Life's Sick Lil' Games...

So yesterday was my birthday...as usual, I was broke, so I couldn't do anything. Went out with my family to buy a camcorder. Got us a good one.

Dad bought me a cake from Secret Recipe, cheese-chocolate cake...yum!

Sang me the birthday song, even if I didn't want them to. Mom asked Dad to pray (God knows why, for some reason...) Dad thanked God for his wonderful family, two daughters...I almost cried, but then I tried to cover up by saying "OK, I thank God for the best parents in the world", in the most cheerful manner, I wished a wish (secret!) and blew the candles; 2 big ones.

Oh, God! I'm 20!!!

Went to bed feeling all warm and fuzzy, thanked God in a prayer, and I lay in deep slumber...

Thanks for the warmth I felt on my 20th birthday...even without all the glitter, the money, the things...I was happy to be where I was! I love my family and friends; many of my friends wished me at midnight, midmorning and midday...and at night too...thank you guys! Wish I had a party, but it's not exactly the right time, now is it? Next year, babes, next year! Let's celebrate our 21st year in Vegas...or Genting would also suffice! ;-)

Wish you could all see me giving y'all a shoutout, but...y'all don't know I have a blog now, do ya? (Except you, of course...nightfox!)

God bless!!!

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Yes, I do complain about my family giving me a hard time, but who's family doesn't? I love 'em to death, and I am so fortunate as to have the most responsible, harworking and caring pair of parents in the world. I don't come from a rich family, but heck, I thank God every day that we are not deprived of food, clothing, and shelter.

Watching Idol Gives Back makes me realize the true horror that is sickness and death among families in Africa; AIDS, HIV, malaria. The suffering they go through, the depravity...such a dark place for all. And yet, what are the African government doing with all the money raised by entertainers throughout the years? What happened to the millions from Band Aid, Live Aid...now, what will happen with the money from Idol Gives Back?

I sure hope that the money is allocated to the people of the African continent, and not to heads of the gov...coz you know what'll happen. The rich get richer, and the poor...you know the drill!

Come to think of it, in all the decades of funds raised, the only time things really worked was if you, a donor went there and saw things through...like Oprah did with building the schools, giving gift to the children personally, and many other stuff like that. That is the smartest thing to do! Watch where your money goes...

At least people are starting to care about Africa. If only I had the dough...what I wouldn't give to help out. Seeing the young ones cry made my heart sink...

I am truly one of the many fortunate people in this world, and I thank God for that!

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Almost every week, there's a report on date-rape, incest, rape, rape, rape, rape, and rape! Today, I read about yet another case of rape; where a girl befriends a guy, meets him, and ends up being raped!

What bugs me is that the rape starts when a girl "befriends" some guy through a random phone number she got, or he got.

What bugs me is that a girl could trust a guy who she just "met" through a phone call, or a short SMS.

What bugs me is that she would end up WILLING to meet him somewhere, all alone.

What bugs me is that she would WILLINGLY follow him somewhere, all alone.

What bugs me is that a guy would treat a fellow human being as if she were nothing but a sex toy. Don't you even have the slightest humanity to feel guilt?

What bugs me is that cases like this happens over and over and over and over again!

That's what bugs me...reading the news makes me sick!

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If you love Heroes, but hate spoilers...DON'T READ THIS!!!
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The exploding man is not Peter, it's Sylar...dang! And you know why future-Hiro asks to save the cheerleader?

Coz when present-day Hiro stabs exploding-Sylar (ala Ted Sprague) with the sword, he regenerated (because he took Claire's powers...therefore, Claire was NOT YET saved!)

I also get why future-Hiro is so grim...after the explosion, people hated his kind...there were curfews, killings, they were treated like crap. That's why!

So, OMG, that totally rocked my socks! NBC's graphic novels provided answers for me! Just think, I now know the background story of "Austin" and "Dallas", Hana, etc...woot!

But there's a lot more, man...many more mysterious stuff...damn, this shit is GOOD!

I LOVE HEROES!

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...since my last post. Haven't been busy, just lounging around the house, watching tv, doing a huge-ass pile of laundry (my family's a well; they wear A LOT of clothes!)

My mom has come and gone for the weekend...my aunt is going back to Colorado tomorrow...she'll be leaving me her dumbells. So, expect me with lovely toned arms and abs soon! Hahah!

Started exercising again...feels good, I don't know why I even stop sometimes. It gets me to release all my gloom, sadness, depressed feelings. It releases the good in me (i'm talkin' endorphins, yo!)

I'm depressed coz I haven't experienced what I should've at my age. I've nothing to remember ecept high school, temp jobs, friends. What else? Zilch! Where's me falling in love? Where's me attending my first concert? How about me gettin' into clubs and shit? Me sneakin' out of the house? I've always been the one who was not allowed to do these things...I guess resentment is how I feel now...to feel more calm, something therapeutic i've done is write a letter. To move on, to be free, and to be the bubbly girl I once was. This letter does not reflect any negativity towards my parents, just some stuff that got me feeling a little down...so, here goes! (Don't judge...)

To my parents:
Why do I have to be the good, "normal" child, the one that HAS to not care about being treated badly by everyone? Just because I didn't cut myself when I was depressed, doesn't mean I don't feel sad. Always, I have to hear the words "Just let her treat you that way, just let it be"...then i'd just HAVE TO shut the fuck up about everything! Even when i've been wronged! They don't care about my feelings when they keep telling me what a bad daughter I am when you channel your anger towards her onto me, coz hey, I don't cut myself, I don't suffer from bulimia...

Now, I guess all the anger throughout the years are coming out...out on you! I'm sorry, but I can't help it...I can't help being a shrew, a bitch, a disrespectful moron! I'm always arguing with everyone at home and lost the "respect your elders" bit. Just so you know, I feel guilt right after I raise my voice on you. Maybe coz the only way I feel that i'm being heard is if I shout it out?

You once asked me why I can't receive compliments...now I answer you with this; I guess all those years of calling me this and that have made me a girl with low self-esteem, who covers it all up with a cheerful front. Inside, i'm all screwed up! I'll always be the fat ugly tomboy that I was in primary school...so, there...there's your answer! Why don't I have a boyfriend? Coz subconsciously, I think I don't deserve anyone, coz, boy, no one could ever handle my shenanigans...

You're the best parents any daughter could have, and this is a mere outburst of what i've been feeling throughout the years when I was 'the good one'. Now...just accept that this is me now. However, I guess you'll never know how I really feel...All's well, I just needed to get this out.

Love you guys always.


Your daughter,
-X-


(I feel so much better now...though, it'll take sometime till i'm feeling great about myself!)

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Idiots!!!

That's how I sum up "these people"...incompetent slobs! Wtf, man?

I was supossed to go for my driving test today, but what happened? Last minute phone call from the bloody-assed driving school. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time, my test is cancelled. I was looking forward to getting through this fuckin' test, that I took a leave of absence from work, and made plans to visit my mom, collect my prize from Sony, etc...

The first time I got cancelled, was because the idiot slob forgot to put my name in the application, but told me I was confirmed for April the 13th...ok, confirmed!

Then, a week before the test, the idiot slob told me that it wasn't her fault, that it was the old clerk's fault...Oooohhh, like I fuckin' care! BUT, she's only human, so I gave in, seeing that she's 'only human', and at least she notified me early. So she said 18th was open, so I said 18th it is!

Fast forward to the 17th...after taking extra-hours of classes,(I had to, because I don't have a stick-car to practice with) I was feeling ready...

Then, she fuckin' calls me in the afternoon before the test-day to tell me my learners' permit has expired, and i'm ineligible to take the test! Wtf!!! I've renewed it, already, bozo!

Then my dad has to send her the copy, and gives her the lecture on how many times will this happened, what incompetence, and shit like that. I was in my office, pissed out of my mind! She called me and apologized and said it wasn't her fuckin fault, but the old clerk's fault!

HUH! You expect me to fall for that shit this time? Some nerve, I took leave, I planned everything around that day, and you can't even admit your fuckin' fault? How long was that clerk working there? Is she working there now?

What's with "these people"? Why do "these people" keep screwing things up? I'm glad i'm no longer wanting to work with "these people", coz working with them would embarass me as a Malaysian!

She tells me the 20th is free! After arguing about her incompetence, I then tell her to better give me the 20th. She says she'll call me back. She doesn't. So I call her. She says I could only get to do the test in May. I get pissed even more! I couldn't handle it, and tell her to call me when she's sure of everything, and be sure this time, or else...then, I slam the phone down in sheer anger, bloody anger!

I swear on Mongrel Dogs, I will never let my sister, or anyone I know go to that fuckin' driving school...NEVER!!! They fuckin' wasted my money, my time and commitment...

Now, I have made up my mind...no working with "those people", coz all I get is stupid, bloody migraines from their idiocy! Now, on to my venting:

@$$fUc^^%##$$%66777mo&&^^%%%^&$##@^$%&*

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OMG!!! Heroes preview...This is absolutely awesome!!! I can't wait, people! Peter looks hot with a scar. Teehee! And what's with the gloomy future Hiro? And is Isaac gonna die? Oh, man, I can't wait!

The song goes great with the trailer. In case you didn't know, it's Nickleback's If Anyone Cared...

Does anyone care? Haha...guess not! This is MY addiction!

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Black Monday...Manic Monday...Shitty Mondays...they are practically a guarantee! The weekend's done, and we start the week with another day of business.

So, i don't enjoy my work, as it's just a temporary one till I start freshman year. Sure, many people do hate their job...but I would like to do something which I have passion for. That is why, I hope everything goes how it should. Pleeeeeeze, let it happen!

Mom had to go back to the hospital after her "weekend holiday". We sent her back yesterday night. Dad waited in the car, probably tearing up coz he'll miss his wifey...my sis and I sent her to her ward. Unloaded her stuff, then kissed her goodbye. We could see her face was sad and she was about to cry. When I turned back, she gave my sis and I a flying kiss, with the almost-gonna-cry face. We got out, and my sister began crying. I tried to be the strong one, and held back tears.

Just as we reached the darkness, I released all the held tears, and wiped them before my sister could detect anything. I really didn't want to make her cry even more, so I had to keep up a front, as usual...back at home, I ran into my room and cried my heart out!

Mommie, my mommie! She's such a great person...she's funny, weird and crazy (like me!), demanding, but she makes up for it with her smile, her heart. We all would just miss her, we can't even say goodbye when we send her to the hospital! Gawd, i'm welling up! Must stop now...

I truly hope everything goes well, and she and the baby will remain healthy, as they should be. Till the next weekend, when momsie comes home...


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Today, I decide to take the bus home. Too much money is being spent on train rides, and I don't have a lot of money. So, I have to get down on a place that is quite far from my house, and walk! Perhaps I could lose some pounds! Lol! Oh, wait, i'm wearing high heels...NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Hope that everything goes well.

Toodlez, bitches!

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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly,points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."
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LOL!
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Help me with the boredom, people!

TGIF post for today...

Yesss!!! I love Fridays...coz I become someone i'm not, when I do nothing...I hate it when i've nothing to do, y'all! I become very irritable, gloomy, and shit like that. I watch YouTube, but that's just till I get an hour's fix. After that, the boredom kicks in again. What i'm curious about is, why do I get bored easily? Is it normal?

At least, i'll be having my driving lessons tomorrow and Sunday, but that's it! No plans after that.

Somebody rescue me!!!

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Dullness begins when you have nothing to do, right? Anybody have a suggestion?

Let's just talk about yesterday's train ride home. Well, I knew as much. I saw this eye candy, he looked so cute+hot, which is great. We looked at each other for a sec, then, at the next stop, a bunch of people came in, so I just gave in and went to the back of the train...sigh!

I believe there is this karmic balance in life, ya know? 1 eye candy must equal to something bad...is it too dark a thought? I think not, since it's always the case in my life...

So, what makes me think these thoughts? Experience! What happened after that? These two Indonesian guys stared at me, then one of them took liberty in holding onto bars either side of me, virtually surrounding me with his arms! Yucks!!!

Feel him breathing on me...talking to his friend beside him! WTF, dude? Just as I wanted to move away, he kinda moved away. Phew!

I just wish all asshole/perverts/idiots/weaklings/pushovers will go to hell!

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I know this much is true...I LOVE HEROES!!!!!!!

I've read all the summaries of the future episodes, but dang! Watching it just gets better every week. Uh, if I were to talk about the show, I would need 100 pages, so nevermind!

I've never seen so many eye candy, dudes! Hahaha, Peter & Nathan Petrelli, Isaac Mendez, Mohinder Suresh, heck, even HRG looks hot! Sigh...am I forgetting anyone's hotness? How about cuteness? Hiro is masterful in the cute area, and so is Ando...oh, and Micah too! Geez, i'm such a Heroes junkie...

Okay, on another note...I miss my mom! Turns out there is no way she'll be back anytime soon. She has to remain under observation until the baby is born...poor mom! Miss her very much, and hope she and the baby will be safe and healthy...

In other news, I would like to thank God for my perv-less journey home yesterday...I only saw one guy in the train I was in...and he was surrounded by women, he looked kinda scared! Hahaha, hope to have another journey like that today!

That's all folks!

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Dear God,

If you would be so kind (of course you are!), would you please let me go home today without the feeling of being watched or breathed on? I wouldn't mind seeing a nice+cute guy, though. Please, don't let those ass-faced-jerk-off pervs do shit today. And if they do, may they be struck by lightning, or may a rabid dog feast on their "frank 'n beans"...yes, the latter would be much better!

It would be very much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Me

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Mom's been admitted...she's ok (thank God!), but needs to remain under observation. The baby might be born this month...wow!

How fast the time passes. In a few weeks, i'm gonna be a sister all over again! Then i'll be off to college/uni/whatever, then i'll be working, then i'll be married, then i'll be having kids of my own, then i'll have grandchildren, then...RIP! The circle of life? I'd like to think my life would amount to something more than just the ordinary, you know?

I've got so much of hope, and yet, I know that things don't always turn out the way you want them to...I've got too many dreams and ambition to live a normal life, and I sure hope God will dream a bigger dream for me...

Yet, here I am blogging in the office, all alone...why is everybody late?

Paolo Nutini's songs are playing in the background. It suits my mood now, his music...bluesy, rocky, folksy...NICE! I love his music.

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You should see my parents...they are so adorable! So in love, you wouldn't believe. One morning, I went into their room to take the laundry (yeah, I do the laundry...everybody's laundry!!!) and I saw them cuddling while sleeping. Isn't that cute? My parents, people!!!

And now i'm sitting here, wondering why i'm such a cynical, sarcastic bitch, when it comes to matters like romance, love...maybe love isn't for me? So far, I haven't even come close to anything like that, what more, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, hearing trumpets (???) and shit like that.

My sister has this idea that i'll turn out as a bitter old woman, who's still a virgin...and i'll also be the neighborhood cat-lady! Hahahahaha...that's funny! But, do you know what's funnier? When your mom tells you that as well...

For someone who seems to be a love-cynic, I do talk about it a lot, don't I? Maybe it's because I want to be proven wrong. Maybe it's because of the constant pressure from my mom, sister, friends (some of them!), cousins, godfather. Why is everyone rooting for me? Why, why, why? It's kinda sweet, but still annoying!

All these questions that will never be answered!

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I'm not busy anymore, coz I finished all the work given...a little too fast! So, now i'm back to blogging, and surfing the net for junk!

What is this I hear about the gov wanting bloggers to register? I mean, is there no such thing as privacy anymore in this country? Gawsh!!! The registered prepaid is understandable, but this? Hey, I don't create trouble for people, I just mind my own business and blog! This is MY journal, and not a malevolent media to bring people down...sigh...slowly, this country is making me more and more disappointed!

Among other things, what can I say? My parent plan to migrate somewhere nice when they get older...you know, how old folks in America move to Florida...lol! I just hope my sister and I will be making lots of moolah so that we can spoil them, hahaha!

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This is what I can say for NOW...


When you plan things, they either:

• Work out well
• Don't work out at all

Well, I planned for years to become a diplomat, or eventually an ambassador to my country, and go on to missions worldwide...but, now what? I am now, with a heavy heart opting not to...because a girl like me--a non-Bumi will never get the chance I deserve...due to this bullshit called affirmative action. Now, I understand that this works on a minority, but why does it apply to the majority in this country?

Plus, i've added the fact that i'm also half-Filipino, so i'm not sure if i'd even be considered being in the gov or even likely to be promoted. My uncle, a Malaysian of Sinhalese race has been in the gov body for over 20 years. He has mentored countless incompetent Malay-sians who have gone to be at the top of the chain.

How unfair is this? I have a lot to offer, and I don't need to waste my precious time, dude! If I join the foreign service, I need a guarantee that i'll be judged purely on my capabilities, and not my race! I need answers, but I doubt i'll get any...I don't even know who to ask!

As one dream slowly fades away, I now opt for Plan B...YES, there is a plan B. Remember how I love writing, talking (not as much as writing...but people seem to say I have the gift of the gab...hehehe! More like the gift of not shutting up!)?

I think that BA in Communication is the way to go! Either Taylor's or Monash...If I could get the full amount for Monash , which is VERY expensive via PTPTN, it would definitely be my choice. So, I need to do some research...I need much assistance, God, so you better take the wheel...soon, i'll have a baby sister, and you know babies...I can't burden my mom and dad with my crap.

I've heard a saying, "Wanna make God laugh? Make a plan..."

How true that is. Just goes to show that HE has a sense of humor...I dig that!

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Happy Easter!!!

For me, it didn't make any difference...I know, I know, Jesus was risen from the dead today, and lo and behold...we all rejoice in HIS presence!

I mean, it isn't different because we did not celebrate the day with any lavish settings or parties. We just went for Sunday mass, went out to eat, went to Grandma's...that's it! How much boring can my social life get?

We did go to SPCA (my aunt from the US wanted some t-shirts---which of course, helps the maintenance of the place!) which, by the way is extremely, poorly maintained. We also witnessed a worker hitting a dog with a cane, and that ain't a sight to see, especially at SPCA!!! She said she was gonna write about it to the American SPCA...what an embarassment to Malaysians!

My bestest best friend's birthday is today! Happy birthday, bitch!!! May you blossom into the woman you want to be...love you lots! Can't believe we're 20 this year...not teens anymore! Lol, soon, we could get into clubs...Hahaha! Not like YOU would. Btw, my 21st birthday would be celebrated in the casino, for sure! Hahaha!

Sigh, time passes by way too fast! But, wait! I still don't have a boyfriend...Lol, and everyone wants to "help" me find one...I would love to have a nice guy who I can have a ball with, but if he's not here, why hurry, right? Sometimes people want stuff for you that just isn't logical...

But, you know something? The guys who like me are either;

• Too fat (hey, I don't mind chubby, but by golly, 3 overweight guys trying to "score" you just a tad too creepy...)
• Too young (nononono...)
• Too dependent, that they call you every hour, of every day...even when they're working...YIKES!

Man, this ain't right...

WHERE ARE YOU, MR. RIGHT-GUY-FOR-ME??? Come out, come out, wherever you are...

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I knew it...when it's dad who sends me to work, i'm a 100% sure i'll be late...today, I certainly was. 10 minutes late to be exact. It's not that anyone was in the office or anything, but I just need to be early, or on the dot, yo!

Yeah, i'm a real piece of work like that!

Watched Heroes last night. DAMN, it was great! My friend downloads the show, and catches the same episode that the U.S. does, but I can't...the server over here sucks. Plus, my comp RAM sucks too! Put 2 & 2 together...go figure. I'll just wait for Astro's prime time show...what the heck, eh? Ok, back to the show...

Ooohhh, looks like Sylar's power gets more powerful with every kill..oohhh! And yada yada yada! Can't wait, dudes! I'm a total Heroes junkie...and wasn't Hiro's story totally adorable? I recognized Charlie from that suck-ball movie called Epic Movie...she did great in the show.

Meh, i'm talking too much now. Better get back to work. Btw, to the only friend I can trust enough to read this...when are we gonna hang out, dude? I start freshman year in July...that's a long way to go!

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Yes...I think so...well, I don't know for sure, but I'm now doing some production work...SUBTITLING!!!

Well, with that, I can now say i'm bored no more! Woohoo!

Bought brekkie from another nasi lemak lady...boy, it sucks balls! Totally a waste of my money; its bland, oh so bland! Yucks!!!

Here's hoping that I get a hike...a pay hike that is! Coz now, I totally deserve it.

Yeah, a short post for today...but, woot for me anyway!

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I start the morning with this:

WTF?

Woke up quite late today...realized that there's no more coffee! Arrrghhh...what the hell, man? I needz ma coffee!!! So there...I thought I could grab a cuppa 3-in-1 at the office, then I realized my Nescafe 3-in-1 RICH is gone. Noooooooo! Thought i'd steal a sachet from the boss-man, but he likes his 3-in-1 MILD. Ewwwwww!!!!!

So now, I have to drink this measly cup of sugar and milk with a little bit of coffee for flavor...that's how a MILD tastes like.Okay, I don't care, i'm gonna buy my own RICH 3-in-1 whether i've got money or not! MILD does not work for me! It just doesn't...

I'm gonna buy me my caffeine-fix!

On another note; the nasi lemak lady has vanished...noooooooo!

Later!

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After work, I watched a movie with a couple of friends...this movie, 300 that everyone's been talking about.

One of my friend saw it for the 3rd time! Can you believe that? Lol, the movie was great, in terms of cinematography, it is very artistic (yes, even the bloody, gory scenes...oooh, and the beheading too!). I should tell you that I was the only one really enjoying (i.e.--laughing out loud) all the gore and slicing of hands and legs...my friends were looking at me like, "Whaaat? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a sadist or something?" much to my chagrin...well, it's just surprising that all the gory details are intact...

And would you believe the pecks on those dudes? OMG, fuckin' unreal, dudes! Imagine 300 men with their six-packs on guard...my male friend was almost crying at the sight, claiming "do you think those pecks are real?"

Of course they are, dude! That's what months of training do to your body...and if we are talking about real Spartans, they train almost their whole lives...and, oh, what hurt I felt when King Leonidas bit the dust...and the end was awe-inspiring. All in all, great movie in terms of style...substance, i'll give it a B-!

Yesterday was Palm Sunday in the Catholic calendar...so, my family and I went for mass as usual...damn, the church was packed! Our church is quite small, so to see people all the way outside was quite touching!

I even saw my crush there too! Damn, he's cute! I somehow can't gather enough courage to even smile at him, which is unusual, coz i'm NEVER shy! Oh, yeah...I forgot, I usually am shy with guys I like! Oh, snap! Well...someday, i'll have to change this attitude, but I guess I'm afraid taking chances might somehow backfire...well, i've seen it happen to some of my closest friends, and see what it did to her? I don't want that to happen to me too! Eh, maybe he has a girlfriend anyway (that's how I comfort myself when I think about it!)...

And...I'm officially the family chef...Lol! I cooked on Saturday, (seeing that my mom can't be doing any work due to her pregger state) and people seemed to like it...so I cooked on Sunday, and was crowned the family cook! Haha...I have to cook special vegetarian meals for my vegetarian sister, you know? That's tough!!!

I'm kinda regretting cooking well, coz now i'll have to cook all the time! Shit, I never thought of that...only now!!!

Wow, looks like a long post...heheee, looks like I got my writing mojo back!

Toodlez, bitches!

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