Life's Sick Lil' Games...

Well, here's one thing I'd never thought I'd have this early on...a four-day holiday! Heheh...well, so far...it's been good! Challenges await me, but I'm ready! I'm eyeing the Marketing Department...just because I relate to it so much. It's strategy, long-term planning, delegating, communicating to the advertisers, intermediary to the mother organization and its subsidiary...it's more ME! But...early on I see others eyeing that department, too!

I don't know if they started assessing which MT goes to which dept yet...but then again, we've only been here for about 2 weeks. The hard part hasn't even started yet! On my part, I have to read this awesome book by the Harvard Business Review...okay, so I haven't done anything, but I know it's a great book that I would enjoy reading!

Not even receiving my first paycheck, and my Mom is already planning what I may or may not pay for... -____- Okay, so I WILL pay for some utilities here...I always said I would! BUT please don't go planning for me to pay for things and buying this-and-that when I'm only a week in...

Hmmm, there never fails to be a sort of pressure with Mom...I know that she hates that I took this job, since there's no way in 3 years I would be working for the diplomatic corps (see what I did there? Hahhaahha...genius!!!) :P

Another thing is the need of a car! I NEED one!!! So far, I've been going to and from work by driving Dad's car coz my sister is on a 2-week break. After this, she'll have to send me to work again! It's hard and it's such a waste on petrol...I've already broken down my pay in case I get a car...it's gonna be a challenge, but one I'm willing to take! Even the toll is about RM10 a day...their travel allowance is just enough for a month's worth of toll.

Wow, somebody needs a pay hike asap! I will do a great job and get a pay hike within 6 months...this is my short-term goal!!! I know that I can't get it within 4 months because I'll be in training...but I will try AFTER that. ;P

So...what else? Oh, everyone in my batch is somehow attached or engaged to be married...this makes me realize that I am the odd one out...I don't even state my status...just gonna leave it at that and let them guess all they want...know what? I've been so lucky in so many areas of my life...I have accepted that I'm just unlucky in ONE area...I have come to terms with this; there is no man who will ever make my dreams come true...coz what I want is a fairytale which doesn't exist. I have built this man in my head so high, that no actual person could ever fulfill this dream...well, nobody asked me to dream this BIG, right? It's just me dreaming big like I always do (well, it's not like I'm the perfect girl anyway...hehehe! ), coz Oprah always tells us to "Dream big!"...and this is something that I couldn't do any other way! :)

Also, I miss my home in the Philippines...when any of my relatives from Guagua message me on Facebook, I am instantly taken back to the paddy fields...the jeepney rides in the village...the family...I remember the boat ride we took, exactly like in one of my dreams...it was just wonderful! This is the very reason I believe in LoA...so far it has worked tremendously for me.

The trip to Paris was my ultimate LoA dream as well, but I think now is not the time...doesn't mean I'll never get there...I sent a letter of resignation to my lecturer, and he sent a heartfelt reply. No matter what, I will try my best to get them at least ONE sponsor...a good one! I really miss taking French classes with my friends...when you leave, it's not the lessons that you remember...it's the memories! AND I'm glad that I have created memories with the people I love...no matter what happens, I'll always have photographs and keepsakes from the 3 years we've spent together (and some I've known for longer ;P).

Wow, it's been so long since I've written a long, brain-extracting post! Voila...

I don't expect anyone to read this, but it's so cathartic for me to write what I'm feeling. I will certainly read this post in the future, feeling the same emotions...God bless!

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So there you have it...I was busted for a self-pitying post. Ok, i'll have to admit i was ashamed of being so petty and selfish for this sorry attempt of self-sympathy. And why? For a few hours of emoting...

Man, it felt so...so...lousy? But heck, i don't care...coz it's normal to feel like crap sometimes. So here, in all it's glory...G's pity-party post (has a nice ring to it, don't you think?)

And problems? Who doesn't have them, right? It's how you handle them...it's how we overcome. And my life's goals are way too many, although i'm a little lost. Heck, I don't wanna work at a job i hate. I don't wanna be stuck here in confinement while others get to live life to the fullest!

I wanna look forward to my career every single time i wake up. I wanna be the epitome of happiness at its best! Hah! I talked to my mom about all of this before, coz this has been an issue for me for some time...she told me to save up and go wherever i want...so simple, huh? BUT then you go and get posted in Sabah...and dad is working, sis is studying...it's funny, almost! Ironically funny...yeah, maybe resentment is what i feel.

A-ha moment: RESENTMENT! Exactly what i'm feeling right now! Boy, this is why i love writing...gives you the release, while literally showing your train of thoughts lead to an a-ha moment!

Why the hell am i so bipolar? I'm sooo weird...Then again, i don't wanna be conforming to what society dictates to me...hmmm, there i go again!

Guess what i said before was actually true...i'm at my best when i'm busy doing something, rather than bored doing nothing! So here it is...my revoked post -->REPOSTED!

Just so you can see how foolish i was...


So Jaded...But It Will Be Over Soon
Category: boredom , Collective Soul , shorts By ledzeppelin4evr


My life so far has been a cyclical period of boredom, you have no idea! This often gets me in a sort of depression mode. Why? Coz i just imagined myself in another place...and now i'm like, "Fuck!"

This is one of the reasons i don't like thinking too much bout myself...

Man, why have i become so jaded? At this very moment, I just want to go far away...maybe by myself to reflect on life a little bit. While i'm thinking about all this, this song just keeps popping into my head: Run by Collective Soul...the lyrics pretty much sums it up, and i'm in the process of learning it (damn F chord!!!)...that is how i'm feeling!!!

What more can I say? I just want this feeling to pass...and it will, or maybe it will just be re-lodged into my subconscious a little further down...

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And here i am...home at last! After the endless ups and downs of the beloved staircase of my dorm (i climbed up and down like 7 times!), i have finally carried EVERYTHING!!! My arms hurt like hell!

But...then again, leaving is a bittersweet moment...yeah, sure...wasn't much, but damn it was my temple of solitude...a place where i found peace...a place where i could just be alone, look outside and i can see the forest, the sky, feel the breeze, hear the rain, etc...it was good while it lasted!

Just turned 22 last April, and i was shown that i have the sweetest friends...one drove for miles just to gimme a whole bunch of stuff, (and denies NOT knowing my birthday was near...) and the others just tried their best to keep things hush-hush, surprising me with a cake! Again i thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart *hugs*!

So i had two birthday cakes - well, 1 birthday cake, and 12 cupcakes from this place where they sell cupcakes (duhh!!!) for a ridiculous price! But damn, they taste good! *drools* Parents got me a new phone, which i'm thankful for!


(I shared a birthday cake with Fitrina Walhaallahallah!!! Happy birthday in advance babe! Remember how we finished it, and were on the verge of puking from too much cake? ROFLMAO...good times!)


(It says: "Betday Kakak!" -- just the way my baby sis says it...cute, huh? My other sis' idea! Omg, these cupcakes are heaven. Note to self: need to learn to bake awesome cupcakes!!! Lol! the topping was...*drools*)

BACK TO THE JOURNAL...

What else, huh...the exams. Well, what should i say about the exams -- i would say it sucked balls to the core, but i am hoping for the best, hehehe! Serves me right for not revising and sticking to the Devil's trap, which is the internet!!! He must be laughing at me now, but yeah...i suck!

Said our goodbyes right after the last paper, and left each other just like that...man, i miss you guys already! :'(

Now that i'm home, i have been appointed the family cook...again! And i am also the maid...which sucks, coz i would make a horrible maid due to my procrastination and laziness. Well, they asked for it! Lol!

My baby sis is talking a lot now...damn, they sure do grow up pretty fast! She can say what she means, albeit a little broken...but we get what she tries to say...Man, it never ceases to amaze me how time passes by...i get surprised by it every single day! I mean, was it really passing this quick ever since? Or is it something that's only happening NOW? I dunno...as i remember, it didn't use to be this fast!

Oh, yeah...Mom might be posted in Sabah again, so...i dunno, the trip might be postponed to the final week of June, instead of mid-May! I hate it when this happens...i hate when plans take a detour and i just wish plans just stay the main agenda...but it doesn't, and i'll just have to accept it, won't i?

And what's with the weather nowadays? OMG, it's so freakin' hot, that I sweat while taking a shower...i sweat while standing near a fan...wtf is up? Have we screwed up the environment soooo much that we are now suffering the consequences? It rains for 2 minutes, then it's back to the heatwave...arrrgghhh!

Okay, so for now...done with all the goss - so all i have to say now is...

Toodlez, bitches!

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As I attempt to study...I fail!

As I attempt to sleep...I fail!

As I attempt to stay awake...I fail!

What can i say about this shit? Epic fail!!!

Well, that's just me! But, as the saying goes...success comes with failure, and hey, whaddya know, i'm almost there! With two tests over, i am left with 5...and i can't wait for it to be over.

BUT...

With the end of the semester, comes the beginning of a new one...shit! Thesis, man...my thesis! Can't play the fool any more. I dunno, i procrastinate a lot, and i know that's a pretty bad habit...not pretty bad...it's BAD, period! And to make things worse, it's been my quality since childhood. Sigh, how do I stop it? It's a part of me now, damnit! Okok, i've said it, and i'll say it again...I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS! (so much for not being a procrastinator!)

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The other day, my mom called...well, she always calls! What was different about this call was...wait for it...wait for it...it's pretty funny...she wishes for me to have a bf!!! She actually said, "I wish for you to fall in love and have a boyfriend!" *speechless* Do I look so pathetic without one? Damn...

You may roll on the floor and laugh your ass off...coz I certainly did! Told my friends, and they laughed too. Okok, so I asked my mom -- "Why mom, why all of a sudden? You've always supported me when I said I am happily single, and you hate it when those stupid aunties ask me why I don't have a bf, right?"

She said, "Yes, of course...but you know what? I got married when i was 21...you're 22 and you've never even had ONE bf..."

SHIT...when she said that, I laughed...but in my heart...shit!!! Is this pressure i'm sensing? FUCK!!! To make light of the subject, she told me that my dad might even look for someone for me...it was a joke, but mom said, "who knows?"

OMG...WTF!!! Can it get any weirder than this? I don't know whether to laugh or cry...so I laughed. Telling my friends was no better, they keep telling me "Who asked you to have super high standards?" Since when did I have high standards? Damn! Another even wants to hook me up with her friend...Arrrrggghhhh!!! *runs away*

To make things worse, I went and said something stupid to my mom the other day, before 'the call':
She has a friend; she's a lawyer - successful, rich...and she's single. She told my mom that she regrets being too demanding in terms of choosing a guy, that now, she's in her 40s, all alone...

What did I say that was soo stupid? Well, i told my mom, "Shit, that's gonna be me..."

I'm guessing THAT statement was the catalyst that set my mom into panic mode. I'm LOL-ing now as this is a revelation!

Damn, why did I have to say that? Ok, it's sweet that mom and dad doesn't want me to end up alone, but i would definitely NOT be alone...i have my backups.

In the end, I know my man is out there, and whatever it is...I deserve happiness, and God will not let me be unhappy! Errrr, right?

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