Life's Sick Lil' Games...

It's Easy Being A Bitch For Some...

2011-10-27T19:09:00.001+08:00

I don't have to say much. We've all been there. Especially for some people who have it easier than some.

Why don't you fucking realize that you have everything that you need, and the rest of us take the hard way...we go to public universities coz we can't afford more expensive colleges; we don't have wealthy benefactors to give us any funds coz...meh, just a tough break.

Some of us deliberately take a different route simply because we don't want our mothers to dictate what we should become. What we initially thought we wanted was not what WE wanted, but what our parents wanted for us...

Some of us do not have a history of cutting ourselves and being useless during a certain phase of our teenaged life. So buzz off, it's my turn to do what I WANT; since you did it your whole "phase"...give me my fucking chance for once! Because of you, I forced myself to become the "good child"...so fine...i'm a useless piece of crap now. But now you're the "good child"...so what's the fucking problem? I'm not hurting myself, right?

You DG2S about what I think right? Well, if you don't...why the hell are you always in my face about every single petty issue? Just.shuuuuut.upppppppppppp.OMG!!!

Realize...things are so much deeper than the shallow surface you see. I guess you always think in a shallow way. Well I don't. Everything is steeped in other unresolved issues, asshole. You are such a megalomaniac!

PS: This is my only outlet...so please, let me be! Nobody ever takes my side, so TQVM! I'm mad...boohoo!

Love & Marriage, Love & Marriage...

2011-10-17T01:28:00.000+08:00

I seem to live in a society where marriage is something that you HAVE to do by the age of 25. So I'm 24 this year; without a boyfriend.

So what?

Whenever people talk to me about getting married, all I can do is force myself to NOT puke in my mouth. The word MARRIAGE scares the hell out of me!

So shoot me if I never did go long enough with a boy to call it a relationship. I date to know whether we can go further. But somehow, I never go further than that. I just don't connect well with them. Some small annoyance, like the way they eat, the way they treat people in general, the clingy-ness...they just get to me. Yes, and the guys I have major crushes on...they're taken. TAKEN...and I don't like being a third party in any circumstance whatsoever.

So yes, I want a guy who can understand me well. Whom I can understand well. Oh yeah, while I'm at it...since ALL guys say looks are important, why not take that route too? I've been saying that looks aren't important, but what the hell...from now on, I'm gonna follow suit. I've always been a follower of attraction; but to me, it wasn't JUST the looks. It included something called intelligence, a great sense of humor, a bit of witty sarcasm, a bit of geekism, and a hint of machismo. But since LOOKS are important to guys...oh, well...when in Rome...

Yeah, looks like I'm lacking in the ideas department...so I thought I'd go with a "bitter" post...thanks. Have a great Monday!

iFelt Sad: 2 Deaths In A Week Which Affected Me

2011-10-11T00:42:00.004+08:00

My grandma died. Saw that my dad was really really sad; he wept like a little boy. I only cried when I saw him that way. I love my grandma coz she was my grandmother...but I still can't forget what she did to my dad and his siblings by leaving them. My dad was only a baby when she left them to marry another man. So now you know.

Yes, she was nice to me and my sisters. She had a full life, in terms of being lucky to have her kids care for her and love her unconditionally till her last days on Earth. She is at peace now, and hopefully in a better place.

Yes...I am quite removed from this. This did not affect me as much as it would have...

Just a day after her death was the death of one of my idols: Steve Jobs. After a long battle with cancer, he's gone. His suffering, too...has ended.

Now this 2nd death...this brought me to feel sad...but I couldn't show people that I was more sad for his death now, could I?

Man, anyone who reads this might think I'm a bitch for admitting what I'm actually admitting. I read a book about him for my Book Review Presentation during my days as a trainee. It affected me in such a way, that I actually started to research Jobs, the person - his presentations, his personality, history, words of wisdom...and you know what? He...he was the epitome of innovation. He was the ultimate CEO. He followed his passion and what he loved. Now this is something I'm trying very hard to find...doing work which you love.

Without him, we would be listening to music through God knows what. We would probably NOT have awesome GUI and calligraphic fonts on computer. We would probably not have computers in our homes. We would NOT have all the touching Pixar animations and the technology to create such heart-warming lovable characters.

He was brilliant. He was something I aspired to be (like Oprah, hehehehe).

He learned calligraphy, joined the Hare Krishna in India, did psychedelic drugs, opened a company which would be a Fortune 500 company which was synonymous with innovation, craziness and thinking differently.

I actually watched his speech at Stanford for the 2nd time (it made me cry). His words resonates with me till now. It made actually my presentation something. I started to follow how he presented things. He was the master of presenting latest gadgets from Apple. Just watch any of the launching of Macbooks, iPods, iPhones, etc...

At the end of my presentation, I received an awesome response from the audience just because you could see the twinkle in my eye and that passion. I loved that book and it showed! I wish I could find more of that in my life.

Steve may have never known me, but I'm only one of the billions of people affected by his dent he put on the universe. I shall always try my best to follow his favorite quote, "Stay hungry, stay foolish". I shall always look back and "connect the dots" on how the little steps I took in my life affected the outcome...just like his did.

Today, and probably for the decades ahead...Steve Jobs's legacy will live on just like Thomas Edison is remembered today. In textbooks, you will be a historical figure.

Thanks, Steve. RIP.

PS: Grandma...u RIP too. I know you're in a better place now. I hope.

1st Anniversary!

2011-09-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

Yeah...first year since I started my stint with this group. It's sort of an end to something which I would consider as my starting point. My stepping stone.

Alas, i'm nowhere...I am still in the process of settling. I don't wanna talk about details because I don't think it's important to be documenting on this blog.

I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated. I remember a time where i used to write about how i was feeling practically everyday or more. Looking at my last post, it was about my nonexistent love-life. Well, that issue is so "nothing new"...hehehe!

I've come to terms with it...I think God forgot to make my other half when he made me...maybe. But you know what, I'm so over it. In my life, my focus is ME! My family and friends are enough for me to get along in life.

One thing i'm doing right is crossing out all the things i've wanted to do ever since i was little. I've already accomplished learning French...next thing is learning Salsa...now i've wanted to learn this since the first time I watched Strictly Ballroom. So ok, that movie was more ballroom dancing rather than salsa, but I've always been fascinated by this Latin American dance. It's simply something i've always wanted to do. So yeah...i'm in the process of learning.

The next thing I wanna do is to further my studies...I just have to, not for anyone else...but just for ME. Because I made a promise to myself to do this...i owe it to me to fulfill my own wish!

Another is to travel the world. Now I always count on the right timing for basically EVERYTHING. So anytime something I wish for doesn't happen, it's not because of bad luck...it's just bad timing! Yeah...I notice now, everything falls into place when it's the perfect moment, the perfect timing. Guess time is as important as people say, huh?

Sure have a lot to write about...but when have I not? Maybe I'll see you again in a month or two...or maybe later? lol!

Anywayz, I miss updating this blog...it's the only consistent thing I've ever done without people knowing about it. I'm happy about it!

Oh and another thing. Thank you God for all the people in my life...the good, the bad and the ugly. I've learnt from EVERYONE and I would never change anything coz it's shaping me to become the person I aspire to be.

As for material things...I would like to have some...please? Heheheh...it would be nice to spoil the ones you love when you have the chance to, right? Sigh...I will...one day...God-willing! Amen.

Here's to random blogposts, coz that's the way I roll!

Love & Frustrations

2011-05-22T23:23:00.006+08:00

I've been watching (500) Days of Summer over and over and over again. OMG, it's so utterly wonderful I find myself quoting the lines since i've watched it for the 1000th time.

The story is amazing, the songs...don't get me started. I have the soundtrack and it pretty much sums up every scene of the movie. The fun parts the sad parts, etc...

I now understand one thing, though...I might have to accept the fact that i would never ever find that guy i've always hoped for. The first reason is...he doesn't exist. Second, I am so over it. All i've been doing was living an idealistic dream of finding Mr. Right. Nevermind waiting forever..as long as you never settle for less than you deserve.

I blame Hollywood. I blame love songs. I blame my high standards. I blame my "don't settle" attitude. I blame myself.

And yet...I still can't seem to accept just any man in my life. Maybe because they are not "him" -- you know...that guy! That guy i've been building in my head. He's totally perfect, and because of this, I can't accept anybody who isn't "him". I'm not just another girl who is boy-crazy and will accept any guys who fancies her (like a few girls I know). I know I keep talking about hot guys and shit like that...but that is just me being that playful me that I am. It takes a lot to impress me. I know it's harsh, coz I'm not even remotely close to perfect; I'm trying to be...but nobody's perfect.

This is why all I wanna do is advance in every way possible. And be the best person i can be. Why? Because I realize I will end up without a man in my life. That man I've been waiting for...he just doesn't exist. And it's hard for me to accept this fact.

I am writing this out of the frustration i've been feeling for a long time. It's only official when I put it in writing. So there...in all its glory...for the world to see.

And if I should be with someone sometime in the future...I don't even know I it would be real love, or my eventual conformity into society's expectation of me. But you know that isn't me...

Challenges Motivate Me

2011-05-11T01:08:00.003+08:00

It has been more than four months since i've been working where I was posted. I sort of felt lucky that I got good people for colleagues, brilliant bosses who are supportive, highly generous with their knowledge. Some of the others are having a hard time adapting. One friend has not been so lucky.

She sort of broke down to me on the phone. I was out doing my outlet evaluation and all that crap and I just got this call. It was her, crying...no talking, just silent sobs. Imagine the shock that was going through me, coz I've never seen her cry. Complain, yes (understandable)...but to cry over work? Something's gotta be wrong. Turns out she's not the only one...another friend lost 5 kgs in just a week, I got another shock once I saw him...whatever it is, I just had to travel back to HQ coz I didn't wanna feel like a useless friend...I mean someone reaching out, you've gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I was just pondering about this...I don't have things so good, either. I'm driving almost EVERYWHERE in the Klang valley, using MY own car, filling it with petrol almost every 1.5 days, driving back to the HQ if I finish early (coz I can't seem to go home before 5.30...it's like a sickness!)...and I am not entitled for claims...I don't even wanna count how much I'm spending on travelling coz it will only serve to make me angry, anxious and worried.

At this rate, I finish my salary by the time I get the next month's salary credited. So I'm not saving and/or investing the way I planned. Hopefully my boss approves all my claims for traveling, since he chose me for this!

Another issue...the GM scolded my boss (poor boss!) for sending me out to do evaluations...says it's too operational and routine. I was thinking this to myself... I don't learn anything, and I can't grow within this company if I don't learn. Therefore, he asked my boss to put me back in the planning and management team...yet again!

See? Another issue here...I got into a dept. undergoing consolidation. From Sales, consolidating happened with After-sales...put together under Marketing. And it's cross-functional. So by the time this 5-month stint with traveling is over, my KPI will change yet again! I sort of feel like a ping-pong ball now...and this is happening in my small, pixie-like department (I say pixie coz the dept is small...)

Hence, I'm a guinea pig...with no permanent KPI like the other MTs who are having a "bad time coping". I am not complaining though...I know shit happens, but it teaches you lessons like nothing else could. If I could compliment myself...I would say that I am easily-adaptable, judging from all the adapting I've done my whole life. I think I can do this...perhaps prove myself to be a gem.

I just pray for my friends who can't handle the stress...1st, you gotta pray. 2nd, come hangout with me and let me entertain you with lame jokes and nasty one-liners.

Btw, I am thankful for it all...aim high!!!

Au revoir, beeshays!

February Is/Was A Very Bad Month...

2011-02-27T16:58:00.002+08:00

So it hasn't ended yet...but I can definitely say that it hasn't been a good month.

My car window was broken by some fucker who thought that my RM20 modulator was something expensive...broke my window for that shit!!! And scattered my stuff, but didn't steal anything else, coz nothing in my car was of any value! In your face, asswipe!!!

Secondly, I had my first car accident with Mikey. Thank God it was nothing serious...rather, it was a funny incident which I shall keep to me, myself, my friends involved, and a few others who ask me. It's an on-going process of insurance claims...as I also have to pay for 3rd party claims.

The good thing about it is that my friend, who's car I kissed managed to talk the Traffic police Sargeant into not issuing me a summons...hahaha! That's cool.

Oh, taking my colleagues out for lunch...I parked at an empty spot...for just a few minutes...near an electric box...and was given a compound of RM80...FML!

Annnnd my workload has just become seriously packed. I am going to be traveling around Malaysia to evaluate my company's >250 dealers...just 8 of us to cover that many dealers in a period of 6 months...awesome?

Hahahaha, I might've been excited at first, but now i have come to realize that it's gonna be hectic...damn...it all starts during the new financial year.

The good part in all of this? I am gonna learn so much...so very much! Already doing planning and writing the department blueprint is teaching me a lot. Now I know the company I work for has many problems...but at least I'm gonna learn, coz this is NOT an established and successful entity. This is just the right time to learn and experience problem-solving skills which I could gain for the 3 years I'm about to serve.

One thing I hope...I hope I do not become jaded and discouraged or demotivated. Coz luckily for me, I have a good rapport with my colleagues...and I still hangout all the time with my fellow MTs. It's a bond that is tough to break...plus, being MY friend...I can't help but be out there and try to remain proactive in reaching out. I'm happy they're the same too!

Oh btw...I miss my uni friends too...what happened to you guys? How come no news in a loooong time??? Geezus...A+F...WTH? Where are you???

About M, I know everything...so no worries, hehehe!

New Phase for January...

2011-01-15T17:49:00.002+08:00

Wow...over a month of not blogging! Wow...

I'm now an executive at the company I work for...after being a trainee for 4 months. It was a total blast,and I'm currently having withdrawal symptoms...it's a bit like missing my friends from university...or high school...you kinda get that tight feeling in your stomach...where you don't feel like you have closure on the last day...then all of a sudden, while you're doing something - you realize that it's over!

Yeah, it sounds like a 'breakup'...but it sorta is, right? After doing some analysis, I realized another thing...this passes! I remember that the 1st few weeks of training wasn't THAT blissful...I now know that it's gonna take awhile to adjust...and I thank God for always thinking this way, hehehe!

I am kinda curious to know how they did my character profiling and how they decided to put me in this particular dept...I know that it's project-driven and requires loads of planning, meeting dealers and hopefully, a LOT of traveling! I am lucky that I am under the tutelage of a former MT...he's like a superstar in my department, and I heard that I was put there to replace him!

So how does one replace an awesome employee? Damn...but I thank God that we'll be moving towards the Marketing side...and the boss of marketing is soooo freakin' awesome, he is willing to become a mentor to me and many of the other MTs...fyi, only 2 of us were lucky enough to be placed under his dept.

And my immediate superior is also a superstar! So one thing I like is that I'm under the best people of this company. Know why? Coz some of my friends were put in departments where you are among complacent employees...but I'm sure they're gonna rise fast just coz they stand out.

Well...what else? Mmmm, my dept is fairly new...so a few of us can't count on a proper JD just coz it's "do what you have to do...when you have to do it".

We have been hanging out with the previous batch of MTs (MT Batch 1) the other night...we found out that they haven't been as lucky as us...my gratitude is always increasing, and I'll never forget how lucky I am...

I know this is gonna be hard, but I'm prepared...I think I have that in me. So, I think that's about it for now...I merely wrote 2% of what's been happening, but...mehh, nobody cares! Just writing for the sake of keeping a memento and closing a phase of my life!

I'm kinda proud of myself...my mom always said that I would need connections to get something...what I'm happy about is that I found this job by myself, unlike a few people I know who's mom/dad knows someone...and stuff like that! Not that it's bad...but it makes me proud! What I know is, I owe a lot to my boss...the 1st one who actually believed in me enough to put me and the others here! God bless him!

That's all for now...till the next post!

So long...bitches! (thought I'd forget this part now, huh? Lol!)

What I Have Learnt So Far...

2010-12-06T02:11:00.004+08:00

You know, it's amazing what 3 months can do to a person. For one thing, I have become different in a sense...my colleague told me she has actually seen a transformation in me; from the first time I ever presented my task, to now. I have become more outspoken & more confident.

I was and am always shy when it comes to strangers. However, when it comes to doing a presentation or a job, I guess I was always quiet when it comes to giving opinions and input. I am sometimes drowned in a sea of outspoken human beings, and I have put this forward to my superiors...but I guess the months I spent in training has trained me for the better. I am more focused and structured. I consciously make the effort to see things from a bird's eye view, rather than from a smaller perspective...

Wow...as much as I have heard the first batch of MTs talk and complain about how hard it is and how they are always facing challenges...I think I am going to see it in a different angle. I see it as a way to practice on my problem-solving skills. And of course, I can gain experiences and know what I can or cannot repeat. You see, what I've learned as well is...

Everything you go through depends on YOU; on your ATTITUDE...you can whine and bitch and complain about how life is unfair...but YOU have the power to make it how you want it to be. They chose me for my attitude...coz honest to God, I had no skills whatsoever...hahahaa!

Slowly, I am trying to be a better me. I have a lot of things to change about myself; my messiness, my structure of thoughts, etc.

What I am really proud of though...is that I'm NOW a punctual person (at work, ok!). If I ain't early...I'm on time! And that is waaaaay better, TTYTT!

What else? Oh yeah, I have met one or two people here who are my peers...they have that feeling of 'entitlement', thinking that they are higher/greater than certain people - like the technicians, advisors or salespeople...I say, with this attitude...you might go somewhere in life, but when tough times come about, nobody will be there to help you. Again, ATTITUDE...what I don't understand is how they could even consider themselves so great when they haven't even performed...and yet, act so arrogantly towards those they consider 'lower' than themselves.

That is why, I shall pull myself back from these types of people...I don't like being around negative/toxic people...thank you very much!

However, if I could tell you about the good people I'm mixing with, I could write for days...I am lucky that there are more good peeps than bad. I am happy here in training. I don't know what the future holds, but I sure will enjoy all I can NOW...but absorb as much as I could for now (and also as long as I live).

I am also considering furthering my studies...I think I would love to get an MBA. No, scratch that...I WANT and MBA. Maybe, if possible...I would go register next year or 2012 (if it's not the apocalypse, heheheh!)

Man, this is quite long...I wanna write a lot more, but I think I should go to sleep now.

PS: I am the official mode of entertainment among my colleagues. The stories they tell of me...is like when M tells the story of my 'gelabah-ness'...faham-faham sendiri ye? Hahahaha...

Toodlez, bitches!!!

I Wanna Be XO...

2010-11-17T21:43:00.003+08:00

I know it has been a long time...but here I am, typing every thought which is in my head...don't think of it as anything important, coz I sure can write some crazy stuff when I don't filter it...so don't take it as me being conceited or anything like that, k?

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Is it wrong to wanna be extraordinary? What does it take? Does it require you to give up an area of your life which people deem as important?

All I ever wanted since I was young was to be different. To be somebody. To give my parents all I can...so that they can say all their sacrifices had been worth it. To give my sisters the big house, all the things they want and need...and more!

Can I achieve this? I really want to, but I don't know if I have it in me...and I surely need God to be with me all the way. Coz in this world, nobody is gonna give you what you want...in this world, you're gonna have to get out there and take it! Coz you can get whatever the hell you want, as long as you have the courage to receive it.

This past few months have been awesome in terms of learning and absorbing...as I keep telling people...I'm basically a sponge...and I hope I keep learning throughout my whole life...

Another thing is, I know I always say this, but sometimes I feel so miniscule, so minute in this universe...like I am a part of something bigger...just like everyone else...I feel that we are all connected...we are of the same web. Weird, I know...but yeah, it's how I feel. Geez, this is so random...

Ok...a weird story, as per below:

I saw this young man in the training center I go to. I don't know, but he kept staring at me and my friends intensely for a long time. Then, a few days later...I saw him again while I had to go to the bathroom...they were renovating the one nearby, so I had to go to the one far away...and there he was, walking behind me. I didn't think of anything at that moment...

Fast forward to a few hours later, he accidentally opened our door...and probably mistakenly came into our training room. We laughed (all of us, coz he was pretty panicked, AND it was funny!) All of a sudden, I felt something inside me say, "OMG...it's him!!!", and I felt this intense feeling in the pit of my stomach...like something crazy was going on and I felt confused and shit...

I for one, don't know what the hell it means, but it was like I was waiting for this guy to come into my life or something...yes, it was that BIG ok! Soooo intense, that I became super quiet and anxious all of a sudden. It fuckin' freaked me out...and no, it wasn't like I had a crush on this guy coz I sure haven't seen him enough to be crushing on him. But the feeling was like I knew him...even though I'm sure I don't. Hmmm, like we've met before...even though I'm sure we haven't!

So, the moral of the story is...I love this program so far coz it's full of learning experiences...and the other is...I'M A CRAZY NUT!!!

Ok. The end. For now.

November Rain...

2010-11-01T01:58:00.003+08:00

I'm not writing about the song...just thought since it's November and all...why not!

My previous post was about a book presentation...and what do you know? Fast forward to a month later, and I'm writing about my 2nd book review presentation!!! Damn, time passes by too quickly, and I can't believe I didn't blog this past few weeks...wow!

A lot has happened...one of the main thing is I hit a milestone...the first milestone for a newbie like me...I purchased my first asset...a car! Mind you, it's a starter car...the most basic and affordable! It's white, solid white...and I've named him Mikey...short for Michael, heheheh! Hell, you could even call him Mike if you like!

What can I say...I didn't plan to get one, but since I NEED one, and my work requires me to travel everywhere...a lot!!! I HAD to buy one so as to not give my family anymore stress! I've been making things hard for them, I just couldn't handle it anymore...the same goes for them...they couldn't handle waiting for me, sending me...it's just a waste on fuel and time! BUT, I get staff rates...that's what I'm happy for most of all...

Mikey is a good car...and finally, I get to choose what station I want, what CD to listen to, and go wherever, whenever (not quite WHENEVER though) I want...

What else? Oh, another book review presentation in front of managers and GMs and maybe CEO this Thursday...and guess what? I haven't ven finished reading the book! Fuck! I can do it, I can do it! The previous presentation was fine, but I was one of the last ones, so everyone was pretty much jaded...and this time, we drew lots...and I got one of the last ones yet again! FUCK!!!

I know I could finish on time...but will I make give a high impact presentation? Only time will tell...would I blog any time soon? Only my sheer will would guide me, lol!

One thing...I love this blog!!! Coz you are my sole witness to everything that's in my life...anything I went through, you know! And for that...I thank God for the internet...

...Amen!!!

Book Review Arrrrggghhh!!!

2010-10-03T12:00:00.002+08:00

You think it's over, those varsity days of assignments...then you become a management trainee and your 1st presentation is to present a book review to the 7 GMs and a CEO of the company.

AARRRGGGHHH!!! Shitdamncrap!!!

Ok. Done.

God bless!

Wow!

2010-09-29T21:55:00.002+08:00

Didn't I just write about men who would just buck-up and tell a girl how they feel? That's exactly what happened to me these past few days...unbelievable! I admire him for being brave and taking the first step...ok, so I actually respect him for his actions, but that doesn't mean we're an item now! I'm just acknowledging that there are men who are man enough to go after what they want...it gives a girl a sense of optimism and hope! :P

God bless that boy...

Is It A Weakness...or Strength?

2010-09-19T17:50:00.009+08:00

A few days ago, we had this trainer come in to teach us a few things...he was amazing; an older gentleman, with years...I mean YEARS of experience. He's huge around the region, the US, UK and Australia. He was the one who assessed us Management Trainee hopefuls during the 2-day assessment. Mind you, there were 2 sessions for this. The first one was earlier this year. I was in the 2nd one in August.

He taught us many things and told us countless inspirational stories to motivate us and teach us that if it is to be a reality, it will be up to us...the line goes like this, "IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME". This line helped him during a dark period of his life, where an old sage told him to buck up and be what he wants to be. It really affected us all...coz look what has become of this trainer...he has achieved many things, trained countless MNCs, and about 60,000 people!!!

The last day of training, at the last session, he made us do this activity...the finale! He made each person stand in front and be complimented by each and every person. So you can imagine me giving countless sincere compliments...like one-on-one, eye contact and hugging...while giving a good, sincere good quality compliment to one person at a time!

I was the last one...you know how I hate compliments, but he says that you can't say NO or shake your head...you just had to nod and say thank you! THIS, ladies and gentleman...this affected me tremendously!

In the end, 11 out of 15 of the MTs started shedding tears, and I just couldn't help myself! I immediately started crying after a few of my close colleagues (now my friends) gave me sincere compliments...the others too, each hugged me or held my hand, looked into my eyes and said that I could achieve great things, that I was a kind person...that I was beautiful, etc.

All these years I never believed it! All the years passed by me telling everyone else that they were beautiful, but I hadn't realized that EVERYONE is...and that includes ME! Sometimes I forget all the hard and negative crap that I've been through growing up because I sort of erased them from my memories and just leave them behind...but the nasty comments given to me stuck at the back of my head. Telling me I'm not good enough, although countless of times I've been told otherwise.

This session helped me realize that what I was doing was wrong. I am beautiful like everyone else. I just never believed people could perceive me that way. Until that day...

In the end, the session was done...and he asked each of us to sum up what we had gained from this training...I was last again...and though some had traces of tears while they explained what exactly they had learned, when I started to talk...I actually choked-up and couldn't even finish a sentence...bugger! I showed everyone my vulnerability...they embraced me and that made me so overcome with emotions even more. What had this done to meeeee??? I basically was holding back from crying, making it even more obvious that I was crying!

LMAO...this was a breakthrough, people! I have NEVER cried in public! NEVER...wow! And I saw that the trainer was gonna cry as well...it was such a positive moment where all you could feel was love around you. I know it sounds like some hippie movement, but that's truly how it was. Saying goodbye (not the last time we'd be meeting him though!), I couldn't just shake his hand, I went ahead and gave him a big old hug! AND that's why he's who he is!

Anyway, truth be told...I truly treasured this session and it made all of us closer...I think this organization could achieve greatness if training for self-growth is given. For now, I think they are spoiling us with these lessons. In a good way!

Dare I say it, I'm looking forward to going for "training" every day! Could I love my job? Only God knows...but I think I'm heading with the right attitude...Amen!

And God bless Mr. Trainer (I won't reveal his name) for teaching me lessons, not only about management skills...but about life too!

-___-

2010-09-19T03:13:00.003+08:00

Why can't some people just come out and say it? Why do they need to create an elaborate game plan just to attain something they're not even sure of? It seems funny to me why this happens...it looks so forced and unnatural to me, and I hate it!

Stop wasting your time...be a man! Most of us aren't complicated, and I'm not those girls who like playing games.

Ok...totally out-of-the-blue, but it's what I wanna say for now.

DAMN FOOLSSS!!!

2010-09-12T16:23:00.002+08:00

Ok...so I got into the Dean's List. They sent me a certificate. They wrote on the envelope, "Jangan lipat/Do not fold!"

Then some idiots at the post office or maybe the postman goes on and folds it...I open it in anger. It is so crumpled-up like a tissue paper...I become the Hulk! Fuck you...my first (and last) time getting this honor, and the idiot spoils it!!!

-___-

Sorry, but for someone like me who has never gotten into the Dean's List...I am pretty jakun+excited...so don't blame me for getting a little nuts...k? Thanks!

Idiot postman!!!

Holidays...

2010-09-12T13:21:00.002+08:00

Well, here's one thing I'd never thought I'd have this early on...a four-day holiday! Heheh...well, so far...it's been good! Challenges await me, but I'm ready! I'm eyeing the Marketing Department...just because I relate to it so much. It's strategy, long-term planning, delegating, communicating to the advertisers, intermediary to the mother organization and its subsidiary...it's more ME! But...early on I see others eyeing that department, too!

I don't know if they started assessing which MT goes to which dept yet...but then again, we've only been here for about 2 weeks. The hard part hasn't even started yet! On my part, I have to read this awesome book by the Harvard Business Review...okay, so I haven't done anything, but I know it's a great book that I would enjoy reading!

Not even receiving my first paycheck, and my Mom is already planning what I may or may not pay for... -____- Okay, so I WILL pay for some utilities here...I always said I would! BUT please don't go planning for me to pay for things and buying this-and-that when I'm only a week in...

Hmmm, there never fails to be a sort of pressure with Mom...I know that she hates that I took this job, since there's no way in 3 years I would be working for the diplomatic corps (see what I did there? Hahhaahha...genius!!!) :P

Another thing is the need of a car! I NEED one!!! So far, I've been going to and from work by driving Dad's car coz my sister is on a 2-week break. After this, she'll have to send me to work again! It's hard and it's such a waste on petrol...I've already broken down my pay in case I get a car...it's gonna be a challenge, but one I'm willing to take! Even the toll is about RM10 a day...their travel allowance is just enough for a month's worth of toll.

Wow, somebody needs a pay hike asap! I will do a great job and get a pay hike within 6 months...this is my short-term goal!!! I know that I can't get it within 4 months because I'll be in training...but I will try AFTER that. ;P

So...what else? Oh, everyone in my batch is somehow attached or engaged to be married...this makes me realize that I am the odd one out...I don't even state my status...just gonna leave it at that and let them guess all they want...know what? I've been so lucky in so many areas of my life...I have accepted that I'm just unlucky in ONE area...I have come to terms with this; there is no man who will ever make my dreams come true...coz what I want is a fairytale which doesn't exist. I have built this man in my head so high, that no actual person could ever fulfill this dream...well, nobody asked me to dream this BIG, right? It's just me dreaming big like I always do (well, it's not like I'm the perfect girl anyway...hehehe! ), coz Oprah always tells us to "Dream big!"...and this is something that I couldn't do any other way! :)

Also, I miss my home in the Philippines...when any of my relatives from Guagua message me on Facebook, I am instantly taken back to the paddy fields...the jeepney rides in the village...the family...I remember the boat ride we took, exactly like in one of my dreams...it was just wonderful! This is the very reason I believe in LoA...so far it has worked tremendously for me.

The trip to Paris was my ultimate LoA dream as well, but I think now is not the time...doesn't mean I'll never get there...I sent a letter of resignation to my lecturer, and he sent a heartfelt reply. No matter what, I will try my best to get them at least ONE sponsor...a good one! I really miss taking French classes with my friends...when you leave, it's not the lessons that you remember...it's the memories! AND I'm glad that I have created memories with the people I love...no matter what happens, I'll always have photographs and keepsakes from the 3 years we've spent together (and some I've known for longer ;P).

Wow, it's been so long since I've written a long, brain-extracting post! Voila...

I don't expect anyone to read this, but it's so cathartic for me to write what I'm feeling. I will certainly read this post in the future, feeling the same emotions...God bless!

So Much Has Happened...

2010-09-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

I can't believe it...the time has passed so quickly...and all this while I haven't updated my journal...how can this be? I miss you...I miss coming here and typing everything in my head...where no judgment passes me...all the words just lie here in a vacuum of the blogosphere!

I am currently working...yes, I AM WORKING!!! OMG...I didn't say it earlier because I didn't wanna jinx it, but who needs to say anything when you have a mother who practically broadcasts everything on her Facebook wall??? I am laughing now, but when she did it at the time, I was so freakin' mad and embarrassed...well, the past is past...fast forward to now...I did get the job, and I'm now undergoing training!

What's mad is I have joined the automobile industry...which is something I have never thought of joining...but whoever said the Taurus sign isn't flexible...eat your heart out!!! This is a total 180 for me in every way! Cars...I have to eat, sleep and breathe cars...I am actually looking forward to this...hahaha, especially the part where I will be attached as a technician! OMG...ganassss aka fierce!!! LMAO!!!

Okay, so it's been a few days of ups and downs, but I have been warned that the coming weeks are gonna be hell...I'm freakin' ready...ready for anything you wanna give me!!!

I shall note my day-to-day activities if I can...one of the trainers said it's good to keep notes, so you don't forget...or maybe a few years down the road, you can read it again and remember the good and bad of your past experiences. For now...those other MTs are my friends, and I'm sure we're gonna grow together. Please be with us, God!

And as for the trip to Paris...as much as I want to go...I am bonded to the organization which hired me...I have 4 months of training, in which I can't take leave...so I sent in my resignation and pulled out of the trip...much to my sadness. But I can';t do anything but support my friends who are lucky enough to join the trip...please do it, and live my dream for me... :D

What else? Oh, I might get a car soon...might get staff price without waiting a year since we're bonded for 3 freakin' years!!! Muahahah, I don't want one, but I NEED one! It's just impossible to borrow Dad's car all the time! Impossible! Hey, even if I don't get the staff price...I NEED one... :(

Till the next post...I'm fuckin' sleepy...it's 12 am...OMG, I'm becoming normal!!! :-0

Evil...

2010-08-20T01:43:00.006+08:00

It's evil; this new phenomenon of dumping babies, aka infanticide. It's becoming rampant here in Malaysia, and I'm not gonna sugar-coat it: almost every day, you will see at least one report on a newly-born baby being dumped...they are either dead, alive, or barely alive. Some are half-eaten by bugs...some are foetuses (among the garbage) who never had a chance.

Why is this happening? Some groups think it's because of free-socializing amongst teens during "Western" celebrations such as New Year's Day...WTF? Yeah, blame it on celebrations and integration...it's so typical! It's so in-your-face and clear: the reason is the lack of sex education amongst the young...all because SEX is taboo! AND, the stigma that comes with teen pregnancies (or babies born outside of wedlock). Come on and open your eyes...teenagers are doing it; they're having sex whether it's against religion or not...they simply are! Asian values? What does that even mean? Does that mean that Asians don't have sex? If only you were open-minded enough to realize it and not hide behind a veil of denial...then we could nip this issue in the bud!

I guess I'm just pissed! Pissed that this issue is happening everyday! These are lives...humans lives...newly-born babies!!! I'm not even saying I'm Pro-Life or against Pro-Choice (or some of those American politicized stances people there tend to take). I'm just a human being trying to make sense of this. The Malaysian gov is now considering harsh punishments for parents who commit infanticide...is this what we have become?

Sometimes, I see Malaysia going far...but at times such as this, I see us left far, far behind due to a few bad apples. After all, you're only as strong as your weakest link! What we need is open minds and open debate, not blame-games and minds stuck in the Dark Ages...

Okay...I'm done venting! Sorry lah...I'm just mad right now...

How?

2010-08-17T21:48:00.004+08:00

How did I get so lucky in life? I thank God every single day for being this way...charmed! I may not have been born with a silver-spoon in my mouth, but I have the best family I could ever dream of...the best friends who are the best people ever...and the basic things you need to survive...AND I am blessed!

I've always prayed to God to show me the way to what I want to achieve...you see, I have the vision and goal, but I don't know how to get there! It was always holding me back. My parents, as lucky as I am to have them always seem to put high expectations...and here I am, an average Jane...a grain of sand...a piece of clay waiting to be moulded!

I sometimes wonder what else can I do or learn to make myself better; Learn another instrument? Learn more about computer-languages? Learn how to fly? Well...I suppose I could learn everything but it's more about self-perception.

I'm slowly learning that there must be something within us...as well as something we all were put here to achieve. And from what I think, it's all up to us to dream...we create our vision for the future...but God blesses the road we take.

I know it all seems sudden...but I always wonder what I did to deserve such a fortunate journey...all I can do now is thank God and live every moment the way I want to live it...

Thank you, God for finally giving me the "brick" I needed! I'm only waiting for my new phase to begin.

Amen.

Today's The Day!

2010-08-08T04:45:00.003+08:00

Today is the day I graduate...I'm so freakin' scared, and I don't know why! Guess it's because it's the end of a phase in my life.

Ever had that feeling of fear of the unknown, yet a slight hint of excitement follows? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling now. I have finally hit that "SEND" button for 2 job advertisements...and hell, I've been meaning to these past few months, but I've been stalling due to certain wants...

I guess there's no longer a reason NOT to apply now...is there? I'm gonna do it; gonna start looking for a job. I just needed a few months of pure sloth so that I could take a break for awhile, you know?

I know for a fact that I will never be this 'free' anymore once I start...it's gonna be work, work, work and more work! So at least I could say that I've spent time with my family.

The one thing I'm scared about is the ceremony itself...everyone's so caught up with being perfect, I'm afraid I'd stick out like a sore thumb in terms of being under-done! Man...some people are going to salons just to do their hair and makeup...and all I have is my straightening iron!

Hehehe...well, there's nothing left to do...I've taken the odor-horrible robe to the dry-cleaner's and got it cleaned...at least I won't smell like an onion gone bad!!! :P God, I hope I don't forget any necessary items...

For now, all I can do is hope I don't screw-up! And while we're at it...I also wanna have fun!

But most of all...I just wanted to say congratulations to all my friends who are graduating with me coz you know I wouldn't have had such a great journey without you...love you guys and thank you for being my friends and sticking with me all this while despite my flaws.

Hoping we grow into better people is what I really want for all of us...and happiness throughout our lives as well.

Here's hoping we have an awesome graduation!!! Class of 2010, bitches...yeehaw!!!

PS: More emoting still to come...stay tuned!

One Thing To Cross-out...

2010-07-25T04:09:00.004+08:00

It's almost like an obsession...this need to play the guitar everyday at 4-5 in the morning. I know it's sick, but it sort of gets me to a different place. One, because nobody is here to hear it...just me. So no pressure. Second, it's more like a proud moment every time I play a song just because it's self-taught. Thirdly, it's so I don't get rusty.

It's not like I'm great...matter of fact, I can only play the major important chords that could make all kind of songs. You'd be amazed on the amount of songs you could play just by knowing a few chords.

Now the best thing is...I don't have to search for chords online coz I could just write down the chords of a song by myself and transpose the song to another key...with easier chords...

Mom heard me playing a song the other day (The Bends by Radiohead...I wrote the chords myself...and it sounds correct...yay!!!) and said, "Wow, you can play...I'm so proud!" like as if I played like Slash or Jimi...hahahahah! But I'm not afraid to play in front of her and my sisters. If I were to play in front of my dad, however...I'd be scared as shit!!!

My sister told my dad that I play real good and I should give her ex-bf (now her friend) lessons...I flatly denied and called her a liar just so I wouldn't have to play in front of Dad. Hahahaha...that's "intimidation" for you!

BUT...whatever it is...I am happy to state that this is one thing I can cross-out in terms of what I can do...

You see, I made a list a long time ago (age 15-16 or so)...and you know what...I've done almost all of it! So, after I learn ONE computer language, travel, take up photography AND get my writing published (somewhere), I'll write a new one!!! :D

At least I can say for certain that I finish what I start...and that ain't a bad thing!!!

Man, the thousands of things I wanna do...I think I should start that list now coz I know for sure that certain goals, such as getting published is like asking for the moon...hehehe!

Parotidectomy...

2010-07-18T05:10:00.005+08:00

That's what my sister's surgery is called...and the latest news on my sister's operation is as follows. I'm just documenting this so that it may help someone else who may have this surgery...

According to her x-ray scans, she was supposed to have a superficial tumor on her parotid gland...turns out it was a deeper tumor...one that went through her facial muscle...so you might say that it was deeper than expected. The assumed 2-4 hour surgery became a little longer than 5 whole hours!!! Imagine our worried faces...they started at 2-something pm...the latest she should've been back in her room was at 6pm. It's 8pm and she's still not back!!! Imagine...

Thank God her there were 2 surgeons at hand...there wasn't supposed to be an extra surgeon, but looks like it worked in her favor, coz my sister's surgeon did not expect it to be that complicated. As he explained...they had to stretch her cheek-muscle, do many suctions and not destroy the nerve which connects 5 facial area movements. It was successful...but it weakened the left side of her face...and although she can't move one side of her face that much for now, she will be able to in a week or two...

...but now comes another part to worry about.

Since this was a deeper tumor, they have to run tests to see whether it (the tumor) came from the nerve...if it did, they would have to remove the nerve on her face, since it would only grow more tumors in the future...they would have to graft a nerve from her leg...sort of transplanting your leg nerve to your face, which would result in months of physiotherapy...and the doctor also explains that she might not be able to move every muscle of her face as before...this, my dears is the worst-case scenario. I can't sleep thinking of this. As my sister hears the doctor, I try my best not to show any signs of worry just so she won't panic or cry. But she was strong and took it like a trooper!

Man, now all of us are praying that it's NOT from the nerves...we pray that it's just a random tumor and that's that! The doctor kept saying "we are praying that it's not coming from the nerve..."

Well, so are we, doctor! So are we...

...coz if it is just some random tumor...my sis will have a full recovery and won't have to worry about anything else except keeping healthy! And as a realistic optimist...I know that God will always be there for her and for us too. May she obtain an "all-clear" from the results and her doctor soon...Amen!

For now, we're all traveling to and from the hospital all the time. She had to remain warded an extra day due to some complications. So it's like 3 days in a hospital jail for her, the poor thing! She will come home later today...at least that's we're hoping!

God bless her, the rest of my family and friends...and their loved ones as well...AMEN!!!

Operation Countdown...

2010-07-14T03:41:00.007+08:00

My sister (the 20-year old one) has another cyst...this time on the corner of her face. She has to go for surgery tomorrow. The poor thing, I hope it all goes well. She's really strong...she showed be the probable scar that will be left, and it's actually kinda hardcore...from the ear, along the jawline...to the bottom of her ear till the neck...

You'd think it's huge...it is. But I think it'll fade off nicely just coz her doctor is an ENT specialist, so he's bound to know how to close the incision rather nicely.

Man...some things you just wished would happen to you (I mean ME) instead...she's had too many surgeries at 20 years of age...first two were the tumors on her breast. :(

One thing to be thankful for: It's benign...

Anyway, God give her strength to pull through...we will always always always be there for the original "Princess of the house". Perhaps she might work the scar and make it seem like a fashion statement, like her huge-ass tattoo (hehehe)...at least till one of us could afford plastic surgery. Yeah...the jokes...as usual, to cover my nervousness...i'm nervous for her, okay? I know...not cool!

Actually, after checking it out (I checked Google...where else?), the scar would seem unnoticable in 6 months due to the sutures done underneath the skin, whereas the skin would be sealed using 'Dermabond'...a glue-like substance commonly used for facial surgery...so I hope it all goes well. We're more worried about her facial nerves.

It's rather risky, the tumor is connected to the parotid gland, which is connected to the 5 nerves which control her facial movements...one slight mistake and she might not be able to do certain facial movements...so, of course...this is our main concern!

God, please let the surgery be a success!!!

Amen.

Oh What A Week!

2010-07-10T19:42:00.004+08:00

WARNING: A depressing post...

It's been a rather sucky week...

First of all...I had to vent about my mom not supporting me and shit like that...but that was that. A rant! But I took the post out as fast as I posted it just because it wasn't me talking as much as it was my own resentment. I feel so sorry and guilty for it now...my mom has been the most supportive person in my life...and maybe this is just one part she wouldn't let go because she saw a glimmer of me finishing her unattainable ambition?

Maybe...but I shouldn't let my bitterness out as I did...I would just have to show her I can make it without going her pathway for me...I put my future in God's hands, whatever it is. I always wanted to achieve something big...to leave with a legacy bigger than myself. But it all depends on God and my own effort. We'll see how it happens though...

Secondly, My dear Uncle J has been confirmed to have a very aggressive form of cancer...which has now spread to his bones...and as he came to the house for a visit, my dad found out his brother, Uncle C had been found to have cancer...lung cancer. Both these men came over the same day. Uncle C's stage is unknown, and tests are currently being done while treatments to kill the cancer cells have begun. It was an extremely sad day for me, my family and the families of the brave men...

Earlier that day, my godfather called to tell me that his brother had passed away...

Literally one of the worst weeks...ever!

Not just saddening to think that my uncles diagnosed with cancer are just so brave...they even joke about their predicament...even saying that they would meet each other at "the gates"...I was successful in hiding my tears...and so were the rest of my family, except my mother...damn! Just then, Uncle J's eyes were welling-up, but he managed to put on a brave face.

Just goes to show that anything can be taken away...you never know when your loved ones would be taken away. After everyone had left, I just went into the bathroom to cry...thinking that cancer is such a death sentence if found too late...I prayed to God to protect the rest of my family members and friends from this horrible disease...

Then, just the other day I had a horrid dream: I had a dream where I heard my 20-year old sister screaming after answering the phone call in her room. I raced up, thinking the worst...I thought my father was dead...and it turned out Uncle C had died...

Then I woke up! Fucking awful dream coz it felt so real!

So, to sum it up...the past two weeks were filled with bad news...but I pray with all my heart and soul that God gives these men the strength and courage to go through it all...same goes to those around them. From what I see, my uncles are the ones consoling family members instead of the opposite...

Life goes on though...we just have to pull through...then again, it's easier said than done, right? All we can do is try our best.

Toy Story 3 & Phases That Matter...

2010-06-27T14:38:00.005+08:00

I watched Toy Story 3 with my sisters, and I gotta say...despite it being an animation...it really struck a chord...coz friends matter...no matter what you think, no matter how you could handle being alone...they matter. So people who take friends for granted...don't kid yourself!

*SPOILER ALERT*

We see Andy about 10 years since Toy Story 2...he's going off to college and the toys are afraid that they'd never be played with again...and as far as adventures go, they've had a few...and of course, a few toys were left along the way...but we also get to meet new additions...I love the Peas in a Pod Plushies...so friggin' cute!!!

A few parts were hilarious (Buzz in Spanish-mode...Buzz and Jessie ftw!!1)...and many parts were sad and touching. Arrgghhhh...Disney-Pixar should win an Oscar for this story not just because it's flawless in terms of animation, but the storyline affect children and adults in different aspects. That's what great movie-making is all about when it comes to family genres. I'm so happy for the toys...but yeah, you've gotta keep a Kleenex handy for quite a number of instances...the-incinerator part, and the Andy-saying-goodbye part...they damn nearly killed me. My three year old sister (of course) couldn't yet comprehend these parts (wait till she's older...is she in for a surprise!), but my 20-year old sis did...it's just good writing, and you could tell that the creators loved this project! It was projected throughout the movie.

Yes, it's a movie...NOT a cartoon! A grade-A movie!

...of course, you should watch the first two parts of the saga to be able to fully comprehend the movie. The first two are not as 'tug-at-your-heart' as this one though... :P

It's been awhile since I've written here...lot's of things happened, but what I'm writing about is something I'd never thought I'd write till a few years down the road...someone I know very well is getting married...I don't wanna say who since this person told me not to tell anyone just yet...so there!

But...I just gotta say...I feel happy for this person and this person's partner. I've never felt anything much when it happened to other people coz they didn't matter much to me. But since it's happening for someone so close to me, I felt an instant tug at my heart. Fuck, I'm happy but I kinda feel like a parent whose child is going away, or a sibling that's left because all her brothers/sisters have gone off to college...that's EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. As much as I want us to remain young, we can't...life goes on and we change even if we try not to...people change! And those that matter stay in your life despite all the changes.

Well, the theme for this post is exactly what TS teaches us...despite everything...

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME...or HAY UN AMIGO EN MI (en espanol!)...hehehe! Thank you Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Bullseye, Rex, Mr & Mrs Potato-head, Slinky, Ham (aka Pork Chop), the Aliens and the rest of the gang (you didn't think I'd name them all did you? Lol!)

Toodlez, bitches!

A Prayer...

2010-06-12T04:10:00.003+08:00

My very close "Uncle J"; a family friend, and my little sister's godfather told us he had a very aggressive form of prostate cancer and has to go for chemo...damn! Doctors gave him about a year...

What can you say to someone who tells you this? My mom just started crying on the phone. I thank God I wasn't there at that time...and I'm sure glad it wasn't me who had to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

I am devastated...I hope everyone's prayers give him the courage and strength to pull through it all...and I pray that God wills him to stay more than the 1-year period the doctors had given him. God, only thy will be done. Please hear our prayers. Amen.

Coz he's a musician, his fellow performers are gonna organize a charity event...so I hope this shows him that his comrades care for him and I truly hope my baby sister will grow up with Uncle J around...coz I find him to be a wise man, quiet...but wise!

I hope I would come back in the future to write nothing but good news of his treatment. Amen!

Too Many Stories...But Only This To Tell!

2010-06-12T03:48:00.003+08:00

I know for a fact that I have lots to say or talk or write about, coz a lot has happened in the past few weeks...a lot!

But all in all, it was just great...nothing more, nothing less...guess the minute details will just have to remain in my memories coz I just don't know what to write about, heheheh! From th not-so-reunion (coz I wasn't even in the range of classmates...but I knew some of them), to the spontaneous trip to my friend's kampung (since over a year ago), to outings with my sisters...right up to tonight's freak-filled drive with the middles sister and "adopted" sister...lol!

Ok...hope there will be more stuff going on.

I thank God for everything in my life every single day. I'm happy because my parents and sisters seem happier...my parents don't argue like they used to...and I'm seriously happy because of this.

My mom and dad are super-stoked that I'm graduating...with mom always posting stuff about my "achievement" on her Facebook wall...much to my embarrassment! Ok, being the first child, I guess I could understand the pride of being their first child who completes their studies...I thought my mom was too much; my dad told EVERYONE! Okaaaaaaay...done!

I really enjoyed hanging out with the CS gang...it's like we never separated...the moment we got together...it was non-stop chatting for hours...thanks F...I swear, I had so much fun despite just being there for "1 hari 1 malam"...

It's football season now...and I want Argentina to win!!! Yeah...but if they should go out early on, I would support Germany...coz ich liebe deutschland sometimes, hehehe....and it's not because of Tokio Hotel ok!!! I supported Germany during the previous FIFA...then switched to Italy during the finals...

K, maybe I'm talking about too many things...so I best get a move on and switch my ass from this chair to the TV couch!

Results Are In...

2010-06-05T01:18:00.002+08:00

I won't go into details, but I'm glad all the late nights and sacrifices had been worth it! I'm not really happy about the other papers (attained a B for one paper)...but I guess it's ok! If only I had this GPA for the previous semesters, then I'd be happily accepting a degree with Distinction...but I guess "with Honors" will do just fine.

My parents are saying they're so proud of me, though I keep saying it's no biggie...I didn't get outstanding grades, just average like most people...what I'm most proud of is that I did my best for my thesis, and it showed...

I'm happy that my friends got good grades as well...and ALL OF US will be taking our scrolls together...we have done it, guys! I'm proud of us not because of our CGPAs (but I guess it's okay if you wanna count them, lol!)...I'm proud because we have gone through all sorts of crap...and it served as lessons and as a preview of the real world we are about to enter into. The world where everything is a race, and our wages or employment depend on it.

Very soon, some of you might get married and have kids...some of you might build an empire...some of you might just be the next pioneer of some great team...some of you might just be an individual trying to make ends meet, but one thing we all have in common is that we are working to provide ourselves food, shelter and clothes on our backs not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones...

I hope to remember that in order to achieve my dreams, I have to just take a moment to be grateful for what I have...my wonderful parents. God has truly blessed me, for I could have easily been born into a family without proper regard for education...without love...without good principles...I could have stopped schooling and become a hooker walking the streets at night...I could have been a nobody, begging for money on the streets...but God put me in this family, and now I am graduating with a thesis in which, amazingly got an A (I hope it wasn't a mistake or something...that would just kill my mom who told the whole world...lol, go figure! You know mothers!!!).

I am graduating with a 2nd-class upper honors (2:1)...yeah, it might be something mediocre...but hey, a lot of mediocrity is bound to produce some extraordinary achievements, right? So my friends...with all the optimism of a fresh grad...I wish you all the best! Take failure as lessons, and achievements with humility...I hope to one day meet you again as leaders, mothers, pioneers, moguls, and the like...then, in all your greatness I shall remind you of our times in campus...all of 'em...

PS: I'll always "remember" coz everything is documented in this blog...hahahaha!

OK Go!

2010-05-31T00:45:00.004+08:00

So what's been happening? Nothing much, really...just a few outings, since I've been starting to get bored at home.

I finally met one of my bestie's bf...and you know what? I guess he's ok. Well, he hasn't spoken that much since the girls did most of the talking. But ok, I shall cease to comment on him. From what I saw yesterday, she was very happy and in love with the guy. So I'll keep my mouth shut...

Well, he did keep teasing her because she was on the plump side...but I told him straight... "Hey, she's a very beautiful girl, and you're damn lucky to have her as your gf..." Hahaha...sorry, I just can't stand guys who talk down on people...he was ok throughout, but I am kinda protective of my friends...

We watched Prince of Persia...and we had a blast! Firstly, because it was your average blockbuster movie which was absolutely fun to watch...it won't win an Oscar, but hell yeah it was fun! And Jake Gyllenhaal was freakin' hot OMG! Hottt!!! The Princess reminds me of a younger Monica Bellucci...right???

Anyway...went to the usual "Where to now?" phase and ended up laughing our asses off at the local mamak joint! Had a blast, and well...sorta got to talking about some stuff and P plans to get a console for her bf...I would definitely go to her house everyday if she bought one...LMAO!

Btw, W...I think I'd prolly give you a hard time for dropping my coke...it'll be a running gag just like the 'anney' aka your boyfriend! Hahahaha...

Today...went shopping to look for stuff for mom...all the 3 and a half women of the house. Baby enjoyed it a lot since we took her to Playland where she got to ride all sorts of...uhhh, rides...and Mom bought her a freaing Buzz Lightyear!!! Hahahaha, mom gives dad a hard time for spoiling her, but she was willing to spend RM 150 for a freaking Buzz!!! WTF...

Thank God I found a smaller-sized one which costs RM60!

K, end of story...

PS: I miss my uni friends...I'm happy there's Facebook and blogs! Phones are so boring hahaha...Take care dears! Please keep on updating your blogs coz I never miss your posts...

Freak-out Mode..

2010-05-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

Yeah...I'm the master of freaking out, believe me (just ask my friends...they even gave me a name!)

But all of a sudden, it hit me...and it hit me hard...I have a few months till graduation, and I'm doing zilch! OMG, what the hell am I gonna do? Where am I gonna work? Time is running out, and I've yet to come out with a decision!!!

Fuck...

Ok, so I love writing, and I'd love to travel, I love talking to people, communicating...but yeah, knowing your abilities does NOT make you know your occupation, damnit! What I DO know is, sooner or later, I would like to open my own business. Yes I do not know what yet, but it's nice to be enterprising and really...this is kind of a big thing, but yeah...that's my long-term goal.

For now, I would need to find my calling. OMG...help me and everyone else who remains clueless at times like these...you see, my major is not really specific...it's good for any types of profession; journalism, law, economy, business, etc...what I wish for is for that 'A-ha moment'...that brick on the head...that *BOOM* because I really need to start helping out my family. It's about time I do my part...all I want to do is achieve my dreams while making them proud.

These past few years, I've been very blessed. Sometimes, I think I must've done something good in my previous life or something like that to be this lucky. Everyone does their part...and I just wanna fulfill mine and take care of everyone.

So what I really want is to love my job...to be waking up every morning and looking forward to go to work...that's what I want!!!

Amen...

Too Real...

2010-05-23T19:14:00.004+08:00

Ever had recurring dreams...or that of similar images flashing through your mind every now and then?

Well, I have them!!! Those images...those places...those feelings of familiarity. It's as if "THERE" is where I'm supposed to be.

...and yet, I've never seen it (that place) and never seen him...which is what I'm actually waiting for. I've never actually seen this person's face, coz it's always blurry...but I've certainly seen him in a few of my dreams. If I'm not mistaken, I've written about him in a few posts too. It's kinda spooky, but in a good way. I'd like to think that he's looking out for me, even if he's on the other side of the world...

He could be my guardian angel...or my mind's interpretation of God...or maybe me in masculine form...heck, it could be the love of my life for all I know. The only problem is, I don't have a clue WHO he is.

Weird, huh? It's like I'm holding out for something I've known for a long time...it's kinda useless to write about it since I can't seem to describe it.

Hey, I am as realistic as they get...but then again, my imagination keeps me optimistic and somewhat child-like...I'd like to refer to myself as a realistic optimist. I'm optimistic that I'll find out what the hell this recurring image/dream is about.

For now, it's out there! What I want out of this journey is that familiarity...who knows, maybe I knew him from another life...or perhaps a parallel universe? (Which would be awesome, actually!)

If it's just a dream and nothing more...then I'm ok with it too. Somehow, he shows up when I'm having dreams of walking alone. He'll be there holding my hand and guiding me...

Well, this is another useless scribbling...just needed to document this so I won't forget.

Awkward Is How I Feel While Talking To You...

2010-05-21T04:13:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, what you see is what you get...no need to analyze. It's just there in your face! No need to analyze the 'deeper' meanings by my selection of book or movies...I just like them coz they're good movies.

No need to ramble on about what makes me like certain types of music...I just do!

No need to ask why I do this or that...I am human and I'm driven by instincts...

No need to philosophize about the world to me...I didn't ask you to.

No need to ask me stuff. I am not a sage, and you are not my pupil!

No need to tell me stuff I don't wanna know coz it makes me feel awkward...don't you have a right/wrong filter in your brain? DO you have a brain?

The filter in my head tells me that I can't tell these things to you coz I have something called sensitivity...which maybe you don't? Guess I'll just have to ignore you then...and no, I don't like you. I'm just being nice...

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Sorry...this is my outlet, people...some people are idiots, that's all! So this is the place where I let it out...

This is pretty much a pointless post...but I'm feeling very much better now!

Baby Is 3!!! Time Sure Flies, Damnit!!!

2010-05-20T23:11:00.010+08:00

Baby A or 'Bee' as we call her just turned 3 last Monday. After all the apparent plans to celebrate her birthday at McDonald's, Pizza Hut...a bar, even (hahah!!!)...we took a step back and made a 180-degree turn. In the end, we started thinking of the things that would be the best thing for HER...and not us!

She loves animals...hahaha, so they decided to take her to the zoo. I say, GREAT CHOICE!!! I really thought a huge birthday bash was useless because she didn't have that many friends, and all the people would consist of OUR friends...therefore, it wouldn't really be that fun for her, right? They just needed a little clarity.

So we ordered her a Spongebob Squarepants cake...chocolate! We wanted to order one from Secret Recipe, but they didn't have Spongebob...damn! So we just looked around nearby our place for any cakehouse that made Spongebob-design cakes (since time was already running out!)

We took her to the zoo, where she had a blast. Meanwhile, the other sis had a mad insect bite which caused her foot to become humongous! LOL...but she walked like a champ! Well, that's love for ya...

After the trip (in which we sweated cause it was like a sauna in there!!! Thank God I wore shorts!!!), we took the cake to Grandma's house (I hate it there, but no choice...it's all for Baby, so I'll put up with anything!!!)

...we bought some KFC and called all the children over...yeah, my cousins have many children!!! And they were only from one aunt! LMAO...but baby is close to them so i'm glad she had a blast. And despite us (Mom, Dad, me and the middle sister) thinking how horrendous the cake looks, Baby liked it...no, she LOVED it! So if she loves it...means WE love it!!! :D

I'm so glad she had a blast! And she's growing so fast, I'm just enjoying the time; in which I'm lucky enough to watch her grow...man, we love her so much! God has blessed us, and I'm so happy!

Happy 3rd birthday, my dear baby sister...may you have many more to come! God bless you always, little one! :')

People Who Need People...

2010-05-15T03:11:00.005+08:00

WARNING: Long post!!!

Friendship for me has come a long way. From what I can say, when I was in high school...I felt indifferent towards this concept! I was the quiet one among "The Trio"...yes, they were great! We were always together, we had our good times and we clicked well...but I can't deny that there were times when I felt I didn't belong because they had such different ideals than me. Each couldn't stand NOT getting male attention. They were always going after the boys, and I was left in the lurch. They also didn't like it when boys gave me attention. Although I like boys, I was never boy-crazy...hell yeah I loved admiring and going ga-ga over guys...but I didn't push-away my food when boys came over to talk to me at the table. I didn't lie to my parents to go dating. I didn't do nonsense. And I still don't!

One thing that put me into cynical-mode for some time was this incident:

One of them got herself a boyfriend. She never; not even once, introduced us. I was her so-called 'best friend'...and she never even introduced us after I covered for her all those times...followed her to the phone booth to make those calls to Mr. BF...it's like she didn't acknowledge me at all. After being THAT naive, I realized (someone told me) that she was scared that he'd be attracted to me instead of her...F***!

What? Was she so insecure that she was afraid that I would steal him away or something? As a friend, did she NOT know me? I would never do that to a friend...or even a person for one thing. That's just not who I am! Nobody knows this coz I never told anyone, but I'm finally writing it down...recalling this incident, I feel hurt all over again. My mistake was that I just let it go, pretended I didn't know anything and acted like everything was fine. I can't believe this still affects me...damn!

The current ME would definitely go ape-shizz and go all confrontational towards her, believe me! If the years have thought me one thing; it would be to stand up for yourself and don't sit still and shut up when you feel like you're being wronged!

The final day we said goodbye, I knew in my heart that we would never be the same again...and I was right. The two decided to move in together and fought...because of insecurities...and oh, the main thing...GUYS! Friendship was over between the 2 girls...just like that. How sad...

I emancipated myself by working and exploring other areas...and at work, I've come to find out that I'm more than this "Trio"...I'm finally me! And guess what? I wasn't the quiet one...I realized that I was NEVER quiet, but they were too 'noisy' that my voice disappeared...LMAO!!!

I made great friends when I took my Form 6 (Pre-U) education...but the best was yet to come...

University...it scared the shit outta me!!! I spent my orientation week with my friend from my Form 6 class...and soon enough I made some friends of my own...what can I say? We just clicked! I wouldn't say it was easy, mind you...lol! We did have some confrontations in the beginning, but looking back...I always thank God for helping me find these girls. Guess I was always afraid that I'll be used again. :/

I realized the friends I've made in campus are so different from my supposed best friends in high school...why? Coz they're more like me...family-oriented, they don't judge you by how you seem on the outside...and they don't pressure you to be anyone other than yourself. They believe that beauty is something from within, and material doesn't make who you are. I can say with confidence that these people will be among my lifelong friends...and I'm the type who has been disappointed with those deemed 'besties' in the past. The final day with them I realized that we would be friends always, no matter what (totally different feeling than I had with my high-school buddies.)

Isn't it funny how life works? I'm now best friends with 2 of my primary school friends...my best friends in high school are now 'just friends'-friends, my Form 6 classmates are my good friends, my former-annoying jerk of a classmate is now my friend (and we talks about music and guitars...how weird is that???), and my university besties are my forever-friends...

Well, that's life for you...you meet people, and if you're lucky enough...you become friends. I am lucky to have sincere friends who tell it like it is, not lie or back-stab. I hope God blesses them with nothing but happiness, for though it may seem like I never say it enough...they put my faith back in friendships. Yeah, I was cynical at first...but they proved me wrong!

Therein lies my truth...I love you my dears! Please call me for your weddings, baby showers and such...till we meet, I'll be cherishing our moments in these photographs. :'D

Another truth...never underestimate the practicality of 'layers'. Confused? Ask me...LMAO!

Whew...glad to get that off my chest!

Nooooooooooooo...

2010-05-11T03:38:00.003+08:00

I've only realized it now...my favorite bracelet is broken...NOOOOOOO!!!

In my life, I've never gotten attached to any sort of accessory...except this bracelet...it was translucent and brown, where each large "bead" was octagonal and had embossed yin and yang motifs on each side of every piece of bead...

My little sister broke it!!! Nooooo...seriously, didn't realize it till I was on the way out and put on my watch...I reached for the bracelet and saw that a few bead-pieces were shattered. And now I'm sort of in mourning coz it's the ONE thing that reminds me of the trip...and I've never seen anything like it! And I bought it...for myself. I NEVER buy accessories for myself!!! So this says something about this item, right? Sigh!

Plus the fact that I don't ever wear daily accessories unless it's for something special...this Yin Yang bracelet, I wore every time I went anywhere!!!

So rest in pieces, my dear Yin Yang bracelet...I shall miss our times spent together...we've been through a lot, and you've served me well (even though I was sorta wearing you out and you became looser after every wear)...

You shall now be kept in my "vault of forgotten trinkets"...

PS: I don't even know if this is a tribute or a joke...could it be both?

Gucci's Coolest Ad...Ever!!!

2010-05-10T00:39:00.006+08:00

Okok, you know how I admire aesthetics...as a human being, I love looking at beautiful things such as landscapes, mountains, stars, sea and the sky...all as much as I admire beautiful people...

So I can't help but post this post (does this make sense?) for a cool ad...

...he caught my eye when he acted in this made-for-TV biopic, 'James Dean' and 'Sonny' (watch 'em!!!)...and so when Spider-Man came out and he was the son of Green Goblin, I was totally drooling over him rather than Tobey...LMAO! Also, he just killed me as Saul in Pineapple Express...LMAO! Him and Seth made a great team.

So imagine my awe when this ad for Gucci aired on TV..."Whoah..."

James Franco, coming out of the water in slow-motion, all serious and brooding...in B&W...plus the awesome background music!!! The music, which I find totally epic...made me google it, hahaha...you know me and my curiosity...

I found out it was a cover made by Roisin Murphy...that lady from Moloko, OMG!!! She's so freakin' cool...I totally loved her song, 'Let Me Know' (using a sample of the riff in 'Thriller' by Michael Jackson)...and she covered this song which was originally done by Bryan Ferry called 'Slave To Love'...

So, in essence...awesome male who oozes sex appeal+awesome Nu-Wave song done in a modern way = coolest fragrance ad...ever!!!

Don't even know why I posted something so random...but hey, I've nothing better to do, so why not project my nod for aesthetics seen on TV?

I know, I know...beauty is skin deep and all...but sometimes, you just gotta appreciate beauty that's right in your face, no? It's not like I'm judging his whole character or anything...just appreciating what God gave him, Lol!

PS: James Franco is taking his PhD in Yale...this just upped his appeal in my book...hot, witty AND smart? I hope to God he's not a jackass...Lol!

UPDATE: Damansara Job...

2010-05-08T04:05:00.004+08:00

I mentioned earlier about this reception job, right? I said it's quite far and all...

Well, I did my research and found out just how mother-effin' far it really is with public transportation as my vehicle...

From my house to the office location, it would take 3 buses, and 2 trains just to get me there...OMG! I thought maybe just a train and a bus...but no, 3 buses and 2 trains...it's not worth it!!! Damn...according to my estimation, just getting there would take about 3-4 hours...so daily, I would travel for about 8 hours...6 hours minimum...I don't even know how frequent are the buses, but yeah...not gonna happen!!! Sorry...i'm gonna call the guy and explain to him! OMG!!!

Ok, the money is sooooo not worth this part-time job...soooo not worth it! It would be different if I was driving, but no, little sister gets the car...and of course, I'm stuck here taking the public transport like I always do...when will I catch a break for once? Sigh...somehow, I'm gonna need to look for a short-term job for my trip!!! Please, God...please!!!

Is This Really Happening?

2010-05-06T00:14:00.003+08:00

WOW!!! OMG IT'S REALLY DONE AND MY VARSITY LIFE IS OVER...OVER, I TELL YA!!!

So...now what? Lemme get to thinking and I'll let me know...yes, you read it...ME! Coz I sure as hell still don't have a plan...my plans went down the drain about a year after my first year at uni...

...damn! Somebody...help. Anybody? OMG...

Okok, the story first...my thesis editing went on like Hell's Kitchen during the periods of chaos...OMG, then there came a time where my MS Word started giving problem because I stupidly did this whole 'page break' thing...so in the end, I couldn't insert page numbers, and A sorta got into the whole mess...It was almost 4pm, and we were supposed to be printing the work already!!! So A offered to let me use her laptop to fix it...but I failed...SHIT!!! And I still had more to do like the references and shit like that! Didn't even proof-read the whole thing!

Thank God A managed to figure it all out and put the pages in for me...sorry coco! I'll always be grateful... :')

Then, we started getting to our destination...A also found out from her friend about this place just outside of campus that makes thesis hard covers in just a day...of course, we had to pay extra, but we didn't care! So we asked the lady and she confirmed this...so we paid about 2 times the price I think...but seriously...I had no regrets...just as long as it was done!

And then we paid almost 90 bucks...that's including printing out 2 copies of the thesis, with multiple reprints because we didn't proof-read our writings, LMAO!!! Now, that was funny...but in the end, we left with a slight feeling of accomplishment!

The next day, I managed to pass it up on the day itself...the 5th of May 2010, in which a huge burden left my shoulders after I signed that final form...I had to go without the partner in crime coz Dad had to use the car so I had to hurry...boo!

Then, as I walked towards the car, it hit me...

"It's over...just like that?"

It felt so surreal...every single time I tell myself that an intensely chaotic period will pass...it does, of course...but this...this whole experience...it's really over! Oh.my.God.

I came home and slept like a baby...seriously been like a zombie running on caffeine and junk. Now I have the chance to cut the intake...hopefully my skin will get better soon...and those inches gained throughout uni will melt away with a new regiment...I hope!!!

Now, I'm supposed to be focusing on this work thing I have in Damansara...I was hired for a short stint at an events company. They need a receptionist. I need to make some money. However, I have no idea how to get there so looks like I have to do some homework...and of course, I don't even know if it's worth the pittance I'll be making, since it's quite far from my place...hmmmm...well...why not, eh? At least I won't be stuck being too much of a couchie at home...which I am right now, heheheh! Of course, I'm paying back for all the times I've missed at home...and you know what? By the time I start working...I mean OFFICIALLY...I'll be working like a slave for the rest of my life, won't I? So let me revel in my high-density sloth!!!

All this while planning the trip to France...yes, people...the trip is on...and for now, it shall be my main focus (among other things, lol!)...there's lots to do. Many have pulled-out due to this and that...but we shall overcome and like I said, God knows and never disappoint...now I know why it didn't happen in May...HE knew we wouldn't be able to make it on that particular date...HE knew...and HE is going to make it happen for us in November...so, I pray that it happens at this moment...I know in my heart that this trip will change me in some way...I don't know what and how, but it will...

For now...I bid my formal education adieu...and I don't know what the future holds for me, but I certainly plan to further my studies down the road...one thing about me is...I do something and finish it...so I'm glad I finished this Degree in IR...and finished all the levels of the French language at UKM with my friends (learning French has been my dream since primary school so I'm glad, so glad...I finally managed to learn it)...at least now I know that I actually DON'T love IR, lol! So, in essence...I'll be taking a Masters Degree in something I love. I'll just need the time to figure out what I love...this will be a toughie, since I love so many things...

Good luck to all my dear friends...you are going to face a whole different battle now. Congratulations on this particular one...it has been a honor to fight the fight right beside you! ;)

The next post will be a tribute to all of you...hehehe! Why not, eh? I'm free now so let me be! Okay, gonna go chill with the 'Boobettes' tomorrow...my other circle. See ya!

Vlaaarrrrggggkkkkhhhhhh!!!

2010-04-30T18:16:00.005+08:00

The title sums up how I've been feeling these past few weeks; cooped-up in this room, pressure building from worries, anxiety, zits, belly fat, etc...all coz i've not been moving much...just moving from the seat to my bed, and to the seat again (save for buying food, bathing, toilet breaks and going home for awhile...), the stress shows on my face and body coz I haven't been taking care of it since the beginning of the semester! -____-

After all the crap of anxiousness and panic, I kept repeating, "God help me, God help me, God help me..." while trying my best to help myself think clearly and ridding myself out of a writer's block!

Today, I completed the final draft and nervously went to see my supervisor. The first few minutes was excruciating, as he was reading quite silently...he then started to correct a few technical errors such as hyphenations and explained that I needed footnotes as well as the author-date system...okaaaay, looks like everybody gives me different information...dang! But I was more interested in the contents...was it correct or wrong...or???

"Well, this is after all YOUR findings, so I can't be the one to say that you're wrong..."

-____-

So he goes on to say that his responsibility is to check on my first and last chapter...the correlation, the format, the essence of my dissertation...it took quite awhile till my classmate under his supervision as well came knocking...she has completed hers and is ready to bind it! Whoaaa...

So then he said what I should amend, talked a little about the formatting (UKM style sucks...go with Chicago style, lmao!), etc...and I asked him about minimum pages...and he actually said that there's no minimum! WHOAAA!!! Ok!!! And what about the literature review? He said, "...about five books." Whaaaat??? Hahahaha...and I was flustered at all this revelations...damn, I should've asked him before...

So for now, I'm back...bought some lunch! Now, a huge burden is lifted and I have the whole weekend to do this shit of a thesis! Oh holy crap, I forgot...I have to move out, stat!!! Awww man!!!

For now all I have is one thing to say, and that is thank you God for letting me finish in time for my appointment with Dr. X...at least I could do it during the weekend! God is great!

PS: Wee, I so wanna go, k? Next weekend? Sorry...but i'm up for drinks if you are! Miss you guys...;)

MAF Ftw!!!

2010-04-27T23:45:00.006+08:00

No...it's not the Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry...MAF is an acronym for the coolest and sweetest bunch of peeps I know! LOL!

I'm shamelessly into Tokio Hotel...as you've already been told countless of times, heheh! Indeed, TH is my guilty pleasure!!! Many people think they're lame and stuff like that...my sister despises them, hahahah! But I really enjoy their music for the many reasons I've stated before!

So to think that they bought me TH's latest album for my birthday...it's just so...so...thoughtful! It's the thought that counts ok??? Even if you gave me some cheap mamak-stall lunch for my birthday, i'd still appreciate it...hahahaha! But of course this is waaaaay better! LMAO!

For my part, the moment Munik shoved a little bag onto my hands, I thought..."Awwww, thank you!"

Then I opened it...

...I was speechless for a few seconds, but I said a lot by my actions:

1. Shrieking like a 15 year-old stereotypical bimbotic high school chick
2. Jumping while wearing a kebaya (thank God nobody was around!)
3. Smiling from ear-to-ear; before that I was really in a bad mood

Then M says, "Sorry we couldn't get you any tickets..." Are you kidding? This thing you gave me says a lot ok?

To me, it says "We don't care how lame TH is, we bought it for you coz we know you love them!"

Thank you guys...you know I wanted to get the CD for so long, but never got to a chance to get it. The fact that YOU bought it makes it more valuable to meeee...why? 'Coz it's the sweetest thing!!! You bought it coz you know how much I love TH! That.is.the.sweetest.thing!!! Hahahaha...you girls have to sign it k!!!

Love ya!!!

Nothing Else To Write About...But Who Cares?

2010-04-26T02:30:00.005+08:00

I just realized that I can't just go out for a drive in the wee hours of the morning anymore...why? Coz mom friggin' changed her car to some bigger car...and she's so paranoid that I might scratch it or hit something, that now I'M the one who's scared to drive it... :/

So much for wanting to sneak out for a 4-something Mickey D brekkie (which I enjoy more than the lunch!)...damn, I miss that small car!!! Bad choice in changing cars, mom...bad choice! It was so practical and efficient...and you saved loads on gas!

I'm so hungry right now...oh yeah, mom bought an itty-bitty waffle-maker...I came home the other day and started jumping like a fcukin' retard when I saw it...Yeah, I was in ultimate bliss, but also in 'jakun' mode, hehehe...

Now I can make waffles any time I want!!! Woohoo...need to brush up on making the perfect waffle...from scratch! Heheheh...

Off to hunt for food and ransack the kitchen...fridge, here I come!

UPDATE: Just talking bout waffles...I couldn't help but give in to my cravings...so I had to make the batter (super lazy though!!!) but I cheated and used that Pillsbury mix instead...still tasted like waffles, so nothing to it...and of course, ya gots to add de butta and maple syrup...and "hallelujah!!!" Once you take that first bite... :P

Still Alive...

2010-04-25T05:52:00.002+08:00

What would I do without you?

It's not hard for me to admit...you keep me sane. It's too organic; the way I find it easy to let it all out - through you. Heck, you're like an addiction!

I wish I could find something which I love as much as I love writing stuff in my head down in this thing called a blog...I'm not kidding!

3 years of tertiary studies almost ending, and I've still yet to have a clear road to where I'm heading. It's kinda like I'm driving a car on a dark desert road, not knowing where I'm going. The headlights are on, but all I can see are the next 20 feet...and nothing beyond.

I already made my choice not to join the diplomatic corps, much to my mom's disdain. Well, I always thought that I wanted to be a diplomat...but maybe what I actually wanted was to travel. Yes, I am quite ok when it comes to following protocols and shit...but is that ME? Hell no!

I know what I want to achieve, and yet I know not how to get there...and that, my pretties...is the beautiful letdown!

...know something?

What I'm doing right now is finding another reason not to finish my thesis! Wtf. Will continue soon as I send my draft. At least I'm done with my final group assignment...speaking of assignments...M,A and F...I think we need a group name. So in the future, I can refer to us as one entity...suuweeet!!!

Funny...Or Just Plain Weird?

2010-04-23T06:58:00.003+08:00

Well, you know i'm your average university student...I haven't been sleeping at the right hours lately (as if I ever did!) due to...you know, THESIS DEADLINE...ARRRGGGHHHH!

So, it's 6.30 in the morning...i'm skimming through pages of "CGE Model used as an economic forecast of a possible FTA"...and my mind just won't let me read anymore...so I skip to the next task...Environmental Politics *double yucks*, thank you very much!!! Then I realize, why the hell are there so many bugs in my room? Yes, I do normally leave my windows open 24/7 unless I go home...I need proper ventilation and I hate stuffiness! Ok, the bugs...guess the rain made them seek refuge in my room. Bugs...a variety of little bugs...crawling on the 4 walls that surround me...harmless, i'm sure...but annoying nonetheless!!!

So I get the Shieldtox and kill 'em all!!! Then, I see a whole bunch of them drop dead on my floor...and that's including the mother-effin' bee that's been buzzing around the fluorescent lightbulb!

"YESSSS...gotcha, little biatch!!!" But, wait...

The bug display on the floor can't be left just like that, right? So I start sweeping my whole room floor like the mad girl that I am...moving things here and there, sweeping under the table and chair...it's almost 7 in the morning and i'm still not sleepy. So, without thinking twice, I head outside for the mop...and i'm mopping the floor at 6.50 am. Now my room is clean and dust-free...smells great too, since it's the purple Ajax I stole from home...it's much better than the brand I have here.

So there...my story. It's 7.10 and I still don't feel a tad sleepy. Maybe i'll try to finish up this Environmental Policy assignment which I luuuuuurrrvvvveee so much! -_____-

Herein ends the awkward tale of my bug massacre+sweeping+mopping trifecta. Hope you liked it. Thank you and have a nice day.

Some People Should Go Have Some Humble Pie...

2010-04-21T00:00:00.005+08:00

The title says it all...it's amazing how some people can be so...I don't know, boastful? Maybe that wasn't how they were making it out to be, but it appears so. Maybe you don't care what people think, but hey...I have a right to an opinion just like you do. AND this is my blog so I can say whatever the hell I wanna say, so there! People nowadays...

We now live in a world where humility is lacking; it is underrated, IMO...but I think it speaks volumes of a person's self-worth when he/she remains humble whenever they gain something. Don't get me wrong, I always feel happy for another person when they get/achieve something that makes them happy...hell, I don't blame you for wanting to tell the whole world coz I would too!

It's when they begin to show a certain attitude about it; that's what gets to me. Why? Because by showing a degree of cockiness, they are lacking gratitude and gaining a huge ego. I don't know...it's not what you say about it...it's HOW you say it. Kinda confusing, but I know you can tell when a person is excited vs. when a person is showing off (while seeming unaware of it)...now where's the good in that?

I for one would never let my younger sisters be that way...hell, I recommend that you bitch-slap me if you catch me doing that! That'll get me back to Earth! LMAO...

I am lucky...very very lucky because I do NOT have friends like that. Thank you guys for you are the epitome of 'down-to-earth'...

Gratitude...learn it...live it!

Thesis!!!

2010-04-20T20:17:00.002+08:00

Finally I got an answer from the US Embassy!!! It helps...a lot!!!

Thank you God!!! Now I have ample data to complete this shizz... :P

I Really Hate This...

2010-04-19T01:17:00.002+08:00

Read: I HATE THIS!!!

I have been really trying my best to MAKE myself complete this thing called a thesis...but I fail as soon as I start! What the hell is wrong with me? I am in an utter mess...all this attempt to lock myself in my room to focus has been utterly useless...so far, I have been doing useless stuff like watching movies, playing the bloody rusty-stringed guitar...basically everything except my thesis!!! Heck, I've been reading-up on physics, can you believe it? Epic fail!!! PHYSICS!!! A subject I used to hate while I was studying it!!! OMG...

Please, God...I beg of you...please please please give me the strength to finish this before the deadline...coz it's really driving me up the wall...it's not that I can't, the problem is that I won't! I know it doesn't make sense, but that's just it! I won't do it...Ok, I can't understand it myself...

Okok...I guess i'll try again...but God, please be with me this time! Please, please, pretty please?

Speaking of other stuff...I found this treasure of a classic out of AFI's top 10 classic list (SEE WHAT I MEAN???)

It's called 12 Angry Men, a black and white courtroom drama. 12 jurors' need to decide on a boy's life; whether he's guilty beyond reasonable doubt or innocent. It's simply riveting, compelling...remarkable! No wonder it's a classic! It seems like a low-budget film, since the set is rather limited...the story itself is what got me glued throughout the movie. Glad for stumbling upon this gem...I think i'm now gonna try watching more classic movies...the B&W kind!

Other than 12 Angry Men, my other fave classic is It's a Wonderful Life, starring James Stewart. Ahhh, the classic "...everytime a bell rings, an angel gets its wings" is the kind you tend to keep in your head forever!

So after everything is done (THESIS arrrggghhhh!!!), i'm gonna try to get Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Ben-Hur, Spartacus, etc...Man, if only there was a movie scholar needed...I would certainly die for it!!!

Okaaay...back to reality! Wish me luck...God be with me! Amen.

Latest...

2010-04-16T00:45:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since we had our sleepovers/slumber party/assignment night...it's fun and I know these are our last days together...for real! So i'm all in for our latest gossips, movies, music comparisons, and more...all while attempting to do this bloody assignment!

K, useless post... -________- kinda lazy to write. Guess i'll save it for the thesis...

I Just Love It...

2010-04-07T02:29:00.005+08:00

Been watching the Godfather series (I and II - coz those are the two that matter, hahaha!) again and again...damn, I love it so much!!! The story, the dynamics of the roles...the calculating cunningness of the Dons Corleone...the cinematography...everything!!!

Just watching the rise of Michael to the head of the Cosa Nostra gets me all hooked and stuff...heck, I even disregarded my thesis...fuck!!! Michael starts off as a young buck with no hope of joining in the family business. In fact, he enlists in the Marine Corps, which everyone hates (except Fredo)...but then (to cut things short) he is faced with unavoidable and unexpected circumstances where we witness his rise to power and becomes the new Don by killing all the heads of the other mafia families...so as to avoid being killed himself.

The second one, we now focus on Vito's young days and the current Don Michael Corleone's personal journey throughout the movie...while we see Vito's rise, we also see Michael betrayed and left by everyone he thought highly of...and towards the end, he has no-one...except maybe his kids...and Tom Hagen (one of my favorite characters in the movie).

His wife played by Diane Keaton was boring...blah! But Talia Shire was great as his sister...and so was James Caan as Sonny, Robert Duvall as Tom and also John Cazale as Fredo!!! And who could forget, Marlon Brando as Don Vito...with his stuffed cheeks and unforgettable voice...heck, I imitate the Don all the time (to some friends who are fans as well), hehehe! And lines you hear in the real world...they're all taken from here!!! Believe it, people!!!

In all the 'hits' in both movies, I kinda felt sorry for Fredo...hated that he had to die...boo!!! Oh, and the time Sonny gets killed at the causeway...boo!!! The 'hits' I loved were the those which were featured in the final killing montage at the end of Godfather I...a masterpiece I must say!

Now I remembered watching Godfather III, but I can't seem to recall the story...all I can remember is that is sucks...oh, I also remember Andy Garcia...that's it...but hearing that it sucks just gives credibility to my assumption. Hmmmm, I can't remember the movie, but I'm certain that it sucks...LMAO! Wtf...

Okay...so I love Pacino...sue me! He was sooo hot...heck, to me he's still hot!!! Hahahaha, hot old method-man! I totally love his movies...Godfather, Scarface, ...And Justice for All, Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon, Scent of A Woman, Frankie and Johnny, ahhhhh...there's just too many!!! Okok...I love ALL of his movies!!! ALL of 'em...yes...even Ocean's 13 AND Devil's Advocate...hehehe! Angels In America too (he did such a good job in this miniseries!!!)

Ok...was talking about the Godfather...why did I end up talking about Pacino's movie bio? Typical!!!

A Crushed Dream...Or Maybe Not?

2010-04-05T18:49:00.002+08:00

Yes, the trip to Paris has been postponed...yes, I am allowed to go...of course! But if it's in November, I can't be certain because I might end up having to work...what kind of job allows a just-hired employee to take 10-days' leave?

I wish I had some luck so that somehow, we can make it...WE; as in ALL of my besties...je donc, notre lecons pour la langue francais...c'est pour une visite historique pour notre vivres...I just want it to happen coz I truly believe it will change us somehow...

All this plus the fact that my thesis isn't even done...that's me for ya! Ok, got to keep my priorities in check! Thesis, here I come!!!

What Is Happening???

2010-04-01T15:41:00.002+08:00

Why is everyone getting married/engaged??? Did I miss something here? I know, I know...we are in our early 20s, and of course...i'm not throwing any sort of judgment whatsoever...but damn! How can it be so many people at the same time? Who are my age!!!

People you never thought would settle down are settling...and I remember exactly how they were when they were much younger...I remember it all! But now, they're going and getting themselves hitched. I don't know why, but I tend to think women give up a lot of their dreams when they marry. Why? Because they will go on and spawn...then, their kids become the priority.

I am in no way saying that you can't achieve anything when you have children...but i'm saying that a small part of you or who you were dies when you hear the cry of your firstborn. You may be much happier than you ever imagined, but that part of you who was a little bit selfish; the good kind, the kind that thinks of their happiness melts away, unveiling selflessness...then, all the dreams you had of reaching your fullest potential will be put in the back burner...

Don't you want to travel the world...experience different cultures...find yourself...reach your limits...go on a high-adrenaline adventure right before going to that place where your new home is to live with your partner with ultimate bliss, knowing that NOW you can be with them, body, mind and soul and have no regrets?

What I am now is scared...scared that I may fall in love, get married, have children...and end up resenting the fact that I didn't chase my dreams or reach my potential. I'm scared for myself...perhaps this is the reason I am so afraid of marriage. Commitment? Well, i'm not that afraid...not unless it leads to marriage...then i'm doomed!

Okay...finally I discover the "why?" to my problem...thank you marriage aka 'mating' season for helping me find the answer!

Now those who are in love or those who are engaged and stuff...please don't take it against me. I'm just saying what I think...after all, this is MY blog...maybe in the future, I would be the one who would have to eat my own words, but for now...this is how my mind is going! Sorry...

Have a great April Fool's Day, everyone!!! ;D

People Who Are Just Not Worth Our Time...

2010-03-26T00:58:00.009+08:00

I learn through my friends and family...their relationships, their experiences. A friend's touching blog entry has only pushed me into writing this post while enhancing my feeling of gratitude...thanks, coco! I only wish for the best for all of you girls. I can honestly say I was (and still am) sincere in being your friend! Imagine if I didn't talk to M on the first day...imagine! My life would've been so different...maybe miserable! I wouldn't have met F...and we wouldn't have met A together!!! We wouldn't have been US!!! *spooked*

After feeling vast amounts of negativity surrounding me in these past few days: after all the conflicts I've witnessed in other circles...after feeling grateful that I do not have to put up with shit-heads like the ones in this list...I have compiled a list toxic people who are not worth your time, effort, and energy.

Do all you can to never associate yourself with people such as the ones listed (if you can!)...

I'm not saying i'm a fantastic person without flaws, of course I am flawed...we all are! But one thing i'm sure of...I do NOT have a cold heart...I can gladly say that I was raised by good people, and I do not have darkness or malice in any of my intentions. I am never fake when it comes to building friendships. Therefore, I would truly be blessed if I do not have to mix with these kinds of people, coz i've seen how it could damage a person.

So, here is MY list of peeps you do NOT wanna waste your time with:

Fake people who act all nice in front of you, but are heartless, cold, calculating, backstabbing, jealous and manipulative behind your back (this applies to girls, mostly)
Vain people..seriously the most annoying people in the planet!!! I hate narcissistic people and their self-praising attitudes.
Show-offs...it's one thing to be good at something and display it...it's another thing to deliberately expose yourself to be living the life of the rich and famous, when you're in fact just one of us...that's just pitiful...leave that fake Prada at home, honey! I don't see rich people doing it...why should you?
People who are jerks/assholes
Guys who are so demanding on having a pretty girl for a gf, when in fact...they're butt-ugly! Same thing for girls...
Guys who want a good, (preferably virgin girl---this is after all, Malaysia) as their wife, but have no qualms fucking any sluts they could find...AND they wouldn't marry one because "they are used goods"! Wtf...are these guys NOT man-sluts???
Guys who are condescending to women
Guys who are perverts
Guys who pretend to be a good friend just to get in your pants
Guys who are rejected...who then claims he left the girl!

Just a few things that get under my skin sometimes...just a few. I'm allowed that luxury, am I not? I speak the truth, like it or not...and maybe some of you would disagree...but this is MY truth! You could of course, offer a few suggestions...this is a medium for expression, so don't be shy! Hehehehe...

Pride & Prejudice & Colin Firth

2010-03-24T05:08:00.013+08:00

Pride & Prejudice...of all the adapted versions, I would HAVE to say: the miniseries on BBC is the BEST ADAPTED version of Pride & Prejudice, ever!!! By a mile!!!

Taken in from the very beginning by Jennifer Ehle's portrayal as Elizabeth Bennet, I was in her corner from the start. I believed her...and yes, I did hate that damn Mr. Darcy in the beginning (although I already knew how he would turn out eventually...)

In the process of falling in love with Darcy, Bennet's somewhat tomboyish demeanour (which doesn't take away from her femininity and beauty), and disregard for buttering-up those of "higher stature" (like her cousin, Mr. Collins) makes her one of my favorite Austen-girls...maybe even my favorite heroines of literature!

And the epic scene I was waiting for? The one where it is STILL talked about today by the various lads and ladies who enjoyed this series? Mr. Darcy's wet shirt scene, of course! There's something about the awkwardness of their meeting at his beautiful estate in Pemberley...perhaps it was the irony that he was a nobleman, dressed in such a way (without 'proper' attire) that may lead to the breaking of his prideful stature (complex theory)? Or maybe it was just to make us swoon over him (plain and simple theory)!!!

Whatever it is, I think the team did a good job with the whole cast. Every role was perfect for the actors...I couldn't help but fall for Mr. Darcy...yes, he's a character. But, it was played so well by Colin Firth that I forgot it was COLIN FIRTH...he became Darcy, and I was in: hook, line and sinker! I love Colin Firth for this role...he has a face fit for brooding!

Ahhh, Colin Firth...one of my favorite British actors. I really wanna check out his Oscar-nominated role for 'A Single Man', in which he plays a guy who's contemplating suicide after the death of his partner...will try to check it out in the future.

So I say...it was a night well spent. Even my writing is somewhat affected, I would think (I WOULD think??? So very Brit-ish, Lol!!!). I keep thinking in a British accent while writing this entry...Hahahahaha!!! Thanks, Ms. W...for providing me with a series so rare, that I could only think of one person who would actually have it...or rather, actually DL it, hahahahah!

THANKS W!!! Loved it soooo much! (Back to my normal vernacular! Had to happen...)

PS: I read a joke somewhere that if you say 'beer can' in a British accent, you will also be saying 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent...LMFAO!!! Say it...it's so true!!!

Taking A Load Off In Underland...

2010-03-21T23:51:00.005+08:00

Saw it (normal, not in 3D)...wasn't really impressed with the movie. Rather, it was kind of a bummer coz I expected MORE!!! I dunno, just kinda fell flat...I loved the artistic vision of Tim Burton though...it always is up to his fans' expectations...

Stayne (Crispin Glover; though I'll always remember him as Marty McFly's dad from "Back to the Future") reminds me of a taller, meaner version of Edward Scissorhands...ok, that statement was random!

Man, I loved Edward Scissorhands...it was the ONE movie in which I truly felt the talent Johnny Depp had (he still has it!) as an actor...at the same time, I also fell for Tim Burton's creative and distinct way of telling a story...it was beautiful...and of course, a match made in heaven! So, yeah...my 2 cents' worth on the Burton-Depp partnership!

Which is why, I was quite disappointed with the movie...the storyline, especially...it was rather cliched, but visually stunning...maybe I should just go watch it in 3D, eh?

After the movie, my chums went for the after-movie chill-out session...really took a load off the crappy week that was.

One of the things I love best: Being with my family AND hanging out with the friends...don't know why, I just feel happy afterwards...

Thank you God for giving me such great friends...no matter how we disagree sometimes, I accept all of you for who you are, and I hope that you accept me the way I am too...I pray that we'll always be friends, no matter what the circumstances are.

Hahahaha...I always thank God for family and friends, huh? Well, it's always better to be grateful than bitter...I don't know what the future holds for us all, but at least we had a blast, eh? Man, i'm getting too sentimental for my own good...Lol!

Must be the age...

Oh, and I must remember to write a critique about a snooze-fest of a movie that is "Under the Mountain"...LMFAO!!! Sucks, I tell you...it sucks...balls!!!

Oh.My.God.

2010-03-17T22:48:00.001+08:00

OMG!!! Tokio Hotel is coming to Malaysia...I can't for the life of me believe this!

I MUST GO!!!

Ra-ra-ra-ah-ah...Ra-ma-ramama...Ga-ga-ooh-la-la...

2010-03-14T17:37:00.003+08:00

Okay...stressed out!!! Need to vent...

Sent couple of interview requests to relevant experts in my field of study...some e-mails were bounced back to me...arrrggghhh!!!

And I keep having a nightmare on how I won't make it on Tuesday...so many things...aarrrggghhhh...how do I get to MITI if I drive myself??? Arrggghhhh...after that, i will need to get back home, return the car and hurry off to UKM for some presentation, which is (trust me!) unnecessary!!! Ask my classmates...

I apologize to some of you for not being able to go watch certain movies and go to certain places...i really am! I sooo wanted to go catch that movie with you guys...as much as I really wanted to go to that MATTA Fair to go see for myself whether we could get some great deals or not...thank God one of you went there, so all is not lost! :)

Coupled with the thesis and presentations and unfinished assignments...I am almost a wreck...till I got some news regarding our Parisian trip. Got me into a deep hole of crap for a while during the weekend. Seriously, some people are selfish and just plain inconsiderate...I do not even wanna comment!

My Facebook has been un-suspended...I still do not know who reactivated my account...can you imagine? Here I am trying to limit myself to finishing my tasks, and here comes the e-mail notification that i have reactivated my account...i mean, WTF, right? I am too jaded to even care about this...all I know is that i have nothing to hide, so no worries there...changed all my passwords though...

PS: So much to deactivating Facebook, I am now a Tweeter...just don't add me yet ok!!! I am only registered, not active...yet! Hahahahaha...I know it's addictive!!! Addiction is baaaad for me! Tweet, tweet!

Fucker...Get A Life!

2010-03-11T00:12:00.004+08:00

Just when I thought that it was a good idea to deactivate my Facebook account, so that I could concentrate on some stuff...some fucker decides to hack into mine...

Fuck...FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! Received an email saying I have comments on my account when I've already deactivated it...wth???

Whoever it is...go get a fuckin' hobby! Think I wouldn't know I've been hacked? Damn you...well, Facebook has now suspended my account thanks to you. At least now I know you can't log in as me anymore! *sticks tongue out like a 6-year old*

Loser...

I Accidently Stepped On A Snail... :(

2010-03-09T23:44:00.009+08:00

I feel horrible; it happened in the morning...12 hours later and i'm still filled with guilt! As I was walking on sunshine, I hear a cracking sound...lo and behold, a live snail squirming in its cracked shell-home...WTF!!! Arrrggghhhh, I felt so guilty...still do!

God, I pray for that poor innocent snail who knew not that it was gonna die on this very day...I suppose it had no idea that its wonderful day in the sun would be over...just coz this girl decided to walk to her faculty on the very same day...

PS: I'm trying my best not to reactivate my Facebook account...it's really hard when all you wanna do is connect with your friends whom you never see...arrgghhh!!! Must.have.will.power.

Well, as bad as I wanna comment on everyone's profiles...I have have HAVE to try to finish at least 2-3 chapters before the month ends...OMG! Please God...I hope I make it happen! Wish me luck...

Of course, stopping myself from writing here would be ludicrous!!! Blasphemous!!! Pish-posh!!!

Finally watched that final episode of Glee...loved it (even if I knew how it eventually ends)...Epic!!! It was, IMO...the best episode ever!!! Woot!!! When Mr. Schuester finally races for Emma, then kisses her...OMG!!! I went "Wooohooooo...yesssss!!!"

Oh, and of course...I loved the Glee Kids' final performance at sectionals...hehehe!

"Don't Rain On My Parade" is one of my faves from Barbara the queen of SONG, hehehe! It was brilliantly sung by Lea Michele...then came "You Don't Always Get What You Want" by Rolling Stones...my eyes started welling-up coz Mr. Schuester was gonna cry (I can't see a man cry, don't ask me why...I don't know!) I think he did a very good job on this episode...great acting; especially when he discovered that his wife wasn't pregnant at all...Holy great intensity, Batman!

So much for distraction-control...epic fail! LMFAO...Okok, i'm done!

Mes Parents Sont Dans Mon Coeur

2010-03-05T01:43:00.005+08:00

*WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD!!!*

I was sending my dad a short text message for his birthday...it's today, damn my dad is actually quite young...49! Still young, right? Well, mom's even younger...an elegant 45 year-old woman who gave birth almost three years ago! :P

All this solitary confinement, added with procrastinations about doing my thesis (or not doing it!!!) gets me thinking about them...

I wrote this before, but I never fail to say it out loud & proud: "I love my parents!"

During my teens: You know that age where most girls hate their mom/dad/both parents...my besties (now former besties) would bitch about their parents...lying to them about going out and stuff. Well, I was very different. I would say "Heck, i love my parents!", to their annoyance...Hahaha! They always trusted me, and that's why I've never had to lie to them about anything...hey, i'm not gonna go all out and say that I'm an angel...rather, I would say that I'm not that bad a daughter!

Yes, I know i've complained about them too, but i've never had that "I hate my parents!" phase...well, my sister had that phase with Pops, but not me...don't know why. Disappointments+complaints, yes...but never in a I-hate-my-parents sorta way.

I have always and WILL always love them. Once, when I was as little as 11-12, when I was thinking about my parents, I actually cried...don't know why, but I did. It was as if I felt I didn't deserve them...It's a wonder how some people are lucky enough to have one good parent, but to have two is somewhat hard to find...

I have cousins who aren't as lucky, as well as friends who constantly get into arguments with theirs. Hmmm, now thinking about it is getting me all emotional...somehow, I STILL wonder why I was/am fortunate to be born in this family...I wouldn't trade them for anything...

Don't even know why i'm writing about this, it's making me tear up...like seriously!

Well, whatever...moral is: I AM A LUCKY GIRL...always was, still am...and I hope that I always will be! And yes, I appreciate every single blessing given to me...and to my friends who read this, I'm lucky to have you guys too!

Ahhhh, maybe i'm just scared that one day i'll wake up to find out that everything was just a dream...my biggest & ultimate fear; waking up and finding that everything you thought you had was actually a dream. Geez, I'm such a dweeb...what's wrong with me?

Sorry, blog...guess you'll have to bear with my emotional roller-coaster...I'm just glad that even though i'm not rich in material wealth...I am absolutely abundant with the love of my family...if I was Superman, they would be my Kryptonite! (Geek, I am!!!)

The end.

PS: Gratitude makes way for abundance...believe it!

Inspector Gadgette!!!

2010-03-04T08:33:00.002+08:00

Just wanted to write about something...nothing important, but just that if I had a wad of cash to buy anything I want...of course, for any sane girl, they would buy shoes and clothes and stuff like that. I would too, but next on the list would be the stuff I absolutely drool for...the electrical appliances...hahahah, don't you just love getting new gadgets to play with???

My secret wish...is to shop for any electrical appliance i want...OMG, that would be great!!! I just love going to the electronics aisle in stores, but...it just breaks your heart when you don't have the $$$ to splurge on such unnecessary items...hahahah!

I love those stainless steel refrigerators that spit ice-cubes...or those electric stove-slash-oven with a hood on the top (of course!)...and what about them cappuccino/espresso-makers or bread-makers or juicers? OMG...how awesome! I'm currently imagining my dream kitchen...now that would be my favorite place in my dream house!!! Of course, in the middle of the kitchen would be "the island" where I chop the veggies, slice the meat AND entertain 2-4 people while i'm cooking... *smiles while imagining*

Ok, noted...now I have to get back to attempting some writing on my thesis. Time is running out!!! Fuckedy-fuck!

PS: How the hell do I rearrange my sleeping pattern? It's fuckin' messed up!!! Arrgghhhh...ideas!!! Ideas!!!

If...

2010-03-01T04:04:00.004+08:00

If any of my posts were broadcast on my Facebook profile...I wouldn't wanna be friends with me! LMAO...thank God this is private! Lol...reading back all my post, especially those from the past (circa 2005), I am amazed at the amount of whining...but then again, this blog IS my outlet right? The only outlet I trust that doesn't pass judgment...

Nonetheless, what a whiner!!! Hahahaha, I am much more in touch with myself nowadays, and i'm happy for it...yes, we all have our complaints now and then (aren't we ALL human?), but i'm okay with the world...i'm okay with myself...and i'll be okay with whatever God brings on my table!

Oh, failed to mention...I love myself more today than I did in 2005...back then, I had too much self-hatred for God knows what reason...guess it was the age where EVERYBODY hated themselves??? Well, go figure...

I'm also glad to state that my family life is so much better. I thank God for this...and for A! She is the glue that brought us closer than before...

I Just Don't Get It...

2010-02-27T04:30:00.004+08:00

How some people can say things so easily...I just don't get it! I hate it, and it freaks me out when people just blurt it out...it's weird and it freaks me out! Oh, crap...said 'freaks me out' twice! Isn't that proof enough? Yes, I know some of you could say it easily...but could you do me a favor and grasp the concept properly? To me, the very concept is sacred...

People these days...they just don't get the concept of certain 'concepts'. At least at the end of the day, I don't say what I don't mean, but I mean what I say when I say it!

Arrggghhh, ok...maybe this post is a little cryptic...but yes, I'm writing this way on purpose! Just needed to vent a little...so stick a fork in me...i'm done!

PS: If you tend to blab too much while drunk, perhaps you shouldn't chat with your friends or you'd end up confessing some shit you wouldn't have confessed while sober...on Facebook nonetheless...and another thing, as someone who, admittedly has her mind in the ditch...I keep my chats clean no matter how close my internet friends are...yes, jokes are jokes; dirty jokes and all. But keep away from asking me shit I wouldn't answer...for real!

PPS: I don't get how people who don't even know me think i'm a certain way because of the way I look...in fact, you're waaaay off! Arrrrghhhh...gets me so furious!!! Thank God you're not in front of me or i'll punch you in your pretty little face!!!

This Song Made My Day...

2010-02-26T02:49:00.013+08:00

Complaining is one of my greatest weaknesses...sometimes you just have those days when things don't go the way you want it. You go home (in my case, my single room in campus) to your solitary confinement...you then throw your weight on the bed, look up the ceiling and just have the whole day on playback in your head. From there, you go on and think about the bigger things; your future, where you're heading and you find yourself lost...the same ol' issue!

Happens all the time...

Sometimes you go into dark-mode...but i'm learning to cope by going the other way...like just reminding myself that I have everything I need in my life. Basic stuff for survival, stuff that feeds my mind, body and soul...and of course the greatest assets any human could have: a circle of trust...people whom you know will have your back in any situation.

Sometimes God speaks to you in ways you can't imagine...just when I started to get all gloomy and whatnot (maybe it's that fucking unfinished thesis and that trip I want to happen with every fibre of my being, which I've just come across some upsetting news!)...the song that played on my player was True Colors by Cyndi Lauper...damn, it made me cry!

I'm one of those people who really take the lyrics into heart, and I believe the words make the song. Of course, the music and melody plays an important role...but if the lyrics are just some jumbled-up crap...i'd hate it no matter how beautiful the melody...but that's just me!

Back to the story...I personally felt that someone was speaking to me...well, maybe not...but I would like to think so. It was just the perfect answer to that particular moment I was having. Take a look at the lyrics, and maybe you'd understand why I thought SOMEONE was speaking to me...

True Colors by Cyndi Lauper

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Thank you, God...I love you too! :')

A Weird-ass Dream & Malware...Again!

2010-02-24T21:19:00.005+08:00

I guess I overslept...again! It was not your usual sleep...it was more like deep sleep, where you can't wake up at all! My dreams were so real at one point, I thought I was awake, doing the stuff I usually do...checking on my Facebook acc, killed some malware (hahahaha, geek to the core!!!), which I really did yesterday, to the point of not sleeping. Maybe that's why I compensated on sleep-time, eh?

Oh, and my weird dream is this: ...Ami from Miami Ink came in biker-mode with the rest of the Wild Hogs...and he had to stay over our place because our country was in turmoil, and he was the designated US celebrity responsible for assisting us in tattooing those in need (HAHA!). He admired the work done on my sister's back, but he said the lines were slightly crooked...but the shading was good. He asked me whether I wanted one, and I said yes, but I don't wanna get one just for the sake of it. If I had to "brand" myself, it would be something important/significant to me...blablabla, yadayadayada...then, he and my family became close, he sorta became our "Uncle Ami" and then he had to go home to the US, where I presented him a bobble-head of himself (coz he can't do the Indian head-going-from-side-to-side thing). He loved it...all of us laughed...then, he left with the rest of his biker friends..they were on some pretty cool-looking Harleys & choppers, people!

Then...dream transition!

The next one was me, some guy (blank-faced, but tall) and my sister were going somewhere...we had to cross this bridge that connected two old creepy-looking buildings together...the bridge was not solid...it was shaky and unstable...that guy and myself were too scared to cross it coz we got weak in the knees just taking two steps...in which my sis taunted us for being such chickens...hahaha, and left us! So we decided to turn back and take another route...the loooong way, in which...by the time we reached the other building, my sister was not to be found. Then, I got a call from my dad who asked me why I wasn't back home yet. It was now very dark...I was alone and lost...where did that guy go? Fuck, I'm screwed!!!

In an instant, I realized I was dreaming...then I woke up.

Weird, huh? Hahaha...

===================================================================

I figured out why the hell I kept getting malware...I had this tracker hidden on my system subfolder...and it was cloaked in an apparent Windows NT file...pretty smart trojan, huh? It took a looooong time to track it, mind you...it is like a magnet for all sorts of malware, and the final straw was when my CPU usage was reaching 100%...was such a horrible thing to watch my baby suffer...I could hear the fan working on overdrive, and it just kept getting very hot as I connected to the wifi...so whenever I deleted a particular trojan, the tracker would still be there, disguised as a legitimate Windows file. SO THAT'S WHY THESE MALWARE PROBS NEVER GO AWAY!!! I sure hope after deleting this asshole of a malware, there won't be any problems anymore! If it does happen, i guess i'll just give in and reformat...need HDD...stat!

Took me a total of 5 hours to do everything...from running the cmd, to tracing the svchost.exe to its program (which was running at 60-99% cpu usage!!!) Ahhhh, I don't know why I won't let anyone touch my notebook...I dunno, guess I don't trust those computer dudes. Added to the fact that i'd rather do it myself...

And take note, most antiviruses can't/won't be able to identify certain malwares/trojans/worms/viruses...in this case, I recommend MalwareBytes' Anti-Malware. It was the only software that identified the "malware.trace" hidden somewhere in a temporary file folder...I also recommend turning the System Restore off before running the software and deleting all those trojans, coz they would mostly hide in those "restore point" files...after all is fixed, just reboot and turn it on again...and you're done!

Some Stuff Coz I'm Bored...

2010-02-24T02:00:00.003+08:00

I write regardless whether i'm bored or not...however, in this case...I'M SO FREAKIN' BORED!!! AHHHHH!!! Added to the fact that it's heat-wave season--> I hate is soooo much!!! I'm never one to complain when it rains, coz I think of it as a blessing. At least you don't have to suffer from heatstroke!

Heat wave --> the scorching sun, sweat, prickly heat, severe neck itch, sunburn (no matter how high the SPF!!!), dehydration to the point of dizziness, nausea, low blood pressure...well, maybe that's just my take. What I know for sure is that my immune system is of 2 extremes...i've somehow managed to evade the flu that's attacked my family...and yet...and yet...it sucks at protecting me from feeling faint, headaches, wanting to puke, etc...classic symptoms dehydration! I'm drinking a lot of water now, so what gives???

I can only blame myself for not taking precautions sooner...as many people know, I hate drinking water, but loooove my java...mmmm, yummo! Gimme a hot brewed one anytime! :) BUT...yeah, the formula is simple, actually:

dry season + diuretics + not drinking water = disaster/dehydation

Maybe if i'd kept this habit up, I'd be having low b.p. like I did in '08...well, thank God all i'm suffering from is the icky-sticky feeling of sweat and itching neck! Medicated powder, here I come!!!

===================================================================

On a different note, I watched Marley & Me again...'Sunday TV nite'...with Popsie (my dad). I got teary-eyed when I watched Marley put his face on Jennifer Aniston's lap while she was crying after she found out that her baby didn't have a heartbeat at 2-months...ugggghhhh, it damn bloody struck a chord!!! Reminded me of my mom and dad...all before Baby A was born! :)

...and of course, the sad part was when they put Marley to sleep...I just love how dogs can love you no matter what you have...poor or rich, stupid or smart...if you show them love, they're yours for keeps! Can't say much about humans though...

Okok, so the point I was going to make...the movie was not great, but it does have its moments. After all that, I turned to my 'Sunday TV nite' partner and said, "Damn...a freakin' tear-jerker towards the end, wasn't it?" and Dad said, "Nahhh, i'm not really a dog person." -______- Mood killer...

Anyway, guess that's all i'm writing for now...i have a bunch of stuff in my head, but to write all of them would take a week, maybe...with the heat and all...I think i'll just go do some assignments (HALLELUJAH!!!)...maybe, no promises! One thing i'll promise is that i'm gonna drink water...and lots of it! I just started a week ago, so here's to good health!

Oh yeah...just found out that the rest of my classes has been cancelled for the week...so, I came all the way here just for one day's class... -_____- Guess i'll be going home tomorrow...in that case, it's the perfect time to go get a haircut!!! Long hair is NOT good for the heatwave!!! Uggghhh...

Toodlez, bitches!

Fridays Rock, Saturdays Rule & Sundays Suck!!!

2010-02-21T02:02:00.006+08:00

For me, Fridays are the best, coz it's like a whole day of optimism...the weekend is upon us!!! Then, in the moment of anticipation, you plan your weekend on this very day...why then, do you think many people love Fridays? Hell, you wouldn't be saying TGIS (Saturday) now, would you? It's TGIF for a reason! Hahaha...

Then, comes Saturday...the day of endless possibilities...the day where you can either spend outdoors or indoors, not worrying about school or work for the next day is a given day of rest!!! So, what else? You throw caution into the wind and enjoy the whole fuckin' day!!! Day turns to night, and you still are on the mode of 'yay' because you're allowed to have a late night...now, that my friends...is a blast!!!

I dunno, I hated Sundays since I was little, and I can't believe that i've carried this feeling with me throughout the years...bloody hell! What sort of freak am I??? I used to hate having to wake up early for Sunday mass, then Catechism classes right after...so maybe that could count as one of the factors.

Fast forward to the present...i don't wake up for church anymore, but I still hate Sundays... Sundays for most people, is a day of rest...family day, R&R day, lazy day...Hallmark matinees day...etc! But to me, it's just a day of sulking because...as you are well aware...the next day is the start of work/school...well, I can fool myself and still have fun of course, but the fact is that Monday is near, and that's what I hate about Sundays...it's sorta like the end of the weekend fun!

And yes, it's Sunday morning...2 am to be exact...and I freakin' hate that the weekend is coming to an end, and i'll have to return to uni tomorrow...and of course, get started on my unfinished assignments and thesis! No more wasting time, or i won't be able to graduate! *God forbid*

Ok, done with useless rant...

Toodlez, bitches!!!

Capo Capo Capo!

2010-02-20T02:47:00.003+08:00

*Long post alert!!!*

For the 1-week holiday, I'm spending time with my darling little baby sis...damn, the little tyke is crazy-smart, OMG!!! She's like an old woman in a 2 year-old body! Can you believe, she lectures us on not saying the word "stupid" or "shut up"? Hahaha, yeah...Freudian slip, okay!!! We don't mean to say these words in front of her...my other sis and I have to censor our F-words to the core, it ain't easy I tell ya!!!

Baby's also crazy like me...she can mimic any shows on TV, any songs we hear (or watch on TV), and she now asks us to bathe her when she feels it's time!!! She used to hate taking a bath, but now...she's the one asking us to give her a bath!!! "Can please take Baby and bath???" (excuse the grammatical errors, she's only 2 years old!!!) AND...she knocks on my door in the morning, telling me to wake up and make her some milk!!!

Man, kids these days...they're much too advanced! Makes you wonder...heck, it makes me realize that we humans are evolving before our very eyes. The next generation is gonna be full of super-homosapiens, and i'm not even kidding! Lol...what, with all the TV programs catering to toddlers...I really think these shows help in child development, so I reiterate what i've said dozens of times before...

God bless the inventor of the television! ;P

Oh, about the capo as my title...say it...say "CAPO" many times...it's fun!!! LMAO...

Well, I "borrowed" my dad's capo (and guitar too, hehehe), coz you know...when you look for chords online, they tell you to use a capo (which I don't have!) for certain songs so that you can play with open strings and whatnot...

So when I put it on the fret...BAM!!! The song sounds so much better than without...I dunno, it sounds better...of course, you don't have to use one, but I saw a chance, tried it, and loved it! Too bad, I don't have one...

The strings of my sis' Santa Cruz acoustic is wearing thin, and my dad was supposed to buy some!!! It sound horrible, it's so loose, the sound is fucked-up even after re-tuning...just playing on my dad's Ashton was great...the sound was super sharp, clean and just wow! Damn, he promised he would get me one...waiting to this day...

Oh, well...thank goodness my sister is generous enough to lend me hers...she just isn't into it anymore, I guess. But i'm proud to say that I can now play a few songs by ear. Well, almost...I have this thing where I have to write the chords down or else i'll just friggin' mess the song up...heck, i'm no Jimi Hendrix! *wishes she was Jimi Hendrix...female version!*

I was also supposed to take some piano lessons from my godmother...but I guess dad's too busy and all...I don't know, a musical instrument; it's a stress-relief for me...it never was, but it works for me now. I think it's an escape from the stresses of reality, just like writing is to me.

I always wished to know how to play some sort of instrument...so, just knowing...even a little bit is a good enough accomplishment for me...and I did it all thanks to the internet...hahahah!

A Gleek's Pseudo-Tribute

2010-02-17T23:41:00.004+08:00

How do I start?

I start by thanking John Logie Baird (is it correct?) for inventing the TV...I remember his name because it rhymes with Yogi Bear...Lol! Ahhh, remember the days of memorizing the names of inventors during our primary school years? If i'm not mistaken, we were forced to memorize these peoples' names when we were in Standards 5 and/or 6...

Well, whateverlah (lol, never used 'lah' on my blog before)...I used to think that the 90's provided us with great sitcoms and TV shows...then, at the start of the new millennium, the days of reality TV began...it was great when it started, but it became a cultural phenomenon, that now...MTV has cropped its "Music Television" phrase from its logo...yeah, buhbye to music vids, hello 24/7 reality shows!!! TV just isn't as good as it used to be...most of my faves ended their storylines after tons of seasons, then came my withdrawal symptoms...uhhhh, where am I getting at?

I was supposed to talk about my CURRENT fave TV shows...epic fail! Well, here goes:

The current "it" show would be Glee...I love the show so much because it's a breath of fresh air. So ok, it's basically your cliched 'Breakfast Club' meets High School Musical (hate it!!!)...BUT, it feels real and genuine. The characters are lovable...heck i even love the villain!!! The writing's good, the song mash-ups are great, the dancing is ok, they all have musical backgrounds (heck, Lea and Jenna both have performed on Broadway!!!), etc...need I say more? It's the shit, babes! Lol...

Well, it's my current fave...but i'm scared that it'll just fall...just like Heroes, Lost, Desperate Housewives, etc...so, i'm just hoping that it will last for a very very long time...but how long can the premise last, eh? They could only last till the writers decide when the kids would graduate from high school, right?

For now, i'll be joining the masses in enjoying all the music they're serving us on a weekly basis...can't wait for their return after the hiatus!

PS: Just so you know, I do not think their version of "Don't Stop Believing" trumps Journey's version...no one beats Journey or Steve Perry!!! Well, maybe Arnel Pineda replaced Steve, but...nobody beats Journey...hahahaha! Just can't believe people think the Glee version of this song is superior...what blasphemy!!!

Ahhhh, the crap I write during the holidays...gotta love it!

Paris Holds The Key To Your Heart...

2010-02-11T22:20:00.005+08:00

Paree holds the key to your heart...lol, ever heard of that song? It's from the animated film, Anastasia voiced by Meg Ryan and John Cusack...remember? It's produced by Don Bluth...one of those underdogs if you compare them to Disney, of course! But heck...I loved All Dogs Go To Heaven, and I love Anastasia too! :)))

So why am I talking about that song? Coz whenever I think of France..i think of the Eiffel Tower...i think of walking into a little french bistro and ordering a cafe creme, sitting on the Al Fresco table-setting outside the quaint place, overlooking a beautiful view...buttering a croissant, and just enjoying the day while watching people cycling, walking, playing, talking away while I try to finish Le Figaro (as if!!! I can't even speak proper French!!! LMAO) as I can't find a single English-languaged newspaper anywhere...and that, my friend...is when THE SONG comes in...ahahah!!!

Well, actually that's just one of the tunes I have playing on loop when I think of Paris...the other is La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong...but that's for the night-time, while I'm watching the lights on Le Tour Eiffel...heheheh...*smiles while the heart warms to the thought*

OK...daydream over!!! Back to reality...

So we (A and myself) submitted the paperwork to the relevant headquarter and were told to follow-up after 2-weeks...before we sent it out, we hoped for the best, and A gave the paper a kiss...then I followed suit! LMAO...dude, if it works...then you should kiss my lottery ticket!!!

Oh, and here's the website on the trip, by the way...can you guess which is me? Hahahaha...
http://www.lasbellaparis.blogspot.com/

So that's done, and now we wait...while waiting, I must now focus on my 3 unfinished tasks...one of them being my thesis!!! Ahhhhh, ZOMG!!! I was so preoccupied with finishing my term assignments and presentation that I totally brushed-off doing anything related to my thesis, and I hope that this doesn't screw with my momentum of finishing tasks! Coz once the momentum is gone...then it gets really bad, as I have a real hard time getting it back!!!

And wow does the time fly by real fast!!! Damn, it's already February...and I didn't even realize it till people kept posting Happy Chinese New Year on Facebook...shit! That leaves me around 2 fucking months to complete this thesis of mine...the pressure is on!!!

And to think, i'd have to travel back home tomorrow to sardine-packed trains...as i'm sure EVERYONE is gonna travel back to their respective homes...this being the holidays and all...

To great times and wishes come true...I wish all this for me and you! :)

Happy Chinese New Year...let us usher the year of the Tiger!!! Roarrrr!!! *Eye of The Tiger by Survivor plays in the background*

Show Me The Funny...In Hell Week!!!

2010-02-10T03:25:00.007+08:00

Hey, little world!!! It's been awhile since I last did what I do best; yapping incessantly about the world as I know it...

Man, I had quite a bad...not to say bad, but rather, kind of a "What???" week...you know, a little bit of blurriness, mixed with hectic deadlines and of course, some of life's sick games and shit like that...

You know how I always say that at that moment, I tend to think that it'll pass...well, that was really my only comfort...fast forward to NOW: It has passed, and i'm so glad...

Well, it hasn't been a sucky week per se...just one of those weeks of many unfortunate events and inconveniences...all meshed together to create a huge chain of disasters!!! But all i'm doing while writing this is laughing...coz in the end, you look back...dust yourself off and laugh your heart out at the catastrophes that buzzed at you at that particular moment in your life...it's just fair to say that the BIG man upstairs has a really freakish sense of humor...and I only get the humor when it's over...LMAO!

So yeah, i'm talking but not explaining, but i'm just gonna leave it at that...some of you will know what i'm talking about anyway...LOL! So there...

I have a small test tomorrow (later, i mean!) which I haven't read for...but the whole studying thing is not gonna happen because i'm super freakin' tired and for the first time in my life (exaggeration!!!), i'm gonna hit the sack on my own free will...but hot damn, it's 3.36 am...so this so-called anomaly of my sleeping schedule is not to be (God, i'm so influenced by Sheldon Cooper right now, OMG!!!)...damn!

And yeah, finished with season 2 of The Big Bang Theory, and on to season 3...thanks A, for introducing me to this piece of grade-A, kick-ass show!!! And...why do i find these guys cool??? Ahahahaaa...Penny is one lucky biatch!

So long for now...toodlez bitches!!!

23 In 2010!

2010-02-03T01:22:00.003+08:00

OMG...

I can't believe i'm gonna be turning 23 this freakin' year! Okay, it's still a few months away, but I don't know why i'm freaking out all of a sudden!

Why does turning 23 seem so...i dunno...old?

I know, I know...ridiculous! But somehow, i think that 23 is decades older than 22...and i have NO idea why! Maybe it's something my sister told me..."Damn, you're 23 this year!!! You're 23!!! 23!!!" -_____-

Uggghhh...meanwhile, here's a short poem (doesn't seem poetic!) for me to vent, and for you to laugh at:

The pressure is building,
The wrinkles are forming,
Before I become anything,
I'm already hyperventilating!

I'm gonna be 23!!!
Oh, Father Time...what are you doing to me?
At this moment I am happy,
But I still can't help feeling like a looney...

First the questions...
Then the expectations...
Then your salutations;
From young girl, to young Ms...to 'old spinster with cats for her minions'...

Is this what happens when you reach my age?
That you feel so scared that you would need shrinkage?
That you wanna turn back time and hide back in your box...
That you took so long to get out of?

I guess this is what happens when you're me,
The weirdest gal there ever could be,
What the hell's wrong with me turning 23?
Am I not supposed to celebrate with glee?

Questions that only can be answered in time...for now, I can see faint crow's feet on the edge of my eyes...damn! I always picture myself growing old with grace...you know, grace that comes from years of wisdom, experiences and achievements!

When i'm able to, I shall travel...every year, by hook or by crook...to my list of places I've always wanted to visit and go see...sorta like a "100 places to go before I die" kinda list...Aurora Borealis in Alaska, Vegas, Paris, Italy, Germany, Amsterdam, Cambodia, Brazil, New Orleans, etc...aaaaah, may it be so!!!

Too Complex!

2010-02-01T01:48:00.002+08:00

Ever just sat down quietly and contemplate on life? I do it all the time...

Sometimes, it just gets a little too complicated...when you think of the galaxy, other galaxies...other beings...if we are indeed the product of the Big Bang Theory, what about intelligent design, aka the human definition of a superior being (mostly referred to as God)?

If God had created us humans with our ability to think rationally, logically...and if He/She is indeed all-seeing, all-knowing, ever-present...how are we supposed to be? Why are we here? What lesson are we supposed to learn? Are we alone in this world? If so, why create such a huge universe, and if not...why can't we connect or see or communicate with terrestrial beings?

All these thought sometimes generate weird and scary questions too...like if I had a spaceship that could travel millions or billions of light years, where would I end up? What's at the end of the universe? Is it just a never-ending pitch-black space or would there be things that I could never imagine?

I have more to ask, but I think i'll just save it for now...

Busy Days & Gratefulness

2010-01-28T16:30:00.003+08:00

Oh...my...Gawd!!! The week has been quite hectic!!! I love it!!! Hahahaha, I just love the adrenaline when you're rushing to do one thing, then another!

My previous post on the fear of swimming and submerging myself underwater...well, i'm still getting used to it...but thanks to F & A...I can now swim..well, somewhat!!! I still get panicky when I can't touch the ground with my feet. Still need some getting used to...today was my second day!

We went for a few minutes yesterday...damn, the pool was packed!!! of course, we went to the "Wuss Pool", that's what I call it because it's NOT Olympic-sized...the pool for real swimmers is on the other side, which I shall not go to, hehehehe!

Well, the first 20 minutes, I was just too panicky and fidgety, but thanks to F & A's patience and getting me all comfortable with submerging myself in the water, they thought me how to float and waddle around the pool...

Once I got the hang of it, I started swimming...woot!

We went again this morning, but it was hot and sunny...damn hell, we got sunburnt!!! Well, as A says, "Better to be thin and dark, rather than fair and overweight!!!" LOL...so true!!! So, with all this in mind, I'm gonna start practicing the art of swimming, as even on the second day, I feel scared...hmmmph!!!

I shall swim my way into fitness...hahahaha, if only!!! I can't even do a lap without gasping for air and swallowing water!!! Arrrggghhhh...I thought I could avoid it, but there's no way, man...swallowing water is a must when you're learning (says Sifu F)... :/

Well, if I...a 23-year old girl can learn to swim...YOU (whoever that can't swim for nuts) can too!!! Amen!!!

Again, I would like to thank God for not letting me drown and finding the drive to learn something I've feared my whole life...I don't even know how I got the urge to learn swimming...I never even thought about it...just came out of nowhere, and when F suggested we go swimming, it was an opportunity!!! So yay, thank you God!!!

Thank you F & A for having the patience for teaching this doofus with such grace and sincerity!!! Love you guys...of course, you will live on as "The people who thought G how to swim!!!"...such good teachers you are, heheheheh!!! *Bows to F & A as sign of respect*

Ok so that's done...now for many days now i've been going back and forth with A to this office and that office to submit and correct the paperwork for the trip...we're damn fuckin tired, so I do hope our time and effort do not go to waste, and that this trip WILL (by hook or by crook) happen!!! Amen!!!

And yes, who could forget...my assignment presentation the next 2 weeks, and of course...my thesis!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Just give me a mug of strong java...and i'll be good to go!!!

May the force be with you and me! Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiyai (say it like Xena, warrior princess, and fadeout!)...

I'm Ready, I'm Ready, I'm Ready...

2010-01-26T03:05:00.006+08:00

I'm gonna start something i've dreaded for years...maybe my whole life!

I'm gonna...learn to swim!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so fuckin' scared...i've tried learning a few times, trust me...but the fear, oh God the fear of water getting into my nose and mouth...like the time when I was 3-4 (YES I DO REMEMBER!!!)...I was on a beach...my dad held my hand while we went into the sea...the shallow part was still above my head i guess...or maybe it wasn't that shallow, but I ended up submerged in the water, and yes...water filled my mouth and nose...

Till this day, i am fearful...as I tried to learn to swim throughout the years, I still get the image of struggling under the water, and of course...i fear i would drown!

But you know what? There's no turning back since i made this decision...i already bought the swimming gear needed, and i'm not gonna let my spending money on this go to waste. At least my friends will teach me...I hope it happens, coz my cousin tried and failed, my grandpa tried and failed and so did my aunt...but maybe it was because I wasn't ready to face the fear (at that time)???

Well whatever it is...I'm ready, I'm ready (singing it the way Spongebob does!!!)

Just hope I wake up early, LMFAO (I'm laughing, but i'm still scared ok? Hahahaha...fuckin' serious about learning to swim, so I hope the drive helps)...coz I suck at waking up early! It's like the alarm never works for me anymore...or maybe it's because I sleep like 2 hours before I have to wake up, heheheh!

Oh, and about the concert...the concert...sigh, let's save THAT for another post, or maybe never! I'll give the organizer a C+...but this is me being generous!

Till the next post,

Toodlez, bitches!!!

UPDATE: It's not gonna happen today coz my teacher couldn't make it...but it'll happen by this week...aaahhhhhhhh (still scared!)

Here's Hoping While Saying A Prayer

2010-01-24T01:07:00.003+08:00

I think I have an idea what I wanna achieve in the future...suddenly, it seemed so clear. And the fact that it ties well with my sis seals it...God, I hope it becomes something epic! Hahahaha...

But for now, i'm sticking to building bridges (for now!)...

Tomorrow is the day of the concert...and what we're getting is laughable! Damn damn damn! Boss better let us put this as an 'embellishment' on our CVs for paying us almost nothing!!! Thank God for him, he's friends with my parents, so in essence...we're doing him a favor. Oh, well...

Till tomorrow (as in later TODAY!)...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Serious post ahead:

If I could save the world, I would be in Haiti...OMG, 111,000 lives claimed. And here we are...wasting the time that we have worrying about boyfriends not loving us enough...worrying about not finding the one...worrying about not catching Mr/Ms Right. Why don't we just forget all that shit just for a sec and focus on what we have...

I love what I have. I may not be wealthy in the material sense, but I AM wealthy when it comes to having loved ones. I am wealthy because I have what I need. I am wealthy because I can have water whenever I feel thirsty and food whenever i'm hungry. I have clothes on my back and money to spend for leisure activities. I can go out of my house without worrying of people looting shops and houses because they've lost everything they have that's worth anything.

I live in a country free of natural disasters (to a degree)...my friends and my family are safe from harm...I have an education...and we are all healthy...and for that, I'm grateful...and I love myself...after reading of all the horrors happening in Haiti...i shall never worry about not being tall enough, not being thin enough or not having flawless skin ever again! Why? Coz life is too precious to sweat the small stuff...yes, I know it's hard...but I sure as hell am gonna try!

For now, I offer my sincerest prayers for the lives lost in Haiti...for their families and friends, and I hope the people find a renewed strength and somehow rise up to the challenge that they have faced in these hard times. Amen!

Light Up, Light Up...As If You Have A Choice!

2010-01-20T03:26:00.004+08:00

I was listening to Snow Patrol's Run...and I was somehow directed to Leona Lewis' rendition...of course, the style is so different, but I love her version as well...she has such a high range as a vocalist...

Leona is such a great singer...and I love the theme for Avatar, by the way...if you listen to it the first few times, it would sound quite weird because the song is kinda complicated...sometimes, when you hear a song, you know the direction...but with 'I See You', you wouldn't know it...the range is wide...the backups rather robotic...but Leona's part shines. I still like the song though!

And it doesn't hurt that she's a looker as well...my sis thinks she looks like a man (hahahaa), but I beg to differ...I think she's beautiful! Looks+voice=perfect product=success...

Okay...why am I writing about Leona Lewis at almost 4 in the morning?

Oh, and a friend recommended that I give a listen to Chet Baker's 'My Funny Valentine'...I love Sinatra and Bennet's versions of the song, and of course...such a classic song would mean dozens of cover versions...but Chet's version is great too...so breezy, almost in a soft whisper...thanks for the recommendation!

Whatever it is...my night was full of listening to music and nothing else...hahahah! Day and night...a paradox to the highest degree!

Oh, and by the way...Bill Kaulitz is looking thinner and more eccentric by the day, it's kinda worrying...and please don't go cuckoo on us...please! He joined a fashion show recently looking very skinny, looking like a woman...I kid you not! I mean, I get the androgyny-chic fashion sense, but c'mon...there is such a thing as being OTT...even David Bowie wasn't THAT feminine...

Oh, Happy Day!

2010-01-19T17:22:00.003+08:00

I don't know why, but I get happy when my day is productive...I know, it's crazy to be happy just because of this...but mainly i'm happy because somehow the LoA has helped me once more...will explain later!

Woke up to go see our French lecturer to enquire many things regarding Lasbella. Got the info we needed mostly! I'm so stupid though...as secretary, I didn't do my job well enough coz I went and forgot to bring the paperwork...thank God he was kind enough to print out a copy for us (me and the Chairperson...Mlle A!) My apologies to A for my absent-mindedness...well, a lot of things to do to make this possible, but we need everyone to pull this together, and I pray this happens for us! Amen...

Then we went for our replacement class...which isn't so boring...dunno why, but I didn't get bored in class...maybe i've been sleeping too much...so I don't feel as sleepy as I used to! Hehehehe...

After lunching with F, we went (this is what made my day!) to the mini-library in the faculty...why? Because i finally took a second step towards understanding what goes into making a thesis...then, this is where LoA came in...a classmate who happens to have the same supervisor as me started asking me questions about my thesis...then I told her my problems regarding my thesis and whatnot...so her friend heard me and offered me this authority figure's contact info to ask for assistance. Seems that although this man is VIP, he's very keen with helping students with their problems...Oh, thank God!!! I thought i'd never get even ONE person to interview!!!

Thank God!!!

And thanks to F for taking me there...coz if you didn't wanna go, I would've not gone there as well...then i wouldn't have talked to KPK, then i wouldn't have gotten Y's help...

Thanks, universe...i'm smiling not only because i'm happy, but because i'm so relieved that I do not have to worry too much about finding contacts...that was all I was worried about actually. Coz in my topic, my supervisor wants me to interview many people...so maybe getting one or two would kick-off the momentum...hahah!

Please God, let me finish my thesis on time...and a good thesis at that!

Much Ado About Nothing...

2010-01-18T18:34:00.003+08:00

I had my day planned out...convinced myself that i'm ready to learn something today, that I had to let down my sister who I was supposed to accompany to the bank but didn't because I had to go for a class...I reached the place quite early...which is unlike me! Soooo unlike me...then, after half an hour the lecturer says she announced earlier that class was cancelled. WTF!!!

My poor sis! Sigh...and when I was waiting for a message that says, "Class is cancelled!" I got zilch! Damn...waste of all the students' time...imagine those who came from their homes...they have to return the very same day! Damn...

Well, at least I got to hangout with my friends and talk...didn't do that for awhile...

Oh, and I wish my sis knows how grateful I am for she always sends me to campus...hehehehe! Sometimes I just dread all the waiting and pushing while getting into the bloody train. Just appreciate it...and also thanks for lending me what i've wanted to borrow for a long time...at least I won't get soooo bored here anymore! :)

PS: On another note...totally irrelevant to this post...I would like to pray for the people who have lost their loved ones in Haiti...I hope we as a people can rise to the occasion and help our brothers and sisters...well, I know I can't do anything myself, but all I could do is offer my prayers in sincerity...I hope that all the funds sent to the Haitian government will be used for good, rather than be pocketed by the government -- if you know what I mean. It happens all the time...I hope this country would be an exception!

I Have the Need...the Need For Speed!!!

2010-01-14T19:14:00.005+08:00

"Here comes Speed Racer...he's a demon on wheels..."

I so want to have the ability to do anything with lightning speed...damn! I don't know, it seems like I have little to do...and yet, there's a lot to do...ahahahah!!! Think i'm going blur...

My sister's (the middle child) resolution for 2010 is to live a healthy life...as inspired as I am, i'm realistic enough to realize that I can't...as much as I want to...there's no kitchen to cook my own food and eat healthy here in campus...the food they serve here is loaded with fat, oil, coconut milk, etc...but yeah...even more so, is when i'm here, I tend to eat ramen noodles, bread, and junk!!! Coffee is a staple I will never ever give up...so much so that I bought one of those vacuum-tumblers just so I can bring my coffee along when I don't have enough time to drink in the morning...LMAO!

And I bought one for my sis too, but shit...we bought the smallest size, which isn't enough for a "Tall" at Starbucks...fuck!!! We only realized this when it was too late, and we can't return it!!! Fuck...that was a funny incident though...hey, at least I get to pack my morning coffee! (I'm trying to comfort myself by repeating this statement everyday...)

Oh, did you know that there's another size in Starbucks called "Short", an 8 oz cup...it's smaller than the smallest on the menu, aka the "Tall" which is 12 oz...betcha didn't know, huh? It's a known secret among the chosen ones...lol! It's only a few cents less, so you might as well get the Tall, right? And it's only available for the hot drinks...uhhhh, why am I talking about this crap? Geez...

Oh yeah...watched Avatar last week...loved it! Wanna watch it again, but in 3D this time...but yeah...some friends do not like to spend more on some dumb glasses, so I guess...go figure! :'( Oh, and Sam Worthington is hot!!! Why the hell are the guys from Oz damn hot??? Hugh Jackman, Adam Garcia, Heath (RIP), Eric Bana...and now Sam!!! Damn, if only that damn accent wouldn't get to me...sorry, I find it annoying...maybe it's those "McLeod's Daughters" commercials on Hallmark...oh, and Kylie Kwong that Australian chef...damn, she annoys the hell outta me when she talks...*shudders* So ok, maybe it's not Ozzie's per se...maybe it's the individual...hahahaha!

Muse is gonna perform in Singapore and I wanna go!!! Ahhhhhh!!! I can't coz of the $$$ factor and of course, my thesis awaits...I saw my supervisor today, and luckily, I was given a more elaborate explanation as to wtf I should do...

Yes, i need to...no, i HAVE to interview officials from the various agencies under a certain ministry...damn! I would have to do around 5 chapters...and maybe tweak my conceptual framework...yes, it's more International and Political Economy rather than political dynamics of nations and policies...which I prefer. Now I have to get a letter from the uni just to get an interview...and all that shit! Arrrrgghhhh!!!

...but man, I'm pretty freaked out! LOL! Can I vent a little bit...like: FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Okay, okay...breathe!!!

Ok, done!

And it's just ten days away from that so-called concert...I don't know what the hell i'm supposed to do since Boss hasn't told me anything...don't even know if i'll get any money...I have to use a new number by the telco sponsoring the concert, but i'm not gonna use it...unless it benefits me.

Just look at this post...damn it's so messed-up...i'm not even making sense...just jumbling up any thoughts that come into my head...hahahah! Okay...maybe i've had too many cups of you-know-what!

Listening to: Walking On Air by Kerli...it's an awesome song!!! Kerli is Estonian, and she's so eccentric...sounds a bit like Bjork, and dresses like she's the female version of Bill Kaulitz...they should be together!!!

UPDATE: Kerli and Tokio Hotel will be collaboration on a single for the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack...OMFG! Hahahahahah...hope to hear their single soon! And yes, Kerli does look like an Alice...Tim Burton is such a genius! Love his work, especially when it involves Johnny Depp (yummo!) and his wife Helena Bonham-Carter...

Okay...done yapping! Maybe i'll write more later at night since my head is super-charged!!! Feel like a million bucks and i'm typing like the Energizer Bunny woot!!!

Toodlez, bitches!

Get To You

2010-01-06T17:15:00.005+08:00

"I'll get to you...just hold on a little longer"

This song keeps going on loop in my head...heard it a few days ago, and downloaded it. It's James Morrison's 'Get to You', and just listening to it brings me the imagination of driving in a Buick, then running down a prairie in a sundress, enjoying the wind against the strands of my hair and experiencing bliss with every sense...sigh! It's crazy how music affects me sometimes...

James Morrison's voice is one of the best in contemporary music - very bluesy, has a gruff voice which I wish more male singers had...don't know why, but when I think of James, i'm reminded of Paolo Nutini...another great singer-songwriter...hahahaha, I know...so random, eh?

Yeah...me blabbing again about things people won't get...that's what you're here for, sweet blog of mine! Anyway, lots of great songs out there...just wanted to write about this particular one coz I felt like it! I think i'll write more about songs in the future...I love analyzing them...LOL!

Still looking for the piano sheet for 'Zoom Into Me'...you know, that haunting riff I keep yapping about? Found the most accurate one...the girl who wrote it is spot-on...it's so good, it's perfect! Can't wait to learn it...hope I get the chance.

Till the next post...toodlez, bitches!

First Post For 2010!!!

2010-01-06T02:49:00.005+08:00

Happy 2010!!!

I started my year with a touch of optimism and a sense of gratitude...i have a feeling that 2010 is gonna be packed with things to do...and i'm ok with it!

Remembering 2009...it was somewhat interesting, but not without it's challenges. But you know what? Whether good or bad, it passes...everything just eventually passes you by. I've failed to realize this principle in the past, but it has become my mantra in the recent years...everytime something bad happens, my mind goes, "This will pass..." But when something great happens, I just throw all caution in the wind and enjoy the moment...

So for 2010, what i hope to achieve is just that...living in the moment...it's nice to look back...nice to look forward...but we experience the NOW, so...go figure! Carpe diem!

On another note...the trip to Paris thing is on a roll...God, by early May I could be doing what I've wanted to do in years...if y'all don't fuckin' know it by now, you can just eat my shorts...lol!

Just watched "(500) Days of Summer"...yes, i've had this movie in my hard drive for over a month and i'm only watching it now! Hurray for my procrastination!!! Hahahaha, it just reminds me of the time I forced my friends to watch "The Orphan"...all of them did (eventually), except me...and it's also on my hard drive...and I still haven't seen it!

Okay, back to the movie...it's one of those quirky and unconventional pseudo-love stories...I love it! Damn, I really loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt's performance...truly felt the gut-wrenching hurt he felt when he finally discovers that his "lady love" just doesn't love him back...it's pretty intense. He's a very good actor, and it doesn't hurt that he's hot! Hahahah...he has that quirky, geek appeal that I love...and of course, my must-have in a man--> a great smile with a nice pair of dimples!!! LOL!!!

But seriously, I love both Joseph and Zooey here...Zooey's performance as a cold yet endearing "bitch" (towards the 300th day) was totally believable, and she was just beautiful...

And this movie just refreshed my love for the Smiths' best song ever!!! Well, at least for me...'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' is THE anthem for Tom's character...I've loved this song from the time I saw "Never Been Kissed" -- you know the prom scene? Yeah, that's the one! A very short song...but appropriate nonetheless! Morrissey's voice of desperation is in line with Tom's in the movie. Sigh...a perfect match! Well, maybe you don't know half the shit i'm yapping about, but at least i'm not talking about Tokio Hotel right? LMAO! I'm slowly withdrawing from my daily dose, mind you...

Okay, this is a long post...you know how I tend to blabber non-stop!

Oh yeah...my thesis! Shit...must meet supervisor by this week!!! Arrrggghhhhh!!! MUST DO IT...no more procrastinating!!!

Past, Present, Future & My Two Cents...

2009-12-24T02:46:00.006+08:00

Right now, i am happy...thank you for this year! It has been wonderful (towards the end) mainly because i am fortunate enough to be with my family...it is the FIRST time the five of us are together...

I don't know why, but i feel like the next year will be just fine. I know i always get a hunch about certain things that may come true...or maybe wishes and thought manifesting into reality...but yeah, i think 2010 is going to be a good year.

I also feel like something good is going to happen to me...don't know why, but i do. Geez, i know it seems crazy, but i don't know why i feel this way. I think i've been reading too many books on self-growth and happiness...i'm finally seeing the silver lining in the things around me.

On another note...

A friend of mine never fails to make me feel like a fool...one minute, that person complains about the bane of having a dickwad for a partner...the next minute...back with the said jerk. I mean what the hell, right? Please don't go asking me shit if you're not gonna get it...it just pisses me off how you could let a person treat you like shit. Love is not blind...if you love yourself enough, it should open your eyes.

Ok, done with that moment of toxic negativity...yes, it is bloody toxic...and i shall leave it right now and never open up about this again. You wanna talk about stuff like this with me again, i'll give you a piece of my mind just like i did before...and you may or may not repeat the cycle. People can claim they love you...but if you don't start loving yourself...you may never see the truth.

Funny how i just feed you with oxymoronic themes, eh? Well, these are just my 2 cents worth...you don't have to agree. I'm just sayin'...

To a good year ahead...cheers! Salut! Toodlez, bitches!

Say What?

2009-12-17T02:35:00.002+08:00

You know how i said i screwed a few papers in my exams? I don't know what the fuck goes into deciding my fateful marks, but I didn't fail!!! OMG...thank goodness! As usual...got the average results. Lol, i was never an above-average student...but i am an above-average person, hahaha!!! Ok, i'm so full of it...just laugh it off!

Yes, the results ain't so good, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be...and if it wasn't for acing French (yet, once again...my saving grace!) I would've gotten a less than mediocre GPA.

But after writing my list of things i was thankful for (SEE: previous post)...i realized: I am soooo much more than this...I am not my GPA! Who fuckin' cares??? It's only a grain in my whole self-concept and self-worth! It doesn't make me who or what I am...so tiny and insignificant! I'm sure any employer would hire someone who would do a great job rather than attain above-average grades...yeah, they told me so!

I would be bullshitting if i said I didn't care...of course i do! But i have more things to care about...like LIFE! Like doing the things i wanna do, and living the life i wanna live! So to hell with this shit, i'm gonna do better for my final term. And hell yeah...i'm giving out a killer thesis!

And i'll be in France with my friends by May...woot! Sipping coffee in a quaint little cafe, overlooking le Tour Eiffel...maybe bumping into Bill Kaulitz and le gang! Well, universe...do your job...please please with a cherry on top! Ktxb!

Come On, Get Happy...Thank You 2009!!!

2009-12-16T05:03:00.010+08:00

With all the whining and bitching I've done...I've never taken for granted the thing that matter most in my life; my health, family and friends...and with all that's been said and done, I've come to appreciate myself the way I am...sure, I'm flawed just like any human being...but i have come to terms with it...heck, I'm not ashamed to say that in the past few years I've grown to love myself more...guess that counts for a few things, eh? Like knowing we deserve better, or not letting people mistreat you, etc...

So for the year 2009...my grateful attitude is for the following:

The greatest, coolest most supportive parents any person could ever have (I've certainly had my fair share of complaints in the past, but you guys have been great ever since i was born! I thank God everyday for being in this family...and i will love you always!)

The bestest best friends a girl could ever have...you know who you are...old friends, college friends, friends you just meet under circumstances, strangers you just happen to have a short conversation with...you've all somehow affected me once upon a time...and I'll never have it otherwise!

My unbelievable luck -- I mean, damn! All the stuff I've got, the things I've done, the people I've met...it's all unbelievable when you look back...and i will say for sure; there's more experiences to be experienced, more lessons to learn, more people to meet, etc...

ME -- coz there could NEVER be another ME...i could never be replicated. I am special and unique...just like YOU...a paradox, I know...but I kinda like it! We are all special…I am so full of imagination, and i can't picture my life any other way than my very own sitcom-cum-drama with theme songs to each circumstance...or being super curious about something totally out of context to any part of your life…and I’m also glad I’m the type that goes ahead and learns what I want to know…like French, or playing the guitar…the piano…karate! HTML codes? Well, that’s something in progress…I did search for tutorial sites and such. My bestie says it’s easy-peasy…so I’m already half-done! ;) For my next steady paycheck, I’m gonna go learn how to salsa! Ay, caramba!!! Can’t wait…

My buffer zone...yes, some would say this is a bad thing...but no! I would keep this quality coz only then, you discover your TRUE friends…truly special people would see me the way i really am...a dorky, geeky, crazy-ass weirdo who's funny, moronic, neurotic, good at freaking out and a stupid genius...muahahahahaha!!! Coz some people make assumptions…and who wants to be friends with people like that…best save these qualities for those friends who are real keepers.

My love for music, movies and TV. I've said it many times...i can't live without music! Heck, i think my first post ever was about music...if i'm not mistaken! How can we humans have life any other way? I love Rock, yes...all types of Rock, but I've always had an eclectic taste, ranging from Classical music to Jazz, Reggae, Oldies, Pop, Acoustic, Electronica, Big Band Swing, R&B, Rap…and yes, even Flamenco (think Gypsy Kings, baby)! Movies? Well, go figure! I’m a sucker for action-packed movies (Rocky!!! Eye of the Tiger, baby!) as much as I am for tear-jerkers (It’s A Beautiful Life, Life Is Beautiful, The Notebook) and romance…and of course, Chick-flicks and Disney cartoons & fairytales! Ahahahahah…I’m truly a sucker for fairytales; they never fail to put a huge smile on my face! True favorites are aplenty, ranging from classics to totally stupidly funny and corny movies (think White Chicks and Zohan). God bless the entertainers!

Thank you God!

Hah-hah-haaah-hah...hah...I Know This Much Is True!

2009-12-13T16:02:00.005+08:00

LMFAO! Sound familiar? Oh, c'mon...you must've heard it at least once in your life from somewhere! It's Spandau Ballet's True or something like that...don't even know why I bothered writing about it...must be going mad?

Anyway...life's been good! I've been battling all sorts of sickness for the past month--> I don't know, maybe it's because I keep getting the virus from every member of the family who gets sick? Fuck, i wish i had some sort of 'firewall' that shields me from all the sickness...i hate it, really! Such an inconvenience!

And my friends from high school keep pestering me about arranging some sort of meet for us friends...i'd love to help, but why does it have to be me who arranges thing? Lol, yes, i'm flattered you think of me, but really...i'd rather join in the fun rather than arrange things...besides, I'M FREAKIN' SICK! Lol...

And yes...still listen to TH every day...just before sleeping! Single dose, daily.

Been contemplating ME...i've always held that i'm spiritual, rather than religious...and i took out my old book by Walsch...which i bought when i was 17 or 18...i read it again...i never realized that it had elements of The Secret...but while reading the latter, i spotted Walsch's name as one of the 'teachers'...wow, go figure! There is some sort of correlation there! Indeed, we're all connected! I sometimes wish more people would get onto the bandwagon towards self-discovery, rather than being dictated that life is already written. But that's just me!

Now, another thing...my dad says he wants to widen his abilities as a musician...so he's gonna learn piano next year! Wow! I was totally out of my mind since I wanted to go back to learning it as well...so I told my dad, "Me too!!!"...so, yay!!! By next year, we'll be takin' piano lessons from my godmother...again! I don't know why, but i have a feeling, we'll be getting a piano!!! Lol...yes! LoA, do your work! I must learn the piano riff of that song...that beautiful, haunting riff!

Tonight, i'm gonna chill with my bestest best friends at the movies...however, be it at the mamak, at some crappy diner or wherever else...all i care about is that we have a blast just by hanging out and talking useless crap! Sometimes it's amazing how long we've stayed friends...i know, we've had different cliques throughout the years, but we've somehow managed to stay friends, unlike our former 'cliques'...funny, eh? Funny...but somehow, it kinda works! Remember, we all are supposed to wear some drapey top and skinnies...got it? And YOU know why, Foxie! LMFAO...see you!

For now...toodlez, bitches!!!

Ledzeppelin4evr FTW...Muahahahahahah!!!

2009-12-04T18:04:00.004+08:00

Long post alert! And...

GEEK SPEAK ALERT!!! FOR GEEKS ONLY...

So yesterday morning, i found that my computer was kinda iffy...and by the afternoon, when i tried turning it on, i got the dreaded blue screen...it said:

Stop: c0000218 {Registry File Failure} The registry cannot load the hive (file): \SystemRoot\System32\Config\DEFAULT

OMFG...I thought, "Well, maybe if I reboot, all will be good!"

Boy, was I wrong! It showed me that all the craziness of my Dell had taken its toll...damn! So dad asked me to take it to the shop, and of course, being the shero that I am, i cleverly said NO...that i could fix it, even though i had no idea what's going on...well, you know these so-called computer fixer-uppers...they're super lazy to even see if any files could be salvaged, they'd just reformat everything and overwrite all my files...no way i'm gonna lose all my songs, writings, pictures, and other important files...yeah...don't have an external HD yet ok? Don't give me a hard time bout not backing up...i know i'll receive flak for it!

So i started doing my homework...but then it gets worse...my lappy also tends to overheat pretty quick when it gets booted from the CD...fuck, i had about 2 minutes if i was in room temperature before it shuts down! Arrrggghhhh, that was my main problem! So, i put it in my parents' room for sometime...to cool it down, so i'd get more time to type in the super long command line!!!

md tmp
copy c:\windows\system32\config\system c:\windows\tmp\system.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\software c:\windows\tmp\software.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\sam c:\windows\tmp\sam.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\security c:\windows\tmp\security.bak
copy c:\windows\system32\config\default c:\windows\tmp\default.bak

delete c:\windows\system32\config\system
delete c:\windows\system32\config\software
delete c:\windows\system32\config\sam
delete c:\windows\system32\config\security
delete c:\windows\system32\config\default

copy c:\windows\repair\system c:\windows\system32\config\system
copy c:\windows\repair\software c:\windows\system32\config\software
copy c:\windows\repair\sam c:\windows\system32\config\sam
copy c:\windows\repair\security c:\windows\system32\config\security
copy c:\windows\repair\default c:\windows\system32\config\default

Could YOU type this in 2 fucking minutes???

Then, to make matters worse, since the DEFAULT registry file was erroneous, after i tried copying it, it said "the file could not be found"...FUCK!!!

So...what do you think I did...i skipped the first and did this instead "copy c:\windows\repair\default c:\windows\system32\config\default"...and it worked!!!

So what the hell happened...well, it overheated before i could finish...

after cooling it in front of my fan (hahahahah), i continued from where i was cut-off...then...the results...

NO MORE BLUE SCREEN! But...

got another error saying "Error message WINDOWS/SYSTEM32/CONFIG/SYSTEM on Windows startup"...

I was literally like the painting of The Scream!!! Then i refered to this genius called Fastco on http://www.techspot.com/vb/topic53755.html and did this:

1. Insert and boot from your Windows XP CD.
2. At the first R=Repair option, press the R key
3. Press the number that corresponds to the correct location for the installation of Windows you want to repair.
Typically this will be #1
4. Enter in the administrator password when requested
5. cd \windows\system32\config
6. Depending on which section was corrupted:
ren software software.bad or ren system system.bad
7. Depending on which section was corrupted
copy \windows\repair\system
copy \windows\repair\software
8. Take out the CD ROM and type exit

I did it for SYSTEM...and yes...all was well again!!!

So i did even more elaborate shit...there were soooo many fuckin' things to do, if i wrote it all, I would bore myself to death...it took a lot of time coz of the overheating, the Recovery Console loading time, the limited amounts of time on the Recovery session, and so on...and i finally finished after 5 long fucking hours! Arrrggghhhh...

Now, i can finally call myself a GENIUS, GENIUS, GENIUS...for someone who's not in this sector, hehehehe! Gives me some kind of satisfaction when I don't have to rely on people to fix MY stuff...nice!

But of course, who could do it without the tons of people on the internet...thanks to them, I could fix anything...and that's a fact! :)

Need help? Leave me a comment...muahahahaha!!! I'll pay it forward...

And now, back to doing what I do best...slacking off!

Still With Tokio Hotel??? OMFG...

2009-11-30T22:44:00.007+08:00

I'm STILL listening to them...yeah, you know who! Fuck, what the hell? It's been more than a month, people! Kaulitz boys and the two Gs, what the hell are you doing to me? And i know for a fact they'd never come here since they don't have much of a fan base here...

The closest i'd ever get to seeing them is IF i go to Germany...or France, and that's IF they happen to be in the same place altogether for a gig! Awww, damn!

I SOOOOOOO wanna see you guys perform live! And I will...

So Bill's no longer rockin' the dreads...he has the zebra look now, but hell...any weird-ass hairstyles work on his beautiful face...that bone structure of his is unbelievable...

And here's a freakin' fuckin' funny still-shot i found while watching their live show on YouTube...man, their fans are so protective...i mean, any individual posting a negative remark will get shot, and i'm NOT even kidding...i can't even picture the Kaulitz twins having a gf (or bf *ehem ehem*), as the fans will probably commit suicide, and again...i'm NOT kidding!

And while we're at it...don't they have any guy fans??? Makes you wonder...are the girls just in it for the boys? I can't imagine...coz i love the music they're putting out.

Uhhhh...i'm sick of writing about Tokio Hotel...but it's like a disease i gotta shake off..."Shake the Disease", as Depeche Mode goes...ahhhh, another favorite band of mine, except i don't listen to them for most the day... :-/

...then again, it is MY blog...hahahaha! So; don't like it, don't read it!

Utter Bliss @ 4 In The Morning...

2009-11-25T03:55:00.004+08:00

It's little things that create bliss sometimes...

Like cool air and rain at 4 in the morning, while having a grilled cheese+garlic butter sandwich...hot drink (i dunno what to make yet!), listening to your fave music...and not having to worry about anything for the rest of the day...

Haaaahhhhhh...bliss! :D

Of Golf Balls In Throat & Singing Like A Fool...

2009-11-23T22:59:00.009+08:00

Ever had that pre-flu feeling, where at first your throat feels like it has a golf ball stuck inside...then your head starts throbbing, followed by the inevitable cold and cough?

I'm past the head-throbbing and golf balls...but i AM going to be fine right after that...not even gonna think about what follows except that i'm gonna be just fine!

My baby sis has suffered these past few days...damn, yesterday was horrible coz she was sleepless and her chest and airway was so congested...the poor baby was crying everytime she tried to sleep. She cried so much she threw up. I felt so bad everytime she cried, man...you have no idea! Had to carry her for so long till my hand muscles felt sore...hahaha! My mom woke up and tried to put her to sleep, but it was futile...

She finally slept at 6.30 am...brought her to my dad, coz mom had to go to work...and by that time...MY head was throbbing and my arms...lol! Let's just say it was shivering...

And of course...woke up at 1 something in the afternoon...Baby woke me! Lmao...by then the other sis had done so many chores...yeah...good for me! Hehehe...props to middle child. Sorry i couldn't help, but i just felt like crap the whole day.

Can't seem to get rid of this headache...i usually NEVER take painkillers coz i hate it...1 pill would usually be enough, but this time, it wasn't. And another one didn't help either...so i'll just leave it be! By tomorrow, i'll be so healthy...Popeye would be jealous! (tricking my mind...sorta Jedi mind-tricking myself!)

Boy, i'm so lame...LOL!

Well, baby had a slight fever just now...but i think the fever is down, and she's gonna be ok. I hope she gets some quality sleep...hope I get some too! Wishing all of us a good night's sleep...and we'll all be so fuckin' awesomely fit as a fiddle by the time we wake up! HAH!

For now, it's time for some Spongebob with my baby sis...we sing the intro like all the time...she's soooo easy to influence *evil laugh* that i teach her stupid songs...unusual, weird songs that just have my name written on it! Muahahahaha!!! So far: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, that Spongebob Pirate Intro, TH's Wo Sind Eure Haende, Vampire by Antsy Pants and many more weird-ass songs...the thing about her is, she's as wacky as me, so i've no problem acting like a fool with her...coz she's a fool like me! :)))))

We shall widen our repertoire soon!

PS: Still listening to songs by TH...OMG, what's wrong with me??? I've never listened to a particular band for this long...seriously! I mean like on a non-stop loop...40-something songs on loop! Hahahah...and guess what? I don't intend to stop...so there!

Oh, and here's to good health...

Toodlez, bitches!

That Much Closer...

2009-11-19T00:45:00.003+08:00

See what I said about the law of attraction? I obsessed about going to France for a long time now...heck, it's one of the reasons i took up the language! And though I felt an inkling of a possibility of going there, i didn't wanna jinx it till it was remotely possible!

And now, i've been informed that a committee is to be formed, and of course...i was over-zealously upfront in claiming a spot! Hope i get in...the lecturer even said that higher-level students are given priority which means...go figure! Level 4, thank you very much!

And I know for a fact...by hook or by crook! I WILL be in France next year! I will! I can even feel the atmosphere of the cafes, Arc du Triomphe and Champs-Elysees...Le Tour d'Eiffel...OMG!

I thank you God for the chance...just seeing an opportunity gives me sheer joy coz it leads me to believe that thinking and visualizing manifests into reality. It always does when you have some positivity...the universe always helps you get what you want. So for now let me do a Dorothy and pretend my ruby slippers would send me en France! I know, don't count your eggs before they hatch...but I for one am not gonna taint this dream with a hint of negativity! It's toxic...so any negativity will be banished!

Je vais aller en France avec mes amis...c'est super et incroyable! Maintenant, 'Le Secret' à Rhonda Byrne c'est vrai pour moi!

Please...the Secret by Rhonda Byrne...i've always vouched for its propensity for working...read it if you can. If you want it...i'll share! Tell me if you do... :)

Ahoy There, Matey!

2009-11-17T23:05:00.006+08:00

Well, what else can I say...i've said every sort of greeting i know!

Anyway, the week is going ok...pretty cold nowadays. The weather has been crazy-wet and cold...but i'm doing ok! Having a blast with the little one, who's so big already! OMG, how time flies...can't imagine my life without her! Thank God for this gift everyday, seriously! That's why i hate it when certain people say shit about me taking care of my sister, saying it's the parents' job. Like hello!!! I only take care of her when i am able to! And besides, I love it! AND my parents take care of ALL OF US, asswipes! Stop talking about shit you don't know or understand, got it?

Don't you hate it when people 'assume' things when they don't know you? Judge you when they've known you for like five minutes? Heck...i've known some people for a decade or more, and i'm still discovering new things about them! Moral: Don'tsimply judge a book by it's cover...things are not as simple as WYSIWYG, ok?

And to add to that note; people change...everyday! Things never stay the same...change is inevitable! But being the Taurus that i am...i hate change, but hey...Shit happens, and so does 'change'. Gotta accept that, even if it's hard at first. That is why i kinda appreciate that i adapt pretty well to new surroundings...if i didn't, i would certainly die in my campus, believe me!

Hmmm...been preoccupied with my obsession for the songs i've acquired, so forgive me...i can't help but like what i like! I don't remember when i've ever loved songs from the same band except Led Zep, but yeah...hahahah! Now i have one...you know what i'm talking about!!! LMFAO!

Well, enough of the songs...been having a sorta blah moment...you know, the whole shock-after-screwing-your-exams kinda thing, coupled with not-wanting-to-grow-up-coz-you're-stuck-in-that-Peter-Pan-Complex mode, and also I-feel-so-ugly-everyday...and who could forget, the very popular what-the-hell-do-i-wanna-do-after-i-graduate dilemma...

Hmmm, pretty typical really...i bet i'm not the only one! I am kinda looking forward to experience working with my old boss and sister for the whole concert of xxxxx in January. It'll provide me with choices...do i want to work the PR sector, media, event management, journalism, diplomatic corps? Whatever it is, I only hope God is out there guiding me throughout my journey. I feel so lost sometimes, not knowing where to go. It's always the same issue with me...me and my future. Where do I wanna go? Who do i wanna be? What will make me happy? What do i wanna achieve? These questions...all unanswered. They kill me sometimes.

The fact that i don't know anything BUT "I wanna achieve something great, and be someone of significance to this world in a good way...be someone great and be something my family can truly be proud of." Is this achievable? And if so, how do i do that, and through what medium? Hmmm, sometimes i envy people who know right away what they wanna do with their lives. Or people who are lucky enough to find their purpose and love their job and such.

Oh God, I do hope i find that...I know I can get what I want if i work hard for it...it's just that i DON'T know what it is...sick, huh?

Another post of a 'lost' soul, finding it's way to the light of the tunnel...we are ALL lost, IMO...just hope i realize it before i waste my energy on something that's NOT worth it! I know posts like these seem pretty redundant, but heck...it's just how i feel at the moment!

Ok...time to contemplate deeply! I have lots of time for that now, LOL!

Could I BE Any More Annoyed???

2009-11-16T20:04:00.001+08:00

So I started my day pretty ok...all was well till middle sister (the younger, but bigger and bossy and sorta beyond MY years) started scolding me. Holy Jeebus, Batman! All because I want to listen to some songs. On one hand, she scolds when I listen with the speakers...on the other hand, I'm scolded even when I use the headphones. It's not like I'm bothering anyone...then mom joins in to scold! Ughhh, it's like I can't catch a break here. Mood-killer!!!

I tried to explore my BB and see what applications it had, so I subscribed a week's BIS on my telco company line...for a small sum. Told the sister and got another awesome scolding. LMFAO! Now she's lecturing me on MY airtime? Ohhh man! Too funny...kinda amused at how someone younger than me could have such little respect...but I guess it happened just when mom trained me to give in to the younger one. Guess the lesson never dies, eh? Not to say that I want her respect, but geez...I have to get a break from all the scolding once in a while. I know you're always gonna be right, and I'm always gonna be wrong...but can you save your mothering for when you have your own kids?

One thing I'm amused at is that she can't take it when I give her some comeback scolding in return! So...it's more a matter of me ShuttingTFU or just giving in and getting a headache for 5 minutes, then it's over.

Ok, complaining always puts me in a better mood! :))

I shall carry on with my songs now...oh, btw...loving the internet with my BB- youtube, messenger, facebook, google, hotmail, etc...better make it worth it! Hence, gonna use a hell of a whole lotta BB this bloody week. And yeah, I'm blogging from my BlackBerry, woohoo!

Toodlez, bitches!

Just When You Think...

2009-11-15T20:58:00.004+08:00

Just when you think Bill Kaulitz' lyric-writing skills couldn't get any better...i find another song from the new album...probably the last out of Humanoid's Deluxe Edition called Phantomrider aka Geisterfahrer in German...the difference? He wrote the original in German, of course...and the German version has a girl singing an excerpt of his "love" answering him from the other side...damn! Of course, it sounds better in the language in which it was written, right? The English version is just for us English-speakers to comprehend and etc...

You see, a geisterfahrer...according to German lore is someone who is on a drunken rampage and/or suicide rampage on an autobahn (highway) in Germany...it's basically speeding on the wrong side of the highway, either coz you wanna die, or you just want some thrill...whatever it is...TH's version seems to be on a suicidal note, where he is giving up coz he wants to meet his love on the other side...the thing is, we don't know whether the "love" is known to him, or maybe it's just some dream he's pursuing...whatever it is, it's scary the way he chases it, kinda optimistic AND pessimistic at the same time...

Yes, i AM sooooo free to analyse songs...isn't it what i do best? Heheheeh...remember Three Days' Grace and Third Eye Blind, and NIN...yes...guess i kinda like dark, gloomy songs...doesn't misery love company?

Now don't get me wrong...i DO love the fast-tempo songs like Wo Sind Eure Hande or Wir Sterben Niemals Aus --> great to hear it live and acoustic respectively...if only! :( or Hey You...or etc! It's just, why would you analyse the happy songs, right? It's just that...a WYSIWYG kinda thing! You get it! But i think if i should be so lucky as to ask the band some stuff, it would definitely be on the lyrical and musical side, rather than their favorite color or their sexual orientation...which is kinda rude! So what if he's gay or not? His music still rocks, and that's what matters in the end...but isn't it weird that like their German stuff a little bit more than their English ones? Hahaha...i love both versions, but yeah...Deutsch seems more them...duhhh! Meh, whatever...

By the way, haven't been well this past 2 days due to food poisoning...just thinking about it makes me mad! Arrrrggghhhh hate it, hate it, hate it!!! Why is it that I get sick every November? Remember last year? It was either November or December...arrrhhh!!! But yeah, last year was worse...couldn't forget he mere "uggghhhhh.." feeling...okok, i'll stop now!

Woohoooo!!!

2009-11-11T21:57:00.004+08:00

Done with my last paper...but the bad news is, there was one COMPULSORY question in which i didn't know the answer...FUCKKKKKKKKKK!!! I so screwed it up! And it was 30/50 marks...OMFG...aaarrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

So i don't know if i should be happy coz it's over...or be sad coz i screwed up! The stuff we were supposed to read came out for the paper, but the stuff we didn't read became the main question! Hmmmph! It's like we can't catch a break with this lecturer...his papers often become controversial. In a previous paper, he told the student that that paper would be multiple-choice questions...and at the exam hall...it was a few essay questions! WTF...now, this!

We love him, but this is too much! Plus, he has retired a few weeks ago...and this is his legacy??? Damn...hope I don't fail! Please, mein gott, ich bin begging dich! LOL, is that even a sentence? I'm going nuts, i tell ya!

Now...on to moving back home, which would be very very excruciatingly tiring! Just have to wait for the sister's word...hopefully before 5 pm so i could hand back the keys...

And at last...i can do whatever the hell i want without the dreaded books...not that i read them anyway...damn, man...i'm such a lousy student! Lol...what the hell am i gonna end up doing with my life? I should've taken journalism or something like that! I find IR OK, but very academic...i was never excellent at academia, but what's done is done...no regrets! And i would love to take up my masters in journalism or popular culture if there's such a thing...oh, is there anything related to music and movies? OMG, that would be a dream, really!!!

Ok, done with the daydream...you see how my mind wanders? This is what happens when i read or attempt to study...my mind floats away...i'm in a Tokio Hotel concert...AAR concert (which kinda came true!)...BEP concert (which kinda came true!)...Incubus concert (which kinda came true!)...boating on the sea (which kinda came true!)

...

OMFG! Am i gonna get to watch TH now??? Please please let it be so! I'm sending a message to the cosmos...i shall go to Germany to watch them, while holidaying during Oktoberfest and eating all sorts of German bratwurst and Bavarian cuisine :)

Hell, since i'm dreaming, why not continue, eh?

Next, i shall go to France and do all the stuff i wanna do there...then off to Italy to visit all the piazzas, throw a coin at the Trevi Fountain, climb the Spanish Steps, visit the museums...then go off to Tuscany and live in a chateau at a beautiful vineyard while taking a walk around the hills...then before heading back home, i shall attend a masquerade party in Venice, but of course not before going for a ride with a singing gondolier!

Then someday...i shall go to the US and you know...do that thing which i wanna do badly on the Vegas strip? Then, go up north to Alaska to witness Aurora Borealis...and camp at the alpines and fish for trout!

And why not go to Angkor Wat and be dazzled at the serenity of such wonder!

Ahhh, that's the life...possible? Sure! If others can...why can't I?

Ever...?

2009-11-11T05:36:00.003+08:00

Let's play my fave game...since my mind is blank right now:

Ever felt so hungry even after eating 2 hours prior to your hunger pang? Then, you eat a packet of biscuits so quick, and of course...like a pig that you are?
Ever felt a song touched you to your soul, that you can't help but cry?
Ever had a certain song never fails to get you up from your chair just so you dance to it?
Ever felt jittery after drinking that 5th cup of coffee, then wonder why you're feeling jittery and feel like skipping rope?
Ever wanted to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but instead you ATTEMPT to read your lessons for a major test on the same day, then choose not to coz you're afraid you won't wake up?
Ever felt doing something major to your hair, like maybe getting dreads...but your head is too small and you'll look like a turd-head? (Yes, i DO have a thing for guys with dreads...so what?)

Shit, what the hell am i doing??? I gotta focus...

FOCUS!!!

Man, i'm so screwed!

One Day Till Partial Freedom...

2009-11-10T17:53:00.004+08:00

So about the emo post...had a talk with my besties, and sure enough: they are isolating us! Hah! We unanimously isolate you too, bunch of fucktards! I actually don't know who to pinpoint this so-called conspiracy to, but i've always said i didn't belong here in this university...and I always always always thank God for the friends i've made here...coz life here without them would've been so different. Now, looking back at all the stupid things we've done, all the things we're about to endure in our lives...it sorta gives me a moment of sadness+excitement.

I've learned about their secrets, their dreams and i've met their families...truly a blessing for me. And no matter how different i was and am, they never made me feel lost or out of place. And here we are, nearing the penultimate semester...and i'm so freaked out, but i'm so sure we are ALL going to be okay.

I'm proud to say that we all have great upbringing, great tutelage from our parents and we are family-oreinted individuals who will make it in this world. Yes, we never did excellent in our education, heheh...but what are we striving for, really...is not our academic goals...it is much more than that. We are more than our CGPAs...we are people who are on a journey to self-discovery...and no matter what we achieve--strip all our materialistic gains, and your real treasures are your loved ones...

Therefore, i post this before i start on my IL reading (which is much too late, LOL!), Just thought i might build up our egos a little...i'm actually pretty good at motivating others...myself, nope! But yes, i meant everything i said!

I'm also trying to cut back on the TH songs which kinda affects me tremendously (the slow ones make me wanna cry and the fast ones make me wanna head-bang)...it's actually bad to listen to their songs while reading your books...ich bin distracted! Ach mein gott!

Good luck to all of us...we shall tread the waters together! And one more thing--> One more day till partial freedom!!! Woohoo!!! (I say partial because we still have our thesis...booo!!!)

In This World...

2009-11-08T22:45:00.006+08:00

In this world, not everyone will like you. Seems like a 'duhh!' statement, but just wanted to make it clear...i used to think "So what...I've got better things to do...", but my mom keeps this mantra which I find pretty non-Zen, but more realistic...it goes like this,

"If you don't like me...I don't like you MORE!"

Well, i have always been a person who likes to appease...to not hold it against a person who treats you badly. But for some reason, me thinking this way just isn't cut out for the real world. I feel like a schmuck if i let another person treat me like a piece of crap, and hey...turning the other cheek is something Jesus could do, but heck...I'm no Jesus!

So there...i know that i will and can't please everyone in this world...and of course, i may not be the best person in the world, but i'll tell you this...NO ONE IS A SAINT! Everyone has their faults, and i surely am one of them!

What is this about actually? Well, let's just say that some people really are mean...yes, another "Duhh!" statement, which I shall not get into in detail...just because I look like i have a hard exterior, it doesn't mean i'm immune to any sort of feelings...what the hell do some people know, that they can isolate you or a clique? I think that if I don't bother you, then why the fuck should you bother minding me (or my friends) anyway?

All i wanna do now is listen to my Tokio Hotel...their music, though some may call them lame, their music speaks to me in loads of ways...the vocalist's voice would seem kinda nasally, but it kinda works...the lyrics, the rhythm...it all works for me, so relevant to what i, as a young individual am going through. It gives me some sort of solace coz it's full of hope. Yes, i'm a dweeb by the way! Lol...Moral is, I love their songs coz i can relate! Therefore, ich liebe Tokio Hotel!

I couldn't find the tabs for 1000 Meere (1000 Oceans in English), so i wrote my own, albeit in a higher key...it works. Still slow in transitioning, but faster compared to previous attempts. Kinda find solace when i play now. Wish i had one for my own, and i will get it when i get some monay!

Oh yeah, my former boss is hiring an ad hoc team coz he's bringing in this major Filipino superstar to do a concert here. I'll be his "wingman" (LOL!), together with my sis. Hope i could meet great new people, and maybe widen my network, since i'll be graduating soon...God i hope this works!

Hmmm, i dunno. Maybe i'm going nuts or something...maybe i'm PMS-ing, but there you have it...the story may seem stupid, but yes...i'm feeling like i'm in a whole different galaxy because of some people who are fucking retards! I just thank God, that with the bad, there's good to balance it. Thank God for good people!

So there you have it...another emo post! -___-

And God...thank you for everything i have! I thank you coz i never take anything i have for granted...

Headache!

2009-11-06T16:59:00.003+08:00

Yes...i slept for a total of...13 hours!!! Guess that's what NOT sleeping does to you...i have paid back all my sleepless nights, and i have gotten a major headache for over-sleeping! Ouch!

Yesterday, i was listening to Zoom Into Me by TH, i just discovered it...and i absolutely love it that i woke up humming the song...fuck! I'm so obsessed with their songs...hope it's just a phase! Anyway, the riff is played on a piano, and if you just focus on the piano part, i think i could play it...now i always liked playing the piano, just that i didn't like the songs i was made to play...

Ok, now i'm sad coz i don't have one...by the time i can afford one, i would be old! Arrrggghhhh!!! Even playing the damn guitar, i have to ask permission coz it's not mine! How does one develop if one can't practice everyday, huh?

Anyway, enough of this...i'm supposed to get back home hours ago, but i just can't seem to have the will to journey back home. The waiting kills me. The sardine-packed trains kill me. The pushing animals kill me. I hate it!

One day, i hope and pray...i won't have to endure this shit anymore...at least others in the family have a car. So it's easy to keep scolding me when i say i'm lazy to come home early...

Yup, looks like an emo post...LOL! Well, so what? It's my blog and i'll post whatever the hell i want. Not like anyone reads this shit.

Oh yeah, forgot to write about my concert last Saturday...will do so tonight maybe! On a rather related note, i would just like to proclaim that...

ICH LIEBE TOKIO HOTEL! (I mean i love their songs...the new ones, not the old ones where Bill's voice was still high and boyish!)

Ok, i'm done...

In Die Nacht

2009-11-05T02:55:00.003+08:00

See what my obsession does to me? I've started learning German just so i can understand the lyrics...LOL, nahhh...it's just a title of Tokio Hotel's German song...i love it; it means In the Night...but it would seem that Into the Night would be better-suited!

Okay why the hell am i blogging when there's five hours on the clock till my next exam? Why? Who the hell knows...i'm just crazy! To add to the craziness, i slept for a total of 3 hours yesterday...then i had to finish up my last assignment, pass it up and read up on tomorrow's exam! Didn't have time to pay-up on the snooze! So i hope i would wake up after ANOTHER 3 hours of sleep!!! Please, God...please!

And the freakin' owl that keeps swooping across my window won't stop screechin' for God knows what reason...it screeeches everyday around this time. So, any idea on how i could ever get some sleep? Facebook tells me i'm not the only one in my class who's having a hard time sleeping...thank goodness i'm not alone! Misery really does love company, huh?

I'm listening to 1000 Meere for the umpteenth time...still not bored with it! I guess I kinda channel my good qualities into shit like this...why can't i do something good for once, rather than look for songs, research on some cult, or band, or even blog...

I'm so fucked! Toodles, and wish me luck!

New Obsession...

2009-11-03T18:28:00.007+08:00

Well you know sometimes when a singer of a band has a gimmicky or rather 'out there' kinda look, it turns a person off...but after I put those kinds of things aside, i kinda like the band...who? what?

It's Tokio Hotel...your average German-rockers-turned-international sensation! Okok, i must admit it, Bill and Tom Kaulitz; the twins made me fascinated...and the initial song that brought me in was some song i saw in a video montage during a recent concert i attended...it was 'Automatic'...or 'Automatisch' in German...sound better in English, ahahaha!

As usual...my curiosity hit me, so i YouTubed the song and i heard the whole thing...so ok, i liked it! Then, i saw few related videos on the band and discovered they were soooo freakin' German! LOL, they can't even speak English without sounding like some German character out of The Simpsons...but yeah, i like their songs. The German ones, the English ones...both!

TH sounds like the LostProphets, with some Rammstein flavor (but of course, just the German factor...Rammstein is waaaaaaay too legendary to be compared to TH!)

Maybe it's a phase, but I like them and that's that...and even if Bill looks like a hot girl, it doesn't steer away from the concept of good music. I wouldn't say it's fantastic, but it certainly got my attention...

Hey, maybe gimmics DO work...if he dressed like your average Joe, i wouldn't have discovered them anyway! So here's to you...Tokio Hotel! Ich liebe dich...hahahahah!

Okok, I know they're an 'old' band...but it wouldn't hurt to gain a new fan, right? Below are the twins; Tom and Bill Kaulitz...by the looks of the videos on them, Tom is more guy-like, while Bill is ultra feminine in the way he talks and acts...funny, huh? Bill is so pretty!

TH, my new obsession...please come to Malaysia soon!