Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Ever had recurring dreams...or that of similar images flashing through your mind every now and then?

Well, I have them!!! Those images...those places...those feelings of familiarity. It's as if "THERE" is where I'm supposed to be.

...and yet, I've never seen it (that place) and never seen him...which is what I'm actually waiting for. I've never actually seen this person's face, coz it's always blurry...but I've certainly seen him in a few of my dreams. If I'm not mistaken, I've written about him in a few posts too. It's kinda spooky, but in a good way. I'd like to think that he's looking out for me, even if he's on the other side of the world...

He could be my guardian angel...or my mind's interpretation of God...or maybe me in masculine form...heck, it could be the love of my life for all I know. The only problem is, I don't have a clue WHO he is.

Weird, huh? It's like I'm holding out for something I've known for a long time...it's kinda useless to write about it since I can't seem to describe it.

Hey, I am as realistic as they get...but then again, my imagination keeps me optimistic and somewhat child-like...I'd like to refer to myself as a realistic optimist. I'm optimistic that I'll find out what the hell this recurring image/dream is about.

For now, it's out there! What I want out of this journey is that familiarity...who knows, maybe I knew him from another life...or perhaps a parallel universe? (Which would be awesome, actually!)

If it's just a dream and nothing more...then I'm ok with it too. Somehow, he shows up when I'm having dreams of walking alone. He'll be there holding my hand and guiding me...

Well, this is another useless scribbling...just needed to document this so I won't forget.

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Well, what else can I say...i've said every sort of greeting i know!

Anyway, the week is going ok...pretty cold nowadays. The weather has been crazy-wet and cold...but i'm doing ok! Having a blast with the little one, who's so big already! OMG, how time flies...can't imagine my life without her! Thank God for this gift everyday, seriously! That's why i hate it when certain people say shit about me taking care of my sister, saying it's the parents' job. Like hello!!! I only take care of her when i am able to! And besides, I love it! AND my parents take care of ALL OF US, asswipes! Stop talking about shit you don't know or understand, got it?

Don't you hate it when people 'assume' things when they don't know you? Judge you when they've known you for like five minutes? Heck...i've known some people for a decade or more, and i'm still discovering new things about them! Moral: Don'tsimply judge a book by it's cover...things are not as simple as WYSIWYG, ok?

And to add to that note; people change...everyday! Things never stay the same...change is inevitable! But being the Taurus that i am...i hate change, but hey...Shit happens, and so does 'change'. Gotta accept that, even if it's hard at first. That is why i kinda appreciate that i adapt pretty well to new surroundings...if i didn't, i would certainly die in my campus, believe me!

Hmmm...been preoccupied with my obsession for the songs i've acquired, so forgive me...i can't help but like what i like! I don't remember when i've ever loved songs from the same band except Led Zep, but yeah...hahahah! Now i have one...you know what i'm talking about!!! LMFAO!

Well, enough of the songs...been having a sorta blah moment...you know, the whole shock-after-screwing-your-exams kinda thing, coupled with not-wanting-to-grow-up-coz-you're-stuck-in-that-Peter-Pan-Complex mode, and also I-feel-so-ugly-everyday...and who could forget, the very popular what-the-hell-do-i-wanna-do-after-i-graduate dilemma...

Hmmm, pretty typical really...i bet i'm not the only one! I am kinda looking forward to experience working with my old boss and sister for the whole concert of xxxxx in January. It'll provide me with choices...do i want to work the PR sector, media, event management, journalism, diplomatic corps? Whatever it is, I only hope God is out there guiding me throughout my journey. I feel so lost sometimes, not knowing where to go. It's always the same issue with me...me and my future. Where do I wanna go? Who do i wanna be? What will make me happy? What do i wanna achieve? These questions...all unanswered. They kill me sometimes.

The fact that i don't know anything BUT "I wanna achieve something great, and be someone of significance to this world in a good way...be someone great and be something my family can truly be proud of." Is this achievable? And if so, how do i do that, and through what medium? Hmmm, sometimes i envy people who know right away what they wanna do with their lives. Or people who are lucky enough to find their purpose and love their job and such.

Oh God, I do hope i find that...I know I can get what I want if i work hard for it...it's just that i DON'T know what it is...sick, huh?

Another post of a 'lost' soul, finding it's way to the light of the tunnel...we are ALL lost, IMO...just hope i realize it before i waste my energy on something that's NOT worth it! I know posts like these seem pretty redundant, but heck...it's just how i feel at the moment!

Ok...time to contemplate deeply! I have lots of time for that now, LOL!

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Yes...i slept for a total of...13 hours!!! Guess that's what NOT sleeping does to you...i have paid back all my sleepless nights, and i have gotten a major headache for over-sleeping! Ouch!

Yesterday, i was listening to Zoom Into Me by TH, i just discovered it...and i absolutely love it that i woke up humming the song...fuck! I'm so obsessed with their songs...hope it's just a phase! Anyway, the riff is played on a piano, and if you just focus on the piano part, i think i could play it...now i always liked playing the piano, just that i didn't like the songs i was made to play...

Ok, now i'm sad coz i don't have one...by the time i can afford one, i would be old! Arrrggghhhh!!! Even playing the damn guitar, i have to ask permission coz it's not mine! How does one develop if one can't practice everyday, huh?

Anyway, enough of this...i'm supposed to get back home hours ago, but i just can't seem to have the will to journey back home. The waiting kills me. The sardine-packed trains kill me. The pushing animals kill me. I hate it!

One day, i hope and pray...i won't have to endure this shit anymore...at least others in the family have a car. So it's easy to keep scolding me when i say i'm lazy to come home early...

Yup, looks like an emo post...LOL! Well, so what? It's my blog and i'll post whatever the hell i want. Not like anyone reads this shit.

Oh yeah, forgot to write about my concert last Saturday...will do so tonight maybe! On a rather related note, i would just like to proclaim that...

ICH LIEBE TOKIO HOTEL! (I mean i love their songs...the new ones, not the old ones where Bill's voice was still high and boyish!)

Ok, i'm done...

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A new day begins tomorrow...

For very different reasons...i'm leaving my family for university life...OMG, it's just gonna be a week. However, my mom is urging me to stay on the campus for the whole year. She says it's impractical to travel daily, i would be spending a lot of money just on transport...so now, i'm thinking...

Well, it will depend on this 1 week period...I really am hoping to make tons of friends! I know it's not difficult making friends, but I just want the right kinda friends, you know? I'm kinda choosy...

Everything's been paid for...settled...PTPTN has approved my loan, although it took forever to "process"!!! I still can't seem to find my offer letter...sigh, same old, same old PTPTN!

My bosses took me out to lunch yesterday...they were super nice! My main boss says he'll get me a laptop to continue doing subtitles for the company...What!!! I said "OMG, that's great...pocket money!!!" Then, he laughed and said, "Yeah, your work for us is not over yet! At least you'll make pocket money while studying"

When I jokingly asked, "So the laptop is my parting gift, eh?", to which he replied nonchalantly, "Yeah, sure!"

What disbelief!!! It's gonna be mine? Not just borrowed, u mean all mine, with all the great audio/visual softwares and converters??? OMGOMGOMG, yay!!!

Since Boss is a friend of my parents, he spoke to them on the phone, (Haha, they told me!) telling them he would miss me...he calls me his niece. Of course, since I call of of them 'Uncle so-and-so' weird, huh? Lol! I mean, all those guys there are the nicest bunch! The Macguyver of the company said g'bye to me...I mean, he's the shyest person ever! I thanked him for teaching me all the stuff on templates, converting, photoshop stuff, subtitling, etc...

Oh, man, only now have I realized how much i've learnt! At the moment i'd cleaned out all my stuff, gave the keys to my boss, said goodbye, it felt a little bittersweet! Another boss gave me a Levi's sling bag...not really beautiful, but thoughtfull nonetheless!!!

I dunno what the new journey is gonna bring, but I adapt to new things quite easily...

One thing's for sure, i'll miss everyone at home!!! Even if I stay there for the year, i'll still be back on the weekends, right?

Goodbye old life, hello new experiences!!!

"Thank you God for the good people i've met in my life...You always take care of me, no matter how hard life can be sometimes...

Amen!"

P.S. : Will try to blog after orientation week! This is soooooo not over!

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Here is what i dreamt about...

I was going out of my office building...walking on the ground level, when suddenly i find myself walking into a dorm room...and i see an old guy friend! I seemed happy to see him, and he introduces me to two of his friends, who i swear i haven't seen before. All of us seem to hit it of! They sure seem to like teasing me, and i suddenly pull a playful, sad face...Then all of them say, "Awww, we're sorry..."

All of a sudden, i find myself outside, walking near an apartment unfamiliar to me...old and dark-ish...i sense that my guy friend is trying to call me, and i don't know why. When i answer the phone (which somehow was there, hanging from a chain on my neck), it's actually my mom, asking me why am i not home yet? In that particular minute, i get scared...I mean what the hell am i doing here? I run as fast as i could, and i reach an unfamiliar playground...

The playground is dark. The only lights are the street lights. I see a few children, and i get out of there.

As i walk the lonely road, i see a man running away from the cops! It seems he is a German (???). At least, that's what the neighborhood watchmen are saying (i don't even know where the hell they came from!). The German is caught, and said to be a murderer...

Now, i'm carrying a baby...my bro/sis that my mom had just given birth to...it was smiling...and very very big for a newborn.

Then, i see myself in a cinema...an unknown movie going on. I'm walking towards a lit area with someone, but i just don't know who! This someone is holding my hand...Man, this is weird!

This was a long, unfulfilling journey for me. I wanted to go home, and i was taken into this realm of the bleakness...To places i've never been, people i've never known! All for what? I was lost throughout the journey...feeling scared and alone...and confused! The common denominator of all the places? I WAS WALKING! I really was walking like hell...everywhere...non-stop!

I don't know, it all seems like a very weird dream...can anyone interpret this? And why do i still remember it so vividly? It was like a cocktail of a week's dream, and i find it unusual that i woke up tired!

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