bumi will never get the chance I deserve...due to this bullshit called affirmative action. Now, I understand that this works on a minority, but why does it apply to the majority in this country?

Plus, i've added the fact that i'm also half-Filipino, so i'm not sure if i'd even be considered being in the gov or even likely to be promoted. My uncle, a Malaysian of Sinhalese race has been in the gov body for over 20 years. He has mentored countless incompetent Malay-sians who have gone to be at the top of the chain.

How unfair is this? I have a lot to offer, and I don't need to waste my precious time, dude! If I join the foreign service, I need a guarantee that i'll be judged purely on my capabilities, and not my race! I need answers, but I doubt i'll get any...I don't even know who to ask!

As one dream slowly fades away, I now opt for Plan B...YES, there is a plan B. Remember how I love writing, talking (not as much as writing...but people seem to say I have the gift of the gab...hehehe! More like the gift of not shutting up!)?

I think that BA in Communication is the way to go! Either Taylor's or Monash...If I could get the full amount for Monash , which is VERY expensive via PTPTN, it would definitely be my choice. So, I need to do some research...I need much assistance, God, so you better take the wheel...soon, i'll have a baby sister, and you know babies...I can't burden my mom and dad with my crap.

I've heard a saying, "Wanna make God laugh? Make a plan..."

How true that is. Just goes to show that HE has a sense of humor...I dig that!

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Happy Easter!!!

For me, it didn't make any difference...I know, I know, Jesus was risen from the dead today, and lo and behold...we all rejoice in HIS presence!

I mean, it isn't different because we did not celebrate the day with any lavish settings or parties. We just went for Sunday mass, went out to eat, went to Grandma's...that's it! How much boring can my social life get?

We did go to SPCA (my aunt from the US wanted some t-shirts---which of course, helps the maintenance of the place!) which, by the way is extremely, poorly maintained. We also witnessed a worker hitting a dog with a cane, and that ain't a sight to see, especially at SPCA!!! She said she was gonna write about it to the American SPCA...what an embarassment to Malaysians!

My bestest best friend's birthday is today! Happy birthday, bitch!!! May you blossom into the woman you want to be...love you lots! Can't believe we're 20 this year...not teens anymore! Lol, soon, we could get into clubs...Hahaha! Not like YOU would. Btw, my 21st birthday would be celebrated in the casino, for sure! Hahaha!

Sigh, time passes by way too fast! But, wait! I still don't have a boyfriend...Lol, and everyone wants to "help" me find one...I would love to have a nice guy who I can have a ball with, but if he's not here, why hurry, right? Sometimes people want stuff for you that just isn't logical...

But, you know something? The guys who like me are either;

• Too fat (hey, I don't mind chubby, but by golly, 3 overweight guys trying to "score" you just a tad too creepy...)
• Too young (nononono...)
• Too dependent, that they call you every hour, of every day...even when they're working...YIKES!

Man, this ain't right...

WHERE ARE YOU, MR. RIGHT-GUY-FOR-ME??? Come out, come out, wherever you are...

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I knew it...when it's dad who sends me to work, i'm a 100% sure i'll be late...today, I certainly was. 10 minutes late to be exact. It's not that anyone was in the office or anything, but I just need to be early, or on the dot, yo!

Yeah, i'm a real piece of work like that!

Watched Heroes last night. DAMN, it was great! My friend downloads the show, and catches the same episode that the U.S. does, but I can't...the server over here sucks. Plus, my comp RAM sucks too! Put 2 & 2 together...go figure. I'll just wait for Astro's prime time show...what the heck, eh? Ok, back to the show...

Ooohhh, looks like Sylar's power gets more powerful with every kill..oohhh! And yada yada yada! Can't wait, dudes! I'm a total Heroes junkie...and wasn't Hiro's story totally adorable? I recognized Charlie from that suck-ball movie called Epic Movie...she did great in the show.

Meh, i'm talking too much now. Better get back to work. Btw, to the only friend I can trust enough to read this...when are we gonna hang out, dude? I start freshman year in July...that's a long way to go!

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Yes...I think so...well, I don't know for sure, but I'm now doing some production work...SUBTITLING!!!

Well, with that, I can now say i'm bored no more! Woohoo!

Bought brekkie from another nasi lemak lady...boy, it sucks balls! Totally a waste of my money; its bland, oh so bland! Yucks!!!

Here's hoping that I get a hike...a pay hike that is! Coz now, I totally deserve it.

Yeah, a short post for today...but, woot for me anyway!

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I start the morning with this:

WTF?

Woke up quite late today...realized that there's no more coffee! Arrrghhh...what the hell, man? I needz ma coffee!!! So there...I thought I could grab a cuppa 3-in-1 at the office, then I realized my Nescafe 3-in-1 RICH is gone. Noooooooo! Thought i'd steal a sachet from the boss-man, but he likes his 3-in-1 MILD. Ewwwwww!!!!!

So now, I have to drink this measly cup of sugar and milk with a little bit of coffee for flavor...that's how a MILD tastes like.Okay, I don't care, i'm gonna buy my own RICH 3-in-1 whether i've got money or not! MILD does not work for me! It just doesn't...

I'm gonna buy me my caffeine-fix!

On another note; the nasi lemak lady has vanished...noooooooo!

Later!

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