Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Why can't i seem to study? Why, Why, Why? Is it a hard thing to do; to read a little? And what's with this recurring dream i keep having? It is making me over-analyze my personal life, (READ: relationship!)

Yeap, the big relationship issue reels itself in yet again...i haven't touched on this subject for ages, since i've been too busy for shit like that. BUT...here it goes again.

You see, i have this friend who keeps telling me that i NEED a bf...i flat out deny this BS and she says that proves that i REALLY REALLY am proving her point. My reply is "WHAT???"

All i want is this; a full, happy life with family and friends. Anything more would just be the icing of the proverbial freakin' cake! Why do i need to be defined as someone who NEEDS someone? All i need is my own life, to do as i please. I see my sister, who has been in a five year relationship so far (Wow!)...yeah, it is admirable, but i tell you what. They fight all the time. Do i want that? No thanks!

Plus, i'm a self-confessed commitment-phobe...i don't know why. My parents seem like the perfect couple, so maybe it is due to something else...

Another thing is, who would ever understand a girl like me? Another friend tells me that my so-called OK looks (i said so-called) do not match my brain-complexity. Yeah, i read philosophy for fun, my IT knowledge and geek-ism is better than the average layman, and the obsession for gadgetry is stunted by my lack of money, but which guy would know that? They think i'm stuck-up for not socializing like the other girls anyway, so why must i be a kiss-ass? Most guys are shallow like that...that's all!

Tell you what, when i meet a guy i can truly click with, you'll be the first to know. Mind you, attraction is a major point here, but attraction does not mean looks...those are 2 different things.

But, intellect, humor and a street-wise attitude is the way to go. In the end, personality trumps all. Right, guys...err, i mean girls! Guys...you could just choose from a variety of bimbos, coz there are many bimbo-fish in the sea...the shallow sea. LOL! (Lame, i know.)

So maybe in the next post i'll give you details on the bimbo species available...that's if i put my study books down again!

I hate it when i'm in weird-mode...

Toodlez, bithces!

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I am so right! I wanted a Sony VAIO, but needed a laptop ASAP...and all I got was this old geezer named Dell Inspiron...geez, talk about your old-timers...I got one that trumps 'em all...

Then again, it ain't all that bad...I did get it for my part-time job...for free, mind you! So I guess it's fine...no, it's awesome! Though, I would have to rely on looking for plug points, coz the battery is sure as hell not working, lol!

I am thankful, though...I can always upgrade when i'm good and ready for my newest gadget...isn't it funny that I always get what I need for free? Like my MP3 player, laptop...I sometimes feel that i'm a walking disaster that needs all the lucky charms in the world, but then, my life would suddenly take a 180 and all these good things come hitting me with a bat!

Now what I need are the best test results, and a boyfriend, lol!

You know something? For a commitment-phobe like me, I would be willing to take a chance on a guy who has the nerves to tell me he likes me, or asks for my phone number (not gets his friend to do it!)...coz guys, which girl doesn't like a man who goes for what he wants...

Sure, girls are complex; we don't say what we want, we have mood swings, hate male-chauvinist pigs and shit like that...but isn't that what makes you love us? Our strengths, brains, personalities, flexibilities, etc...Isn't it?

Why talk about this all of a sudden? Well, because one can only be "the intimidating girl" for so long...a male friend told me that I probably have no boyfriend coz I scare men away...even he, at first seemed a little intimidated by me at first, when we forst met...yeah, been told that many times...

But I kinda feel that somebody is out there for me...I don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not just to impress him, coz he will love me for who i am...I strongly believe that he is out there...all I have to do is just stop trying to be like other girls; desperate for a partner, can't live without a guy...Bleaghhhh!!! Who the hell are they living for? I can't be like that...EVER!

I for one choose to live for me!!! So, when i'm good and ready, he'll be good and ready...and by the power of serendipity, we shall meet, fall in love, and have a blast!

Do you concur?

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• A great job that I love
• A wonderful family and great friends (DONE!!!)
• A great boyfriend who loves me, and I love him back
• A wonderful education, up to PhD level
• To travel the world
• To meet influential people
• To help the children of Africa
• To help Malaysia get rid of blatant racial bias, or what they call "Affirmative Action"; which should actually benefit the minorities, not the majority!
• To become an influential person---power, grace and kindness; the kind of beauty that I want
• To make my family proud, and repay them for all their selflessness
• All of the above

How nice if for once, I can achive some things that I really want...I have been given a beautiful family and great friends, but others, not so much.

I hope it happens, though...I can't keep asking God...this, I have to do on my own!

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